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Why the scale still affects me

feet-on-scale

Hey guys,

For the past month, I’ve been working out and eating extra EXTRA clean because I have a big photoshoot coming up! (It’s actually for the new POPFLEX collection coming out this Winter!) And let me tell you, nothing gets me more on track than knowing that there is a looming deadline ahead that I NEED TO HIT. I’m feeling really happy about the small differences I’m seeing in my body, especially because I know it takes SO MUCH for my physique to change. Focusing on having fun when I work out, having fun when I cook, and having fun when I’m stretching (even when I’m feeling like I’m going to die) makes the whole process so much more enjoyable and seem so much quicker.

So then if I’m feeling all chipper and good about my bod, what’s the deal with the title? “Why the scale still affects me.” <– Wouldn’t a fitness guru have gotten over this at this point?

REAL TALK TIME.

No I haven’t gotten over it. For some reason, the scale still has so much power over me and so many other women alike. Every time I step on it, I feel like it’s judging me. Judging how worthy I am.

My thought process goes like this:

If the number stays the same, I can be assured that I haven’t done wrong.

If the number goes down, it’s a fleeting inner celebration that I know can be taken away from me after my next meal.

If the number goes up…oh boy…if the number goes up…then I am a complete FAILURE.

Before I started getting ready for my shoot, I admit I was taking a break from eating super duper clean for some months, and I felt a little fluffier. But it didn’t really bother me too much because I was still working out 5-6x a week, going hard, and seeing strength gains in the weights I could lift. When I picked a date for the shoot, I also picked a start date for my clean eating to begin. This is usually accompanied by a weigh in, just so I know where I am. I stepped on the scale, a little nervous, but hoping I’d be no more than a few pounds heavier than what I last remembered.

When I stepped on that scale over a month ago…it was everything I feared. I wasn’t 1 or 2 pounds heavier. Not 3 pounds heavier. Not even 5. I was nearly 10 lbs heavier than what my “you need to stay here or else” weight was. Immediately, I started to panic, I started to regret, I started to  hate myself for letting go, and I cursed myself for throwing everything away that I worked so hard for. Was I living in some facade world not realizing how far I had slipped? Stupid me to not stop this. I laid on my bed in fetal position and let the tears roll. I bathed in my own inner hatred. I let myself feel every excruciating ounce of sorrow. I lay there, crying, feeling like a defeated pile of failure.

I’m not even being dramatic here guys. This is real. I probably laid there motionless and terrible for 20 minutes and moped for another few days.

Why? Why does the scale do this to me? Isn’t it “just a number”?

Yea, it is a number. But somehow one that can control my happiness.

I’m going to do a deep dive into why I am this way. Because it’s weird, it’s silly, and clearly, it’s 100% psychological. The story begins with my childhood.

Growing up, I was chubby. I was overweight. Kids called me fat. When I was in elementary school, I was wearing 12’s and 14’s when I should have been an 8 or under to be at a healthy size, according to my doctor. Wearing jeans was out of reach for me, unless they had elastic. And as a little girl who dreamed of one day becoming a fashion designer, not being able to try on the coolest styles hurt a little more than they would have the average kid. Because of my size, I was chained to stretchy flower leggings with large shirts or corduroy overalls. (I did love those overalls!)

But my day finally came. I remember being in 6th grade and begging my mom to take me to the mall to try to find some flares. All the girls at school had flares and they looked so cool. After searching through racks and racks of pants, I vividly remember the moment I FINALLY was able to squeeze into my first jeans (they were black flares from Ross). I could barely get my thighs through the leg opening and my fingers turned white from trying so hard to push the silver button into the hole. But when the button went through and stayed in place, I was SO HAPPY! I didn’t care that my tummy rolled over the edges. THEY ZIPPED.

At home, there was a scale in every bathroom, even the guest bathroom, so it was a habit for me to know where I stood with my weight. I’d weigh myself everyday and my parents would ask me how much I weighed. Look, I don’t blame them at all because our parents grew up in an age where a lower weight and a lower BMI meant a fitter, healthier body. That’s what they were told. But now we know that this is not true. There is so much more to to it – there’s muscle mass, there’s bone density, and of course what really matters, fat percentage.

As you can see, at a young age, I learned that having a lower weight meant success. It meant fitting into my new jeans. It meant kids not making fun of me. It meant the doctor could finally say I’m at a healthy weight for my age.

Unfortunately, this thinking carried over into my adult life even after being at a healthy weight now for over 17 years. So now, when I gain weight, I equate it to being unsuccessful and all those feelings of sadness and humiliation arise again.

To deal with this, I haven’t stepped on the scale for over a month. And honestly, I don’t plan on stepping on it for a very long time. I don’t want to let this number control my confidence and my happiness. And so far, avoiding it all together has helped me a lot. It’s helped me focus on what actually matters – how great I feel in my clothes, how much longer I can run for, how much more weight I can lift, how low I can get in my splits, the tone that’s coming back to my frame, and having fun along this entire journey. I see progress and I feel progress. So I don’t want to shatter those positive feelings with a number that means nothing to me.

The goal is to one day be able to step on the scale, see the number, look at it 100% objectively, and move on with life.

I’m not there yet, but one day I will be. Until then, I’m going to keep doing my thing and loving life sans scale.

love-cassey-transparent-150px

The Conversation (112)

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  • Nathalie Tan says:

    Hi Cassey, your post relates so much to me. As a chubby Asian kid growing up with critical parents…i truly understand how you felt growing up feeling like you’re just not good/beautiful/smart enough. Worse when your friends are so much more cooler/prettier/intelligent than you.

    I’ve been going through some big changes in my life, starting with a new job that screwed up my previous routine. I’ve less energy and time to workout, and as a result I’ve put on weight. I feel disgusted with myself. I tried fasting, slow carb diet, eating clean, but I just have so much less energy and motivation :(( I struggle daily with depression, sugar addiction, binge eating… Sometimes I just want to end it all.

    But your posts and vlogs by Josie Mai really helped me so much. I just want to say I’m slowly learning to be more forgiving of myself, to just live my body regardless of how much I dislike what I see, to just live a day at a time. I’m still trying to find balance in my relationship with food and the motivation to be more active. But I’m taking baby steps…Thanks for being REAL and an inspiration to people like me. Keep on keeping on! ❤

  • Fafa says:

    I discovered your videos and blog a few days ago and I just love how bubbly, cheerful and honest you are. Not to mention beautiful. You’re not a “fake barbie”, you’re not superficial and it’s actually really good to know that fitness gurus are humans after all! Thank you for what you’re doing, you rock!

