Are Your Friends Making You Fat?
Are Your Friends Making You Fat?
Ditch them!
Just kidding.
But what I do want you to do is take a moment to write down the names of the 5 people that you spend the most time with and are the closest with. Now after you’ve done that, tell me if they are positive or negative influences in your life. Studies have shown that the 5 people you are most in touch with usually are a direct reflection of your own personality and habits.
Hopefully those 5 people are all generally positive people (physically, mentally, spiritually), or else you seriously have some some “friend” clean up to do. Alright, now let’s take a look at their health and fitness habits. Do they align with yours? Can you call up one of these people and be like “Hey, let’s do some Pilates after work today!” or do you constantly have to explain “No, really, I shouldn’t have that drink…please don’t tempt me.”
A lot of us on this health and fitness journey are not lucky enough to have a supportive family or group of friends who get what we’re doing. Even though being fit and eating clean is becoming more and more main stream, not everyone really “gets it.”
You know what they don’t get? That every time they say, “Oh it’s only a piece of cake!” or “C’mon, it’s not like you’ll gain weight if you just have this ONE slice of pizza,” or “What do you need to lose weight for?” they are being unsupportive and disrespectful of your goals, making the journey THAT MUCH HARDER. Sometimes these comments can come from a place of hatred, like jealousy, but I personally think that most of the time it comes from a place of blind love and ignorance.
Families will always try to feed you because food = love. Home-cooked food = love x 1 million. So I understand when mom says “Eat more, eat more!” It’s ok at the once-in-a-while dinner parties, but not everyday…especially not after you have explained that you are on a journey towards a healthier lifestyle. At that point, it just makes the whole process so difficult. You hear it so much, so you begin to think it’s ok to eat things you normally wouldn’t and shouldn’t be eating.
Our will can be very fragile, especially when just starting out. We need all of the support we can get for a higher chance of success. Because once you can push through the first set of barriers, your strength builds, and then you can combat the comments/temptations with a shield! (Wow, so war-like…)
If you’re on a weight loss or fitness journey, try to surround yourself with people who have similar goals and beliefs. I’m not saying you should ditch your “unhealthy” friends, I’m saying you should educate them and make them understand where you’re coming from and why it is so important for them to STOP TEMPTING YOU! If they love you, they’ll do it. And if not, begin to make friends at the gym 🙂
So tell me…is it true? Are your five closest friends a reflection of who you are?
37 thoughts on “Are Your Friends Making You Fat?”
There are 37 comments posted by our users.
Actually my friends think i still suffer that damn eating disorder bulimia and what they don’t understand is I’ve been working out and eating healthy.. someone would say “Hey look ___, france is thinner now” and she would interfere and say “She’s not loosing weight in a healthy way.. she’s loosins weight in a bad way” and i would just stand there dumbfounded… Inside I would be like “WTH I DIDNT DO THOSE WORKOUTS JUST TO TELL OTHERS THAT LIKE WTF ARE YOU SAYIN YOU DONT KNOW NOTHING” idk im just a little upset bc ive been working hard just to get fit and feel good about myself but they let me down… but ANYWAYS.. still motivated just bc of you Cass 😉
What my friends don’t understand is, no, it’s not just one piece of cake with me. I will eat the entire cake once you get me started. And then I will go out and buy myself another cake for dessert. And then they get upset because i’m skinnier than they are, and they’ll say the whole, “Why do you need to lose weight?” It’s gotten to the point where I’m embarrassed to turn down food or eat healthy in front of them sometimes, so I’ll just try to draw the least amount of attention to myself as possible. And my mother is convinced that I’m anorexic at times, and she’ll do the same thing to me! And I’m not underweight (my bmi is, like, 18.6 or something), I’m just trying to be healthy.
