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Dear Cassey,
I’m struggling with giving myself “me” time. I lost my son late in pregnancy 2 years ago, and last year was blessed to have a healthy daughter. I take care of her all day as a stay at home mama, and I have found I haven’t been giving myself the amount of care that I should. We’re talking forgetting to shower and sometimes even forgetting to eat. I recently started working out at 5 am every day, which has been working for me.
I guess my question is, What are some other ways that I can “take care of myself” aside from just working out and eating healthy? I am doing both of those and feel better but I still feel like I’m missing something.
Thank you,
Just a mama needing a little extra guidance and support.
cat relaxing in a grey blanket

Hey Just A Mama,

I’m so incredibly sorry to hear about the loss of your son. That alone is so much for a momma to go through…I can’t even imagine.

Although I’m not a mom myself, I have friends that have gone through an experience similar to yours and just know… you’re not alone in this. My heart is with you. Self-care is EXTREMELY important, so I’m glad you’re reaching out for support!

Exercising and eating healthy are great places to start. Doing both will help you manage stress, feel more energetic, and think more clearly. All TOTALLY necessary with a toddler at home, right?! So keep those things up for sure! I have some other ideas for things you can slowly work into your routine to help with self-care too.

The Basics – Your toddler probably does better on a routine, so try the same for yourself! Commit to that shower before your daughter wakes up, or while she’s taking a nap. Make sure you’re grabbing something to eat when your daughter eats! It’s way too easy to forget about your own needs when you’re taking care of someone else, so making it part of your routine will help make it happen without having to think about it.

Sleep –  Stay up and get things done, or get some quality shut-eye? Choose sleep!!! Prioritizing sleep is one of the BEST things you can do for your mental AND physical health. I always feel like a completely different person when I get a good night’s sleep.

Socialize – This is another one that falls to the wayside for a lot of mommas. I know it’s hard to physically hang out with friends right now, but finding a way to get in some adult conversation will help SOO MUCH. Commit to picking up the phone and call or Facetime a friend or family member. When you can, meet another momma to go on a walk. It’s amazing how rejuvenating a good laugh and conversation with your tribe can be.

Journal – I loooove journaling. It’s a good way to let everything out and reflect on what’s going on in your life. You can journal in the morning to start your day in a better mindset, or you can try jotting down your thoughts before bed to unwind and empty your brain. If writing isn’t your thing, you could also grab an adult coloring book, meditate or do a crossword puzzle to unwind.

Treat Yo’ Self – When was the last time you treated yourself to something new? Anything you’re into! New workout clothes, new shoes, a new book, some flowers to brighten up your home?! You deserve it.

Unplug – It’s way too easy to mindlessly scroll the minute we have some free time. But escaping from social media for a little bit is actually really refreshing. There’s a lot of negativity and opportunity for comparison on social media. Take a break and use that time to do something for yourself!

Plan Ahead – Plan something that you can look forward to! It could be a trip, or something super small like planning to eat or order takeout from your favorite spot. Even having little things to look forward to can really change your mindset.

Try a Podcast – Need a little inspiration? Entertainment? A really good laugh? Wanna learn something new? There’s a podcast for everything.

Breathe – Anytime you’re feeling overwhelmed, find a quiet spot and breathe.

Hopefully, these ideas help! Whatever you decide to do, try one thing at a time (don’t overwhelm yourself!) and DON’T feel selfish for prioritizing “me” time. You can’t pour from an empty cup, and taking care of yourself is going to benefit your daughter just as much as it benefits you!

You’re doing an AMAZING job, mama.

PS – If you have a burning question you want to ask me, I’m taking questions via text at 510-692-4556. Currently this only works for US and Canada. If you’re outside of those countries, you can leave a question below.

