Dear Cassey: I’m unhappy with how I look, but I have no motivation to change
Dear Unhappy and Unmotivated,
You know what? I’ve been there. And that’s the beautiful thing about these “Dear Cassey” questions – so many of us can relate, and we can really lean on each other.
Let’s go through this question line by line, because there are lot of important points here.
“I’m unhappy with how I look, and I hate taking pictures”
First of all – if you don’t feel like taking pictures, you don’t have to take pictures. That being said, the bigger issue is your unhappiness with how you look. Reading that makes me so sad, because I know how that feels. Looking in the mirror is hard. Pictures are hard. And you know what? It’s okay to feel a little like that.
However, even if you don’t love the way your body LOOKS, you really need to work on finding things about your body that you do love. Accepting your body is key here. Because your body does sooo much more for you than just how you look! Your body gives you so many skills, talents, and other joys. So go inside and find those little things to appreciate. Take the focus away from the vanity of the way your body looks.
“…for some reason, I don’t have motivation?”
Here you talk about KNOWING you need to change, but the motivation just isn’t there. You go to the gym or start a workout, but don’t actually do the work. Again, I’ve been there. After my bikini competition, I was sooo unmotivated to work out that I would find literally any excuse to procrastinate or skip. I realized I was treating my workouts like punishment.
So if you’re that unmotivated to work out, maybe you’re doing it for the wrong reasons. So, let’s reevaluate your WHY. Forcing yourself to work out solely because you want to look different isn’t going to stick. Your motivation can’t be for anyone else, or because society says your body needs to look different. Your “why” has to be FOR YOU. For me, I know working out just makes me feel good. It gives me energy and makes me happy, which is my “why.” So take some time to dig deep and reallllly think about your why. Write it down and come back to it every time your motivation fades.
“I binge eat even though I know how bad it is for me…”
Okay. Story time.
I remember times when I would stand in the pantry, IN THE DARK, just shoveling cereal and other snacks into my mouth. I was literally in food jail, restricting too much and convincing myself that eating bad foods made me a bad person. That led to bingeing.
It’s an unhealthy cycle and an unhealthy relationship to have with food that we need to break.
The best thing that helped me was just allowing all foods back into my life, without guilt. I focused on allowing myself to eat things that brought me joy, even if that meant dessert or chips. Over time, I normalized what my body needed. I escaped the cycle of bingeing and now I’m able to eat those foods freely without obsessing or feeling guilty about it. Once you do that, you can really focus on finding what foods make you feel good. That was a big part of my 90 Day Journey! Learning what I enjoyed cooking, how certain foods made me feel, and just how to have fun with food and include the things that bring me joy completely changed my relationship with food.
“I’m just finding all of the motivational accounts I follow UNmotivating…”
If those accounts aren’t serving you, UNFOLLOW.
Seriously. It’s okay! Sometimes seeing people who are absolutely crushing their goals when you’re just not on that level yet is just hard and disheartening. It’s normal to feel jealous about it, and forcing yourself to see it probably isn’t helping. Plus, comparing your own journey to someone else’s isn’t the only way to motivate yourself! So unfollow and come back to those accounts when (or if) you’re ready.
“What’s wrong with me?”
NOTHING. At all.
All of the things you’re going through are normal and your feelings are valid. You need space to try different things. To think. To find your why. TO BREATHE.
For now, focus on:
- Unfollowing accounts that don’t motivate you
- Experimenting with food to find what brings you joy and makes you feel good
- Finding a workout that is FUN for you – try as many as you can!
Once you find your groove, you’re gonna CRUSH IT. I know it!
I hope this advice helps!
If you have any other advice for Unhappy and Unmotivated, leave it in the comments!
PS – If you have a burning question you want to ask me, I’m taking questions via text at 510-692-4556. Currently this only works for US and Canada. If you’re outside of those countries, you can leave a question below.
44 thoughts on “Dear Cassey: I’m unhappy with how I look, but I have no motivation to change”
There are 44 comments posted by our users.
An amazing share, Cassey
Meal planning articles seem to work great for me personally.
