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Dear Cassey: I can’t make big decisions without feeling so stressed.
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January 13, 2021

Hi Cassey!

I truly love your work everywhere: on the blog, on YouTube and so on. I have a burning question though! What steps do you follow when it comes to big decisions? For example, being in the last year of high school and juggling between passions vs. obligations. I know it’s all about prioritizing, but I’d love your advice!

Sincerely,

Decision Paralysis

fork in road making big decisions life path

Hey Decision Paralysis,

I’ve been through this more times than I can even count! I wish I could tell you that making big decisions gets less stressful the more you do it, but I’d be lying. Don’t worry though! That “stress” is actually a GOOD thing. It means you’re anxious for change to happen. It means that big things are coming your way! Learning to handle decisions and change is important for taking care of yourself.

So that’s my first piece of advice. Try not to view your “big” decisions as negative, stressful events. Don’t fear the changes that come with whatever you decide. Look at each decision as an opportunity to grow.

One thing that will help your decision-making process feel more positive is learning to trust yourself. Yes. You deserve to trust yourself. Don’t be afraid to go with your gut, or to take a leap that could change your life for the better. In your example, is there a way to fulfill your passions without completely ignoring your obligations? I don’t know your specific situation, but let’s say you’re passionate about travel, but you need to work and also pay your way through college. How can you make a decision that allows you to trust your gut (which says travel while you can!), but also your responsibilities (school/job)? Could you travel for a year while working remotely or writing a travel blog? Could you get started with school and study abroad for a semester or two? Maybe apply for schools in a new city that you want to experience.

The point is, there is almost always a way to make both work if you’re willing to compromise and get a little creative. It’s not realistic to think you can run wild with your passions and ignore everything else, but you’re not restricted to your obligations either! Be willing to fail and go back to the drawing board. And again, trust your gut.

Here are some other things I do when I have a big decision on my shoulders:

  • Journal – I always need somewhere to dump my thoughts! Writing is a huge outlet for me, and I can go back and read my thoughts to sort things out.
  • Clear my mind – Thinking too much just makes me feel more confused than when I started. If I start feeling this way with a decision, I take a break and clear my mind with a workout, a walk outside or some other activity I enjoy (cooking, game night with friends, etc.)
  • Weigh my options – This goes with journaling, but sometimes it helps to physically write down the pros and cons of a difficult decision.
  • Talk it out with someone I trust – Sometimes you just gotta VENT. Saying things out loud can be a real game changer when I’m trying to sort my thoughts. Your bestie, sister, parent, or whoever you trust to talk to might even have input you wouldn’t have thought of yourself. If you just want them to listen, that’s ok too!

Hopefully, this gives you a little guidance for whatever you’re going through! You’ve got this!

PS – If you have a burning question you want to ask me, I’m taking questions via text at 510-692-4556. Currently this only works for US and Canada. If you’re outside of those countries, you can leave a question below.

10 thoughts on “Dear Cassey: I can’t make big decisions without feeling so stressed.”

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  1. Painful process says:

    Hey Cassey,

    For the past two years I’ve really struggled with lower back pain (old injury). On my good days, I’m still unable to do any exercises on my back on the floor, containing twisting motions, and even planks and push ups are a no-go. As a result, I’m sort of limited to walking as my main form of exercise. I’m just frustrated as I can no longer do a lot of my old exercise routines like Zumba, tennis and various bodyweight movements.

    What exercises can I do to help strengthen my core (back included) without causing me more pain?

  2. Astraea McQuale says:

    Dear Cassey,
    First off, I think it’s important to thank you for not only all the amazing videos you post, your motivation, and positive energy, but also because your attitude and fascinating research has made me feel a lot better. However, I’m sure you’re familiar with the “thigh gap” trend – although it isn’t circulating as often these days, it’s still something that has created major mental issues for a long time. I wasn’t aware that it actually isn’t always physically possible to healthily have a thigh gap. I’m 13 and I kept striving to do this, all the while being scared I’m becoming anorexic. I don’t want to go down the wrong pathway, but recently I’ve been experiencing slight depression when I look in the mirror. I’m not fat, I’d say I weigh a decent amount for my height, but I do have extra fat collected on my inner, upper thighs that has been haunting me. How can I escape from this negative trend? All of my friends seem to be able to eat anything and have the slimmest legs. Please reply, it would help so much. Again, thanks for encouraging me so much.
    Sincerely,
    Feeling Upset

  3. Ella Cecilia says:

    Hi Cassey, I was wondering how you plan and balance out your meals. I personally find it hard to find the right balance of carbs, fats, protein etc and find myself struggling to eat the right amount of each food group. I love your channel and website they make being active and healthy a whole lot easier!!

    1. blogilates says:

      Ooooh this is a good question!!!! Might tackle it in another Dear Cassey!!!

  4. It sounds less like an inability to make a decision and more like a trust thing. How can you flex your trust muscle more? So that this isn’t an issue?:) And decisions from there.can flow naturally and more easily?

  5. Kashish Sankhyan says:

    Hi Cassy mam. I am kashish Sankhyan from India. I want to become a dancer but my parents want me to become a CA what should do. I just want to make my parents proud. Can u pls help me. I love you mam😘😭

  6. Recovering Boredom/Emotional Eater says:

    Question from Ireland: I’m in ED recovery (binge eating disorder specifically) and I’ve realised lately that I’ve grown afraid of exercise. I’m afraid of over-correcting and becoming obsessive, moving from one mental health issue to anther. Do you have any advice?

    1. I do! How about doing movement in your body that doesn’t FEEL like it’s “working out”?

  7. Revaathi says:

    Dear Cassey, I really admire you so much. I really get emotionally overwhelmed every single time. So, I just make bad decisions and regret later. First, I want to thank you for giving such a wonderful message. I really wanted to ask you an important question. I lose motivation after starting something good like working out. Also, I don’t have a good daily schedule. I really waste a lot of time doing useless things and then regret doing it. However, I repeat the same mistake again the next day. Do you have any advice for me?

    Sincerely, Revaathi

  8. Lost says:

    Dear Cassey, I love your workouts and you have inspired me to do your youtube workouts 6 time at week. But I wonder, do you have rest weeks? I feel my body is quite exhausted after 2 months workout and my weight doesn’t go down anymore.. I lost 2,5 kg and then it stopped. ( I try to lose 10kg) So what I’m gonna do? Should I workout more, eat 5 time at day or only 3? I’m keeping calendar about everything. My eatings, drinkings, measures, weight, feelings and workouts. But I still feel, I’m little bit lost here and I need your advice. Thank you! <3

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