  • Necole Bluhm says:

    I’m glad you’re aware that it is psychological and that your past has a lot to do with it. I was in the same boat as you… still in the same boat. I avoid scales and focus on feeling. I remember a while back I had to get weighed in at the doctors office and freaked because it was the biggest number is saw for me. But truth is, I had gained a lot of muscle. I’m not a small build. Clothes felt good, I felt good, health was good; I was in the best shape ever! I have to tell myself that I’m ok and not let 3 numbers bother me. A doctor said to me once, “do you feel good/healthy? You’re fine if the answer is yes.” And I have moments like you do. It’s something we gotta push through. :)

  • sarah says:

    hi i am sarah and i am a muslim girl (not terroriste) just kiding first i have to say that my english is bad but plzzz read
    i realy love you cassey and i am a big fun of you also i do your workout , i feel sorry for all of you americain girls it seems weird but its true all the world think that my religion don’t respect wemen cause they dont have the right to wear nice cloth outside that shows her body and skin but we are confterbull we are not worrying if my butt look big or too small we all do look the same nothing is showing of your body so you are safe i am an athly and i have over weight friends they dont care about there size nobady will call her fat we dont care about love hundles or cellulite you know why we dont have a magazin how shows beauty standers to us also we dont have the right to see it in our religion to be confident and dont compare your self to beauty queens soo we feel good about ower bodies and weight, hir no women have a weight scale at home raaarly i feel realy sorry for you cassey you are perrrrrfect but you feel always you have to do more because of medias,,, and those how said that woemen have the right to show there bodies in my religion thats not allowed you know why because that destroys wemen look what you are going throw …but we have the right to be beautifull when i am at my home or with my husband i where shrt skirt i where make up like any girl i do it for me i dont have to show any one that i am beautifull i know that i am!! why i where make up when i go outside and nice cloth i dont have any thing to prove to the others and we all dont care we are free wemen all the medias shows us muslim women that we are suffuring but the fact is you are ! sorry but for us is so reuculious to weight your self every day i am realy greatfull to be in a good religion

    also we do workout but to be healthy not super skinney we do all actevities awer head scarf never been a problem we are free we are judjed of what is in ower brains not ower sizes we are not a number

  • Olivia says:

    You have never mentioned your childhood but now I can relate. I never knew. But look at you now! This is inspiring to know that if I try as hard as you did I can reach unbelievable goals.

  • Alexis Brownlee says:

    I have gone a year and a half without weighing myself! There was a period of my life when I would weigh myself every day and the number on the scale would determine my emotions of the day. I was on vacation with my best friend and her family (they are all very overweight, so they typically do not respond well to my “lesser” insecurities) and I did it. I weighed myself again, and I hated it. I had gained 20 lbs since I last had weighed myself, and the worst part was, they didn’t believe me and asked me to prove it, so I stood on one of those scales in super markets that you can pay to guess your weight, in front of everyone. It was humiliating and I haven’t weighed myself since. I am SO much happier now, and I have learned more about how happy I am with my body feels and looks, rather than the number! All the love in the world!! <3

  • Lisa Renee says:

    I needed that. Thanks! I weighed myself just yesterday and found that instead of the ‘Christmas weight’ coming off, I’d actually added to it! Shock horror! I was moody most of yesterday until I sweated some at the gym. I am actually the person who weighs in morning and night, and walk away feeling dejected when it either stays the same, or gets higher. So again, thank you for this post :)

  • Alina says:

    I love how raw and honest your posts are. It’s so encouraging to know that even someone like you has the same insecurities and fears as I do. Keep being awesome! You are such an inspiration <3

  • Christina says:

    I’m having a hard time because I have not weighed myself in maybe a month and a half… BUT all my clothes are tight. I tried on all my shorts recently and none of them fit. none. even the ones I just bought this past summer. I’m terrified when I think what that number must be. I keep going back and forth…should i step on that scale so I know where I am and can start to work to make it go down? or will it just destroy me to the point that i will stop eating meals, take laxatives, send myself into deep depression? (all things I have done) I dont know what to do honestly. Just thinking about seeing that number makes my anxiety explode. Thank you for sharing this. Knowing that this affects other people, especially people that I see as beautiful, perfect, powerful and generally FREAKING AWESOME (you) it makes me feel less alone and less of a damaged freak.

  • Aleks says:

    It’s a self imposed rule- and one my boyfriend is really happy with as well – but I’m not allowed to own a scale anymore. I used to step on it twice a day and that number became the most important value I held to myself. NO MORE! BLOGILATES ALL THE WAY!

  • Bernadette says:

    Cassey, you’re an inspiration and you’re beautiful! i used to be someone who would work out like once a month just to feel less like a bum, but with you, i HAPPILY workout everyday! its one of the best parts of my day and i feel so much stronger and happier than before. THANK YOU.

  • Elena says:

    I believe that one day you’re going to reach your goal to not care about it anymore, you’re such a strong woman, you can do it. Maybe it’s easier as well to just simply not standing on your scalet, and rather look into your mirror whrer you’ll find a beautiful, sporty woman instead of a number!
    love, elena

    outnaboutweb.wordpress.com

  • thefastedplant says:

    Now I know what the problem is or has been. I’ve been looking at pics of myself exactly a year apart and as much as there’s still a lot of work to do I feel the weight lost should be off the charts but alas, that dreaded scale says I lost only 16 lbs in 12 months. The photo comparison says I lost more. Well, I’m done with weigh ins for a while…. It’s a habit and one that is especially hard to break and yet I feel awful everytime I step off the scale… ?
    So glad someone said something, I’d like 2017 to be a year of positive vibes and not self torture… So thanks for the post. Definitely touched me.

  • GinnaV says:

    I feel a similar way when I step on the scale, even thought I KNOW what really matters is how I feel and how strong I am. I’m even more cognizant of the power of the scale now that I have a daughter. We have a scale in the home, but it is forbidden to be where anyone can see it (it actually belongs to my husband). I’m determined to help break the cycle with my daughter so I NEVER say negative things about my body. Period. Not just “not in front of her” because I NEED to believe it for her to believe it. I do pilates and run when and where she can see me and we talk a lot about nutrition and how to fuel our bodies and minds.

  • Eszter Nyári says:

    I have no scale at home, the last time I knew how much I weigh was at the age of 16 (?) at a doctor’s check in high school. Since then I have no idea. And I dont even care :D

  • Isabele says:

    I want to thank you so much for sharing this. This resonates with me. I am 18 and struggling with my weight, have been since I was 10. My goal is not a specific weight anymore, my goal is to be healthy and replace the unhealthy fat with muscle. But everytime I step on that scale at the doctors my heart just drops. I haven’t gained. But I haven’t lost when I thought I had. And I know that muscle weighs more than fat, it just doesn’t make it any easier. But with your videos, I have found that working out is a lot easier than being alone. So thank you ❤

  • Aeriana Hupp says:

    Cassey I can relate to this so much! I used to be bullied when I was younger for being chubby. I remember getting on a scale and seeing that number that ruined me for a long time that even made me stop eating because I was so tired of being the chubby unattractive girl. I would starve myself for days and keep checking the scale. As time went on I lost so much weight in such a short amount of time people began to noticed and grew concerned about my well being. I began to feel really fatigued and I was so obsessed with working out I had no energy to do it. Finally I broke down and told my family about my struggle and that I didn’t want this to be my life and control me. Now I am no where near perfect I still have urges to starve myself and get on that scale, but I choose to not torture myself and look at that number. Thanks to you you have made me so happy and confident with myself. You have to love yourself every step of the way,and for the longest time I didn’t know that. I now workout and try to eat clean because I want to feelgood and look good but I need to try and avoid the vanity because it wont get me very far. My point is is that you are stronger than you think and you are so much more than that number. It’s time for all of us to practice what we preach. It may not be easy but we are all here supporting you like you have been doing for us. Stay strong girl, you got this! We all do :)

  • Cassey, you’re so strong & some of your strength comes from being so vulnerable in front of so many people. Thx for being real & for loving what you do <3

  • Kaitlyn says:

    I had to get rid of it. I had to break it because I was killing myself over the number my scale showed me. I did have an eating disorder and it was very bad. But anyone who is so hurt and cursing themselves over a number should GET RID OF IT! I admire you so much cassey for sharing snd I’m in tears for you. You’re a very beautiful woman and I hope you will reach the day when you step on a scale and no matter what it says you will be like ” okay sure I love me and this body and the number is trash!”

