Comparison is the Thief of Joy
Comparison is the Thief of Joy
Hey POPsters!
I wanted to talk to you today about something that affects a lot of us daily. As women, we naturally are inclined to compare ourselves to our coworkers, our friends, models in magazine, and even the girl walking down the street! Why do we do this? Why do we suddenly try to make competition for ourselves?
I don’t know about you but I’ve never been the type to “love competition.” Even when I was on the Varsity tennis team in high school, I HATED game days. I’d rather work to be the best I can be every day than worry about winning and losing. It’s just no fun for me! Also, did you ever have the kind of parents that compared you to their relatives’ kids? LOL – this is such an Asian thing – but yeah – never enjoyed that either!
So when it comes to determining your own reality, your own happiness, and your own competition, the only person you should be comparing yourself to..
IS YOU.
It’s unfair to yourself to look at your friend and feel jealous that she’s losing weight and you’re not because you guys are in 2 totally different situations, different bodies, and are living out different lives! You may look at her and say, “Wow her thighs are so skinny and her boobs are so perky, I wish I was like her.” But do you? You never know the full story so it makes no sense and only causes unnecessary thoughts that’ll drag you down. Don’t do that!
Like a science experiment…you have to have a constant variable, or else, the results are invalid!
Now I know it’s easy to say and hard to do because comparing is a natural human reaction. We always want to know where we fall on “the ladder.” But it’s your responsibility to take yourself off the ladder and stay grounded! All you can ask of yourself is to reach your own potential, not someone else’s potential. If you try to, and you don’t like where you stand, I guarantee you will be sad. Why? Why put yourself through that? We are all born with unique gifts and talents and I believe that in our life, it is our duty to embrace those gifts and share them with the world!
As long as you are progressing every day, it does not matter how slow or fast you go. It only matters that you keep moving towards your goal…not anyone else’s goal! I’ve been getting emails from girls who aren’t seeing the changes they want and all I can say is that this kind of stuff takes time. It took time to gain weight and it will take time to lose weight! In a society where instant gratification is so familiar to us, we can’t let ourselves get discouraged. For example, I know my body takes time to show changes! It also takes lots of hard work. I also know that with the amount of fitness experience I have, it takes a lot MORE to get myself all worked up and sweaty than the average person. Sometimes I curse this but most of the time I am grateful. Grateful that my endurance and strength allows me to teach class and motivate students without getting breathless! Grateful that I can push myself to my limits everyday. I am thankful for my mental power and my physical strength. It’s something I’ve worked for that no one can take away from me.
Not all of us are born math geniuses or 6ft tall runway models, we all have our own strengths and weaknesses. Remember that sometimes what you do not have is a blessing too. The reason why your quads and calves are “too bulky” is probably the reason why you’re the captain of your track team. The reason why you don’t have so many friends and you’re so soft spoken is the reason why your art is so expressive and emotional. You see where I am going here?
Embrace what you have and flaunt your best assets. You are like no one else, and no one else is like you. So to be truly successful, be you. BE YOU TO THE MAX. To me success = being happy, so if you can do that, if you can find what makes you wanna wake up every day, you’re on top of the world. Your own world.
Do you ever compare yourself to anyone? How does it make you feel? Why do you do it?
<3 Cassey
80 thoughts on “Comparison is the Thief of Joy”
There are 80 comments posted by our users.
” The reason why you don’t have so many friends and you’re so soft spoken is the reason why your art is so expressive and emotional. You see where I am going here?”
Such insight! I’m like this and often I feel sad about it but I’m going to highlight the positive from now on like you’ve done here. Thanks! 🙂
Cassey you have really touched my heart, this was great! You’re such an amazing trainer and person.
I’m 27, and I feel like I am finally more at peace with my body. Some of it is from running and seeing myself as more of an athlete, who is powerful and capable of handling endurance sports, and it is also realizing that everyone I meet, no matter how big or small seems to dislike certain aspects of their body. I realized my life will keep moving forward and it is a waste of time and my youth to sit around stressing out that my stomach isnt perfectly flat. Not watching very much TV or reading fashion magazines, and choosing to ignore “thinspiration” picture on Pinterest helps too. Even the pictures with positive motivational messages often zoom in on certain physical features (sometimes in an almost pornographic way–we, as women, are objectifying ourselves now) and they make the end goal a certain body type that we all won’t necessarily fit. I tried looking for photos of what I could possibly be, but none seemed to really have my body type. It’s a wonderful feeling to decide that even though I want to be fit and toned, I don’t want to be as ripped as those pictures and I really don’t need a six pack. I just want to be me–a healthy, happy runner gal!