That’s great to hear!!
Hi Cassey, I relate to this question but where I differ is – I have the motivation. Or if not motivation, a bit of discipline to follow through. My problem is, I don’t have the stamina to work out or run. So If I run for 3-5mins, I’m panting because my legs ache. Workouts are tiring. And so after 2-3 days, it’s difficult to continue. As I have no stamina to go on.
There was a time couple of years back where I was relatively in a better place – could do a lot more exercise and yoga than today. But today – I truly cannot.
I started quite a few videos of yours, joined gym, now home exercises – but it’s not becoming a habit.
I truly truly want to be stronger and thinner – but I don’t know how to up my stamina. And since the results on the body are seen only after a month or 2 – no change makes me falter from my path.
If you haven’t already, consider getting your thyroid checked! I was in a similar spot and it turns out mine was low!
Dear Cassey, I’ve been finding it really hard to stay consistent with my workouts. As soon as I miss a day because I feel too tired, or miss a couple of days because I am away for the weekend and don’t have the time or space to do even just a quick workout, I have a lot of difficulty picking up where I left off. I feel like missing just one workout in my schedule is going to change the results I would have gotten otherwise. How can I adapt the way I think so that this doesn’t keep setting me back?
Try writing down the thoughts that keep you from picking up where you left off. In the past, whenever I set myself a goal and didn’t follow through, I immediately thought the whole project was a failure which made me a failure and so on and so forth… Writing down those thoughts is often enough to make me realize how super unrealistic they are. If that’s not enough you can then focus on how many people have the same difficulties and try to cheer yourself up like you would a friend instead of hating on yourself. And when you set your goals it’s always helpful to have a backup goal. So if your ultimate goal were to work out 6 days a week for an hour, you could pick a plan B and say, ok, following through with my goal would be super awesome but if I work out for just 4 days a week for 30 minutes, that’s also ok, or as a last resort, even just 2 days for 15 minutes. This way, you will always accomplish one of your goals and you can get a sense of what is realistic for you at this point in time. Maybe goal 3 won’t get you the same results as goal 1 but doing something is always better than doing nothing and if you succeed at goal 3 you can build on that and slowly work towards achieving goal 1. Try to treat excercising as an experiment. If I think that I have to (!) accomplish something, that always makes me afraid of failure which mostly stops me from trying in the first place. If I treat the whole project like an experiment where I am genuinely curious to find out if I can do something and, if I can’t, try to figure out what works for me, that makes it that much more likely for me to establish a workout routine or work towards anything really. I hope I was able to help you.
I want to have a thinner body not for looking good but for having confidence in myself. I really try but I don’t get the results. This demotivates me a lot . Some suggestions and motivation would help. I love you that’s why I am opening up to you only. I am 17yrs old. Totally unhappy with my body. I try to love who I am but I fail. Some proper guidance would be great
Cassey, you couldn’t have said it any better because many people feel like this already. Especially with what is going on in this world (COVID-19). All your words were absolutely positive . Not only did you help this person, but you helped me as well. Thanks for your encouraging words. Writer, just as Cassey said, retreat, and come back at a later time. In the meantime find yourself and your, “Why” and you’ll bounce back in full vigorous. Just really quick, I became injured while I was at the top of my workouts and had to lay low. After a month of no workouts, I became somewhat depressed. I regained my, “Why” after sharing some personal time with a loved one, who happened to be my daughter. Stay cheerful friend.
This makes me so happy to hear <3 And you're totally right... sometimes it will take time to find our why, but we have to be kind to ourselves!
Motivation to change:
look younger
Wear smaller clothes
Be admired for healthy weight
Feel peaceful
Not start new medications with age
Be pain-free
I’ve been on my fitness journey now for about two years and my family has decided to join me! We all decided to do a 90 family fitness journey, so that we could get healthy together. However, we aren’t even two weeks in and it feels like everyone, but my oldest sister has decided to give up (even though they complain about their weight, flexibility, etc. a lot).
I try to help motivate them with little sweet notes, cooking healthy meals, and encouraging family activities that get us moving like hiking. Yet nothing seems to work–how can I help them on their fitness journey the way you’ve helped and inspired me?