  • Flor says:

    I feel so connected to this. I’va had problems with my image since i’m 13 (i’m 25 now) and I wouldn’t wear a bikini in summer because I felt so ashamed of my body. After 4 years of blogilates, this summer I felt beautiful, I felt confident and I went to swim in a bikini and felt great. But after somedays of wearing a bikini I simply step on the scale to confirm how great I was… and then I saw I was 6 pounds over my usual weight. I felt horrible, fat, I couldn’t wear a bikini any other day after that. I feel stupid, because my body didn’t change after the scale, my mind changed and I gave more importance to that stupid number than the way I felt and saw myself. If the problem is in my mind, I have to work harder on my mind than on my body, because my body it’s beautiful and healthy and strong, I just need my mind to be like that too. I personally prefer Cassey over any other fitness guru because she taught me that excercise is for happiness, not for looking like a victoria’s secret model. She changed my goals and I always loved that her body is natural, beautiful, changing and happy. I want a happy body in a happy mind, not an unreal body in a broken soul. We all deserve this.

  • Mayacook says:

    Thank you Cassey, I read this post a few days ago and this morning I decided to weigh myself, feeling that my jeans weren’t si tight and I might be 2 pounds less than last time….but I actually wasn’t. I weighed 108-110 for a few years and seem t be more around 112. The ridiculous thing is that being 5.3 feet, I’m far from being in a position to complain…YET….I definitively have to accept my body as it is and you are undoubtely helping me. THANKS!

  • […] Why The Scale Still Affects Me – I could relate to every word of this. Exactly why I broke up with the scale. […]

  • Thy says:

    I in the exact place you are in. After graduating college and starting my first full-time job, I also was 10 lbs heavier than my average. I had the same feelings of “you’re going past the allowed range” and found that the weight loss process was more difficult. I’ve always been a girl who could control her weight throughout college. If I gained 5 lbs, I could lose it in a month. I needed to gain muscles for sports, I gained weght for sports. Now I find that diet is my biggest enemy because I do strength and some cardio on a regular basis, but I eat like crap! Thank you for this post because I don’t feel so bad about going over the mark anymore. Love you, Cassey <3

  • Leda O. says:

    Thank you for writing this. I think lots of fitness bloggers say “don’t worry about the scale!” and ignore the fact that it affects SO many women, despite all the advice we get. Sometimes we have a goal in mind and the only way to empirically measure it is through weighing ourselves. It’s a part of life.

    Also, I can’t even begin to imagine what it must be like for you. I mean, when I gain a few pounds, the only people I have to judge me are my friends and family (who usually don’t notice, btw). But because you have such a following, and your “brand” is based on fitness, you’re subject to scrutiny from every angle. And it’s not fair. People sometimes forget that you’re a person, and you have your ups and downs too. Plus, one of the reasons why I love following you is because you’re not this naturally skinny/tiny woman who pushes fitness at us- there’s nothing wrong with other fitness bloggers who are naturally skinny, but I think a lot of readers will look at them and think that their body is possible to achieve. When most of it is just genetics.

    Thanks again for always being so honest on your blog, instagram, and social media!

    xoxo Leda

    littlegirlbiggerworld.blogspot.com

  • Erin says:

    What I hate the most is knowing that I am a healthy weight for my height and age (48 kg, 19 yo and 150 cm) but I still see so much fat when I look in the mirror :/ I’ve tried eating as healthy or as less as I can over my high school years and working out but nothing changed much so I’m happy and hoping that Blogilates will get me to that place where I can listen to people’s praises and love myself and the way I look :) Thank you Cassey x <3

  • moni says:

    Cassey the discount code in blogilates designs only gave me $10 dollars off of my total which is $30, wasnt my total supposed to be $15

  • Kat says:

    I didn’t own a scale for years because of how discouraging it felt to step on it. I fluctuate within 10 pounds constantly. But the important thing is that I feel healthy, happy and strong. And when I feel that way, I look that way as well. You look healthy, happy and strong in your videos and exert a great amount of confidence and kindness that has a strong influence on others who follow you.

  • molly says:

    I was an overweight child and was dealing with anorexia/bulimia by the time I was 12 and still have to be careful when I’m under stress that certain habits don’t creep back in (I’m 26 now). I’ve found eating a fair bit of protein, moderate carbs and low-moderate fat has really helped in combination with going to the gym and lifting heavy. You can’t throw more weight on the bar if your blood sugar is low from not eating and doesn’t work well if you eat processed sugar as it causes a crash. Don’t own a scale, don’t read women’s magazines and DO focus on building muscle. I know my weight fluctuates a lot even without owning a scale but remember this could be from a variety of factors. The only time you’re supposed to weigh yourself is in the morning before you eat, after you’ve had a bowel movement. If you weigh yourself in the middle of the day, you’re weighing food/excess liquid in your system. Our bodies retain water depending on carb consumption and the time of the month. Seriously, get rid of your scale. If you need to weigh yourself once in awhile, do it at a friend’s place or something. Don’t. Own. Scales.

  • Dea says:

    It is UNCANNY the way your posts always seem to hit home exactly when I read them. I am going through the exact same. Growing up with a flight attendant mom and a swimmer dad did a lot to my self-confidence and I was always seen as the fat kid. Working out and weight training got me my confidence and my feelings of how massively I’ve let myself (and to my mind, everyone else) down when I saw that number when I hadn’t been on a scale in months was confidence shattering.Thank you for keeping it real (as always) and for sharing what you are going through with us. You continue to be an inspiration, Cassey. All the best on your shoot! Excited to see the new POPFLEX collection!! <3 <3 <3

  • Leslie says:

    I’m so happy for you Cassey, your right, this number on a scale really shouldn’t define us or control our happiness. It’s been awhile since I been doing my calendar workouts, I admit. But know I feel a inspiration to start again. Not caring about how my body or weight is like.

  • Natalia says:

    I’ve been through the same thing too.I’ve always felt less than the others and I still do.Not because I don’t like myself phisically but because of my character. I’ve always been the one that gets good grades, never goes out and doen’t have friends…and it’s still like this.I don’t know where I go wrong and why people don’t like me but it’s another story.When I was in middle school one of my teachers started a project about food and calories and it was the beginning of my biggest problem: I was not skinny.I tryed to eat less, I was only doing abs, sometimes I went cycling and when I saw that I didn’t lose weight I just wanted to die and I kept telling myself that I was ugly and that was why people didn’t like me..
    Now I’m pretty fine with my body, I just hope to fix my character, relationships and friendships soon..most of the time I act like I didn’t care but it hurts anyway..