it relates to me very much! i told my friend i am working hard these days and i have decided to change my lifestyle for good and reach 54 kg. You what she told me ” You can’t” just like that! i asked her why do you think i can’t ….and she said i just think you can’t …i got very mad but i didn’t let her see it……i thought friends are supposed to encourage each other and help each other to achieve what they want in life and not be the first one to discourage you:(
Hey Cassie! First i wanted to say THANK YOU so much for sharing your experience and motivation here and in your videos. What a (positive) kick in the butt! 🙂 I completely recognized myself in that post, i have one friend who goes to the gym, to which i cant go coz its way too expensive and far away and a far away bf who works out regularly (lucky genes that let him eat whatever he wants without blowing up like a balloon), except these two people, no one in my family or friends gets it or has any respect for what i m trying to accomplish. When i tell my parents i m gonna workout, i m always greeted with negative comments like “again? but you did yesterday, you re wasting time to study, just stop eating, you ll lose weight, etc” and interrupting my workout sessions by coming in the room for no reason, when i ask nicely to come back later coz i m in the middle of an exercice, i get “rooh but its gonna change anything, who cares about your workout?” grmpf… a little better in the cooking department, always veggies + fish/meat + whole grain carbs, not perfect yet, but there s an improvement, wont let it get to me anyway, positive positive positive thinking! 🙂
Hi Cassey,
Thank you so much for this post! I actually did distance myself from one of my best friends over the past 2 years because of this exact issue. When I decided to really become healthy (exercise for fun every day, eat whole/clean foods, only splurge occasionally), I found myself having to hide it or feeling ashamed, because she would make comments on how I should just ‘live’ and eat whatever I wanted. I would feel bad and unsupported, and question my decisions and motives. Ultimately, I decided to distance myself, and have been fortunate to find another close friend who lives healthily and happily! I also look to the blog world for ideas, inspiration, and support! Keep up the great work Cassey! You are such a motivation!
Sophia
Can you give me some advice cassey? 🙁
I seem to go through cycles of eating clean for a whole week then when i go out with friends i just binge. I hate it and i’m only a teen, and don’t want to start bad food habits for when i’m older. Another problem is, I love to cook. I love experimenting and creating new flavoursome dinners and desserts. – Often not the healthiest. I think when I binge, I have it set in my minds that I’m not allowed any junk tomorrow, so i stuff my face to make the most of it. My friends are semi healthy but not really. Im fine with them at school, i eat healthy and whole foods, but then at festivals or parties i just eat everything, because that’s what everyone is doing in the atmosphere around me. 🙁 It only makes me upset at night when i think about everything i have eaten today. Im not overweight at all, i just want be fit and healthy but i can’t seem to overcome this stupid habbit. 🙁 What’s your advice!? <3
Can you give me some advice cassey? 🙁
I seem to go through cycles of eating clean for a whole week then when i go out with friends i just binge. I hate it and i’m only a teen, and don’t want to start bad food habits for when i’m older. Another problem is, I love to cook. I love experimenting and creating new flavoursome dinners and desserts. – Often not the healthiest. I think when I binge, I have it set in my minds that I’m not allowed any junk tomorrow, so i stuff my face to make the most of it. My friends are semi healthy but not really. Im fine with them at school, i eat healthy and whole foods, but then at festivals or parties i just eat everything, because that’s what everyone is doing in the atmosphere around me. 🙁 It only makes me upset at night when i think about everything i have eaten today. Im not overweight at all, i just want be fit and healthy but i can’t seem to overcome this stupid habbit. 🙁 What’s your advice!? <3
Hi,
(My english is not so good, a apologise 🙂 )
Its true… I lost a lot of weight when I moved out of my moms house to live in my own appartment. She liked to cook with lots of butter and she also made huge portions… We had only sugary beverages at home… a.s.o.
I could manage lose about 8 kg (60 kg to 52kg) without any effort to achieve this…
Nowadays, my friends (mostly male) think eating is a competition. They like to go to buffets and stuff enormous amounts of crappy foods into them… Its disgusting. Also they don’t excercise that much. Fortunatley, they are not fat, but that will change soon, I think. Also they like to drink a lot of alcohol… When I mix a cocktail for them (I prefer fresh lime juice, sparkling water and a little bit of vodka), they always pour some more booze into it…
Other people always say to me that I have a good figure, as if I didn’t do anything for this. Some even try to discuss with me if I refuse to eat a cake “But you AREN’T FAT! You should really eat a piece of cake” – “Yeah, I don’t eat this because I don’t want to become fat” -“But if you don’t eat, we have too much leftovers- I wrap it, so you can take it home and eat it later”. -“WTF”
I hate when your family wants to stuff you, only because they are afraid of leftovers…
I really have to achieve more willpower, so I don’t give in, when people want to stuff me with bad food.