Thank you for this. I needed to hear this today. Love your saying : Comparison is the thief of joy.
Thanks for the post
Cassey, thank you for this. I have struggled with this my whole life; you know, comparing myself to others. I’m not overweight and never have been because I’m really tall. People have told me that it’s a blessing but all of my friends have always been so petite and cute that I felt like an ogre. And I don’t even want to THINK about the subject of getting a boyfriend taller than me… -___- I’ve always hated towering over everyone. You know how they say “a big person stuck in a small persons body”? Well I’m the opposite. I’ve always wished that I had a smaller frame and could be shorter. But I guess it’s all part of a lesson learned as we grow up. But again, thank you Cassey. You help me remember to love myself. :]
🙂 This is awesome, so well put!! I compete with my former self but sometimes do look at others and end up feeling “behind” or “not good enough” and it totally sucks. I do it cause I feel the need to prove myself.
And I’m not Asian, but I’ve been compared to someone in practically every family I’ve met. Lol!! I so hear you there. It was kind of funny actually, we met this super awesome family, a bunch of winners. And the first thing my sister and I said to each other later was “there’s another family to be compared to”.
Cassey this is awesome! I’m a total believer that your best and only comparison is yourself. So often we compare ourselves to others who are father in their journey and wish we could be them, but we forget that we might be beginning something they have already reached the middle or end of. We can’t measure ourselves against outside influences and get a proper reading. Only when we see how far we’ve come from where we were are we able to gauge our success! L-
Thank you for this. I really needed to read this, it is very encouraging and comforting.
Hey Cassey,
You are so right, comparing ourselves does ruin the fun.
I have a friend who used to compare herself to me and to my fit (I used to be a dancer, so I was skinny).
It was actually realy sad for me to hear that, though I appreciated the honesty of hers, Just casue I do it too, we all do, and for no reason. For the above example, my body was looking that way thanks to A LOT of intensed trainings. so hearing “Oh you can eat and do nothing and look amazing”, even when said as a compliment, seariously upset me – I was working my ass off 12 hours a week.
I have also known this girl who lost like 15 kgms in just 2 weeks, everybody kept on complimating her, when she finally said she had a disease that caused her puking…
what I’m trying to say is, we never know the background of a person standing in front of us. so we should not be jealous, we should only focus of what WE can do, where I stand today comparing to where I was standing a year ago.
Talking about a progress, that’s a perceptual progress we need to go through, and we can.
Have The BEST week!
<3
Fab bit of advise! Shame that it’s easier said than done! Thanks for giving me something to think about though! 🙂
Faith. X
I do this all the time. I compare myself to every girl I see. I even ask my brother or my husband if I’m skinnier or the random other girl is skinnier. They laugh and sometimes I do too but inside I’m super serious. Thank you for this post and for always helping us keep our eyes on what is important- and that’s what is inside of us. Thank you! You do a wonderful job!
This was such a lovely post. SO important to keep reminding ourselves of this. Thank you!
its like you stole words from my mind! lol!
you know Cassey… I’d be liar if i say i no longer compare myself with others. I do. I’m a human y’all! i just subconsciously do it! But I no longer compare myself with others to the point of misery and envy and anger. ^__^
Cassey always knows how to make me smile, whether it’s that post-workout (not during, that’s for sure…) “I did it!” feeling, or things like this. Everyone’s different, and that’s what makes you, you. Being the same as that girl over there is so BORING, who wants to be the same? Comparison really does steal your happiness, because you only focus on what the OTHER has, not what YOU have.
I compare myself to others everyday… Thank you so much for posting this, Cassey, you’ve really changed my mindset!
Thank you for writing this Cassey. Those words about each of us having certain gifts, because of our differences, really struck a chord. I always thought of it in terms of physical insecurities ie. big muscles=big strength but your statement about being able to express your art better really rings true for me.
You’re right cassey, perfectly said! I so compare myself to others, but no more. & yes it does take hard work. I slowly lost 15 lbs during the past 3 months! I can’t believe it, thanks for your amazing workouts & you pushing me to eat clean. It’s truly the only way to see results!!!.
