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Last night I went to bed at 2am and today I woke up at 5:45am. Work has been extremely busy, and right now it’s just one of those season’s where I need to GRIND IT OUT. In addition to planning and designing new POPFLEX collections (omg some super cool stuff is on it’s way!!!), we’re slowly remodeling our Blogi HQ!

Back in February, I made a deposit for some new security gates to be made for our building – but the contractor kept making excuses like “I broke my finger”, “I’m in the hospital”, “My wife is in the hospital”, “My kids are sick”, “I’m sick”, “My mom’s sick”, “I’m going out of the country”…for weeks on weeks on weeks. I kept believing him, giving him the benefit of the doubt, but then, after a few months of this…I just felt really stupid for allowing myself to be led on. He kept promising he’d come next week, I’d wait, and he would never show up. He’d never pick up his phone calls and wouldn’t answer his texts. I cannot tell you HOW frustrated I felt and HOW cheated I felt. Sam – the more zen one between us – was like, just let it go. Think of it as a lesson.

ARRGHGHGHGHHHH!!!!!! I just felt constipated in my SOUL.

The worst part was, he was a referral from a trusted person. I never checked his Yelp reviews…until after the excuses started coming in. And guess what? He had a 1 and a half star.

*bangs head on desk*

Anyway, last week he decided to just straight up show up outta nowhere (on our work from home day) and demand the rest of his money…7 months later…for doing half the job. You know what, I could sit here and complain all I want, but the truth is, I’m just glad we have (half) our gates. I never thought they would ever come!!! (Don’t worry, we didn’t end up paying full price…but he did put up a fight.)

After the gates were installed, I felt this super heavy weight get lifted off my body. FINALLY I could flow again. I had been WAITING for the gates to get installed so that we could repaint the building! Immediately, I went to Lowes and looked at all of the color cards. The warm, peachy colors were calling to me so I ended up choosing Apricot Jam!

I am so lucky I was able to find a well rated painter to come and take this job this week. Things usually don’t come together this quickly. Especially not in my experience with contractors. I am also grateful because other things in my life and in my business have begun to oddly flow better as of recently. I don’t know what it is – but I think it has something to do with being honest with myself. Honesty hurts sometimes. And it can make you feel really really insecure and vulnerable, but I think it is so healthy to be there for a moment. Or else you end up living a life of delusion, wondering why things didn’t work out.

This blog has been so therapeutic for me, because I don’t try to be someone bigger than I am – which is kind of the game that “influencers” play on social media. I’m really sick of that whole scene. I prefer to be here, on my blog, just being me, doing my thing, figuring stuff out.

Anyway – life right now may be imbalanced, but at the same time, it’s in harmony. Sometimes I feel like my life is this chaotically choreographed dance. I’m spinning and leaping and bending every which way. No one knows what my next move is, sometimes not even me! But that next step is so important because if I don’t plant myself with confidence, everything will crash. And guys, I’ve crashed SO MANY TIMES. One day I’ll tell you guys about the things that cut me, but not yet. I’m just glad that my resilience has allowed me to get up and keep on dancing – bruises, cuts, and all :)

DAY 19 RECAP:

I left my Fit Journal at home (oops!), so no picture for today! Regardless, we’ll head right into breakfast.

So, I think I will need to begin cutting out dairy slowly in order for my progress to continue…but since I bought it already, I need to eat it! For breakfast, I made cottage cheese with blubes. You guys, the cottage cheese from Trader Joe’s is very mehhhh. I don’t like it! In fact, I despised it so much that I made Sam finish the creation above. Haha.

Pre-lunch snack was pepperjack cheese with thai chili almonds. YUM. This is actually such a fantastic combo.

Lunch was an ahi tuna salad from Tender Greens. As you’ve probably noticed by now, I eat a lot of the same stuff. I mean, why mess with perfection!!??

My sister came over and surprised me with this keto blueberry smoothie! Even though I was full, I downed it anyway. Honestly, I drink my calories way too fast. I downed this guy in like 5 minutes!!!

Was feeling ravenous so had some cashews post lunch and pre dinner.

We knew it was going to be a late night at the office, so Sam and I Postmated our dinner. I ate a slice of brisket with collared greens. On the side I had my mini bell peppers with homemade baba ganoush.

I am so sad to tell you that this time my baba ganoush does not taste as good!!! :*( OMG and I have so much to get through. The first time I used Chinese eggplants (long lighter purple ones) and this time I used the regular kind (black ones, more round). That has to be why.

Anyway, that’s my recap! Today my stomach feels less bloated so I think I’m getting back on track!