When I want to have a piece of chocolate, I try to eat it in moderation and not excessively. And for that reason I choose to eat these foods at home, in a environment that doesn’t encourage me to overeat.
Another thing that bothers me: Women should look slim and healthy, but when a slim women orders a salad, everybody screams “anorexic…”
On the one hand we are supposed to look good, but without dieting and counting calories or doing sports… And we are also supposed to be slim and stuff food into as at buffets to show that we do not have an eating disorder. Strange world…
I am fortunate, I have always had at least fairly supportive people in my life. My father was always good about getting in at least a few workouts a week even when his work was super, crazy buzy. He even made me a work out program especially suited for volleyball conditioning when I was in highschool! My mom didn’t start working out until she had to in order to control gestational diabetes without meds, but she’s been better about eating healthy foods and not eating too many sweets. She also cooked almost daily for the whole family. Most meals were composed of a lean to fairly lean animal protein, a veggie dish and a starchy side dish. I and my siblings had to eat a little of everything as kids, but when I started only taking tiny portions or none of the starchy dish, my parents didn’t mind. They both encouarged me and my siblings in the various sports we took up.
Well, I grow up, married and moved away. However, the people around me are still fairly supportive are at least neutral. My husband won’t exercise himself, but he loves playing soccer for hours on end and supports my activities. He can eat anything he wants without putting on an ounce and will eat various junk foods. However, he doesn’t push his junk foods at me and eats the healthy food that I cook for us. I guess that we are both light social drinkers. If our friends/families are drinking, we’ll each have one to two drinks (except I am temporally not drinking due to pregnancy). Mostly he just wants me to be happy and now more than ever, healthy so I can nourish our growing child. I am not yet especially close to any friends or relatives in my new area, but no one has issues with the way I eat or exericise. In fact, one of my sister in laws has started doing POP Pilates!
The two people that are closest to me don’t get my desire to live a healthier lifestyle and really enjoy shoving food in my mouth. My mom even gets mad when I want to eat something healthier than what she has in mind. It’s a complicated story, but what I really need to do is just push through all the negativity and temptation and focus on my health. I feel really good knowing I’m the more athletic one in the room pretty much all the time, too.
My mum is a real health freak. Even though she likes her cheat food a lot every now and then, most of the time she eats healthy and she’s a real sportsfreak. Unfortunately, she lives about 1500 km away from me and I only get to see her about 5 times a year.
It’s a whole different story with my inlaws. They live right at the corner of my house and invite us for dinner or lunch all of the time, wich is fine but sooo unhealthy, very spanish. Let me make this clear, the mediterranean diet is known to be really healthy ( lots of fresh fruits, veggies, fish, chicken, olive oil, legumes) but truth is, most Spanish people eat fried food. And thats it. So, the olive oil they use for frying and the chicken and fish end us being battered and fried. And all that accompanied by white bread, and in massive portions!! And on top of that they get upset if I tell them no. So that doesnt make it very easy.
My bf’s brothers are about the same and on top of that they smoke, needless to say that NONE of them works out.
One good thing is that instead of me picking up my bf’s bad habbits, its the other way around. I am the cook at home and my bf loves everything I cook and since he’s with me he started working out! We go for runs together and I got him a mountainbike for his birthday, wich he graps whenever he can and stays away for 3-4 hrs doing offroads! So thats is something positive 🙂
OMG no!
my boyfriend keeps giving me chocolates almost everyday, even if I tell him that I prefer a fruit instead..and having one great chocolate bar in your hands… its kinda hard not to eat it.
My best friend is incredibly lazy, and hate light stuffs just because they are “light” and.. well… I hadn’t thought about it before, but its kind of sad
But anyways it makes me feel really good when they recognize me as one of the most active/sporty girls in the group 😛
great post cassey!
Hello Cassey,
I just want to thank you so much for putting up all these workout routines free of charge! I’ve been working out to them 2 weeks in a row now and nothing has ever motivated me to exercise like your videos have! 🙂
I was wondering if you could do a video or blog post about how to eat healthy while travelling? It’s impossible to pack healthy snacks all the time so how do you make eating choices when moving about? (For example at theme parks, malls, beaches) Thank you!