Wow I have to admit I feel this way a lot and it’s something I’m trying to get over. It seems women are brought up to always try to be “on top” so that we are all struggling to be like one another and no one ends up happy. It definitely takes time to realize this and transition but it honestly makes you shine from the inside out once you do. Thanks cassey! Love your thoughts.
Cassey, you always seem to know exactly what i need to hear. you put what people always tell us (usually in the form of little kid’s Justice shirts): “Be You” into words. you teach me so much, and you inspire me every time i see you on the screen. I LOVE YOU!!
– ariella
It’s comforting to know we’re not alone. I set up a pressure for myself, whether I liked it or not, throughout this year when I came into medical school. All the girls were so healthy and fit, skinnier than the average student population on campus. I didn’t think it would get to me, but slowly it did. I’m working on stopping the internal comparisons. We’re getting there!!
I do compare my self to other girls, in fact almost every girl I see. It could be a magazine or my sister, or even my best friend. I recently was dumped because my boobs weren’t big enough and the rest of me wasn’t hot enough to make up for my less than chest… I’m not sure if not comparing myself would help anything because guys compare me to the girls they see, and clearly I’m not up to par… I want more than anything to be desired and my body to be socially acceptable. (socially acceptable= perceived as confident) I don’t think how you feel about your body has anything to do with how hot you are. I’m really quite sure that the more I compare my self to the hot chicks I get dumped for the better off I’ll be. Besides, all I have to do to be compared is turn on the TV and their will be insults to chicks with small boobs,or stretch marks, or cellulite, or pale skin or anything else that’s not considered socially acceptable, and contant praise to the chicks with porn star/model bodies. So if it’s ok for society to compare me, it’s ok for me to compare me and ultimteley it will push me to be a more socially acceptable person. Hopefully I can save up enough money for a boob job (fake&big is better than real&small… no I didn’t think of that by myself, btw). Luckily, I am seeing a difference in my body in the last three weeks of the beginners calender, I assumed it would take at least the four weeks to be able to feel or see a difference, thank you cassey for giving me the tools I need to get myself where I need to be so I’m not the short end of the stick. (It’s going to be SO nice to be able to watch a movie and be complemented the whole time instead of being insulted)
I also come from an Asian family so I grew up. being compared to all my siblings and it’s something that, even though I’m getting my best to not do anymore, there’s still that tiny voice in the back of my mind that does it. And now I’m going through a rough patch with one of my close friends, I can’t help but compare my friendship with him with his other friendships with other people and I worry that I’m not ” good enough” or that ” important enough” to him compared to his offer friends and in the end, it just makes me feel upset and I start to worry he’llabout me. But I’ve been trying to focus on rebuilding the way I see myself in a positive way without comparisons to anything and then extending this thought to my friendship
First of all: It takes 4 weeks for you to see some change – It takes 8 weeks for your Family and close friends to see that same change – It takes 12 weeks for the others in your life to see that change.
Second TaeKwonDo rule: Patience & Persistence.
Last thing: Yes I do compare myself to others. I don’t like it, but I do. But I am getting better at it. I am learning to see good things in me and the ones around me and see what a great team we make together. And not, she is so much prettier than me, or he (yes, do to my work, joiner, I compare myself to guys too…) is so much stronger. Yada yada yada..
I also compare myself to my future self. Thinking I will be so much better -then. I will have that knowledge – then.
Sometimes I just need to stop, sit, and think about all the great stuff I have succeded, the people around me, my life.
My life is awesome. But sometimes life go so fast and I forget it.
I do compare myself to others and it does bring me down maybe because I grew up being compared to others by my relatives.
This post just made my day Cassey… I just have to keep reminding myself that I am the best that I can be and I’m competing against myself!
Cassey is such a blessing
I compare myself a lot to others – I’m recovering from anorexia so it’s not something I can alter. But everyday I say to myself: “You’re you. You’re going to see someone who you think is so skinny and perfect, but you’re perfect too.”
I can’t say it’s working much, but it’s better to try 🙂 x
Cassey!
I am guilty of comparing myself to others, with appearance AND skills (artistic skills). I have been trying sooo so hard to stop though! I go to an art school and I am starting a summer art program soon this summer and I always tell myself not to look at other people’s work and to focus on my own. With appearance I always remind myself of how far I have come and how great I look along with the other girls I seem to compare myself to (I am maintaining now, I’ve lost 65 lbs. :D) I stay positive. Negativity is terrible and is just a downer. You help to keep me positive!! 😀 Thank you
Cassey, I couldn’t have put it better myself, we need to stop picking ourselves apart!