The Conversation (41)

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  • 7kayce says:

    Hey Cassie! I’m just catching up on your blog. I haven’t been following because aside from my own personal issues, I did grow tired of you. I feel like you did go the route of an influencer and just felt like you weren’t the same person. But somehow you came up on my radar and I started reading from the beginning of your 90 day journey and I love it so much! I can feel how happy and motivated you are and it’s rubbing off on me! I’m so proud of you for pushing through the criticism and being your true self. I can’t imagine the pressure you get from being in the spotlight. Unfortunately now’s not the best time to start changing my diet and working out because I’m 9 months pregnant! However, I’ve been focusing on making meals at home and working on my self care. I look forward to working out with you again as soon as I can! Just thank you for doing this at just the right time. Get it 💕

  • Saraahx says:

    Can’t wait for the new Popflex collections, ahhhh!!!! :D
    That dumbass of a contractor should be ashamed of himself for not doing his job and giving lame excuses. 7 months is an awful amount of time :O The “I felt constipated in my soul” made me laugh, I think I’ll be using it from now on.
    I really like the coral peach but the apricot jam is a nice color too. WOW, the part about being honest with yourself hit me on a high, deep level. Well said! It honestly makes me so happy how you got up and danced anyway

  • JT says:

    I think now that trusted person who referred the contractor is not so trusted anymore? Hahaha

  • CLego says:

    I love your blog and you are seriously motivating! Thank you! AND hey, if you don’t like the baba ganoush – THROW IT OUT! No one will shame you for it and if they do that’s their problem! I have also learned the same life lesson the hard way just like you did: NEVER, EVER, EVER, EVER, PAY A CONTRACTOR UP FRONT! The reputable ones will NEVER ask you for money up front! I my experience without fail ~ that’s a sure sign they have a bad business. As my dad always says, you get what you pay for and reputable contractors with legit – established businesses that are licensed and insured (another life lesson learned – always ask to see and make a picture of those) will charge a bit more but you know the work will get done. Their established reputation depends on it!

    • CLego says:

      Also, check through your Chamber of Commerce for reputable contractor (members) and check the Better Business Bureau too. It never hurts to be diligent.

    • blogilates says:

      Ugh! Now I know!!! #adulting

  • I’ve felt so much less constipated cutting out dairy! And talk about emotional constipation with stress…its a real thing.

  • DisneyPrincessPopster says:

    I feel better knowing I’m not the only one who downs my drinks in minutes. CANNOT grasp the concept of people who sip! It’s as if they don’t want to drink it!

  • killmotion says:

    I am very quick at drinking my smoothies; I definitely need to slow down, too.

  • Caroline C says:

    ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS check a contractors license number on CSLB!!! Always make sure their license number is valid!! The contractor licensing board will be your best friend when dealing with contractors and will save you major headaches. Love reading your posts, Cassey! <3

  • Diane says:

    OMG cannot wait for the new POPFLEX stuff to come out :D !! Hope you can take a few moments to take care of yourself during those buzy days <3

  • Diane says:

    OMG cannot wait for the new POPFLEX stuff to come out :D !! Hope you can take a few moments to take care of yourself during those buzy days <3

  • Lily says:

    Do you wear an apple watch or other fitness tracker? I was wondering if steps or calories or closing your rings were some numbers you look at.

  • Camille says:

    you have no idea how much your 90 day journey is inspiring me <3

  • Lacey says:

    Don’t work yourself too hard! Get some sleep girl!!! That aside, I am super pumped to see the next POPFLEX collection!!!!

  • Ella says:

    Lack of sleep leads to higher levels of the stress hormone cortisol. Excess cortisol stimulates glucose production, and the excess glucose is converted and stored as fat. If you don’t get enough sleep, you’re inhibiting your progress!

  • Nnewiam says:

    I’ve always been told NOT to snack between meals..? If you’re hungry (and not dehydrated, usually people confuse need for water and need for food, and end up eating when they need to drink), maybe try to eat more for breakfast, lunch and dinner? :) Whenever I feel my salad or my meal won’t be enough, I just add… an egg, super easy and super filling, and LOADS of protein for your keto meals!! :D Anyway, I’d recommend quitting snacks, especially nuts and dairy… these have a lot of calories.

    • Laura says:

      Yes! This is my opinion too. Snacking it doesn’t help. And those are not fresh nuts, they have salt and flavors.

  • magdav21 says:

    Hey! I love your work, but i am kinda worried about you, you really should rest more

  • Julie says:

    Totally no judgement here, but I think I read somewhere that cashews are among the higher carb nuts, so if you are going for reducing carbs, you are better off eating macadamia nuts or even almonds.