Sometimes family is the hardest to motivate… there is a lot behind it. You can only try your best but they have to find their own motivation and sometimes embark on their own personal journey, too. My best advice is to keep going on your journey and keep doing what you do, but don’t get discouraged if they’re not on the same page. Sometimes it might just feel so overwhelming for them. Just remember that everyone is a little different but you are doing an AMAZING job!!
I was the same, after my second baby I gained all the weight, wasn’t taking care of myself at all and one day I saw a picture of myself and broke down, for almost my whole life I didn’t really love the way I looked but at that moment seeing that picture I realized how Unhappy I was. The first step I took was just going to the gym, three days a week if I could. And then I slowly started to add things, counting calories, being more active in general, drinking more water, changing my eating habits slowly, but allowing myself those foods that made me happy or fulfilled that hormonal vacuum that happens EVERY MONTH. I think, at the end of the day, you have to do it for you. I never once cared about what other people necessarily thought, not even my husband lol, because I was in a journey for me, for my happiness and health, and I couldn’t be more happier or more confident now! And Cassey Ho has taken me even farther! Whoever you are, you will find your WHY, and when you do your gonna rock it!
I have struggled with eating disorder behaviors since I was 6 years old. Because of early childhood trauma, I turned to food because I didn’t have the tools to process and was over 200 pounds by the time I was 11. I get this struggle! I have started seeing a somatic therapist and that has been life changing. I’m currently at my heaviest again, and letting go of outside measures of success is allowing me to get back into my motivation and do the work. I avoid the scale and taking measurements. I focus on seeing success in increased strength and flexibility. I thank my body for being here and being able to do all the things it can do (even though I remember when it was stronger and more flexible, I’m so grateful to have this human body that gets to have this human experience!). I also use my hands to scan and massage my body. When I let go of the scale and mirror and I touch my body with compassion as if I am someone else I realize, everything is where it should be. Nothing is that crazy or grotesque. It just feels like a normal human body and I realize these outside societal pressures have morphed my own perception of my body. I’m learning to let those go. When doing pilates videos or other workout videos, sometimes (most of the time lol) I can’t keep up. I have to stop. I have to modify. That’s okay! Pause when you need to get rejoin when you can. Have compassion for yourself and where you are at. Doing 5 minutes out of a 30 minute video is still 5 minutes! Tomorrow maybe you can do 6 minutes. Maybe just do 5 again. Your healthy journey doesn’t have to be linear.
I highly recommend seeing a somatic therapist to help get you back in your body and work through this block. If you can’t afford a somatic therapist (I know therapy is expensive and a privilege for some) I recommend Waking the Tiger by Peter Levine. He’s a somatic therapist in the forefront of research and treatment.
How can I avoid sugary food, it’s like I’m addicted to sweets. Please help.
I have also gained serious weight (40+lbs) since I injured my sacrum, and my boyfriend brings me food as affection. Even low-impact exercising aches rather quickly (bicycling, walking, and pilates too). My point of this is: as Cassey said, find what fits. If that means doing physical therapy stretches, or roller skating, or volunteering to walk dogs at a humane society–all of those things are ways of exercising. Find your exercise. It may surprise you on what it is.
I wanted to come by here and reiterate some of the things I said in the comments section of the video you did about this, because the conversation we were having there really clarified some things I knew deep down about fitness and didn’t realize I knew until I had to say them to someone else!
First of all: I think the most important thing this person can do is listen to their body. Rather than focusing on the size/appearance of their body and how they’d like to be smaller, they should take time to pay attention to what it needs and wants. Are there specific muscles that want to be stretched? Is this person tired/low-energy and needs something gentle and forgiving, or do they have some restless energy that day and they need to get their heart rate up? Would an outdoor-based exercise feel good, or would it be more mentally satisfying to go to a gym? It sounds to me like this person has a very set-in-stone idea of what their exercise regime needs to be. But if you focus on what would feel good for your body and satisfying for your mind, it will go a much longer way.