Unfortunately the five closest people in my life, bar one, are not very supportive. I think this is why the blogging community is SO important to me!
Not having people with a similar mindset close by does get to me sometimes, but at the end of the day I am ultimately the one responsible for achieving my goals.
Wow! Just a month ago I read that while growing up someone’s mother told them that you become just like the 5 people you spend the most time around. This is timeless wisdom and effects more than just health issues but it effects your whole life.
OMG, you made me realized that most of my friends have really bad influence on me… Most of them think I’m much better without those 10 pounds I’ve lost these past 6 months… But they’ll never work out with me…
when i need to be motivated, I just watch your videos, it’s very helpfull! thank you!
I agree with this post! I have a family that does pretty well i. This area but on other days they just keep saying “eat! It isn’t going to make you fat if you just eat this much” or when I want to clean up my diet they say that I need not to 🙁 Frustrating. But I must also work on my own self-control x) Aside from that, I have friends who would like to workout but are also lazy. And other times, they live a city away from me so that makes it difficult sometimes too. But I am going to work hard for that beach body Cassey! You inspire me and motivate me ^^
My Grandmother loves to cook and I love her food, but I never eat as much as she wants me to. She says, “you eat like a bird”! “Are you full ALREADY? All you did was pick at your plate”. When I don’t really pick at my plate, my servings are just smaller than hers and the rest of my families. I just can’t eat as much as them. I get full faster and I don’t like over stuffing myself. I eat slower too and I think that is part of the not over eating. I think she takes it as a personal thing. Like I don’t like her food or something. When I love her food it is delicious. I was also a veggie for some time and no one in my family supported that except for my mom, eventually she started making me side dishes of the same meals she would cook for the rest of the family, she would just leave the meat out of mine. I love my Mom for that, she has always supported me in everything I do.
I think it depends on the friends. I have many friends that I hang out with in different scenarios, so the ones who are typically classified in the “unhealthy lifestyle” category I try to be the model for healthy choices. I can only stick to my diet and fitness routine on my own, so exemplifying how to be self-motivated and determined can really get the ball rolling for others.
Hey! I’ve been following you awhile now but this is my first comment. I really liked your post about whether the people in your life are supportive. I’ve always been in a healthy range (5’5 fluctuating from 115 pounds to 126), but obviously prefer the lighter end and less body fat 🙂 Haha. But since I had been on the higher end due to depression & disordered eating, I’ve truly adopted a clean lifestyle nearly all the time because it feels better on my body, gives me more energy, and is obviously healthier. I get comments and looks ALL the time from basically everyone except my parents, who understand what I’m going through (even though they’re junk food junkies….sigh). It’s hard not wanting to eat out 24/7 or go drinking with friends, but it’s just not my style anyway. I’d rather cook together or do a fun activity. NO ONE WANTS TO DO THIS ANYMORE!! At least no one in my life really, so I’m definitely looking for new like-minded friends 🙂
The top five people with whom I spend the most time support me in my weight loss goals and constantly motivate me and tell me how great I look. However, one of them is toxic to me in every other aspect. She is a horrible friend, but I’ve known her forever, and I know I am a good influence on her, but she has such low self esteem and moves from one guy to the next. I know this is about food, and she and I do run together, but what do I do about her being a bad friend? I don’t want to tell her why I want distance between us or am weary of being close to her, because then she will create drama, and I don’t need that. :/
If you don’t want to spend so much time with her, but don’t want to hurt her feelings try “fibbing” just a little. Not a complete lie though. If she says “lets hang out today.” say ok, but I have to go at ___ time for_____ . OR if you don’t want to hang out at all.. say I am busy with___ and make a later date with her for another time that week. Good luck.I know it is hard.. I have had a toxic friend in the past. I love her dearly, but I have learned that I need my distance in order to keep my sanity.
I love you end line about keeping distance in order to keep your sanity. That’s how I feel! Thanks for the advice; I will definitely take that to heart! I haven’t heard from her in three days, which is a good break for me. Hopefully it’ll take care of itself!