This quote is so inspirational to me and I hope also to some of you girls (or guys) out there. It’s constantly on my mind.
“People always ask me. ‘You have so much confidence. Where did it come from?’ It came from me. One day I decided that I was beautiful, and so I carried out my life as if I was a beautiful girl. It doesn’t have anything to do with how the world perceives you. What matters is what you see. Your body is your temple, it’s your home, and you must decorate it.”
– Gabourey Sidibe
xxxx
I started comparing myself when people started to call me fat. As s little kid, no one is busy with their looks, but when you go to secundary school… People statt to judge you on how you look. I want to change my body, I don’t want to be the fat girl and I knew I had 3 years for my body transformation.
Because at my school we go to another building after 3 years, so that have to be my new start.
Funny fact: it’s now the end of the 3 years.
Yes, I wasn’t skinny and firmer builded. But is that a reason or excuse for people to tear me down with so many depressing and breaking words? I started to sport more and eat healthier, and I maked a hard disiscion. I found out that a lot of fat was acutally from stress, after the disiscion I already lose a lot of weight. In the third year my body was so transformed, I was almost the fattesy girl
in class, but now I’m one of the skinny girls (urgh, comparasion). Yes, comparasion is the thief of joy. But comparsion also helped me woth reaching my goal, ’cause I always wanted more.
Anyways, I now, when I feel lot more self asured, only compare myself with my mirror-me. I found Cassey in my third year of transformationa nd Cassey helped me to lose the remainder pounds and to tone my muscles (wich I also build with Cassey). Cassey did actually give me self confidience and I want to thank Cassey so much. Because confidience is the most beautifull thing in the world (oh no, that’s love).
I’m so glad that I’ve reached my goal and that I’m a POPster.
Live your life to the fullest, xx!
I used to not care about the way I look or how I dress. I feel that it’s such a blessing to eat all the food that I enjoy and it makes me really happy when I eat great food. Although it’s not healthy, it didn’t matter much to me at all since I was only a bit chubby despite of all the junk food. But few months ago, I met my boyfriend. He loves me a treats me really well, but he cares about looks a lot and always compares me with other skinny girls. It makes me really depressed and I start to become self conscious. So to stop me from being always compared, I decided to start dieting. I have found blogilates and begin working out everyday and start to eat clean. At first, I was really depressed that I don’t get to eat my favourite food any more and it took a lot in me to resist and push myself to exercise. I have lost some weight, but not completely skinny yet. So recently I keep comparing myself to other girls to see how much more I need to work. It’s so stressful sometimes, to stare at my fat and want to rip them off.
I don’t know…if he loved you and treated you really well he probably wouldn’t want to change you. I am 205 pounds and my boyfriend greets me with a “hello beautiful” every day. I have never once felt like I had to change myself for him or anyone. I even gained 25 pounds while we dated (which I recently lost, thanks cassey!) and he never said a word. Now I’m on my weight loss journey and he encourages me because he knows how important it is to me but I’m sure if I stopped tomorrow he’d love me all the same. If you’re going to make serious changes in life I suggest you do it for no one but yourself!
Well, he’s dating you, not the other girls, right? Do it for yourself or don’t do it. Eating clean and working out may not be easy and you’ll need to YOLO to avoid sheer madness, BUT it should feel more natural with time. It won’t if you’re doing it for someone else.
honestly,I wouldn’t be with a guy like that.don’t take it in a wrong way but for me guys like that doesn’t worth in my life.I believe finding the right one and the person who truly loves you will always loves you for who you are.You feel comfortable,you feel confidence,you feel sexy.Then again,people like him is also great because without them,you’ll never notice yourself.I personally started exercising because I’m tired of getting tease.But if your boyfriend supports & encourage you,then I can say he’s a plus.People comes and go,the onces who supports and loves you will always be with you,supporting you.
Your progress might be slow but always remember never give up.That’s why I set my goal is ”to be better than yesterday” instead of putting a picture and keep wanting it,it makes me sad and depressed.
Dear Cassey!
You change my life every day and I’m so grateful for that and for the power you have to change so many of our lives all over the globe. I admire you greatly for that and for everything you do!