I wrote in the comments that “I have to work out because I’m heavy” is not going to be a very effective motivator. Almost anything focused on what you don’t like or don’t want isn’t going to fuel you. You have to think about what motivates and drives you, and then find an aspect of this new thing (exercise) that taps into that. For instance, I said I like working out because it centers me in my body and clears my mind. There are other non-exercise things I can do to accomplish that. If I want to clear my mind, I can meditate or journal or have deep conversations with friends. If I want to center myself in my body, I can take a warm bath/shower, or touch and smell things that are nice in a sensory way. Heck, if you want to get your heart rate up, you can go to the club and hit the dance floor, or (if you’re sexually active) have sex with a partner or yourself, or even watch a scary movie that makes your heart pound! But if I take exercise and connect it to all those non-exercise things i do that satisfy that motivating, driving need, then I associate working out with positive, satisfying things and not feelings of self-loathing.
You also don’t have to do a whole workout! If someone has a workout video with 15 different moves, you can decide to just do the first one and keep going back and repeating that set of one single move until you think you’ve gotten it perfect. You’re still exercising- even if you pull up a 15 minute video and only do 5 minutes, you still exercised! You still achieved that goal. And if you’re stuck and you focus on one move at a time and really getting the hang of it, the next time you try that video it will be easier to get past it and move on to the next moves.
Finally, it’s important for this person to sort out which of their issues is mental health-related and which are physical. Maybe this person is feeling depressed because of how their body looks, but it could also be the other way around- they are depressed and that is causing them to behave in ways that are unhealthy for their body and see themselves less positively. A lot of times when people go on fitness journeys, they discover that it is more about dealing with mental/psychological fitness than about conditioning their bodies. So this person should definitely look into ways to address mental health and focus maybe 75% on that and only 25% on physical fitness for now. Then the balance between the mental and physical can become more of a 50/50 split once they’ve dealt with the struggles and insecurities going on in their mind.
Anyway, clearly the video gave me a lot of thoughts! Thanks for letting me share them here.
To Unhappy and Unmotivated, I felt the exact same way. Up until literally a few weeks ago, I didn’t like the way I looked. I am also at my heaviest weight and it’s really hard. But, I’ve found ways around it!
For starters, I accepted that I don’t want to work out lol. I find the value in it but sometimes I don’t want to and I’ve accepted that! Sometimes I’ll get a burst of energy and I want to do it because I really do feel great after! But start with something attainable. You don’t need a routine right away and telling yourself that you have to have one and then not doing it makes us feel worse than just not doing it in the first place. At least for me, it makes me feel like I failed and I go down an even deeper hole. So, workout when you want to and don’t when you don’t want to! Don’t feel like you have to do anything. Do it because it makes you feel good.
To the other point, I found ways to feel good about my appearance that didn’t involve my body. I’ve been doing cute things with my hair, with my makeup, and it honestly has trickled down into my body too. My other big tip: BUY CLOTHES THAT FIT!!!! Buy clothes that are cute and for your body in the present moment. Stop trying to fit into old jeans and spice up your closet! I am so cheap and hate buying clothes but it’s an investment to help you feel good about yourself again!!! I’ll never buy anything that is more than like $15 haha but give yourself a $100 budget or something that is comfortable for you and treat yourself to cute clothes that fit you well and make you feel good.
Lastly, recognize what some of the environmental factors may be that are impacting your habits and emotions. We have obviously been in quarentine for some time now. I’m a college student and had been living at home for the last 6 months. My family is amazing, but we all struggle with healthy habits and I realized that our house is not a healthy place for me to be in regards to food. I was snacking all the time and eating so many sweets. Now that I’m back on campus, I feel in control again and I’m not snacking on salty sugary sweets all day everyday. Try to identify things like that in your own life. Don’t look at them as problems but view them as something that maybe needs to be altered to fit the life that you want to live. Having a positive outlook is key.