Sooo true! Hubby and my friends aren’t exactly on the same page. While they respect my eating/exercise lifestyle, it makes socializing with them difficult b/c they mostly like to go out to eat really bad foods. I love desserts, too and fantastic meals, but it goes too far so easily. I do have 1 friend who supports a holistic, healthy lifestyle but we rarely see each other, he doesn’t live in my city. This site keeps me motivated and doing these vids, my God, my body is changing daily! It’s amazing and so incredibly motivating to feel and see the changes.
I sent this post to my friends, esp. the one whose boyfriend constantly brings over sweets and junk food to the point that she is obese and very unhappy with herself. So sad- hope she has the guts to put her foot down with him. He just doesn’t “get it” as your post says.
BIG Yes and True also.
Out of 5 there is few around, who tempting me and creating obstacle during my journey of healthy lifestyle But i love them.
Hope I can change them mind.
Best me luck
Thank you for this post. You make a very good point about food equating love to so many families, and in that vein, drinks = socialization to so many groups of friends. Some of the most loving people in my life aren’t the most supportive for a multitude of reasons. Sometimes they truly don’t understand what you’re trying to do and why. Sometimes your healthy choices make them uncomfortably aware of their unhealthy ones. And worst of all, sometimes they truly don’t have your best interests at heart.
I live in rural WV. I was raised by parents that are very health-conscious and taught me about nutrition, food, and cooking at a very young age, but I realize that I am in the minority not only for my state (which has the second highest obesity rate) but for our country as a whole as well. My healthy lifestyle is seen as everything from “inspirational” to “strange” to “elitist” by different people. It is hard sometimes to deal with the peer pressure to eat poorly. There is a lot of home-cookin’ around here, and people get offended if you don’t try their food. How many times have you heard “It’s bad luck not to eat birthday cake!”? Sometimes you have to remember (and occasionally remind others) that you are making healthy decisions FOR you, not TO them.
I would like to add- with regards to the unsupportive friends, I do think that a lot of the fitness/clean eating community (myself included) comes across as preachy sometimes. It usually comes from such a good place (i.e. we want to use our knowledge to save people from the horrible things they are doing to their bodies with processed food and a sedentary lifestyle!), but people who eat junk/don’t exercise generally KNOW what they are doing is bad. Unless they want to change or ask for help, they shouldn’t get unsolicited life advice. I have to bite my tongue so often. We should strive to live a life that inspires our friends to improve their habits, not derides them for not being as motivated as we are. After all, no one wants to listen to someone talk about the dangers of the meat filler “pink slime” while they are trying to enjoy a hamburger 🙂
Hm, thankfully my family has always had a healthy lifestyle, heck, we didn’t even have sugar or sugary foods in the house when I was growing up. My friends have been hit or miss-one friend has Chron’s so she HAS to eat healthy and work out to keep her immune system and digestive system in check, the other friend is naturally a stocky girl that comes from an Irish/German farming family so she likes hearty foods and traditional home brewed beers. She’ll never be small, and she’ll never give up her family traditions (meat, potatoes, beer, ha!) but shes VERY active and strong. She literally lives on a farm, so if shes not farming, shes canning, or tending to the livestock, etc. It makes sense that she’d need all those calories and carbs to keep her energy levels in check.
My husband though, oy! Left on his own all he’d eat is pizza, soda, steak, and sit on the computer all day (thankfully his genetics/metabolism dictate a slight figure, otherwise he’d blow up). After 6ish years together, I’ve finally gotten him to switch to diet soda (not great, but better than full sugar), pizza and steak for special occasions only. He tries to consistently work out, but he has bad knees and a bad back so hes somewhat limited in the things he can do. He does lift weights and some light yoga (thank god), so he’s getting better, but its a work in progress.
I’d like to think I’m the positive person in his life, influencing (ok, cajoling, bartering, and manipulating) his journey to a healthier lifestyle 🙂
My boyfriend of 5 years is the exact same way! However, his metabolism has seemed to slow down. I am trying hard to get him to exercise with me and go jogging. His real problem, aside from sitting in front of a computer all day, is that he eats large amounts of food. I don’t know what to do about that. If he doesn’t eat a larger portion.. he claims he is hungry and I believe he really does feel hungry. I just think it is a psychological thing. So I try and motivate him, to workout and eat better. That is all I can do.
