March 3, 2021
My best friend has been fat shaming me for quite a while, and while I love her a lot her remarks have been getting on my confidence lately. She isn’t stopping even though I’ve told her it bothers me. What do I do?
Dear Hurt Bestie,
Wow. It’s so hurtful when someone close to you makes you feel less confident about yourself. It’s stressful and it makes you feel alone.
Friends, especially BEST friends, are supposed to lift you up and encourage your confidence to shine! Not make you feel insecure about your body.
I’m thinking it’s time to have serious chat with your friend, so you can either work through this or reevaluate your friendship. Even if she thinks her comments are well-intended, they’re hurting you. She needs to know about it!
I know you said you asked her to stop before. What kind of conversation was it? Did you lightly mention it and brush it off, or did you make it clear that you want the comments to stop? If you were light about it, it’s time to be firm now. I know confrontation is uncomfortable, even when it’s your bestie. But this is a big deal. If you don’t talk it out and get on the same page, it’s only going to get worse. And who knows, maybe there’s more to her side of the story. Maybe she’s feeling insecure about something, or maybe she has something tough going on in her life. I’m not saying this would make her comments okay, but she could need this talk just as much as you do.
If you’re nervous that she still won’t change, that’s on her. Not you. You’re not required to tolerate ANY kind of shaming just because she’s your best friend. A true friend should be building your confidence, not bringing it down! In this situation, your job is to tell her how you’re feeling. Her job is to listen and make a change. This is just how any healthy relationship works! If she minimizes your feelings, accuses you of blowing it out of proportion, or isn’t willing to change, I’m thinking it’s time for a break.
I want you to know that I hear you, and your feelings are 100% valid. There’s a good chance that your friend doesn’t realize how hurtful her words are, so just tell her! But if the shaming continues, take care of yourself and surround yourself with people who bring out your best self.
PS – If you have a burning question you want to ask me, leave your questions below! I may answer it in an upcoming Dear Cassey post!