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Dear Cassey: I’m Getting Married But I’m Most Worried About My Thick Arms
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December 16, 2020

Hey Cassey,

I’m getting married soon and have been making an effort to get into shape (not just for the wedding but for my own personal wellbeing) and despite months of consistent workouts, I don’t see much physical change. Overall I feel stronger, which was my goal from the start, but part of me feels self-conscious about my thicker arms.

I know part of the problem has been a lot of stress eating (planning a wedding during a pandemic is not fun) but even when I do eat healthier there is no change in my arms. Cardio has never been my friend (my asthma kicks in right away and I can never finish the workout) and I’m at a loss for what else to try. I want to feel good about myself and feel comfortable in my own skin at my wedding, but at the moment I just feel discouraged.

Thanks!

Self-Conscious Bride

wedding dress self-conscious arms bride

Dear Self-Conscious Bride,

CONGRATULATIONS on your wedding! I hope it is the best day, and everything you’ve ever dreamed of. You’re totally right – planning a wedding is already stressful enough, and I’m sure this year has been especially stressful!

There’s so much pressure to look perfect on our wedding day. I know so many people fall victim to crash diets and seriously insane measures to lose weight or deal with body insecurities. I’m glad to hear you’re working out for more than JUST your wedding. Hopefully, the workouts are helping a little with the stress too 😉

But before you read any further, read this as many times as you need to: do not let your arms define you – not today, not on your wedding day, not any day.

I know it can be frustrating – I’ve been there. But this time is about celebrating with your partner, family, and friends! The focus should be on your love! That’s the MOST important thing.

If you are looking for practical advice, I can share this: arms are STUBBORN. It’s one of the last areas to shed fat for a lot of us. All of the bicep curls in the world can’t spot reduce any extra fat your arms are holding onto, but they will increase your muscle mass. More muscle means your body will burn more calories at rest, including calories from fat. Even if you can’t choose where your body loses fat, adding muscle will eventually help reduce body fat all over. Plus like you said, you’ll get stronger!

So here’s my advice:

  • Keep focusing on working your entire body
  • Stay consistent
  • Eat plenty of healthy foods – LOTS of lean protein, fruits and veggies, whole grains and healthy fats!

And….

ENJOY.

Yes. Enjoy the entire wedding planning process and know that you are going to look absolutely gorgeous on your wedding day. I know it’s no fun to have body insecurities, no matter how big or small they are. But I promise that when your wedding day is here and you slip into that wedding dress, you are going to look and feel like a goddess.

You won’t look back on your special day and feel self-conscious about your arms. And no matter how stressful wedding planning may be, you’ll look back and miss it. Don’t let the pressure to have perfect arms take over one of the most special times in your life!

PS – If you have a burning question you want to ask me, I’m taking questions via text at 510-692-4556. Currently this only works for US and Canada. If you’re outside of those countries, you can leave a question below.

17 thoughts on “Dear Cassey: I’m Getting Married But I’m Most Worried About My Thick Arms”

There are 17 comments posted by our users.

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  1. PMS Sufferer says:

    Dear Cassey, I LOVE your month calendars and challenges but I have a serious problem completing it because of my painful period. PMS usually hit me so hard I can barely move for 3-5 days. Than I feel sad for not completing the challenge and bad about my body. Do you have some tips for staying “fit” during those days? Thank you <3 Sending love from Czech rep., EU

  2. Selma says:

    Dear Cassey, I don’t really know how to summeries myself, but I feel so restricted in my lifestyle and unhappy about it in so many ways. I have for a long long time been insecure about my looks, from my stomach to thighs to my hair and my arms, and ever since have I also worked out harder than most people to look the way I want. Though nowadays it’s not just about the workouts, I count calories and I’m not letting myself eat foods containing higher amount fat or sugar even though they really aren’t that unhealthy. The last couple of weeks I have also weighed myself more often than usual, even though I know that never has been something that help my confidence and self esteem. Cassey help me! What do I do? I want to look thin, so not living like this seems scary, but it’s not fun living like this either.

    Yours sincerely,
    Lost

  3. Avery says:

    Dear Cassey, I have tried to reach you through your phone but I only have an iPad and therefore it does not work I was wondering if I could have your email thank you!!!!

  4. I’d love to see what your food diary is like! The portions and also types of food you’re eating. we all have a different perception of what “healthy eating” is, and your body could very well work better with another version of a healthy diet.

    Feel free to ask me!

  5. Evelyn Jellings says:

    Dear Casey, I’m 12 and I have admired you since 10 when I came across you, I’ve had problems with my abs, no matter how hard I try (I workout 1 1/2 hrs a week) I don’t loose weight round my lower abs? I just is this, can I not loose weight?

    1. Laura Saldanha says:

      Hello Evelyn! I am not Cassey but if you allow me give some advice: I know growing up is difficult and soon you will become a teenager!! So, about abs, you are getting in that moment your body will start to change in so many ways, you will become taller and then boobs, butt, hair, so much body hair hahah, etc, etc… So, what I am trying to say is… continue working out, eat health and eat enough to support all that growing that is about to happen! And be paciente, your abs will change, maybe they are just saving some energy for all that changes that are about to happen. Your body is about to change a lot!! Continue working out and being strong that you will achieve your goals! That is such a fun part of life, find joy in your studies and your hobbies, time flies! And, you know, a doctor is always the best person to understand your body and tell if you need to modify any habits to become healthier 🙂

    2. Avery says:

      Hey i am also 12 I know I’m not Cassey but cardio seems to of helped me a lot and be sure to do it before your muscle workouts hope thins helps

  6. jtjones5525 says:

    I love reading these comments! I just got engaged this month (yay). And ya’ll have great advise. I just got Cassie’s meal plan and a 90 day journal and I am excited for the whole thing. The getting fit, planning (even though we can’t plan much now) and being able to celebrate with everyone when the time comes.