  • megan says:

    don’t forget sleep is super important for weight loss and just for overall health!! take care of yourself <3

  • jtjones5525 says:

    Im glad you’re going to be slowly cutting dairy out, you’ll feel so much better! I have noticed a big change in my bloating just from removing dairy. Also I’ve been using your September calendar and yesterday while doing the ABC 2.0 abs I was laughing so hard at your costumes ideas! The folks in the gym were probably looking at me like I was crazy. Any way, appreciate all your hard work and love your positive attitude… Much better then any other fitness youtuber I’ve seen. Today’s a trail run for me so I’ll be skipping your September calendar and opt for a post run stretching video of yours!

  • Jo says:

    Hi Cassey,
    I love your videos and they have helped me throughout the years.
    I guess the one thing you probably already know is that chronic stress and lack of sleep greatly impede fat loss so perhaps delegating tasks to your amazing team will help with your imbalances.

    Keep on working hard and know your community for the most part supports you!

    Jo

  • Jacqueline says:

    Thanks again for sharing this! I swear I feel like I’m seeing a reflection of myself right now! I’m drowning between a high demanding job with students, my graduate school work, managing my health goals, and being supportive to everyone around me is really catching up to me :( but like you said, it’s a chaotic dance that we figure out how to choreograph. I am keeping positive by sticking to repeating the 100 ab challenge! Also, be careful with drinking calories, especially quickly; too much air in your belly causes bloating. But the nuts and cheese sound amazing!! And that salad!!!!! It reminds me of the nicoşe salad I tried at Disneyland recently!

  • Saeyoung Choi says:

    Sorry, I went on a whole rant about myself, and I was hoping to delete the comment, but that doesn’t seem to be an available feature.
    Regardless, I just wanted to congratulate you for managing to quickly hop back on track! I’m hoping that I can use your strength to motivate myself. And maybe someday, I’ll be able to look at the number of the scale the way you do. You’re truly an inspiration!
    And stay strong, there are some questionable folk out there who’ll want the good stuff without working for it. I’m glad you fought back!

  • Saeyoung Choi says:

    I’m just here to vent about my own progress. So unlike Cassey, I’m still not at that point where I can comfortably look at the scale without letting it significantly impact what I’m going to be eating for the next week, so when this whole 90 day thing started and I joined in on it, I decided to not use a scale. I decided to eat a little less in hopes of losing some weight, but mainly, I decided to eat clean to feel better. And I think that’s fine. Not all of us have reached the point in which we can comfortably look at our weight and consider it a mere data point, and that’s fine. Not all of us are ready to launch a full-scale diet, and again, that’s fine. We’re all on our own separate journeys, and some of us have advanced further than others.
    But that’s no what I’m here to talk about. I’m here to talk about how I was doing just fine until 3 days ago. As soon as the clock hit 12 a.m., I would find myself looking through the pantry and fridge, trying to satiate this unexplained hunger. Now I’m not one for counting calories, but in under 30 minutes, I’d somehow have consumed somewhere from 2,000 to 3,000 calories. And I would feel terrible, both physically and mentally. I thought it may have been because I’m not feeding myself enough in the morning, so my body makes up for it at night time, but no. I haven’t lost any weight as far as I’m concerned. All of my clothing fits me the same. I still look the same, so it can’t be that I’m eating too little. Now that I think about it, it’s kind of odd. I know results don’t come quick, but over 2 weeks have passed of me trying to eat healthier, low-calorie foods, but I’m not seeing any results.
    So! I used a scale this morning. I told myself I wouldn’t, but I did. I genuinely wanted to see if my weight was actually the same as it had been the last time I had went to visit my family doctor. I was only in my underwear, and I had made sure not to eat or drink anything for hours prior to get accurate results. And I was shocked to see that I had somehow gained weight. 2.6 Kg to be exact. It’s only been 5 weeks since my last weigh in, which I was actually fully dressed and fed in. Basically, I need help. I don’t know what I’m doing wrong. I don’t want to count calories. I have this odd inability to control my urge to just not eat when it comes to calories, so I don’t want anything to do with that stuff…So, what do I do?