These are just my tips and what has helped me seriously just within the past couple of weeks!!! Your journey towards self love and acceptance shouldn’t start with changing your body. It should start with you feeling comfortable and recognizing that you are human and our bodies change. Just know that you have to do it for you and only do it when you feel ready ❤️
That is sooo true. A couple days ago I started doing new hairstyles myself and it feels so good. Sometimes we think we should start off by making something complicated to be happy and stuff like that but we seriously need to step back and think about our why. Sometimes we are soo messed up because of diet culture and we don’t think about the things that make us feel good as individual. This is not only about food but finding peace in ourselves and shift our focus away from what is not good for our mental health. This post is great and is killing it
Dear Cassey
I am on a complicated schedule. I have to stay up late to attend my online classes (since the school is on the other side of the world). My sleep schedule is obviously messed up. I basically sleep around the time or a bit before the sun rises and I wake up in the afternoon. The classes I’m taking are also ‘college/university style’ where instead of having a full day of school, you have a few classes on different times (like one class is at 4:00pm and another is at 11:00pm). I’m finding it hard to fit my workout into that whole schedule. I’m also worried it’ll affect my eating habits because I don’t have as much time to prepare food like I used to. Right now I’m just throwing things in the oven, but I’m pretty sure I’ll get sick of it if I keep eating the same foods.
P.S. I just saw a pumpkin spice latte ad—autumn is coming!!!!
Love you loads Cassey!
Sincerely,
Vampiric/Werewolf Sleep Habits
That letter up there? Did I write it and then forget? That is me. To the letter.
On September 1 I tried one of your workouts in the app and halfway in I sat to sit down crying because my body does not do the moves. I put on so much weight since I started my office job and now it feels like I’m not anatomically able to do the easiest things. When gym visits were still possible, I half-assed my way through some exercises. The only thing that was “fun” was a cross-fit course because the peer pressure of the group kept me going.
I know I’m not trying to lose weight because of looks (I’ve had 80lbs less and it didn’t change a thing about how I felt about the look) but because I’m somewhat constant physical pain (back, neck, shoulders) and that needs to stop. But I can’t muster up the endurance. I try, fail and give up.
So… whoever feels the same? You’re not alone!
Dear Cassey,
I love doing you videos and yoga as well as taking walks but recently I tore my ligament under my right hip and I stopped exercising to let it heal. How do I get back into what I enjoy doing? I feel scared of doing something that would be hurt my hip again.
Hi, my advice to you is to find a good Physical Therapist. They will help you come up with an exercise program that will work within your current limitations, allow you to heal, and ensure that you don’t re-injure your hip. I used to work in Physical Therapy, and a big part of my job was making these types of exercise programs for my patients.
I felt this! Finding something you enjoy doing is important, but also just starting. Commit to five minutes for a few days, then maybe ten minutes. You just have to train yourself to start. It’s the hardest part! And be proud of those five minutes!!
Man, I struggled with binging for a looking time and still struggle with body image. Seconding Cassy’s tip to unfollow accounts that trigger feelings of comparison or unworthiness in you. Our society emphasizes keeping women’s bodies at an “acceptable” size and sends us messages that we’re failing or lack will power if we don’t meet those standards. This sucks, and it sucks even more that many of us have internalized those beliefs deeply. Can I also recommend a few instagram accounts that are helping me unlearn these deep-seated beliefs? @i_weigh, @no.more.guilt and @beauty_redefined have been great for me on my journey.
I have dropped several comments and get no replies. I wonder what the point of this comments when my questions are never answered 🥺🥺#sadface
Oh no, don’t be #sadface, Christy! I get lots of comments here but I try my best to get to all of them!! I appreciate you! What are your burning questions? <3
Dear Cassey,
What’s your suggestion/advice for living a healthy(ier) lifestyle for a nightshift worker? I’m honestly an early bird riser/morning person but given the current state of events of the world right now, I have to work nightshift (office work) 12AM- 9AM everyday 5 days a week to sustain our livelihood here at home. I really want to stay consistent, motivated, healthy and strong but I can’t seem to do so since I always feel sluggish, tired, mentally foggy and sleepy as I have irregular sleeping patterns due to my body just hating sleep in the day time. I’m a dancer/choreographer so I try doing some dance activities on the weekends but i can just never keep the consistency because of my sluggish feeling from the lack of good sleep… any suggestions on what we could do? I’m sure there’s a LOT of nightshift workers out there and especially here where I come from with all the call center agencies and BPOs. This would help a great deal for our community if you could give us a few tips.