My friends are some of the most unhealthy people I know. To hang out – we go to lunch or dinner. None of them work out at all, and several of them have gained some serious weight in the past few years (drinking has greatly contributed to this). And every time I ask them to go to the gym with me – they all refuse. I’ve even tried making it a fun group thing and getting us all to go – and they still refused.
And then last week we were trying on shorts, and as soon as I came out of the dressing room they were all like, “F*ck you.” So I told them, “OK, come work out with me then!” And I think I might have finally got them convinced. So I hope this one work out translates into more so that I can have some supportive, healthy friends who understand that I need to work out before I hang out with them, that I’m trying to eat healthy to be healthy not to lose weight, and that no, I do not want that alcoholic drink, thank you very much.
I am really close to my family. So it hurts deep when my dad and brother’s aren’t supportive of me. My dad makes fun of me and then my brother’s catch on and do the same. My little brother’s are saying things like “You need to eat. You don’t eat a lot. you’r really starting to scare me.” they make it sound like I am anorexic, but I’m not! I don’t eat as much as I did three years ago because I had a different life style and my metabolism was as high as it could be. But now I have a different life style, so I can’t stuff my face and not feel sick afterwards. I am already skinny (I have a small bone structure) so it is hard to get support from people when they don’t see the point when you are already skinny. The uncooperative comments I get from people make me eat things I don’t want to make my family happy, but then I become almost depressed afterwards for making an unhealthy choice. And of course, one bad habit leads to another. So then I continue to make unhealthy choices. It gets harder for me to get back on track, and when I do, the whole cycle starts again.
I really like it when you post things like this Cassey. I motivates me and lets me know that at least SOME ONE is supportive of me and is going to help me the whole way through.
oops. I meant the *unsupportive* comments I get from people make me eat things I don’t want to make my family happy.
we have about the same issues except add to ur father my sister my mom, my cousin, and some of my friends they don’t see the point of it and they just don’t get me… but u know wut u can always get back to ur healthy food when ure a lone but when u get home for a weekend or sth don’t talk abt it and eat with’em that’s what I do !! and always remember there’s a pretty cool community here that will always supportive it’s called blogilates and u r a popster!!
Thank You. It does make me feel better to know that I am not the only one 🙂 I want to thank Cassey and all my fellow POPsters for the support! 🙂
Scarlett–It sounds like your family could use a reminder that eating healthy isn’t just about losing weight. It’s about giving your body what it needs to have better energy, a better mind-set, and a longer life. Of course, it also prevents you from gaining weight, which is always good. The problem is that everyone automatically assumes when you’re on a diet, you’re trying to lose weight, but sometimes that’s not the case! Maybe you can try to explain that to your family? I know if they’re like my family, it probably won’t do much good, but at least you can say you tried?
Hope that helps! Stay strong!
XoXo
-T
Hey Scarlett,
What you wrote really resonates with me. Although I am healthy-looking and not overweight, I still want to maintain a clean diet and healthy lifestyle. I looked at five of my close friends and they all eat unhealthily, and force me to eat like them as well. I eat unhealthily almost to please them, and like you said, I end up feeling depressed for breaking my healthy habit. After that, I end up making even MORE unhealthy choices and I spiral out of control. It’s a cycle as i try to get my mojo back.
Even though it seems like a cycle, each time you get back on track, do you notice how much stronger and determined you were before? Sometimes it takes baby steps to create the whole stairwell towards a healthy lifestyle.
This post is making me feel sad cuz I just realised that 3 out of the 5 people im surrounded does not follow me on the healthy aspect of life.
Thats my family and fiance. My fiance can eat anything and does not gain weight. I have to admit that my family is trying more and more each day to eat healthily, we replaced rice with whole grain rice etc etc.
My two closest friends have just started following me (this is the second week) on this fit and healthy journey! I just hope they dont change their minds and fortunately it will become a way of life.
So… at least my family is trying, friends are trying and you know what? At the end of the day I become stronger at fighting away the temptations!!!!