The Conversation (22)

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  • Sandra says:

    Dear Cassey!
    I have a question about my body. Since I can remember I’ve had lots of fat in my upper body area (back and…upper arms). In the past I was very weak but i’ve improved and now I can even do push-ups (I started at the point where I couldn’t even hung curtains). But still, I have lots of fat in that area even tho I have quite big muscles (girl has real guns!). I know, I cannot target fat loss but maybe is there some way to boost losing this fat. Maybe a certain order of exercises or more weights, less cardio or special stretches or something like that. I would really appreciate Your help.

    Keep up the good work!
    With Love
    Sandra

  • Anna says:

    Hi Cassey, I have abs diastasi post pregnancy (4 years ago!), can I do pilates exercises? Thanks

    • Maja says:

      Hy! It really depends on lots of things. Longstory short, you can if you know how / what not to do / how to modify / how to breathe. @ourfitfamily has a program where you can learn it and then proceed to pilates and/or what you love to do. Hth

  • Leah B says:

    It is also important to consider consulting with a therapist or other mental health professional! Sometimes we need more than a behavioral change, and/or someone to help us understand what’s really getting in the way of making those healthy changes. Sending love your way!

  • diasamita says:

    Dear Cassey,
    I am struggling. My self-esteem has gone to the dogs and I honestly don’t know what to do anymore. I am suicidal, hopeless, and feel like a void. I have severe social anxiety and get panic attacks too. And since the lockdown things have only been getting worse. I feel friendless, lonely, loveless, and boyfriendless (that’s more fact than a feeling). And I feel like my life is never gonna turn around. That I doomed for feeling this way for the rest of my life and my circumstances are never gonna change. I’m so close to giving up entirely. I have been going to therapy for 6 years now and I always end up back at square one.
    I look at myself in the mirror and I am disgusted by what I see in front of me. Because I have been taking anti-depressants now for 6 years, and I’ve gained a ton of weight as a side-effect of them. I was an athlete in school. I was lean and muscular and there was a time that I was actually happy with my life. Now I look at myself and I don’t even feel disappointment anymore. I just feel empty. I have been doing your workouts religiously, and I eat healthily… yet I end up feeling bloated and haven’t lost any of the weight still. This feeling when coupled with my usual mental state makes me feel like miles below rock bottom. I am writing this message to you (although I would have loved to message you privately I don’t live in the US or Canada) to thank you. Because I don’t know how much longer I will be around anymore.
    So, thank you, Cassey! Thank you so so much. Because through all these days the one constant was you and your blogilates channel. Through everything, I could rely on you and depend on you for positivity and hopefulness and strength. You are such an icon and I absolutely admire you and am so grateful for you and your channel. I feel like you embody positivity but not in an unrealistic too good to be true kind of way. But in a very real and grounded way. So just simply. Thank You

    • Sarah says:

      Diasamita,

      My heart hurts for you. Please know that this community is here for you! I know that life can be hard, especially now. But, there are ALWAYS things to live for. Don’t give up, something great might just be around the corner. Take care of yourself and keep looking to Blogilates for support; I agree that working out is such a mood/body image booster. You are deserving of happiness.

      Sending you love and light, Sarah G

    • Rhiannon C says:

      Hi Diasamita,

      I was touched by your comment and concerned for your welfare.

      If you are having suicidal thoughts, please contact your therapist or doctor for help. There are people who can help and support you through this situation.

      I don’t know what country you are in, but a list of suicide prevention and support services listed by country can be found here: http://www.suicide.org/international-suicide-hotlines.html

      At any moment, things can change for the better, if we just hold on and let others help us when we need it. And we all need help at some point.

      Please take care and treat yourself gently.

