September 22, 2011|
Sad about how my last post came off as Eating Disordered
So this is going to be a feeling post. A really long one.
I get scared when I write feeling posts because when I just say or type what I am honestly feeling I tend to get a lot of mail saying how I should censor what I say. Or take a step back and ask myself if I problem. Or how I am being disrespectful to someone. Or someone’s higher being. (“Don’t say OMG!”)
I’m not feeling so great right now. In fact, I am tearing up as I write this.
I don’t mean to attack anyone in this post, ok? Just wanna say that off the bat. I love you all. But below are my thoughts on some recent “attacks” that made me really sad:
I’ve just had a lot on my mind lately, reading some comments (on here,facebook, youtube, twitter) and as hard as I try not to, I take them personally. Very personally. I care about what you guys think. You shape me to be a better blogger but sometimes it’s hard for me to hear some things. Especially when it’s a callout that doesn’t align with my healthy living philosophy. The heathy philosophies that I work hard to cultivate daily and share with you all.
I feel like recently there’s been a lot of ED talk going on. How my Inner Thigh Gap printable workout should have been named better. How it could have triggered someone. How checking progress in the mirror is ED’d. How my definition of healthy is really just being skinny as possible. How I am just obsessed with working out and that’s all I do.
Then there’s the food attacks. You shouldn’t eat dairy. You shouldn’t eat soy. What’s wrong with meat? Why are you drinking so much water? Peanuts are really bad for you. Only ignorant people use Splenda. How dare you share this information with people.
Let’s not forget that some people think I’m fat. Others yell that I want to tone up. My hairs too long. I should cut it. Why teach a butt workout when you don’t have a butt. Is your arm broken? Your makeup is horrible.
The physical comments hurt, but not nearly to the degree that food attacks and ED-related stuff can sting.
On addressing the food comments: First of all, I am not a licensed nutritionist or registered dietician. I don’t know everything. I read books. I read articles. I read blogs. I try my best to gather information as accurately as possible before I say something. I am learning new things every day.
For the record, I am NOT on some crazy low cal diet that is comprised of whey protein and miracle noodles only. And I do not advocate eating as little calories as possible! How much do I eat a day? Probably somewhere around1800 calories. That’s probably a lot more than what a lot of you trying to lose weight are eating. It’s a balance of fats, carbs, and proteins mostly from whole, natural, and unprocessed foods. I eat to workout hard to build muscle to burn fat.
On addressing the workout obsession comments: Second of all, working out is not the only thing I do. Yes and I love it and that’s really all I talk about on here because it’s a fitness blog. I think you all come here to maybe get a little motivation, find a new workout, and get tips on how to work towards your dream body? Right? I feel comfortable giving fitness tips because I am a fitness professional. I don’t get attacks in this arena but I get irked when it comes off as me being obsessive.
I don’t write about my designing, my friends, my love life, my affinity for dogs, dancing, and trivia nights because it’s not what you come here for. Or do you?
I was really sad and upset when I read that someone felt that my thoughts were eating disordered and that my definition of healthy was being skinny. It was like a bullet to the heart. My blog is ABOUT healthy living. I try MY BEST to be a good healthy living blogger…and (sigh)…the message that I hope gets across is that being healthy means being strong and fit to do the things you love.
You know how sometimes you THINK something and you know it totally WRONG or POLITICALLY INCORRECT but you’re totally aware of it? To me it’s ok to have those thoughts once in a while. I mean who’s mind is pristine all the time? Well the problems begin when you decide to share those thoughts. It’s even worse when you share them publicly. I guess that was the problem with my mirror-checking habit from yesterday’s post on motivation. I know it sounds crazy but I shared anyway because I thought it’d be relatable to other women.
On addressing my desire to tone up: I am aware of what I eat and how I workout because YES I AM trying to lose fat. And I’m serious about it. I’ve got to be if I want results. If I were at maintenance I wouldn’t be so critical. But why Cassey are you trying to lose weight?
I said this before, but you new ones may not have read it. I‘ve always been in control of my life. My grades. My passions. My entrepreneurial ventures. I’ve always been able to figure out the tricks and the formulas. But there’s one thing that I couldn’t really figure out how to get a hold of. And that’s my body.I’m not saying I hate my body or that it’s not good enough. I’m saying that I want to figure out the formula for me. The formula that will allow me to know what works for me and what doesn’t. I’m still writing the equation.
I like challenges and I like achieving goals. I’m considered healthy and fit by most people that see me. So why not stop there? I must have a body image disorder. Why not just be happy with where I am now? I must have major psychological insecurities. I am a perfectionist and an over-achiever at heart. It’s a bad thing sometimes. But it’s helped me push harder and harder in life and do things I never thought I could do.
It’s no different with my physical activity and my body. Maybe I want to compete in a fitness bikini competition one day. Not to win or anything. Just to do it. Much like how I ran my first half marathon to try something new, but not to get a medal. I wanna know how to get there. I just wanna do it. It’s not a goal for a lot of people, but I’ve considered it. I admire the ladies who can lift super heavy and show up the men in the weight room. All I want is to be able to know how to get there. Then I can share with you guys what I learned.
Man, I don’t even know what I just wrote. Just a lot of bla bla bla.
Bottom line – I hope that through watching my videos and doing my workouts, you get that I am about balanced health and fitness. If it doesn’t come off as that, well wow, I must have an ED I didn’t even know about.
Anyway, I genuinely wanna thank all of you who did write me, comment, and call out any of the above mentions. Even though it hurts to hear those things, you took your time to share with me your thoughts and I APPRECIATE THAT. It means you’re paying attention where maybe I didn’t. You make me more aware of my blogger responsibility.
This blog and community are one big conversation. Open forum. Always speak up. I love reading your comments. Even if it makes me cry.
Thanks and love you all. Going to bed now.
Thoughts for me?