  • Rawan Krayem says:

    The scale only measures how much you weigh. Not how happy you are. Your happiness is measured based on other things. If the number on the scale matters to you, then you need to find a better way to judge your self

  • Tricia says:

    Your worth is determined by your kindness and willingness to do for others. By that measure Cassey, you are worth your weight in gold! You have made a positive impact on me and probably thousands of others by inspiring us to be healthy and by making working out fun. And don’t feel weird for wanting to lose weight or be thin. There’s nothing wrong with a little vanity, as long as you don’t let it rule your sense of self-worth. Make an ordered list of things you value in other people, i.e. kindness, selflessness, humor, patience… Then hold yourself to those standards.

  • Rachel says:

    I feel the same way Casey! I dont have a scale at my apartment but when I go home to my parents house the scale almost taunts me to step on it. And like you, while I feel stronger my weight has gone up 10 lbs. Its frustrating and confusing all at the same time. Thanks for keeping us in the loop with your experience; it makes me feel at ease to know others are also striving to regain mental balance after an eating disorder. I’m still not sure what I can do about my psyche but I try to focus on maintaining a steady workout regimen ?

  • Liz says:

    Cassey, I totally get this. I struggled with eating disorders, extreme exercise and unhealthy body image for while. Ive learnt to NEVER diet and never let exercise be the primary focus of my life. Oh and I haven’t stepped on a scale in like 2 years. Those things just don’t exist for me anymore. Happy that you shared. It’s good to be honest and encourage healthy attitudes about fitness, health and loving yourself.

  • moni says:

    what is BMI?

  • WayeAnn Hynek says:

    I know exactly how you feel because I feel the same way. I was heavy in my teen years. I loss alot of weight when I got a factory job. I was in my very best shape and lowest weight ever about 8 months after I had my daughter. Now, I had loss my factory job that I was at for 17 years, I developed hypothyroidism, hated my part-time job and then my Mom passed away. I now weigh 10-15 pounds more. This took about 3 years. The number on the scale still gets me though.

  • Cindy says:

    I really don’t care about scales. We don’t have one in our house and it says almost nothing about your body. I’m not a thin person, I have a chubby belly and.. yeah. I’m not perfect. But my weight is the same like a friend of mine, who is so thin and has (in my opinion) THE perfect body. So I don’t trust scales anymore :D
    Thank you for your honest and heartwarming post, I loved reading it. <3

  • Grace says:

    Cassey,
    Thank you so much for your words. I know that it must take a lot of courage, especially for someone in the fitness industry, to share these thoughts with the world. But please know that you are never alone, and by being honest you are touching so many people’s lives from all over who share these same thoughts. You are a beautiful soul and I admire you in so many ways, but mostly your ability to embrace your vulnerabilities. I myself am struggling with body image and fighting an eating disorder, and most of the time it feels like I will never be free from the scrutiny of my thoughts, from the scale, and from my reflection. But even when it feels like I’m surrounded by complete darkness, I find light in myself and in others, reminding myself that we are all love. Yes, life is hard. Yes, we all have our demons. But we all have light within us too, that cannot be extinguished by any number on a scale. Peace be with you always.

  • Marlene Marie says:

    It’s nice to know I’m not alone in this struggle. About 10 years ago I was 10 pounds heavier but not overweight for my size. I felt ok & my clothes fit. However, over the years, I have lost weight and at each new level, that has become my new “normal” weight. I still seem to have a “fat view” of myself. Part of which I attribute to having a lower belly pouch no matter how often I practice core exercises and follow blogilates exercises (which I have been doing faithfully over a year). I guess I should consider that for my age (60 next month) that I am in pretty good shape – better than at 25.
    Thank you, Casey, for being real.

  • moni says:

    when i was i was younger all the kids never used to play with me because i was so chubby but now i dont care what they think now im gonna be confident and be proud of how much ive worked to lose weight

  • moni says:

    i have to eat rice everyday but now i try to have less with a side of vegetables after my daily workout.
    i havent weighed myself in ages, im scared at the fact if im overweight

  • Olivia says:

    ❤️ to you Cassey for sharing this! It means so much to have a post like this out there that says the scale isn’t your end-all-be-all, especially with the proliferation of content out there that’s says things the other way. I have this same problem, even though I don’t own a scale and never really grew up having a scale around–the only time I ever know my weight is when a doctor weighs me, which of course makes the thing scarier. A few months ago (I’d gone almost six months without being weighed) I got on a scale and found i’d gone up around 10 pounds (which, for me, is a considerable amount.) it took a week of frenzy before I caught on that it probably had to do with working out a lot–I spent much of the summer working out nearly every day doing yoga and POP. And I realized it had to do with gaining muscle. So even though I’d gone back up to a weight I hadn’t hovered at in nearly three years, my body had considerably more muscle and was made up totally differently. And that number still had that power for a while. So it makes me so so happy to read an article like this and tuck it away as a reminder that this is hard even for someone I idolize as a healthy fitness instructor and the scale doesn’t measure anything but how much gravity wants to hug you (sorry writerspeak haha). So anyway, thank you for writing this ❤️?

  • nelherbie says:

    I used to have a similar problem. Them my dog peed on the scales and broke it so I haven’t weighed myself in about 2 years other than at the doctors office!

  • Tessa den Os says:

    Thanks for sharing, but I am not necessarily surprised by this (in a good way I guess..). You are in the spotlight for quite some time now and it usually has to do with being healthy, losing weight AND maintaining it, which is the hardest thing to do for most people in the world. If I look at models in the Victoria Secret Fashion shows, I know that they also start a few months before with eating extremely clean and I think you even told us about their habits before shows in a vlog. You, and other Youtubers can and usually are under some kind of pressure, because there is a certain demand from the public. I haven’t noticed you getting “bigger” and I’ve been following you for at least 5 years now.
    The thing I love about your videos (and I do mean ALL of them, the skits, vlogs and workoutvideos) is that they are SO REAL. I hate that some “youtubers” tried to take you down and also their fandoms. As far as i’m concerned I get the pressure and the fact that even you go through the horror of gaining and losing weight. It’s life! And you know what, sometimes you just need to cry and be sad and be unhappy. Being happy all the time isn’t necessarily a good thing, right? Everyone needs to vent, every now and again.
    Thanks to you and your vids i’ve maintained my weight for over 6 years now! I eat healthy, but I also enjoy cheatmeals and snacks. So thanks for sharing and give yourself a break! Just because you are in the spotlight doesn’t mean you should feel bad about gaining some weight and that things don’t Always go according to plan. I’m a teacher and my classes don’t Always work out the way I want them to… It sucks, I get sad and after a few days I get over it and come back even stronger and harder :).

  • Pauline Vincent says:

    Thank you so much for posting this Cassey.I have been sick and recovering since last year and with meds etc I am battling with my weight again.I too have gained.And I have been feeling so uncomfortable in my clothes that were fitting me nicely but now are on the snug side.I have been struggling with loss of confidence over whether I am even able to lose this weight.Which is unfounded doubt because I went from 120+ kgs to 67 kg in 3 years.But with my weight gain I am back in the 70’s unfortunately.So with my loss of confidence has come the struggle to get back on track because I keep thinking I have failed.So sad that we can see ourselves as a failure with just the number on the scale or the size of our clothing.But if we look at all we have achieved it is so amazing really.And not just our achievements with our body size.But our lives.Thanks again Cassey!

