It’s getting harder and harder to be proud of what I have accomplished. I used to be able to say, “The glass is half-full,” but now I just say, “The glass is half-empty.” I can’t be proud of what’s happening around me, and on top of that, I’m realizing something about me that goes directly against what my parents say. Can you please tell me how to be more optimistic?
Thanks so much,
Dear Never Enough,
Ahhhh why is it soo easy to slip into a negative mindset, but SOOO HARD to climb back up into a positive mindset?! Let’s see if I can help! I’ve always been a pretty positive person, but I have definitely had my moments when things are tough with work or just life in general that really got me down. I know that getting out of a funk is never easy.
You have to choose to be more optimistic.
Yep. YOU decide your attitude. It’s a habit and it takes practice and confidence, and looking for something or someone who will do it for you isn’t gonna cut it. Not to sound harsh, but this is where changing your mindset begins!
When negativity becomes our comfort zone, I think we’re just trying to protect ourselves from something. Being negative means we’re expecting the worst. We don’t want to be disappointed, so we keep our expectations low.
But actively deciding to be optimistic makes you feel lighter and helps you appreciate small things. So my first tip to choose optimism is to focus on the positives in every situation. This will retrain your way of thinking to see the positives first and spend less time thinking about anything negative.
Check your surroundings.
You know what they say, your vibe attracts your tribe.
A good attitude is infectious! So is a negative attitude. Surround yourself with people who radiate positivity and help you see the light in every situation. Get choosy with your circle and spend the most time with people who encourage you to grow and work towards your goals. People who cheer you on and remind you of how special you are.
Think about role models in your life you have the optimism you want for yourself. Talk to them and see how they work through hard situations in life.
As for your relationship with your parents – I’m not sure how old you are, but this is something a lot of us go through! I think it’s part of growing up and becoming more independent. Try looking at things from their perspective – they just want what’s best for you, and parenting is hard!
Talk to yourself.
How do you talk or think to yourself? Like your bestie, or your worst critic?
If you’re constantly picking yourself apart or obsessing over regrets, that negativity will spill over into other areas of your life. Try writing down some positive mantras that apply to you (or Google some) and keep them on your mirror. Let them be your script every time you look at yourself and work on changing your mindset.
Next, celebrate every success you have and be proud. I know you said you’re struggling with this, but it’s sooo important to work on! If you don’t show up for yourself, who will, right?!
Are you having trouble feeling like your accomplishments are worthy because you’re comparing yourself to others? Because I’m totally guilty of that too. Like no matter what I accomplish, someone else is out there doing it better. Social media just makes it way too easy! If that sounds like you, take a break from social or just the people you follow who make you feel this way.
Another thing you could try is embarking on a new challenge. When I’m feeling “stuck,” sometimes all I need is a good challenge to build confidence and motivation.
If you’re still struggling, it’s probably time to look deeper. Maybe struggling to be proud of your accomplishments and wanting to go directly against your parents’ wishes could be a sign that something else is affecting your outlook and attitude.
So look deeper. Try journaling as an outlet and consider talking with someone you trust or a therapist who can guide you to solve what’s really going on. There’s an endless list of reasons why you might be feeling this way. Going to a pro can help you figure it out.
Hopefully this helps to steer you in the right direction!
Do you have any advice for Never Enough? Leave your tips for how to be more optimistic in the comments!
PS – If you have a burning question you want to ask me, leave your questions below! I may answer it in an upcoming Dear Cassey post!