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Hey Cassey,

I have taken to committing to my health both mentally and physically. I definitely feel guilty about one cheat meal or snack even though 90% of my diet is healthy. The problem is my partner can eat whatever he wants and he never seems to have a problem with weight. He puts on 5 pounds he loses 12, it’s so frustrating when I am fighting tooth and nail for the 1lb mark. And his diet won’t be as healthy as mine, and his mindset is, I can eat what I want when I want and burn it off later. What can I do so that I don’t resent him, and also so that I’m not so hard on myself?

Sincerely,

Resentful

Hey Resentful,

So funny story. Sam and I have actually been through this EXACT same thing. A few years back, we decided to do the Whole30 challenge together. It was basically just an elimination diet for 30 days, so we ate the same things and worked out together. We were literally doing the same thing. And at first, it was fun!

And then we started tracking our results, and it wasn’t so fun anymore.

He saw results pretty much immediately, while I was just over here looking the same. Sure, we both felt great! But that didn’t make it easier to see him getting those physical results that I wasn’t seeing. After the 30 days, Sam lost TEN pounds. I mayyyyybe lost a few. It made me feel like I was doing something wrong, or there was just something wrong with my body. Even though we were doing the same thing! It was so discouraging. I did some digging to find answers.

And guess what?

Men DO lose weight faster than women. It’s an actual scientific fact! Here are some reasons why:

  • They have more muscle mass, so they burn more calories at rest. Why do they have more muscle mass? Testosterone. They have about 10x more than women!
  • Women have estrogen, which makes it a little harder to lose weight. Why? This hormone literally reduces our ability to burn energy after eating.
  • Women have boobs, butts, and overall more body fat. About 6-11% more, to be exact. We need extra fat to bear children, so that’s just how our bodies were designed!
  • Women are more likely to emotionally eat. Annnnd I can totally relate. According to some research at Brookhaven National Laboratory, men are just more capable of “turning off” their cravings.

So take that right there and understand that you are not doing anything wrong. There is nothing wrong with your body, or my body or any woman’s body! It just doesn’t make sense to compare ourselves to men when it comes to weight loss.

But how long do men win the “weight loss race?” 

Well, there was a study published in the British Journal of Nutrition that put groups of men and women on popular diets like Atkins, Slimfast and Weight Watchers. The men actually lost 3x as much body fat and TWICE as much weight as women.

But here’s where it gets interesting.

Men were really losing weight at a faster rate for the first couple of months. However, at the 6 month mark, the results started to even out!

SO, stay consistent and know that men might have an edge in the beginning. But over time, you’ll get your results!

So now that you understand the science behind why men lose weight differently than women, maybe you won’t feel quite as resentful towards your partner.

At the end of the day, your journey is a separate personal experience. Even if you embark on that journey “together!” Comparing your results to his is just all around unfair, especially if it makes you feel bad. It’s much better to:

  • Be consistent
  • Find the joy in your journey
  • Root each other on!

You’ll feel less stressed, you’ll both have more fun, and you’ll get to your goals. Just give yourself time and HAVE FUN! 

I hope these tips help you!

If you have advice for Resentful, leave ’em in the comments!

PS – If you have a burning question you want to ask me, I’m taking questions via text at 510-692-4556. Currently this only works for US and Canada. If you’re outside of those countries, you can leave a question below.

The Conversation (15)

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  • Jenny says:

    Hi Cassey❤️

    First of all, i want to say that i really love to watch all your routines on instagram & tiktok✨ i really really wanted to have a consistent mindset to exercise everyday.. but.. this one thing always bother me that- i dont know why i always feel like i’d get bulky if i do too much exercise :( i read somewhere on the internet that certain exercise coud lead us (girls) be more bulkier than ever. I’m confused right now :(

    Sincerely,
    Your forever admirer❤️

  • Anamika says:

    No matter how hard I try I am still fat and my husband always asks me to reduce .I don’t know what to do is it correct for your life partner or a closed one to comment and criticize your body.

  • Nice article. keep sharing.

  • Alexandra says:

    This was an interesting post, thank you!