  • M says:

    I can totally relate to this. I’m also 29 and for most my adult like I always felt overweight, although I wasn’t really, just not that fit. When I look at older photos of me like 10 years ago I think (I looked awesome! Why was I always so ashamed of my body?) is just ridiculous… I don’t even own a scale at home because is such a prision… The other day I finally step on a scale after several months (6?) and I realized that healthy eating and regular light exercise got me my weight from 10 years ago! I lost 20 pounds over 7 months without even realizing it.. The important thing is being happy with our food and exercise routine and in no time we will start glowing inside out :)

    • M says:

      Plus, I’ve been doing your arm fat blast workout 3 x a week and the plie squat 2x a week and honestly, they WORK! Is awesome and I always am smiling while following your workouts! I find myself looking foward to my exercise hour and hear your uplifting voice :) Thank you so much Cassey*

  • rachael b says:

    Hey Cassey, thank you for sharing this because it is SO comforting to know that I’m not alone with this. For the past 3 years I’ve lived with an ED and had a scale define me down to 97 pounds. Despite the fact that everyone says it “really is just a number”, I can’t convince myself of that and it’s super hard. I feel the EXACT SAME WAY when I stay the same, lose weight or put on weight as you said and while this is a terrible thing for the both us and other people, it’s good to know I’m not the only one. Cassey you truly inspire me to get stronger and focus on loving my body the way it is and I really do hope you can take your own advice that you yell at me whenever I’m doing your videos :”) You are so so SO beautiful and you have millions of popsters along side of you to tell you this and keep you going. I hope one day we can both get past these stupid thoughts because at the end of the day, life should be spent happy and not worrying about something that won’t even matter when it’s over. LOVE YOU. STAY STRONG. FROM RACHAEL XX

  • Aurelie says:

    Dear sweet Cassey,
    from the first time I’ve seen you on youtube I loved you for one thing (well, several actualy) : your honesty. When I read you, I believe you. Thank you for being real.

    About your scale dilema, I so understand your history, your feelings, your tears, your pitty party and your thoughts pattern on that matter. Now I am happy that by the end of your article you said you don’t plan on stepping back on a scale in a long time! Why not never again?! Why not throw your scale away? I’ve read one comment only : the girl said she didn’t own a scale as a solution. Well you know what? I don’t either and I think it really is the best idea ever!

    I love your honesty and I consider myself honest too. But I didn’t start writing to tell you my story. I just wanted to encourage you (maybe urge you) to GET RID OF THAT SCALE OF YOURS. You don’t need it in your life. How about a future post where you explain how and why you threw it away?!! ???

    Now that I am at it, I’ll add a few words. I have pictured myself writing to you to thank you, but then I never really did it (my words won’t matter / everyone writes to you / you won’t see/read it / who am I that you would even care what I say…. the negative thought pattern clearly stopped me from writing, thinking it was pointless) Well, since I started with that scale topic, I want to take the time to say to you what I wanted to !

    I thank you every and each day for your energy, your good vibe, your smile, your strength (man you are strong! In my house we have that kind of talk “Cassey, c’est la meilleure” / “elle est trop forte” / “mais comment elle fait pour parler en même temps qu’elle fait ses exercices?!!!!”) your fun exercices, your videos : thank you Cassey ! Thanks to you I actualy enjoy working out and I have seen progress! Thanks to you my girl friends and I share a fitness group, thanks to you I was able to apreciate myself in my swimmingsuits this past summer, thanks to you my best friend was able to regain all the muscle lost after her knee surgery (and get rid of the extra weight gained while she was unable to move at home and layed in the sofa during months), she actualy is fitter than ever now, and yet she used to play football (soccer that is) for 15years! Thank you Cassey for everything you give to the world, and even if I am only one person in a crowd, not even living in the US (you might have guess it, my friends and I are Swiss and soeak french) well even if….. I hope you see and read this message !!!

    T H A N K Y O U !!! (and get that scale out of your life! It won’t deal with the whole dilema / I know! I know! / but it’ll help!)

    ???✈️???????
    (swiss kisses fly to you!)

    BE blessed!

    Aurelie

  • Thank you for sharing this Cassie! I look at people like you and just figure that you no longer deal with this kind of stuff because you look amazing and are so inspirational. But because you share this, I see that we’re all so much the same and dealing with the same issues. xoxo!

  • Ali says:

    I love this post so much, Casey ? Thank you for sharing. The struggle is real for all of us women whether we want to admit it or not.

  • Sydney Pinchbeck says:

    I solve this problem by not owning a scale. I don’t have one and I plan on never owning one. I let my body tell me where I’m at. I got chubby during my first year in Korea because I was eating 10x the amount of rice per day than I had been back in Canada, and surprise rice makes me fat!? All the new jeans I had bought before coming to Korea were getting harder to wiggle into, I was getting muffin top when I wore them and I could barely do them up. That’s when I decided to make changes; cutting back how much rice I eat, being more conscious about what I eat but still letting myself eat that cake or have a Big Mac every once in a while. I started running even though I HATE anything cardio related, and found Blogilates and started to do the work outs a few times a week. Now a year later those pants fit perfectly fine and I feel stronger (or did until I recently had to take a 2 week break because I got a tattoo and had to let it heal). I’m fit and healthy, I don’t give a damn what my weight is!

  • Ni says:

    ? I totally agree. But I feel like I can never look at the scale objectively. And it will take me a long time to get there. So I’ve vowed to only step on a scale if it’s for a health checkup. And never take photos unless I really need to. It’s just to prevent me from self hating and blaming myself. I’ll just keep exercising and eating clean and forget something called the scale exist. I hate it when Facebook shows me photos from 5 years ago though… I don’t want to be reminded I was once skinny!!

    But I must say thank you to Cassie for letting us know that it’s normal to go through all these emotions! Maybe one day I’ll be forthcoming abt stepping on the scale!

  • Amber says:

    I’ve never had a scale, never grew up with one, and don’t ever plan on getting one.I’m usually very fit, and I think I have a healthy relationship with my body because I don’t do numbers (on the scale or in the form of calories). If I did, I would slack off at my “ideal” number, and freak out at my “not so ideal” number (whatever those are). One thing that concerns me about this article is that Cassey, you don’t plan to get rid of the scale? “The goal is to one day be able to step on the scale, see the number, look at it 100% objectively, and move on…” I personally don’t believe you can have a healthy relationship with a scale any more than you can with smoking cigarettes “in moderation”. If a scale had this much of a hold on me, my first order of business would be to throw it out and never buy another one again. Concentrate on the physical capabilities you have, not the psychologically detrimental numbers. you could fall right off the wagon again, eventually.

    • blogilates says:

      Haha well I need it to weigh luggages before I get on international flights.

      • chrissy says:

        Actually, you don’t. There is a device that is not a body weight scale who does the check your luggage weight thing. :D Check amazon for instance for Digital Hanging Luggage Scale, they work!! Keep up your great work, be Cassey, i.e. be strong and inspiring! <3

  • Jessie says:

    Cassey, I can completely relate, having grown up in a family that values a low number on a scale as if it is an important achievement in life. After struggling for years with disordered eating and exercise obsession, I finally built up the courage to throw out my scale. I will not let it dictate the kind of day I have or how worthy I feel at any given moment. It was the most liberating (and slightly scary) thing I could do. You should try it! I ask the nurse to please not tell me how much I weigh. I exercise daily and eat very healthily. I have a young daughter (and two sons) who need to know their worth has nothing to do with their size. I still struggle daily, but it is people like YOU who make exercise fun and encouraging, that inspire me to make positive steps. You are gorgeous, radiant, and more importantly, you are inspiring and changing people’s lives for the better each day. Stay strong, stay positive, and keep spreading your message of strength and exercising for health, not a number.

