Dear Cassey: How do I stop caring about what other people think?

Hi Cassey!

My freshman year of high school, this girl (a former friend) always told me to stop eating sugar because I’ll get “fat.” I don’t care about what I look like as long as I am healthy, but her judgment has stuck with me all these years and I still think about what she said to me every time I eat something “unhealthy.” Now, I let everything people say about me get under my skin. I value everyone’s opinion of me too much because I don’t want to disappoint them. This is very tiring to me as I want to be able to be me, but I don’t want to be judged. I don’t want someone’s opinion of me and my lifestyle to bother me this much, but I don’t know how to change my mindset. How can I live my life while not caring about what others think of me? How can I start to feel more confident in my own skin without seeking validation from others first?


Needing Some Confidence

yellow rubber ducks on a blue background odd one out

Hey Needing Some Confidence,

Wow. Isn’t it crazy that comments from an old friend so long ago have made such an impression on your confidence?! It just goes to show that even if it seems like our words are just words, they’re really not. Those words actually shape the image we have of ourselves…if we let them. And guess what? You’re not going to let them anymore.

Obviously that friend wasn’t the ideal, supportive bestie that you deserve. So my first piece of advice is to make sure you’re surrounding yourself with people who will support your values and lifestyle. You can’t build your confidence and live without fear of judgment if you’re still surrounded with judgy people. Choose your tribe wisely, and don’t be afraid to ask for support – like you’re doing right now! 🙂

Next, do some work to shed the negative image you have of yourself. Journal or make a list about things you’re good at and what you love most about yourself. And don’t be humble. Write it ALL down and read it daily. No one knows you better than you, right? So own those qualities! Then, write down your insecurities. That little voice inside that criticizes you is LOUD. Write down everything that inner critic says that makes you doubt yourself. Next time you feel those thoughts creeping up, you’ll be able to better control those thoughts and meet them with positivity.

It’s super important to remember that people are always going to have opinions. And that’s okay! What I’ve learned is that the people who really like to push their negative judginess on others are usually struggling with confidence themselves. They just resort to dragging others down. Are those the people you want influencing your decisions? Nope. Didn’t think so.

So come to terms with the fact that those people aren’t going anywhere, and focus your energy on how YOU look at yourself. Then, you’ll be able to breeze on by those opinions without batting an eyelash.

My FAVORITE thing to do that makes me feel more confident is to work on myself. Any time I learn something new, set a new goal for my workouts, try a new hobby, or anything like that, I just feel great. When you invest time and energy into yourself, confidence is always the reward. You’ll always grow when you take on a challenge!

I hope this gets a little fire going in you to let go of what other people think and start living YOUR life the way you want to. It may take time, but I’ve learned that small, intentional changes make the biggest difference in my confidence. They will for yours, too!

PS – If you have a burning question you want to ask me, I’m taking questions via text at 510-692-4556. Currently this only works for US and Canada. If you’re outside of those countries, you can leave a question below.

12 thoughts on “Dear Cassey: How do I stop caring about what other people think?”

There are 12 comments posted by our users.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

  1. wordle today says:

    With the exception of my family, I generally don’t care what other people think about me. I value their judgment and endorsement greatly. Frequently more than it ought to. I wish I could simply disregard some of their pointless remarks, but I am unable to. For the rest of my life, I will have to continue working on this.

  2. nerdle says:

    If you care too much about what other people think, it can be overwhelming and cause anxiety. When you’re constantly worrying about how others perceive you, it can put a lot of pressure on you.

  3. maahi says:

    Dear cassey
    Hii I am a teenage girl and have been really wanting to lose weight like I’m not obese or fat but I just want to. I’m trying really trying to have a flat stomach and thinner thighs but I dont why nothing seems to work. Can u please suggest anything I reduce in my diet or any workouts to achieve the same. Thanks and pleaseeeee do reply. Love uuu

  4. Luna says:

    How do I surround myself with positive people when everyone- family, friends, teachers- is so negative. Maybe not all of them to me but to themselves.

  5. Rita Schaff says:

    I just wanted to thank you for these posts! They helped me a lot, just when I actually needed confidence to continue my fitness journey! <3 <3

  6. Cherry says:

    Yeah people can majorly hurt sometimes. I had a person make fun of me on CHRISTMAS EVE becuase i ate dessert. They told me i would get fat and were super negative. That really hurt. Like majorly ruined my day. BUT DO YOU KNOW WHAT?? My worth isn’t in how much sugar i eat and yours isnt either. Girl i know this hurts but you dont have to feel guilty. A little sugar is not bad and you shouldn’t feel bad about it. You are special beautiful and never forget it. I have a feeling that friend was feeling bad about themselves. If not in regard to their weight with something. YOU ARENT ALONE!!

  7. Diana T. says:

    Hi, dear Cassey!
    I truly love your work everywhere: on the blog, on YouTube and so on ♥️
    I got a burning question though:
    What steps do you follow when it comes to big decisions? (For example: being in the last year of high school and juggling between your passions and obligations…I know it’s all about prioritizing)

  8. Lim Hui Wen says:

    Love yourself and know that you are good enough for yourself. Others’ thoughts and comments of you are just blips of energy in their brains. It’s very easy to just open our mouths and pass a cursory comment, they will probably forget what they have said a minute later, why do we have to remember? Stay strong! You do you. 🙂

  9. Medinita2 says:

    For the most part I don’t care what other people think about me with the exception of my relatives. Their opinion and approval means a lot to me. More than it should a lot of times. I wish, I could just ignore some of their useless comments but I can’t. This is the thing I will have to keep working on for the rest of my life 😔

    1. Marie says:

      Most of the things that are worth your time take effort and time! If you want to work on something, congratulate yourself on working on a thing that you aren’t the greatest on, that shows that your are striving for a better version of yourself. Great job!

  10. I love how you mentioned about not being HUMBLE. YES! BRAG AWAY! OWN IT!