    • Nadine says:

      I feel you. I have the same problem, I manage to get through a day eating clean and then I suddenly empty a bag of chips and ice cream.
      What helped me was to try not to think about eating that much. I started working out daily with the monthly calendar from Cassey so I would build up muscles. Then slowly (!) I started replacing breakfast with healthy alternatives I liked, then lunch and so on. I also spend more time in university, to get out of the place I normally would binge. It really helped to focus on one thing at a time, I didn’t see any progress in the first two weeks, but now my body slowly starts to change. I feel stronger (I can do a few push ups now!) And my skin got better (less bumpy legs 😁).
      I think after 4 weeks I lost a kilogram weight, but the rest is so much better, maybe when I figure out the best diet (not in terms of kalories, but food) for me, I see more change here.
      Anyway, I wish you the best and please, don’t think about failing too much (I did and stopped several times), think about what you can do right now and make the best out of it! Give yourself time, years of unhealthy living can’t be changed in two weeks ❤

      • Saeyoung Choi says:

        Thank you so much for your concern! And that last sentence speaks so much truth. Maybe I’ve been pushing this whole ‘clean eating’ thing too far and too fast. I guess I should give myself time and slowly transition to healthy eating, because I’m clearly getting nowhere doing this.
        Again, thanks! I hope you continue with your amazing progress!

    • Jane says:

      Hi Saeyoung! I don’t really comment usually but I saw this and thought I would offer my 2 cents! I’m thinking that the weight gain could be due to water retention over 1) eating late at night, 2) binging on (I presume) unhealthy food which might contain a lot of sodium! So don’t beat yourself up over this weight gain at a single point in time. I am also in on this journey, but along with dietary changes, I am including PIIT28 as an exercise as well! Are you exercising along with eating healthier? If not, maybe exercising would help :) Additionally, don’t push yourself too hard when it comes to meals during day time! It’s easier to relapse at night when you’re not feeding yourself well. So you can eat cleaner, but don’t eat unappetising food! It really helps for me to eat healthier food that I still enjoy (e.g. Natural peanut butter). Most importantly, don’t be discouraged by this mini setback! You know what they say – it takes 4 weeks for you to notice a change and 8 weeks for your friends to notice! Rooting for you :)

      • Saeyoung Choi says:

        Thanks for your input. I genuinely hope the weight gain is merely water retention. And as for exercise, I’m a university student, and though I try my best to follow up with the Blogilates monthly calendar, I find myself exercising no more than 3 times a week, for like, 30 minutes a day. I don’t like sleeping any less than 7 hours a night, so between, school, homework, friends, and sleep, my time is somewhat limited when it comes to physical activity. I can’t exactly do anything too noisy that may include jumping and speedy movements considering my residence, so PIIT28 and HIIT aren’t my scene either.
        However, there’s one thing that you mentioned that struck a chord in me. I’m going to be honest here, so far, I’ve noticed that eating clean kind of tastes bland. So maybe the problem is my inability to find both delicious and healthy foods. I’ve been so into the idea of eating clean, I’ve been kinda’ been sticking to foods that I know I don’t enjoy – at least not on their own. I’ll try following some of the ‘Cheap Clean Eats’ recipes. I’ll also look into other food items I can add to my dishes to help spice things up while staying healthy.
        Thank you so much for the advice! It really helped!
        And I hope your journey ends successfully!

      • Saeyoung Choi says:

        Also, no need to call me using Saeyoung. Both my first and last name are extremely common, so I’d rather people call me Sae, since it kind of gives me a sense of individuality.

        • Jane says:

          Thank you Sae! :) I hope you make good progress as well! Oooh and I only weigh myself every Monday :)

  • Lindsay N. says:

    Congratulations on the progress for Blogi HQ! That’s so exciting for you guys! You will have to share pictures once the building is painted.

    Love the wallpaper you chose for the home office.

    Keep up with your goals, Cassey! You’re doing fantastic and so inspiring to all of us. I’ve followed you for almost 8 years – your Cheap Clean Eats Series got me through my Early twenties! Now I’m a new mom and Pop Pilates is helping me get my pre-pregnancy strength and endurance back! Thank you for being dedicated to having a healthy lifestyle. Your website, calendars, and YouTube videos are SO helpful for people like me who can’t make it to the gym.

  • Alexis says:

    Maybe mix in a spice or veggie that tastes similar to the Chinese eggplant? Also, I LOVE collard greens! A big staple in the African-American culture. We even eat it with black eyed peas on NYE to bring in good fortune.

  • Anniek den Toom says:

    What s that saying from the indonesian medicine man in eat pray love? I believe it s something like, losing balance everyone now and again for love (and things your passionate about) is part of living a balanced life :) I just tell myself that ;)

  • deepika says:

    Its nice that you are honest and spoke about how you felt and let go.

  • AnitaMaja says:

    I told my beat friend about your blog today and how you helped me find my “why.” She asked for details about you that I knew! Because both you and she are detail people!
    I had a terrific day today. Pretty hungry, but I didn’t eat any “junk,” just cherries and avocado and summer squash sautéed in hot oil with onions and garlic.
    Today my goals are ripe for the picking!

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