  • DJ says:

    Thank you I needed that post after stepping on the scales. I too have the bad habit of equating my worth to the number on the scale. Thank you very much for this post. This has helped me.

  • Love Yourself. says:

    Wow… it’s amazing to see another part of you Cassey. I feel so much more connected to you now, I feel like you really are just like everyone else! Cassey, I do the same. I think weight is a HUGE deal if I gain it. If someone else did- who cares. Like why does this number control us and our happieness? I only step on scales when I go to the doctor now. Stepping on the scale was just a huge fear that I would FORCE myself to face ever day. It was so bad. But I started barely eating much of anything, and I felt so tired, droopy, and angry. I went to a doctor and talked about why I was tired. I just needed to eat more. I ate more, stopped stepping on the scale- and now? I feel so good. Of course I do still dislike my body somedays, just like everyone else. But overall, I feel soooo much better. Love ya Cassey. <3 :)

  • Megan Williams says:

    Thank you SO MUCH for sharing this! It could not have come at a better time for me. I have struggled with an ED for 12 years now and over the past 3-ish years I have gained a lot of weight (for me). Due to my history, I avoid scales at all costs and today I had a doctors appointment. Usually, when I go to the doctor, I turn around or just look down when I get weighed, so I don’t see my weight. I did that today; however, the nurse wrote my weight down on a piece of paper and put it in plain view for me to see. I glanced down and there it was. It is the most I have probably ever weighed in my entire life and it crushed me. And the hardest part is that I haven’t been trying to gain weight and I haven’t even been letting myself enjoy whatever food I want. I’ve been eating for the most part just like I was when I was 20 pounds lighter. It is so frustrating! I wish that a stupid number on a scale did not have so much control over my happiness. Thank you for reminding me of that!

    • blogilates says:

      Yea isn’t weird how this number can control us? But if we are aware, then we can do something about it. Don’t worry about that number though…it’s just a number…and does not define everything about you!!! I’m working on it too.

      • Megan Williams says:

        Thank you for responding! It is so silly that a number can have such an affect on us sometimes. I try to focus on the strength I have gained and think about it as getting stronger, but it can be hard sometimes. Thank you again for always being so inspiring and promoting body positivity! ?

  • Hana says:

    Hey Cassey, I’m so thankfull for you sharing this. I’m in the exact same place. I also grew up with the feeling that I was fat (were we even??). In highschool I always felt like all my girlfriends were so much more beautiful. I never felt beautiful. Two years ago I started to lose weight. I ate clean, maybe if I think about it I didn’t ate enough. But it helped. It was the first time I lost weight, like 13kg in 10 months. I felt soooo good and sooo happy that I decided that I would never feel and be like before. But the problem is I got that scale fever too. The ‘good’ thing is I’m studying in Japan for 6 months (I normally live in Belgium) and I don’t have any scale here. But I’m already so so so scared for when I’ll be back for a week around Christmas. I know I’m going to step on it. The food is different, and soo good. I eat a lot more sweets here, but the food contains almost no added fat (no oil no butter), so I don’t know if I gained weight.
    You know, It’s is mostly because of you that I started working out and eating clean (I always loved sports but it just didn’t work without restricting; I started blogilates 5 years ago but only lost weight 2 years ago). The hardest part is behind us. We did lose weight. And we both know (and other girls too) that we are good were we are. Our bodies will change over the years and so will the numbers. So the only thing that has to change is the way we think. We’ll get there together. All the popsters together.
    I hope you will get back to eating what you want. You have to become in a place were you are in peace with food. Eating clean is a good thing. But we only live once. I don’t mean you have to go to Mac donald, but you get me.
    YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL, DO NOT EVER FORGET THAT. You are the most inspiring person I have ever ‘met’ in my life. You make me laugh everyday. And I know I’m not the only one. I hope you know that we love you and we don’t care at all how much you weigh. Xxxx

    • blogilates says:

      Awwwww. I love what you said about “the only thing we need to change is the way we think.” That is it.

  • Thanks so much for sharing this story Cassey. How long do you think you’re doing this kickstart clean eating thing?

  • Eloise says:

    Cassey, the only scale that should be affecting you is THE SCALE OF AWESOME, cuz you’re tipping that one off the charts!

    I haven’t weighed myself for a long time, all I use to measure progress is how much effort I’m putting in with exercising and eating clean and occasionally how my clothes fit.

  • Michelle S. says:

    Love you girl. Thank you for your honesty and candidness always. And I have so many observations about what previous generations “passed on” regarding weight, weight loss, etc. Like you said, not to blame, but just a recognition of that mindset and weighing (no pun!) it against (1) science, but more importantly, (2) emotional and physical health. As a culture and society I truly hope we can “pass on” some freeing truths about all of this. You’re part of the dialogue… We all are! Thanks for making it public & ok to talk about! Love, Michelle S.

  • Heather says:

    what about if you were blind and couldn’t see the number or what you looked like in the mirror? or deaf and couldn’t hear the number told to you? what if you get to be 99 years old at your “ideal” weight and oops die anyway? what then? who cares about a number? are you energetic? happy? able to do what you want to do when you want to do it? then you’re okay…be happy and content with that. i am in no way trying to say your fear isn’t real. just trying to put some perspective on the matter. best wishes and lots of love

  • B. says:

    Hi Cassey! I think you’re making a wonderful decision to not step on the scale, especially since it started off in the first place due to what you had gone through in your childhood. It’s always a good thing to want to bring your weight down to a healthy range, but the way you started using the scale was the result of all the negative reactions you had been receiving due to how you looked. Not using the scale for a while, or learning to use it sparsely, will definitely be healthier and more beneficial. ♡

    But I have an inquiry that I’m not sure if it’s been asked yet … I just wanted to know: ever since starting Blogilates and/or ever since Blogilates has blown up to be well-known and well-appreciated … has anyone that had bullied you in the past approach you to apologize or to somehow make amends with you? Or perhaps friends that you’d lost touch with or had fallouts with? I’m not sure if that’s too personal of a question or not, so you’re definitely not obligated to answer if you feel uncomfortable!

    Cheers from Canada. ♥

  • Rebecca says:

    Thanks for the post. It’s reassuring (in a sad way) to see that no matter your shape or size, every woman (and maybe man) is insecure.

    Personally I’m with some of the other posters, and only get weighed at the doctor’s once a year (and promptly forget about the number). I figure as long as I feel healthy and my clothes still fit, it’s all good.

    I’m in favour of “scale avoidance”. If you don’t need to (for a specific purpose), don’t get weighed, but think about how you feel and whether your clothes feel loose/right/tight.

    Good luck everyone.

