It’s getting harder and harder to be proud of what I have accomplished. I used to be able to say, “The glass is half-full,” but now I just say, “The glass is half-empty.” I can’t be proud of what’s happening around me, and on top of that, I’m realizing something about me that goes directly against what my parents say. Can you please tell me how to be more optimistic?
Thanks so much,
Dear Never Enough,
Ahhhh why is it soo easy to slip into a negative mindset, but SOOO HARD to climb back up into a positive mindset?! Let’s see if I can help! I’ve always been a pretty positive person, but I have definitely had my moments when things are tough with work or just life in general that really got me down. I know that getting out of a funk is never easy.
You have to choose to be more optimistic.
Yep. YOU decide your attitude. It’s a habit and it takes practice and confidence, and looking for something or someone who will do it for you isn’t gonna cut it. Not to sound harsh, but this is where changing your mindset begins!
When negativity becomes our comfort zone, I think we’re just trying to protect ourselves from something. Being negative means we’re expecting the worst. We don’t want to be disappointed, so we keep our expectations low.
But actively deciding to be optimistic makes you feel lighter and helps you appreciate small things. So my first tip to choose optimism is to focus on the positives in every situation. This will retrain your way of thinking to see the positives first and spend less time thinking about anything negative.
Check your surroundings.
You know what they say, your vibe attracts your tribe.
A good attitude is infectious! So is a negative attitude. Surround yourself with people who radiate positivity and help you see the light in every situation. Get choosy with your circle and spend the most time with people who encourage you to grow and work towards your goals. People who cheer you on and remind you of how special you are.
Think about role models in your life you have the optimism you want for yourself. Talk to them and see how they work through hard situations in life.
As for your relationship with your parents – I’m not sure how old you are, but this is something a lot of us go through! I think it’s part of growing up and becoming more independent. Try looking at things from their perspective – they just want what’s best for you, and parenting is hard!
Talk to yourself.
How do you talk or think to yourself? Like your bestie, or your worst critic?
If you’re constantly picking yourself apart or obsessing over regrets, that negativity will spill over into other areas of your life. Try writing down some positive mantras that apply to you (or Google some) and keep them on your mirror. Let them be your script every time you look at yourself and work on changing your mindset.
Next, celebrate every success you have and be proud. I know you said you’re struggling with this, but it’s sooo important to work on! If you don’t show up for yourself, who will, right?!
Are you having trouble feeling like your accomplishments are worthy because you’re comparing yourself to others? Because I’m totally guilty of that too. Like no matter what I accomplish, someone else is out there doing it better. Social media just makes it way too easy! If that sounds like you, take a break from social or just the people you follow who make you feel this way.
Another thing you could try is embarking on a new challenge. When I’m feeling “stuck,” sometimes all I need is a good challenge to build confidence and motivation.
If you’re still struggling, it’s probably time to look deeper. Maybe struggling to be proud of your accomplishments and wanting to go directly against your parents’ wishes could be a sign that something else is affecting your outlook and attitude.
So look deeper. Try journaling as an outlet and consider talking with someone you trust or a therapist who can guide you to solve what’s really going on. There’s an endless list of reasons why you might be feeling this way. Going to a pro can help you figure it out.
Hopefully this helps to steer you in the right direction!
Do you have any advice for Never Enough? Leave your tips for how to be more optimistic in the comments!
PS – If you have a burning question you want to ask me, leave your questions below! I may answer it in an upcoming Dear Cassey post!
23 thoughts on “Dear Cassey: How can I be more optimistic?”
There are 23 comments posted by our users.
First of all, I’m a huge fan! I love your glowing positivity and beautiful aesthetics in your workout videos. They always deliver! I was wondering if you have any advice for girls who want to DECREASE the size of their butt. I know it’s really popular to have a large behind right now, but I don’t like it on my body. I think that if there’s something you do/don’t like about your body that goes contrary to current “trends,” it’s good to work towards your own goal because then you’re really doing it for yourself and no one else. But I don’t know what kind of exercise is good for decreasing butt size. I’ve heard that cardio is good, but I don’t seem to see much of a difference. I’ve heard that cutting calories is helpful, but I can’t do this much as a teenager with a rocky history with my relationship with food. Also, it seems to slow down my metabolism to cut back much. I’m afraid of “building” or “toning” that area because I seem to bulk up instead of lean out. I want to be strong AND lean, if that’s possible. Any advice from you, Cassey, would mean a lot! Again, I’m a big fan and I really love your channel and look up to you!
Against the Trend
I have been struggling with self-esteem and being kind to myself for the past few months. Mainly because of med school (just finished year 2 and it was hazardous). Exams were especially tough this year and my performance was a little less than expected. Because of this, I’ve become extra hard on myslef. My family tried and tried to explain me that I am doing enough and I should tame down a little. I know they mean well, but this “enough” concept can get a little foggy for me. By now, I know that overworking myself is way beyond enough (and not in a good way), but at the same time, I am worried that I might tame down too much and come to no longer make the distinction between enough and bare minimum. So my question is… how can I make the difference between working hard enough to achieve whatever goal I have in mind and plain setteling for the bare minimum???