  • Sigrid says:

    It might also be because ALL the research on diets and fitness is done on MEN? :) Not considering that women work on cycles might make a huge impact when we “hack” our life (rutines, foods, fitness) to be “best” in scientific terms which MIGHT mean best for men and not necessarily women which are often excluded from research.

  • Hannah says:

    Hi Cassey! I started following you back in March and your workouts are the best!! Thank you for everything. I’ve been working out regularly for 10+ years, but your videos have gotten me in really great shape during quarantine. I think my body might be the most strong and toned it’s been since high school cross country.
    I wish you would bring the focus back to working out instead of cutting calories. I don’t know what experience your other followers are having, but the constant talk about calories, bloating, and losing weight isn’t something that I personally can read about without feeling mentally unhealthy. I hope at some point you will start posting less about weight loss.

  • Bloated and Blue says:

    Dear Cassey,
    I have struggled with bloating for about 3-4 years and is still struggling till today. It is really frustrating for me to get the motivation to workout and exercise or even get out of bed to face my day ahead. I am lactose intolerant, and even after going lactose free, sudden bursts of extreme bloat seem to crash on me at sudden times of the day. I have watched my diet and never seem to find anything unusual.

    Since these 3-4 years, I have now even FORGOTTEN what its like to have a normal stomach, as I’m never really not bloated, and it just depends if I’m a little bloated or extremely bloated. I lose the motivation to workout, or even sometimes can’t as I will then feel nauseous and sick afterwards. I often overthink when I get out of bed, terrified of the day ahead and thinking if I will blow up today.

    I’ve already reached out to doctors but I still haven’t found a cure! And I just wonder if sometimes I will need to live bloated my whole life…

    Sincerely,
    Bloated and Blue :(

  • Controlled Kid says:

    Dear Cassey,
    I’m a junior in high school and I obviously live with my parents, how do I diet when I have to follow their schedules aka breakfast at time x, dinner at time y, burger night on fridays, and those things…. I tend to follow my diet plan, then ruin it when my mom MAKES me eat something she made. Help me please! How am I supposed to follow my diet when my parents ruin my plans?
    Controlled Kid(not so)

    • blogilates says:

      Such a good question!! Maybe talk with your parents about how you want to start incorporating certain foods more (whatever that is for you – certain veggies, etc.). And then offer to go grocery shopping with them to help pick it out! Or offer to make dinner a few nights a week, etc. I think if you can turn it into a family activity and help prep and cook the meals you want to have more of, they’ll be more on board to understanding why you want to change up your food choices!

      Also, if they do burger night on Fridays, let them know that you want to do protein-style burger without the bun since you really want to try upping your veggie intake. Stay vocal and involved – you got this!

  • Men don’t have to deal with giving birth or periods. Sometimes I just wish I was a guy.

    • blogilates says:

      It’s mind-blowing, right?!! But it also shows how strong and incredible women’s bodies are!

  • Katie says:

    you wonderful Cassey ,just wanna say dat

  • Jill says:

    I love the me time I am getting with these workouts. I am a wife, mom of two (1 just started online school), and a nurse among other roles. After my second child I didn’t lose any pregnancy weight and intact gained. I have been really disappointed with not losing weight or fitting my clothes better. It has been three months of daily workouts. I don’t eat horribly. But I feel like a failure and don’t want to see my doc again cause I’ll only have gain to show her. Somehow, when I am feeling my worst though, Cassey, you have a message that just gets to me and keeps me going. Thank you.

  • Johanna says:

    It is frustrating, but I try to remember that it’s just that women’s bodies are naturally more “fuel efficient,” like you said. But it’s nice to know that I can catch up in the long run!

  • Tanya says:

    Dear Cassey,
    I struggled with bulimia for about a 1,5 years. Today I can happily say that I am “clean” for about a year. However, I still struggle with working out. I always used to love working out and I have been following and your videos for as long as I can remember. I always had a great relationship with sports. The problem is, that during struggling with an eating disorder I started treating any physical activity as only a way to burn calories and lose weight. I was never comfortable with my own body, but now I understand I have to work out for the sake of loving it, not just for wanting to lose weight and change myself. How can I start loving workouts and sport again and not fall on that path of getting the workout in just to burn the calories?
    Thank you,
    Trying To Love What I Used To

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