Thank you so much! Been following you since your early days on Youtube back in 2010/11 . Love your content and message and always will! Keep rocking life!
Sincerely, Always Sleepy and Tired
I have had sooo many of these same issues. I go through long periods of not even trying, because whenever I do try to lose weight “the healthy way” I just end up gaining. The only time I have “success” is when I exercise excessively AND eat way too little. Then after I get tired of being tired all the time, I let up and I gain all the weight back, and more. A week ago, I started a new journey, this time motivated (mostly) by dance instead of aesthetics. I have no lack of energy – but it’s not exactly fun when you’re so big that the guy’s arm can’t get around you all the way – or when you’re afraid your dance partner will drop you or hurt themselves – or when your feet need a break after every song no matter how comfy your salsa shoes are. So I have to repeat everything that Cassey said: find what foods make you feel happy and healthy, and find movement that makes you feel alive! For me, it’s mostly – you guessed it – dance workouts! Best of luck to you <3
I’m so happy you found joy through dance!!! It’s my fave too
It’s discouraging when something works for somebody else but does nothing for you, so you need to take the time to figure out what works FOR YOU! Every body responds differently to different routines and diets. I worked out rigorously for years and only gained weight. It wasn’t until I did a Whole30 diet that I saw the weight going down, and I completely changed my eating lifestyle habits after that. The most motivating thing is seeing results, so you just gotta find that thing! Be gracious to yourself in your journey in finding what it is that your body responds to.
Totally agree with this!!
I’ve been there too, even not wanting to hang out with friends because I felt bad about the way I looked. What woke me up is my father having open heart surgery on top of that he is also very overweight and diabetic. I don’t live in the same country and he’s not healthy enough to get on a plane and visit me, I haven’t seen him in 2 years! I’m getting close to 40 and I don’t want to be so unhealthy that I can’t get on a plane and visit my family. During quarantine my husband and I decided enough is enough and we just started working out every day! I’m doing it for health and movement, yeah I want to look and feel good in clothes and not like a stuffed sausage but health is my motivation. I only came across Blogilates in August and for the first time I am addicted to working out now, I am seeing positive changes in my overall well being, I want to be fitter at 40 than I was at 30, so I’m giving myself time to get there, I’m 38 now. Growing up I was always a little chubby and always fad dieting, it RUINED my metabolism! Now in my 30s it’s so difficult to lose weight. I know the only way is to MOVE! Also I enjoy food and don’t feel guilty if i have a croissant or pizza, it’s OK and I realize that now. But eating healthier has made me not crave the high processed carbs and sugars, I mean I still love them but I don’t NEED them to feel satisfied anymore.
It’s taken me many years to get to this point, my goals were more superficial and I think that’s why. When it comes to doing it for longevity and mobility it’s a game changer. Thank you Cassey for your healthy and balanced motivation, it’s so refreshing.
Thank you for sharing! Yes, family can be a big motivator – I hope your dad is doing well! <3
I sort of have the same problem when it comes to being motivated to workout. What I have to do is think of something that I DO enjoy, and find a workout that uses that! For example, I love musical theatre and just music in general, so I’ll find a dance workout. Doing that makes the workout fun so I ACTUALLY want to do it! Hope that helps!
Seriously loved the video you did! Would love more.
Dear Cassey,
My family and I are campers so we’re on trips a lot. I find that when I finally get things together with my eating habits and I feel good with myself we leave again. And we eat nothing but the junk we bring with us because it’s quicker to cook. My family members are also dessert lovers so we end up eating a lot of ice cream, frozen desserts, chocolate, and of course s’mores. How do I stay close with my healthy eating habits when I’m on a trip and it’s hard for me to cook and resist the sweets?