  • Leah L says:

    I don’t weigh myself except for when I go to the doctor. I go by how I feel and look. I recently started seeing my muscle tone coming through on my stomach and I was so excited. I have health problems and got set back. Everything faded and still feel a bit weaker but, it has taught me something important. Life is full of ups and downs. It’s just about how we make the most of it. Just be patient. I used to have scale problems too. Progress comes slowly. You can do it Cassey! Love you! <3

  • Mucachayowo says:

    Wow. It feels good that I’am not the only one who thinks of the scale like a judge. I hate the feeling that a number controls my mood for the next few days. I have a similiar story to yours. Always been chubby, with 17 loosing 15 kg, after moving out at home gaining everything. But you are right. Its all psychology. When I’am doing sports and eating healthy for myself and for the good feeling, I love it. When I’am doing it to fit in the societys picture of beauty, my motivation just stays for a few days. So I try my best and feeling good. Thank you for your cherishing words! :*

  • moni says:

    cassey my total bill came upto $30 on the blogilates designs and i used the discount but it only gave me $10 off the total, wasnt i supposed to get $15 off?

  • Jessie says:

    Great post! I had a very similar experience and have since stopped stepping on the scale. Even when I visit the doctor, I ask them to not tell me, and face away from the number. Sometimes the nurses will look at me funny, one even said I shouldn’t have anything to worry about, that I am too small to be afraid. I had to tell her that it wasn’t about the number, just that no matter what it was, I would be unhappy and I know I am healthy, strong, active, etc.

  • Hannah says:

    Thanks for writing this, Cassey! The timing is eerie, as it coincides with an identical experience I recently had with a scale. Your piece strengthens my resolve to tear my focus away from weight or the thinness ideal that lays waste to so many girls’ sense of confidence, beauty, and value.

    I spent a month climbing and trekking in the Everest region of Nepal, secretly basking in the fact that I was shedding pounds even though I missed my strength and cardio routines at home. But this experience is what we train for! Two weeks in, I was hit with debilitating illness and ulcers in one of the most remote areas I could have possibly been and a day before a major climb; the episode nearly ended my trip. It was excruciatingly painful and I lost most of my muscle mass. But my condition stabilized and I finished that pass and the rest of my trip as planned. Flying back to the States, I realized that my diet there had not been friendly to my body. Thinking I had lost weight, I had actually gained 10 pounds…not in areas where it is particularly flattering. The realization was shattering. I feel like I lost the body and strength that I had trained for so long to attain and enjoy. But now, I have the privilege of challenging that image of myself and what was clearly an unhealthy obsession with that body and the silly overtraining I committed to in order to keep it.

    Wish me luck! I’m aiming for a far more sustainable fitness regimen (involving your videos!), a better balance between fitness and my other passions, and a healthy image of myself that has little to do with my shape or weight. Thanks, Cassey :)

  • Victoria says:

    Thank you Cassey. Thank you. I needed to read this today. I’m right there with you girl. We can get through the rest of the year together! <3

  • Tatjana says:

    I haven’t stepped on the scale in years, in fact, I don’t have one anymore. Whenever I leave my hometown I start losing weight (this summer I lost 10pounds in a week without even trying, stuffing myself with pasta, red meat, cheese and pastry but I was in one of my fav cities abroad!). Obviously, my hometown doesn’t agree with me but I can’t afford to move right now. I also have extra tissue on my lower belly from the uterine cancer surgery and my goal is to stay healthy and feel good as long as possible. So forget the scale-if clothes look better on you and you are glowing, that’s it! Stay healthy!

  • Eloise says:

    youre such an inspiration cassie and i hope you can one day step on those scales and it not bring up those thoughts from when you were a child. Either way i still love waking up and working out with you every morning and youve literally helped me turn my life around!

    weighing yourself can have so many concerning effects which is why i always say to my friends and family its better to focus on living a healthy lifestyle and your body fat percentage over the scales.

    http://www.thewhimsicalwildling.com/

  • Barb McLaughlin says:

    Thank you for being so honest. I am right there with you with the scale! Not sure why. I’m also a personal trainer and fitness instructor and I “know better” but for some reason I feel exactly the same way about the scale as you do. Thanks for sharing!!!

  • Mandy says:

    Thank you for sharing this & being honest with us, it really helps to know we’re not alone. You inspire us & together we can all try to not let a number control us :)
    PS : remember you’re not a chubby kid whose is making fun of anymore, but a strong woman inspiring others :)

  • Julia says:

    Thank you so much for that post,it means a lot..<3

  • Avina says:

    Please guys, your physique is not everything. You are so much more.
    Exercise because you love it, eat what you like and live your life!
    Focus on how you FEEL rather than your looks. It is important that you feel good and not just look the way society tells us we have to look to be worthy and loved.
    You are amazing NOW just as you are and the scale or your fat percentage does not say anything about the beautiful person that you are ❤

  • Marie says:

    #CasseyBooteyMadeofSTEEL! It is clearly impossible to stay in top shape every day every week and every month of your life it goes up and down, but to be clear even your “low weeks” are for most of us an ideal we are working out for. You look so wonderful and beautifuly strong. Mix of pocahontas and mulan, did they let a scale or the opinions of other influence them ? NO!
    I cry at least once every day that i work out WITH you, not because it hurts ( and you know it does ) but simply because you are helping me through a rough patch and you dont know it but you are my best friend right now.

    Casey you are amazingly fit and beautiful, the scale might go up sometimes because you decidedto enjoy yourswelf and have dessert ! GREAT, i hope you enjoyed every last bit of it !

  • Jakki McCann says:

    And this is why we need to measure body fat/muscle etc. You look healthy, not even close to fluffy. On the spectrum, as long as you’re happy where you are with what you see and what your strengths are, there’s nothing more powerful than that :)

  • Susanne says:

    It Makes me sad to Assume that you were That unhappy because of the number ob your scales. Because you are the Most beautifully classy Woman I Clan Imagine!!!!
    No matter your Weight :)
    Love

  • Adeliina says:

    <3 I feel your struggle, I have similar problems. It's so difficult to truly understand that the scale tells nothing about your health. Nothing! It's just a number.
    I have lost some weight recently but I look worse than half a year ago. Why? Because I lost mostly muscle mass. And yet I am afraid of gaining that weight back :/

  • Steph says:

    Very honest post, and something a lot of people struggle with for sure. If I have a scale around I get on it almost obsessively. Now I just use a tape measure which I found to be far more helpful for maintaining healthy self-talk, but i now want to even only do that maybe once a month. As someone who has a history of an unhealthy relationship with food and with body image, I encourage you to consider starting to see someone if you aren’t or never have. Particularly with a problem that began so young, there’s a lot to unpack. I encourage the same for everyone and it’s a goal for myself too, when I a financially able. Seeing someone doesn’t make you a failure, and sometimes you think you’re fine now…until the next trigger.

  • Daeaye says:

    Thank you for sharing this. The scales do control too many peoples’ attention.
    Having said that, given how many factors affect the number on the scales, as you pointed out – and don’t also forget ‘time of the month’ – would it not be best to just throw them out? There’s no way YOU of all people are ever going to be overweight, not with how aware of everything you are. You know how to work out, you know how to eat, and even relaxing a little for a month or so is never going to set YOU back that far unless you actually throw everything you know away – which I don’t think you ever could, because it’s a very clear passion of yours.
    Fit of clothes matters most, but perhaps a more accurate measurement would be to simply replace the scales with the tape measure? Or use fat calipers? I never would because I feel that’s degrading, even if it is the most accurate measurement of body fat – but then, is stepping on the scales with a mind of “is it good or bad” rather than “I wonder what the number is” degrading, too?