      Rhiannon

    • Rissa says:

      Dear Diasamita,
      I know it might not seem like much but I sincerely wish for you to get out of this state and to be able to love and embrace your life again. Your life is precious. It matters. YOU matter. I promise even though it might seem hopeless right now and even though it might take some time to work on it, you will turn your life around. There is a solution for almost everything in this life as long as you habe yourself and your health so please just keep trying. Keep fighting. You are strong, even if you don‘t know it, I do. Just hold on a little longer. God has something planned for all of us and you never know when it will come into your life. Try to set a couple of small, short term goals for yourself to occupy your mind and keep working towards them day after day. Don‘t think about anything but living through the day. I know one day you‘ll be in a much better place.
      You deserve to live. You deserve happiness. If a stranger on the internet can care this much about your well being I promise you can too.
      Sending you lots of love and strength,
      Rissa

    • Tough but Trying says:

      Dear Diasamita,
      Please remember that we are here for you! You have an entire community of Popsters cheering you on during your journey. Just know that no matter what you are beautiful! Ik that’s hard to believe when there are these drop dead gorgeous super models that are thin as a stick, but they’re fake! Real beauty is so much better! Just try your best and that’s enough! Remember that God loves you and we love you just the way you are! Please take care of your self! There is light at the end of the tunnel. Stay safe!
      Sending positivity your way,
      Ry

  • diasamita says:

    How do I send a Dear Cassey message and ask you for advice?

    • Tough but Trying says:

      If you go under the contact tab, it has her mailing address if you want to send her a letter.

  • Might I suggest the Sheroic podcast by Lisa and Cassey? It’s the best!

  • ShivaniL says:

    That’s so helpful for everyone❤

  • Make a smoothie with spirulina and that will give you extra minerals and vitamins it’s a super food . You could make yourself ome wraps those are easy. We buy Oggi pizza and slice vegies on top beets parsnips anything you like sliced chicken stek etc then you cam have a couple meals there spices we include for pizza garlic powder, tumeric, curry sprinkle in on top with cheeses last 5 mins of cooking . Cut wedges of yam and chicken top with same spices bake in a flat pan wolla. There’s some great recipes. I’m very sorry for your loss so sorry.

  • Sharon says:

    Self care is so important! My boyfriend is a chef at a restaurant and works *constantly.* I have to remind him to take care of himself because he’s always giving all of his time and energy to the restaurant, though I do my best to take care of him as well :) Our schedules are opposite, so I end up with a lot of “me” time while he’s at work. Something that I like to do with my “me” time is read novels! It’s a really fun way to escape from reality for a couple hours 😊

  • Claudine says:

    Dear Cassey

    How do l lower my body fat Percentages.
    I am 14 years old and my BMI is 23 and l am 4 ‘11 , l weight 116 lbs,
    Your workouts have been working for me and l been following you since May ,but l seem to have hit a plateau and l have seen little to no change ?
    What do l do ?
    Thank you 😊.

    • Kavya says:

      Hi! You are in the healthy range, and are only 14. That means your body is still developing and growing. I wouldn’t suggest you try to lose weight at your age unless you are overweight or at an unhealthy weight. Instead, try to focus on building more muscle, getting your body stronger, etc. Remember- you’re still a kid, and it’s better to let your body develop into itself.

    • Chrysa says:

      I am not a professional so take what I say with a pinch of salt. It has been shown multiple times that a caloric deficit is the only way to lose fat and lower your body fat percentage. Before trying please do your research on the topic. If you are financially capable I would recommend you go talk and take advice for a nutritionist since they know better than anyone.
      I hope I’ve helped you!!
      Have a nice day 😄

  • Claire says:

    Dear Cassey,
    I started working out a couple of months ago and I absolutely love it and enjoy it however I’m starting to feel a pressure to work out every day and there’s a constant voice in my head telling me that if I don’t work out I’ll gain back all the weight I’ve lost and all my hard work would have been for nothing. As restrictions are loosening I’m getting busier and busier and finding it harder to find time to work out but if I don’t work out I start feeling stressed and panicked. Please give me some advice on how to control my fear.
    Thank you,
    Scared but strong

    • Sarah says:

      Just remember that the same way it took you a long time to work to where you have gotten, just one day cannot take you right back to where you started. Also, the stress that you feel when you make yourself think that you need to workout each day is less healthy than just feeling happy and relaxed even if that means not working out as often. Your mental health is important, so make sure you prioritize it rather than only worrying about working out! Hope this helps :)

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