Thank you in advance.
Worried of Settling
I have been a Blogilates follower for a long time now! I am in my second trimester of pregnancy and my fitness has really taken a hit. I’ve gained so much weight and feel fatigued all the time. In addition I’m afraid to do a lot of exercises that might hurt the baby. I’ve been super thin for most of my life and it’s hard to work out or feel good about myself while I’m getting bigger even though I know that I should! I’m also working insane hours and in graduate school. Do you have any advice for pregnancy safe quick workouts / how to feel better about myself?
deary cassey pls talk about teneage workout programs
I’m a 20 year old and for a very long chunk of my life I had severe athleticism anorexia. It was egged on by my family and friends and other people as a child (yes I started showing symptoms at just 10 years old) and I know it ruined my life. Right after the giant quarantine of New Mexico (where I live) I had somehow gained 103 pounds. So I decided to work out again and lost so much til I was 95 again. Right now I’m starting to use a calorie counter diary app to gain weight, but I also miss working out – I miss the adrenaline, I miss how happy but tired it makes me feel. But I don’t know how to work out correctly without losing weight. Don’t get me wrong I want to turn some fat into muscle and things like that but I don’t want to drop below 100 ever again. How do I do that? Especially knowing that a lot of the time when I start back up again I sometime trigger a relapse in the athleticism anorexia. Any and all help is appreciated.
Dear Cassey, I’m still a 15 year old but I’ve been doing exercise for about 1 year, and I like to push myself so hard to the point where sometime and at some positions my heart is aching. I also feel like I’m addicted to exercise, can you help me to rewire my mindset about healthy exercise?
I just found your channel today and I want to start by saying thank you! You have such a positive, happy spirit! Your workouts are great, the music perfect and your home studio gorgeous. I wonder if you could create a workout that targets the problems encountered by people who sit at a desk 10 hours a day and develop, TMJ, recurring migraines and locked shoulders from the neck forward position of looking at computer screens and using a keyboard/mouse? Love, your new fan Debra 🙂
YAY welcome! Ooooh I’ll add this to the list!
I have been doing you cardio-Pilates workouts for a few years to gain muscle. Over that time I have set and accomplished new goals. I am so happy with my progress! But I always work out after school at 7-8 maybe even 9 at night. Most people I know work out in the morning, so am I doing myself a disservice? Or am I just just thinking a little too much about my workout times?
With love and happiness,
The timing doesn’t really matter – get it in when you can and feel most motivated! And it sounds like you’re doing just that! 🙂
Could you make a post or blog about the 21 day smoothie diet? Apparently it’s the latest trend but seems sketchy- thank you!
Dear Cassey –
I have tried a large variety of workout challenges, but I just never seem to complete one. The farthest I have ever go to is the 5th or the 6th day. Then I just can’t find it in me to continue. It’s been getting really frustrating and I can’t help but get angry over it. Also, I don’t have a routine for individual workouts. I know that if I want to reach my goals, I must follow a schedule. But I just can’t and now I don’t understand what’s wrong with me. How can I be more consistent?
A routine – less person.
This is a great question!!! Stay tuned!!! 😉
Dear Cassey, I’m doing your beginner calendar because I’m starting my fitness journey and during some of the workouts, I find that they’re too difficult for me to complete for a full duration (a full minute of one excercise) and I find myself having to take a couple breaks. Will I still see results and keep getting stronger if I had to keep taking breaks during an excercise? I want to be able to move onto the regular calendar and not be able to take any breaks, that is my goal 🥰
Dear cassey i have recently started working out and streching in quarantine i wanna know is it okay to do splits or other normal workouts during your periods if not till how many days
Working out is actually really good for you when you’re on your period, and can actually reduce cramps! If you feel up to it, definitely go for it!
Sometimes I am optimistic by first trying to envision the best possible outcome in a scenario, then the worst possible outcome and then the most likely outcome in a scenario. This can help prepare you for any situation. You also should surround yourself with good people the environment we place ourselves in has a profound effect. But don’t mind me, I am just a bro who workouts with my sister sometimes 😉
Dear Cassey, can we please talk about food guilt… I’ve been on a journey to eat healthy and lose weight. But of course, a pizza or fries might slip into my diet here and there and whenever that happens, I get so guilty and angry at myself for the lack of self-control. And the worse part is, the craving for a cheat meal doesn’t get better! On top of that, I’m the type of person that is not super active and doesn’t like to work out a lot (isn’t this the worst combo a person can ever have?). How can I overcome my guilt? And better, how can I maintain a healthy diet and routine?
The Lazy Girl
Dear Cassey, I’m 15 yrs old and I want to do your 90 day journey, however I’m feel like I’m to young for this. I also get comments that I might start being focused on losing weight in a bad way. But I want to eat healthier, i mean I already eat like a ton of fruits and veggies throughout my day, but I feel like I should be doing more. Should I do this? Love, wants to be healthy
This post spoke to me, straight to my heart. So happy I read this today, just what I needed to hear. Thanks Casey!!! Love you!!!
This is a great post! I’m definitely saving this page to come back to when I need it! Thank you Cassey! Xx