So… When I was a child I always wanted to be like my big sister and I kept trying really hard and naturally failing at being better her then she is. And there came a point in my early teens when I realised exactly what you’re talking about here – I can never be better her then she is – I have to be better me. I have to get to know my strengths and talents and then work really hard to let them shine and be my best possible self. I still compare myself to other people, of course, but when I get all envious and mean about it I kindly remind myself that everyone has a story, that , if they look awesome, they probably worked really hard for it and if they are smart, funny and so easy-going I can learn something from them. But in the end it all comes to taking responsibility for your emotions, body and career into your own hands. Like you always say – there is no magic, just hard, honest work. And by believing that I have become so much happier and healthier in my mind (and body:)).
So thank you again and big up for all the girls and woman in struggle! It’s gonna be! We can do it!
Be great*
Cassie, thank you so much for this reminder. This is a common struggle for ALL girls living in a society that really promotes comparing your body to one standard body type. The truth is, one size does not fit all. For me personally, I couldn’t get the coveted “thigh gap” even if I were extremely anorexic. My bones and muscles just aren’t formed that way. It’s so great to remember that I’ll look great and feel great for ME if I remember to stop comparing!
♡ Natalie of LIVE TEACH ALASKA
Oh Cassey, your’e so true!
I’m doin’ it all the time: in the university, at work, on the street, with my friends,…
And I felt, that such thoughts always made me jealous or angry or even mean and nasty (if I’m the “better one” in my opinion).
But I’ll try to stop it 🙂
Thanks for these nice words! 🙂
I constantly compare my self to other people. I have low self esteem and I’m very self conscious. Before I started working out and eating cleaner I would stand in front of the mirror and scrutinize myself, just picking at the thing I hated about myself . I finally broke down, I got sick and tired of hating myself, picking at flaws. The day after I broke down, I started counting calories, eating clean and exercising. I have lost 17 pounds so far, and I plan to keep going. Ive been stuck at the same weight for a while now, but I can do things I have never done before. I can finally run a mile and half non stop, do 20 un-modified pushups (it doesn’t sound like much, but to me these are HUGE accomplishments for me.) but more importantly, I can finally look in the mirror and feel proud. I can see myself changing in ways I never thought, externally and internally. Im still self conscious, but it’s not as bad. I don’t feel like I need to compare myself to other people. Thank you Cassey for being such an inspiration to me throughout my ongoing journey.
Ah! Cassey! You couldn’t have posted this at a better time! I am currently in the midst of applying to graduate programs for Physical Therapy and have been struggling with the “there is always someone better than me” problem. Also, since I work at my gym and I see all of these girls that are completely ripped, I have recently been very envious of them! I am super busy this summer and I feel like school and work haven’t allowed me to get in those good workouts that I was in the habit of for the past year + and I feel like I am getting a little poochy, so it is far too easy to compare myself to those girls at the gym.
I have SUCH a problem with comparing myself with others! It makes me feel really low and depressed and worthless. HOWEVER, I try to do my best to turn the negative thoughts into motivation. I once had a classmate who was a champion tennis player and she had these great toned arms and i felt so jealous of her in so many ways and i felt really inferior and I wanted to spread nasty rumors about her, but instead I I put the spiteful energy to good use by using it to motivate myself to run a 5k and I ran two 5Ks last year. Another time, I met a girl at an anime convention who was tall and skinny and had Rapunzel-length hair and even though we were both dressed as the same character, everyone was asking for her pictures instead of mine, and there I was, feeling short and fat and inferior and like a piece of gravel next to a diamond. I used the negative energy to train harder, eat cleaner, and create better cosplays, with fabulous results 🙂
Lately I’ve been comparing myself to others way too much and its not helping. It seems like EVERYWHERE I look someone just got engaged, pregnant, got a really good job, posting pics of their vacation’s, etc. and then I look at myself and go…’the hell am I doing with my life that’s so great?’ Probably doesn’t help that I’m suffering from depression either 🙁 and lately I don’t have time to workout either. Its hard but i’ll try to be positive.
I’m going to agree with you here. I sometimes feel like everyone around me are falling into their places and I’m approaching 25 without a boyfriend/fiancé, baby, or passport with ‘x’ number of stamps. But then I remind myself, I wouldn’t necessarily be thrilled to have any of those things and that I’m fine where I am now… Hopefully in due time I’ll figure it out, & in the meantime I’m not alone, there are tons of ppl out there on their own journeys.
