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Trying to feel beautiful. I still struggle.

December 10, 2017



Last night I attended the Unforgettable Gala which is basically the “Oscars” of the Asian American community. I was really excited to get ready for the red carpet and wear this new dress I got just for the event! I was feeling super good about myself…until…I got there.

Looking at this photo, you’d think I was feeling calm, confident and in control. But the truth is, tonight I let my insecurities take me to a place of self criticism. Surrounded by so many gorgeous Asian American women who were actresses, models, and pageant queens – I looked at them, then at me, and saw what I always saw growing up – I’m the “bigger” Asian girl.

I don’t have the naturally thin body type that many girls of my heritage are born with. I mean who cares right!? I gotta own what I’ve got! But to be 100% honest with you, even fearless role models will slip up from time to time. They may not tell you, but I’m telling you. And tonight was one of those nights.

Eventually Sam was able to help pull me out of this pitiful hole, reminding me how beautiful he thought I was. And he didn’t just do it yesterday. He has done it everyday…from the day we started dating til now, over 9 years later. I’m so thankful to have him by my side as my partner, as my rock.

Sometimes you lose sight of everything you already have and start focusing on what you don’t have. That’s when you need to shift your perspective and find gratefulness.

The reality is…my non-thin body has taken me to where I am today and I wouldn’t have it any other way!

11 thoughts on “Trying to feel beautiful. I still struggle.”

There are 11 comments posted by our users.

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  1. John Malele says:

    You look amazing. Hats off to Sam as well!

  2. Mykaela Burton says:

    I appreciate you shared this with us. I agree that it is hard to fight off some of the insecurities, but you are right. That’s all they are. They don’t define you. They are like those gnats in the summer time, always buzzing around your head, but if you wear enough bug spray, they won’t be able to ruin your day.

    Sam is right. You are beautiful and you are both very lucky and I am happy for you!! I love that photo of you! I think the main take away from that picture is the word “unforgettable,” because you are in the best of ways. I mean look at that smile first of all! Honey, you’re inner beauty has defined your outer beauty, and you are radiant. 🙂

  3. @wanlikethenumber says:

    ahhh so relatable. 🙁 sometimes i have insecurities too.

  4. EgyptianGirl says:

    Hi Cassey,
    if only one comment can you that sad ,hope this one will make your day!!!
    My friends and I are from Egypt and we’ve been working out with you for almost 5 years already.
    And it’s like a billion of times that YOU have been the one to make our day with your positive comments ,thoughts and attitude.
    Keep up the good work Cassey!
    And congratulations not only for the wedding but also for really having made it with your blogilates project!!!!!!

  5. Sylva says:

    Yeez, when I looked at the photo I was like “Man, I know who is the Beauty Queen there!” I know it’s not all about looks, but hey… everybody needs boost sometimes. So let me tell you, that “big” is the last words I would think of when I see you. Your waist’s amazing, your butt is amazing, your legs, your arms, your everything! And on top of it all is your pure, cheerful, graceful soul and big, kind and loving heart.
    Love you and wish you the best.

  6. Genevieve says:

    Cassey, I’m getting married in July this year, and I would absolutely love a bridal bootcamp series! Body positivity is about accepting who you are, and that everyone is different, but at the same time, it’s about wanting to be the best you can be – who said that wanting self improvement is a bad thing?? We try to improve ourselves in other areas of life – our careers, personal relationships etc, do we get shamed for that? So, screw the haters, I think that you are awesome, and love everything that you come out with.

  7. Vanessa says:

    I’ve been watching your videos since 2009 and am so proud to be able to say that “I knew you when…”.The number one thing I appreciate about every. single. one. of your videos is the fact that you aren’t a stick thin, negative 2 size, Barbie-esque person. I’m petite but with saddlebags and a big booty that isn’t going anywhere ever and let me tell you that those stick-thin, six-pack Barbie-and-Ken style videos always make me feel inadequate. I mean, good for them for looking like they do, but there is work going on behind the scenes that isn’t realistic for most people and it always stings to know that despite doing their workouts, I won’t ever look like them. Your videos are different. They focus on strength–physical, mental, and emotional. They are practical. They are simple (though my husband would disagree, given the coordination he feels they require haha). They are short and have a light-at-the-end-of-the-tunnel appeal. They are empowering. I swear by your workouts to everyone I know, and when I need to kick myself in the butt to get my muscles working again, all I have to do is get to YouTube and type in “blogilates.” Thank you for NOT being like all the other workout video makers out there. Thank you for being different. You are gorgeous just as you are. Thank you for being a role model.

    1. Hillary says:

      I couldn’t agree more 🙂 I

  8. Ashley says:

    Cassey, you rock! I totally understand the wedding dress shopping struggle. I tried on 60 dresses in less than two weeks before finding the dress that made me feel incredible. I just recently started working out every day and boy am I feeling it! I’m also loving it! Anyways, I just wanted to say that I have been doing your pilates videos on and off for about 5 years now and I think that you’re awesome! Keep up the good work and putting positivity out into the universe. I have never felt that you have ever body shamed anyone, in fact you constantly emphasize how important it is to feel good, that it’s not about how you look or where you are now, and to always love your body. Thank you for sharing your personal stories, struggles and strengths. We are all human and doing what we can to make the world a better place, it’s clear that you’re working on this goal daily. Cheers to you!

    P.S. If you have any Bridal Bootcamp type videos or suggested workouts to focus on – I’ve got 5 months til the Big Day – Let me know. I’m tying to get this body super lean and strong for the wedding. Thanks! 🙂

  9. Kastanjez says:

    Dear Cassie, I am trying to workout with your videos since six months or so. I love it so much because your body in my eyes looks so ‘normal’. Not thin, but absolutely not fat either! Healty – yes, strong – definitely! I am not Asian and have a pretty ‘big European’-body, but it helps to see you to be confident with my own!

  10. Summer says:

    Beautiful dress & girl!! Love that you can be honest with yourself! “Taking every thought captive—“ 🙂 Internal beauty shines the brightest and it shines no matter how old we get or weight we gain or loose.

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