Sincerely,
Camper
Dear Cassey,
I love working out, and have been following you for 4 years now. Back when i wanted to lose some fat, i did put myself in “food jail”. Fried snacks, sweets, soda was all banned for me, but i was only 15.
This was 2 years ago. Even though i did start eating everything i loved in limited portions, no limits on ice cream though, my appetite keeps dropping and I dont know what to do about it.
My mum forces me to eat more, but i just cant. Shes threatening to make me stop working out if i dont eat more cause all my relatives say im getting skinny.
All this is making me not wanna work out too, but i really do love that feeling afterward. How do i balance it all out so i dont have to give up exercising with you??
Sincerely,
Food prisoner
It seems to me like your appetite might be changing naturally because of your lifestyle change. Your mom just wants to make sure that you are eating enough and that you’re not overdoing it with the workouts. I think you should probably talk to your mother about going to a doctor or a nutrion specialist. That could probably assure your mom that your being healthy.
Hey Food prisoner, for how long has this been going on? Changes in appetite are pretty normal, appetite fluctuates with your age, hormones, stress level etc. I too had a skinny phase at 16-18 where I ate intuitively but kept losing weight, because during that age the metabolism is still pretty much firing. I helped myself with liquid meals and shakes. If you and your mother are very concerned, go see a doctor for any underlying health issue, like thyroid issues or helicobacter stomach bacteria. Exercising is a healthy habit that you definitely shouldn’t give up. If you think however that your low appetite is a psychological thing, you should definitely go to a therapist, this is nothing that an online person can fix, not even Cassey.
I would also recommend trying to mix up the type of working out you are doing. I tried for years to make the gym work for me but it just wouldn’t unless supervised by a friend or PT, and I finally found my place with pole fitness and Cassey’s pilates videos. Working out is something you should ideally be incorporating every day for most of your life, so it has to be sustainable and enjoyable to you – this was the concept I struggled with the most, but breaking it into bite-sized and achievable chunks like 10 minute videos or one pole session a week has made it so much easier to wrap my head around it, and once you build momentum the habit is easier to stick with (also the feeling of getting stronger* is addictive).
* I say stronger as I’m recovering from disordered eating and am pointedly not focused on losing weight. Cassey’s suggestions surrounding food and releasing that guilt are spot on.
thank you for the little boost of motivation & hope Cassey – this is exactly how I have been feeling lately.
Dear Cassey,
I have begun my journey to redesign my lifestyle by eating clean and working out. The working out part is something I can commit to but I have the hardest issue with my diet. Diet is 80% as exercise is 20% of losing weight.
I LOVE sweets, carbs, cheeses, and juice so much.
My body type is an endomorph, meaning I’ve always been on the heavier/curvier side and I gain weight quickly. I’ve always seen myself with lots of body fat. I have never seen myself with the body I’ve wanted.
I have been controlling my portion sizes and have removed sugar, milk, red meat, and processed foods from my diet. I have even began watching my calories and having a deficit of 700. I have instead been trying healthy recipes recommended by fitness instructors online, even yours.
However, months into this lifestyle, I have begun experiencing headaches, tiredness, hunger, unhappiness, and feeling terrible. I feel as if I am in as you said “food jail” where I feel guilt for eating junk/carbs/sugar. I see all the thin and fit people online completely cutting out carbs, sugar, and juices and instead eating oatmeal, salads, salmon everyday and it bothers me that I cannot do the same.
I am an extremely picky eater. I do not like oatmeal, eggs, or bananas (common ingredients for healthy recipes). When it comes to eating clean or healthy, the healthier alternatives of foods are not satisfying or filling for me. I cannot have vegetables and protein alone everyday without beginning to feel nauseous and losing my appetite altogether. I feel like starving myself instead. So this discourages me a lot.
I have not seen any fitness trainers speak on advice for people who are picky eaters like myself and want to lose weight. Can you help? How can I fill the hole of lack of carbs and juice while losing the stubborn fat?
Sincerely,
Faiza
Low motivation, unhappiness, and guilt can all be signs of depression! It might be a good idea to seek professional help by finding a therapist in your community or talking to your doctor about a referral.