I have always compared myself to my older sister. I know i shouldn’t, but I was raised looking at her like a role model. She’s two years older than me. This was fine until about age 10 when I stopped wanting to see her as a role model and really just wanted to be “even” or “more” than her on all accounts. I started taking everything too seriously around her. I wanted to be as smart or smarter. I wanted to be as skinny or skinnier (which has been a problem because she’s naturally petite and I’m more broad). I competed with her like this for years and I’m still struggling with getting those thoughts out of my head . . . I’m now fifteen and beginning to find peace with myself. It’s hard, but I know it’s the right thing to stop chasing her and start making my own path. Reading posts like these always boosts my confidence! Thank you Cassey, you are truly amazing!!
My self esteem is so low, I absolutely hate myself. Everything about myself. I’m trying to work on that but it’s hard because I’ve had low self esteem since I was a kid, and now I’m almost 30 and my body isn’t the same as it was in my early 20s. I have cellulite and I wear a size 8 instead of a size 4. Not to mention all of the mistakes I’ve made and my ongoing struggles emotionally.
I’ve been working so hard to lose weight and have been doing everything right but still haven’t lost anything. I do compare myself to others, way too much. I wish that I could learn to love myself for who I am. I wish I could see good things about myself. All that I can see are flaws. You’re right, all it does is make me miserable, and I’m sick of it.
Hi Jenny,
Don’t worry, we all feel this way about our bodies, whether we’re losing weight or not. I’ve always been overweight and it’s hard not to compare yourself to others. Try picking out one good thing about yourself and embrace it. If that doesn’t help or you can’t seem to do it, try pushing away one self conscious thought. lf that’s your stomach or your thighs, try not to sigh when you see it in the mirror or think about it when your with friends. I also had low self esteem, I still am getting out of it, but I realized by wishing that I had someone else’s body, I would never ever feel good about myself. Celebrate every pound you lose and how much more effort you put into your workouts and soon people might be wishing they had YOUR confidence. Good luck and remember we all go through this and you’re not alone.
Hi Jenny
I dont have any advice for you, but I have 1 thing for you to consider. It’s called the “Landmark Forum” (LF), it’s a personal development/transformation course. I used to have low self esteem about my confidence and my intelligence. This program has worked wonders for me. I got more than what I asked for, including an awesom relationship with my parents. It’s good you realised that you’ve been making yourself wrong for things you did in the past, LF will give you the freedom from anxiety and stress (I got great peace of mind after LF). Hope it helps! You deserve a better life Jenny and you owe it to yourself to do that 🙂
Pretty words! love 4 you! 🙂
You’re amazing Cassey! That’s exactly what I needed to hear. I’m always judging myself for not being very flexible and being afraid of stupid things. But all you have to do is love yourself! 🙂
XOXO
Emma
This post has motivated me to keep going with the beginner’s workout calender and to keep working on my music for college auditions and most importantly to be happy with myself. I will do my very best. Thank you, Cassey 🙂
Oh Cassey…this was just what I needed!!
Thank you so much for discussing this subject because it is very common and it really does create such a negative impact on individuals! I always find myself comparing and being compared to others for their acknowledgements and hard-work! After reading this, I just feel really good about myself!
Love you lots!! <3
my cup runneth over and i exist in limitless possibility !
i couldn’t agree more with this post !
i love you, Cassey ! : )
thank you for shining your lovely light of self so brightly.
This hit home for me; as it did for many others.
My whole life, I compared myself to my sister and she frequently reminded me that I wasn’t good enough. She is three years older than me, 5 inches shorter than me and about 40lbs lighter than me (a fact she never let go of when we were younger). At the time, neither of us cared that I was taller than her, I wore a bigger pant size so I was “fat.”
Over time, I have been able to overcome that issue with her and we are fine….but then I moved to South Korea from the US. I am now surrounded by a relatively conformist society where beauty, weight, and appearance are the top topics of conversation and, as I am sure others know, asians have no qualms about telling you that you have gained weight. Cassey, you have even written about this just before you started the Diet bet so I know that I am not alone when it comes to feeling the sting of blatant judgement and comments from others.
Anyway, After coming here, all of my insecurities have resurfaced and I am working to battle them.
I compare myself daily with these very skinny girls and wonder what I am doing wrong. There is the logic in my head of “I know I am at a healthy weight, I know that I am not fat, and I know that I am working to take care of my body.” but I automatically, emotionally, disregard all the logic and compare away.
My point after all this is, thank you for posting this now in the middle of my struggle. I needed this and I am grateful for all your motivation and good energy that flows out of you. I always feel better after I see you working so hard and being so excited!!