    Just a thought. I never, ever use my scales. My boyfriend does once in a blue moon – he felt he was gaining a little weight (I couldn’t see it) and, using what I learned in my own weightloss, including from you, I was able to put together a simple and non-intimidating workout for him and a year later, he got on the scales and found he’d lost 10kg (as well as gained muscle mass which the scales are obviously not telling). That’s the kind of spacing I suppose you want when it comes to stepping on the scales. Because in healthy people like us, the scales aren’t worth what they’re made of.

    Kim x
    ABlackbirdsEpiphany.co.uk

  • petravosahlova says:

    Cassey, thank you very much for this story, because this is the situation I went through this Sunday. I was feeling so fine about myself, how my thighs, butt and belly look, how I look in my clothes.. but I decided to step on the scale after a looong time. Because I was just a curious about that number, you know… I was SO shocked by what it showed me… It was nearly 5kg more than I was used to. Than it came to me.. I was just laying on my bed, the tears in my eyes and feeling SO misserable.. In my head were the thoughts how I screwed it all up, how fat I am and I have to start doing more for losing those “extra” kilos.. Today I still feel disappointed by myself, but it helped me to know I’m not the only one.. And that these feelings can reach anyone – even someone as fit, great and nice as you! Thank you for sharing this story and keep being so gorgeous and possitive as you are! ….I will definitely keep the distance from that evil machine for next time! Petra xoxo

  • Angela Edwards says:

    I think this is great Cassey! I too was bullied for my size, and I am perhaps more active in some ways than I was in college ( running half marathons instead of 5ks). I feel that I am stronger and more toned, but it’s a hard battle in the mind to realize there is one of you, and you cannot say someone else’s success is your failure. I cannot say that someone else’s physique is what I should do for my own body. I only get weighed when I go to the doctor. I too am at a point where I know I would not be able to look at one without feeling personal shame for the numbers. What matters to me is that I know I can out run just about anybody who I used to know, and I am the only one in my entire family that is paying this much attention to eating and training.

  • Emily Hardin says:

    Thanks so much for being real with us! I totally understand the scale thing. I’ve been really getting stricter about my diet and working out lately purely for my mental health (and I wouldn’t mind tightening up, not gonna lie) and when I weighed myself last month I was the heaviest I’ve ever been. I think most of that is muscle and not fat, and I’m definitely not less healthy than I was three months ago or six months ago, so the higher number shocked me. I made the decision then and there to not weigh myself again for a very very long time. Basically what I’m trying to say is I get you, and thank you for being real and honest always <3 xxx

  • Priyanka Menon says:

    Namaste from India,

    Cassey thank you so much for starting Pop Pilates.. For being so honest and for inspiring us to work harder. I am so glad I found you..

    One quick question coz I am new to the blogilates community.. I wanted to know whether it’s ok to work out barefoot..

    Much Love
    Priyanka.

    • Pamela says:

      It’s ok to work out barefoot. In many of her videos, Cassey is barefoot.

  • Ally says:

    I love you because you keep it real. I am tired of hearing sermon after sermon about how being thin is not everything while their entire feed consists of them showing their abs or other women, all one kind of physique. (lean, tiny waist, long legs, etc) You know, be real. It is there, let’s talk about how we all struggle with these feelings? Maybe how we overcome it, not pretend it isn’t even there.

  • Sarah says:

    I can totally relate to you cassey. I am still struggling a little with my self-confidence as far as the number on the scale is concerned. But just know that you have worked hard and a number does not quantify your successes thus far. You have launched your own clothing line and have become one of the best pilates instructors in the world and have changed the lives of so many (including me hehe). I hope one day you’ll see yourself the way your subscribers see you. You’re an amazing lady and you deserve to be happy :)

  • tazkattoo says:

    This blog almost exactly mirrored my response to scales until 10 years ago when I decided to get rid of the offending item (like a desk sets scales are aerodynamic and want to fly). I realized that the number was an extreme trigger for me to “give up” then comfort eat and then gain more weight. When I got rid of the scale and started concentrating on being healthy with non-weight goals (e.g. lift 5kg more on a bench press or run more than a mile), that is when I finally started to lose weight and keep it off. Lifestyle and not a number on an infernal machine. From the responses so far it seems like this feeling is common. Good luck on the photo shoot!

    PS I really did make the scale fly; it was quite cathartic. =)

  • Mia Baybayan says:

    Cassey, you are such an amazing and honest person, and one of the most inspiring people I’ve ever followed on social media. You are also one of the strongest, which inspired me to start my fitness journey!

    I feel this exact way, whenever I weigh myself or have a not so clean meal. But the up side to this is that I’m stronger and can physically do more than I’ve ever done before, which was why I began my fitness journey with you.

    Thanks for being you, and for inspiring me to love myself, regardless of the number on the scale. Hope we get to meet some day!

  • Laura says:

    Cassey, you’re gorgeous, you’re super successful, you’re smart and you’re fun. I hope one day soon you won’t make it so hard for yourself anymore! I totally get it – I do it too, we’ve been told our entire lives that our weights matter more than our brains, our actions, our words. But it’s not true. And especially at this time, the world being what it is, hopefully we can start at least enjoying the easier parts of life, enjoying good food, being proud of our bodies, and fight for what really matters! You’ve got sooooooo much energy and creativity – please don’t waste it on the damn scale. And you know what – even if you don’t meet your weight deadline, the photo shoot would be still just as pretty. Love! X

    • blogilates says:

      Thank you!!! I didn’t put a weight goal in place, only a vague muscle tone goal! Haha. I feel good, it’s just that I can’t step on the scale without being AFRAID!!!

  • […] force over the years as I’ve gotten better and STAYED better from disordered eating. In fact, her post just today was a great reminder to me as I set out on this journey to not get too fixated on the number on the […]

  • The Girl with the Green Apple says:

    CASSEY. Thanks for being so open and real. Hugs to you, because you are SO not alone in feeling this way! For the record, I genuinely think you look fantastic. But even more importantly, you are an incredible person. You’ve been a huge help to me personally as I too am trying to straighten out my emotions and beliefs when it comes to food and exercise. Make sure you “weigh” all the amazingness you are inside along with remembering how gorgeous and strong you are.

  • Roya Anvar says:

    This is something that I’ve always been able to relate to. I use MyFitnessPal to track my eating/exercise habits. I also use it to track my weight. Every Monday when I get on the scale, I dread the possible weight gain. I drink detox tea the day before just to be prepared. I hate the scale, but the more I use it and make it into a habit, the less daunting it becomes. Thanks for the relatable article. :)

  • Kimora Chanel says:

    Man I can and do relate to you and the scale in the same way. In fact, if I gain even a pound it’s often times that sense of defeat that makes me stop working out until I can get over the fact that the number on the scale does not define the way I see and feel about myself (which can take anywhere from a week to three months in mu case ?). So funny that you share this experience today and I stumble upon it, I literally just wrote something similar to this post on my blog, and what you have written here, that journey and the goal to not let the scale control you, that’s the goal I’m aiming at. And if you can get there then I know I can as well.

  • Debra says:

    At my annual wellness check my doctor told me I gained 8 pounds! When I told her I have been weight lifting for almost two years she smiled and said I was bulking up and we moved on. ;o)

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