September 21, 2019
I had a terrible start to the day.
I think I told you already that one of my goals was to not let the negative comments personally affect me as much. As a people pleaser and someone who has always been self conscious, this has taken a lot of energy for me to do. Some days I succeed, other days…are like today.
Today, I wasn’t strong enough and I let the negativity infect me. DEEP. It was too much. I let it take over and I let it fill my body with anger and hostility.
I hate when I get like this. It’s not me.
Yeah, maybe it’s my lack of sleep that is increasing my levels of the stress hormone cortisol, making my bloat get more and more uncomfortable. But to be completely honest, that is not the only thing causing me stress. Reading negative comments makes my blood boil. I’m in a terrible mood after I read them. It’s like taking poison or something. I become so upset internally that you can read it right on my face, no matter how hard I try pretend like it doesn’t affect me. I wonder if reading negative comments is contributing to higher levels of cortisol in my body.
A good amount of you guys have suggested that I stop reading the comments. I know. I should. But I’m someone who wants to know if I’m doing something wrong, and I’m not afraid to have someone tell me something I don’t want to hear…
…as long as it helps me be better.
In this case though, I feel like these comments are just making me so negative. So maybe I should stop. But the thing is – I don’t want to live in a blissfully ignorant imagination. One of my biggest fears is to be told only things people think I want to hear, and be blinded from reality. I don’t want to be delusional. I don’t want to be out of touch with you guys and how you are actually feeling.
Anyway, I won’t to go into detail about what happened. I’ve already given it so much of my attention already today.
So…let’s move on to my week 5 weigh in!
This is the first week I have gained weight and body fat since I started. I think it’s the water retention from my week of bloating. But I’m going to incorporate minimum 7-8 hours of sleep per night to see if that helps! Hopefully this is the case and I can report back next week with better results!
If I am to still hit my goal in 7 weeks (which in the beginning I already said was going to be a challenge but still something I could work towards) my rate of weight loss should be around 1.3 lbs a week, up from 1.05 lbs a week. Let’s see how things go this week. I’m thinking I may need more time to get to my goal, and that’s ok. I’m in no rush, but I did want to put a date on my goal so it wasn’t some arbitrary dream without a specific timeline.
By the way, since you’ve been with me for 5 weeks now, you know that part of my progress tracking is numerical. But for those who are just joining, if you’re uncomfortable with numbers, there’s absolutely no need for you to track the way I do. It’s just how I do it. You can use clothes or a measuring tape on your journey!
Fit journal entry! I noticed that most of this week I’ve been coloring in part of the happy face and part of the bleh face. The discomfort in my stomach has been making me not feel my best. So I hope I can figure this out soon and return to my normal self!
After my weight lifting class, I made myself some bacon with butter lettuce and cauli rice. I’m starting to feel weird about eating meat with so much fat on it. I actually stripped most of the bacon fat off for this meal and tried to just eat the “lean” part. I never really ate bacon before going lazy keto, but thought it’d be fun to try on the journey.
But seeing that I am not actually passionate about bacon (the way so many others are) I think I’m going to stop. I just feel weird about all the animal fat…like it’s going to clog my arteries or something!
For lunch, we ordered from a sushi and teriyaki place! I started off my meal with some edamame! YUM!
I love soup. No matter how hot it is, I can always have it! Even if I am sweating. With my meal, I had some miso soup.
Chicken salad for lunch with some avocado. This was delish.
Felt snacky and finished off this bag of seaweed crunch! YUMMM.
Felt snacky again and had some spicy peanuts. Not my fave, so I think I’ll stop with these.
For dinner, I had chicken salad again! But no avo this time because my avo’s aren’t ripe yet!
Because of my weird bloat issues, I decided to have a kombucha to integrate some healthy bacteria or probiotics into my gut. 1 bottle has 12g of carbs but whatever, right now it is more important for me to heal my gut than to be in ketosis.
Oh and side note – didn’t take pics but also had an advanced probiotic stick, MCT oil and BHB exogenous ketones throughout the day. Again, not really sure if this is helping, but it tastes good. Supposedly, one side effect of the ketones is that it’s supposed to naturally suppress my appetite, but I feel like I’ve been snacking more since taking it. So umm…not sure what’s going on, but it’s not doing what it’s “supposed to do.” I don’t feel extra mental clarity either. I feel the same. Actually, I feel sleepy earlier. Not sure if that’s related.
Anyway, I’ll try it out for a bit more because maybe it takes a while for my body to respond? Although…I feel like my body would respond quickest the first time I take it…
My fave page in the Fit Journal. My game plan page is getting filled UP and it feels so satisfying!!! I can’t wait to get to week 12 so I can see ALL THE BOXES filled in!
Goals for next week. All non scale related.
#1. Start sleeping more! 7-8 hrs a night MINIMUM. I am going to make this a priority.
#2. Stop reading the negative comments and taking everything to heart. It’s too hurtful and actually bad for my mental health and physical health.
Also, I want to be able to fill in the happy face at the end of next week’s recap. No more of this bleh face stuff. Let’s start week 6 fresh. New attitude. New mindset. New strategies. Let’s do this.