Good luck to all the people that suffer from comparisons. Any progress, slow or fast, is still progress <3 Keep up the good work!!
“this is such an Asian thing” LOL. OMG I so totally can relate to that and understand how it felt to be compared to other relatives kids. My parents did it all the time and I was like I wan to SCREAM & SHOUT!
But then again, i realise it’s not worth it and i just make my pokerface and say ‘oohh’. 😉 Thanks Cassey 🙂
Thank you so much for this post Cassey! It is truly inspirational, especially since it something I have personally struggled with so much. I’m so happy to have discovered you and your workouts! It is changing my life! Thank you again Cassey! Keep being awesome <3
You’re awesome Cassey =) I love reading your posts, they’re always so relevant and right on time! Like so many popsters I feel close to you and your mindset! I am nowadays focusing more on my goals and desires than comparing myself to supposedly better people… I don’t agree anymore with the saying “the grass is greener next door”. We all have to build our own reality!
I still have moments where my self-esteem gets in the way and makes me feel bad but it doesn’t last long and I go back on track.
Thanks for your support and your positive energy! I hope to meet you next year when I move in LA =)
Cassey, you’re the best role model ever! I look up to you and you give me the strength to step out of my comfort zone and do what makes me happy! A couple of months ago, I was in a dark place. I had -100% self confidence and I was truly unhappy with who I was, how I portrayed myself, and where I was going in life. You gave me the confidence and strength to get myself out of that position and start living life! Not only did you help me lose ~28~ pounds, but you also made me so much more confident in myself. And that’s something I could never repay you for. Thank you so much.
This post really made me realize that I am my own person, and I’m perfectly fine the way I am. I always compare myself to others. Why can’t I be that athletic? Why can’t I be a genius? But I figured I’d rather have someone hate me for who I am, than to be loved for who I’m not. Thank you so much Cassey!
well said!
Thank you so much! I totally needed that. I have three older sisters and I always get compared to them. I have always compared myself and it has led me to depression. I’ve being doing your workouts and taking your advice and it has helped me . Thank you for what you do.
I totally relate to your feelings about competition!! I’ve started on the varsity soccer team since freshmen year and my position is sweeper. Both my position and what I have to do to earn a starting position, require a great deal of competition…it has kind of ruined the sport for me. I miss just playing with friends without worrying about upcoming games and living up to everyone’s expectations.
Yes. I compare myself to the fitness instructors I’m following (you) on the workout performance. I get so frustrated with everything I lack to perform the workout as beautifully as you do.
After 6 months of practicing with you, I still struggle and wobble with one-legged moves. I still get painfully tired with plank moves – especially while jumping on them – because those limbs still cannot support my body. As much as I try every day, there are still so many moves I fail at because I still have not developed the strength, balance and flexibility to pull them off gracefully. And for many of them, the joints hurt and give out before the muscle I’m actually trying to work. I get so angry at my body for not cooperating and staying in sync with you, as I watch you do the workout with graceful ease.
I still do it every day though, and hope I can be better than yesterday.
Amen! This blog was exactly what I needed!
Thank you. Honestly, it’s like you were reading my mind! This is exactly how I felt today. I just felt so self-conscious today because today is my cheat day and I had some sugary snacks that I normally wouldn’t have and I seen girls that have the perfect figures and in my head I was like ‘no, fit healthy, strong women don’t eat these foods’. I just had to stop myself and think about it. Everyone is human. And every person goes through their peak stage of fitness and health, but they also have periods of time where they may overindulge and eat things they WANT but don’t exactly NEED. So thank you, this really made me remind myself of how far I’ve come in the last few months! I’ve lost nearly all of the weight I gained and I’m the fittest and strongest I’ve been in my entire life. Who says I can’t enjoy soul food every once in a while?
Yours sincerely, Lauren Walsh 🙂
I tend to get low sometimes when I can’t do a workout or I feel like I’ve gotten nowhere, but I guess I have. I’m just used to what I’ve gotten and when you’re on the screen doing the workout while I’m falling down every five seconds, its a little discouraging. But thanks for the help, if I get me some dang bananas I’m gonna work on my diet.
Brings to mind the wise words from the Bible – “But when they measure themselves by one another and compare themselves with one another, they are without understanding.” (2 Corinthians 10:12) Always a good reminder! Thanks, Cassey.