  7. Maxi says:

    Dear bride. I had/have the same problem. Look-wise I felt awful on my wedding day…my dress was tight, since I had been gaining the last weeks leading up to the wedding. I did. not know back then that I had lipoedema and having a party on the hottest day of the year would lead to me holding all the water. I still see that in my wedding pictures. But what also remember and see is how much fun I had on that day. How much I glowed up when coming into the party and seeing all those people being there because we wanted to spend the day with them. How much I smiled and smile in each picture (I am never smiling in pictures) because everybody enjoyed that party so much, and told us constantly. On that day, I completely forgot how I felt when dressing up because I just started to enjoy the moment. And I still get that feeling when I look through those photos.
    So take care of yourself. Don’t stress out too much. Do sport and relaxation to combat the stress, but don’t stress about being a certain way. Focus also on seeing what you like about yourself and write that down.
    Enjoy the day and the party and the company. Those feelings will stay with you and they will reflect in the pictures. I was not my picture-perfect self I wanted to be, but I do look so happy in those pictures that I don’t care.

    Love and congratulations on your wedding.

  8. Nicole C. says:

    Self-Conscious Bride, Cassie is so right and you are not the only one who feels this way that’s for sure! I would like to add to Cassie’s eating right aspect by saying that sometimes you feel like you’re “eating right” and you still feel no change. If this is how you are feeling and you want something “by the book” I recently found “The Clean 20” by Ian K. Smith. I found this a week before my new college semesters started and I really had fun going through it and starting my new living on my own as a college student life based on the thoughts he had to share.
    I hope you find that helpful, and as Cassie said, Congratulations on your wedding!!

  9. Cat says:

    Dear bride. I got married this past October. So my advice, relax. Stop stressing. You will look just perfectly fine on your day, your photographer will have you in poses that flatter your body, and you are committing to a life partner who will love you through it all! Quit the stress girl, drink enough water, allow yourself to unwind (Cassey has some great unwind and stretch videos), take care of your body, mind and soul and kill your workout cause that bouquet is heavier than it looks! Don’t worry about the shape of your body, I know it’s hard, I had some insecurities on my day too, but you just own it and be confident, no one will care and your day will be so great you will even not care. And anyone who does care is just projecting their own insecurities on you. Best of luck! Remember to breathe and live the day, no matter what happens (or doesn’t happen) be happy that you are taking this next milestone.

  10. Triin says:

    Dear Cassey, what do i do if i don’t like avokado…? They are in soo many healthy diets.. I know you like it with hot sauce, but that’s not the thing in my country. Blessings from Estonia, EU.

  11. Warisha says:

    I want to loose my overall body weight as I chubby since childhood..now Imy neck and arms are too fatty along with the body..plz help me and suggest something which I can do..as I can’t afford expensive treatments and tough exercises

  12. Asia says:

    oh, I did’t know that it is going to be a comment. I thought it will be a private’s message. Could you please forward it somewhere where it could be actually addressed?

  13. Asia says:

    Hi Cassey,
    thank you for what you’re doing and for such a nice and truly healthy approach among all other “fit youtubers” out there.
    I wanted to ask you about how relationship with food and with our bodies could actually impact the ability to change our bodies via exercising?
    Here is why I ask: I had an eating disorder, firstly bulimia till my early 20s, and then orthorexia, which last till January 2020 (I am29). I was exercising during those 10 year pretty often, like 5-6 times a week: HIIT, Body Pump, explosive kind of exercises. Lost my period for years, and got it back recently.

    I was never really accepting my body. That is why bulimia started.
    At first, during bulimia, I lost weight but when I focused more on healthy approach and “just” exercised and ate healthy (around 1800-2000kcal, which should lead me to fat lose and lean muscle as I exercise 5 times a week) I actually start gaining fat. Or it is a water retention, as one of the gym trainers suggested.

    It is just not fair. My colleagues are regular type of people who visit gym like once a week, and they are able to build abs, or lean their legs in a month. When I should be some kind of muscle machine, and I am not.

    I’ve read, that my body could probably be at some kind of a recovery state, when it just wants to hold on every food I eat, as it was starved for such a long time. And that actually exercising less could help me to reduce the stress my body is under now. So I stopped for a month. And I became even mor “puffy”. Now I got back to exercise, more in “building strength” type.

    Did you experienced anything like that?
    Your 90days journey seems something I want to do, but then I realise, that I am actually doing that for years. And it didn’t work in long term.

    In those 10 years of my journey I didn’t eat sweets (except fruits, and spontaneous piece of cake of ice cream once a month), I eat plant based foods, I eat healthy fats (so I got back my period), I don’t restrict carbs, but I chose whole grains. I don’t eat fast-food. I cook for myself and order maybe once or twice a month. I am aware of protein intake. I exercise 5 days a week. What else could help me to lean my body 🙁 as to me it sound like I am doing everything fine…

    Sending love from Poland.
    Asia

  14. Ritupriya Basu says:

    Hey..Cassey..I am so afraid of food..eating biscuits scares the s**t out of me…but I crave something sweet..what should I do..I’m really stressed because of this mindset..but I fear that I’ll gain weight if I eat them..

  15. Tabassum says:

    Dear cassey, I’m 19 yr old first of all i want to thank you because of you I feel happy everyday by doing your monthly calender, but there is no change occur I m getting depressed because I want to lose my inches from waistline and reduce arm size too, please help me cassey

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