Wow that verse fits perfectly with this! =)
omg I feel you. My best friend is 5’2″ and I’m 5’9″ and I’m always comparing myself to her. I always ask myself, “Why can’t I be thin like her?” stuff like that. It started eating at me to the point where I wouldn’t eat or eat my feelings. It was horrible!
To anyone struggling with comparing yourselves to others, be strong and have faith in yourself! <3
I’m definitely extremely guilty of this. I do it constantly… Usually unconsciously too. My good friend and I were both trying to lose some weight a few weeks ago and she’s about half my size and seeing results, where I just gave up after a while since I didn’t. Like you said, two different lives, and while I can make excuse and say that I’m a lot more responsible and much busier than her, they are only excuses and those born from jealousy. I should be proud and happy for her but it is sometimes very hard for me to do that in earnest. I know this post sounds nasty but it’s a flaw that I’m trying to work on. I need to be more supportive of myself and not get easily discouraged.
Hi Cassey, thank you for this inspirational post 🙂
I am Asian too so I guess I can relate to it when you talk about relatives comparing you to their kids.
I sometimes feel ashamed of myself because I am not as perfect as my siblings or cousins. But you are right, comparing yourself to others is indeed like a science experiment. Thank you for explaining it that way (I’m studying medicine). Hopefully, I’ll stop doing this to myself…
xoxo
I used to hate game days, too! I always preferred doubles because my partner was my best friend and it’s SO much more fun with someone else by your side!
Cassey, your speech reminded me of this ad:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OsA27ueSODY
I loooooooooooooove it, so motivating in every aspect of life!
Cassey i love you so much!! You have changed my life so much and i love it!! As someone who has terrible body image problems, i used to compare myself to everyone i saw. Since starting your workouts, i am not only stronger physically and mentally, but i am more comfortable in my own skin! I am happier now than i have been in a looonnnnggg time. Sooo yeah thank you cassey, you are beyond awesome (:
Its a pretty common thing for females especially to do this. I make comparisons with others before I even realize what I’m doing, and I hate that! For the most part I am comfortable with my body and do my best to take good care of myself, but I’m a little socially awkward and therefore its hard for me to make new friends, and I envy those who can. I struggle with confidence issues in that aspect of my life, and sometimes it can feel pretty lonely.
I hate comparing myself! But yes, I do have to be honest and say that oftentimes I do it subconsciously because it’s like second nature to me now~and it’s really interesting that it’s so much easier to do that in such a materialistic society. I noticed that I never think about that kind of thing when I’m in third world countries or somewhere where surviving is everyone’s basic wish! It really comes down to perspective and being content with who we are and what we’ve been given, dontcha think?! 🙂
Thank you for posting this! I was feeling so good about myself earlier in the week and then I saw a picture I didn’t like of me and it has really affected me since Tuesday. Seems stupid, right? I have to stop comparing myself to others and focus on the things that I do love about me.
I compare myself to others, all the time.. I dance, and in class we are always looking at each other to see what we do wrong, and what we do right. That way I’m always looking at others to see how I can do it better than them. The same when it comes to bodytypes, I always try to find someone in class that has the same body as me, so that I can look at them and see that If they can do it, I can as well. I don’t know If it is such a bad thing thou? I do improve my dancing that way, and my confidence also gets better… What do you say?
This school year, I compared myself to one of my close friends. I always thought he was smarter than me because he seems more hardworking and puts more effort into projects and papers. I’m currently at the top of my class so I always thought I never deserved my spot and he did. This made me depressed from time to time and gave me low self-esteem. I also cried about this occasionally. But then I stopped thinking about ranks and numbers because in the end that’s what they are, just numbers. I was just going to stop comparing myself to him and I said whatever happens, happens. All that matters is that we both should do our best in school. Now I’m much more happier than I was before. 😀
For me, it’s like a natural instinct. Sometimes I don’t even realize I’m doing it. But when I do, I feel like poo. It makes me feel bad that I’m feeling jealousy. Then I feel even more bad for feeling bad for feeling jealous. Oh my…
I am exactly the same! it’s hard to overcome 🙁
I compare myself to others because I do not feel very good in my own body.
I really do not know how to stop it. Hopefully It’ll get better when I lose some weight! 🙂
In the last two weeks I was so lazy and tired the whole day I didn’t workout 🙁
Today was the first day since then and I couldn’t do anything! 😀 I really have to stay motivated.
(I believe the comment is just for feeling more motivated :D)
xoxo