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Why I Will NEVER DIET again.

 

Hey guys!

Real talk happening in 3…2…1…

I want to get real honest with you today. There’s been something I’ve neglected talking about for about 4 years because I didn’t want to admit to myself that I had a problem. But today, I think I need to tell you about something that I was extremely ashamed of. I want to talk to you about my experience with extreme dieting and…

my eating disorder.

Remember how I was in a bikini competition 4 years ago?


cassey ho bikini

The first time I walked on stage in my leopard bikini. (more…)

The Conversation (310)

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  • […] of "ideal body types" to illustrate the ridiculousness of beauty standards. She's also shared why she doesn't believe in diets that involve seriously restricting food intake or in making changes that aren't sustainable […]

  • Evan_Eventually says:

    This has helped me so much, thank you.

  • Lucy Wong says:

    Awesome! Thank you! So inspirational! I am still +13 lbs since giving birth 5.5 months ago. I got over it but originally kicked myself over why I wasn’t “bouncing back into shape” like some of those new mom IGers. I work out but I know I need to eat better. My reasons for working out are for my health & to eat lol. Anyways I’ll have to eat better soon bc I’d be a bit happier if I can fit back into my old clothes, but yea to not doing miserable restrictive diets. That’s prob one of the main reasons why I haven’t started. I should take baby steps! Anyways, thanks again for being inspiring but above all, REAL. Thanks for being real! 😊

  • […] it involves health, at all times you’ll want to take heed to your physique. Back in early 2016, Cassey came clean about an eating disorder she developed four years prior. While coaching for a bikini competitors then, she subjected her physique to an immensely strict […]

  • […] the biggest loser model does not work in the long term for many reasons, but mostly because it’s unsustainable. The faster you lose weight, the more quickly your body is going to shut down, and the more […]

  • Amandine says:

    It’s the firts time I am reading something on your blog but this article it’s very empowering. Thank you for talking about the real reasons we should workout and the importance of the inside feelings and personnalities. We are not juts “6 packs” as you say.
    It’s also important to talk about the eating disorder that can come along the way. I have been anorexic for years and it took me a while to really enjoy working out.
    We should workout just because it makes us feel good, not only for the esthetic progresses

  • Claire P says:

    I started doing your videos a couple of weeks ago, Cassey, just as my longest relationship was on its way out. And right after it ended (after a week of binging all my favorite unhealthy things) I suddenly wanted to lose weight. But honestly, that’s what got me started, not what keeps me working out. What keeps me doing your videos after work most days is that even if i feel alone and hopeless, if I can talk myself into doing a couple of your videos, all of a sudden I am happy and energized and ready to tackle some new everyday challenge that, when I slide into my negative feelings, feels impossible, like going to the grocery store or cleaning my apartment. I feel better when I am active. Thank you so much for sharing your story. I had a similar experience, though not that extreme, when I was in a modeling competition as a teenager. It’s not easy to bounce back and develop a healthy relationship with healthiness after that. I applaud you.

  • Carolina Xavier says:

    Awesome story, Cassie! Really thank you for sharing. I feel more relieved about myself after reading this. I guess nobody’s perfect, and that’s maybe the most perfect true ever.

  • Trisha Anne Chi-Young says:

    My name is Trisha Anne I am from the Philippines. Over the past 5 years I have done so much restrictive diets since high school it was so hard and so unfair to myself that I would like to share my story. When I was only 11 years old losing weight became a part of my life like I wanted to lose fat and eat well however I kept gaining and gaining weight over the years so around freshman high school I decided to starve myself only to drink water I ended up fainting at this point I lose some weight. I gained back the weight during Sophomore years and Junior years it was crazy I began to isolate myself from social gatherings in my school and focused on eating too healthy and workout for almost 2-3 hours. Yes again I lose weight but I stopped in my final years of high school where I gained weight again. On a prom night it was a horrible night I got rejected over a dance so I began to lose the weight again with the similar method but this time my emotions are no longer healthy as my insecurities became nightmares. Thank GOD I never suffered from Eating Disorder but I feel less committed to go to the gym, eat more food during the summer and return to my old ways again. Recently, I have read about Orthorexia and body positive topics which shows me I need to change my life instead of changing others. My whole life losing the weight isn’t working for me anymore because all I want to do is to change my life rather than to do this for others or anything restrictive in the end. Yes, I am fat but proud of who I am inside because looks doesn’t really matter in the end but changing your life does. Cassey is and always will be my role model in my life so I would send some life changing photos of mine in the future :)

  • Charlotte says:

    I myself am trying to get back on my feet… Eating disorders are long lasting personal demons, but I guess I can kick mine’s butt! :) Thank you for shating your story. And I think I would like to be weighted by passion! xxx

  • Casandra Lopez says:

    I’ve been lying to myself for a long time. I’ve never been anorexic, but I realize now that I was restricting myself to the point that I almost could be categorized as anorexic. I remember one summer after highschool I dropped from 120 down to 112. I’m 5’4 and this wasn’t done naturally or healthly. I slept past breakfast and woke up to eat oatmeal in the afternoon, then I waited until my stomach growled late into the evening to eat a small meal. That was it. Everyday. I felt empty. I felt weak. I did no exercise, just sat and wasted away. When college started, I got stressed as most students do, I gained all the weight back, even more. I was so stressed with work and classes. I was moving around a lot this time and not eating properly, sometimes drinking coffee for lunch. It hit me into my 2nd year, my body, my gut, my hormones reacted to the stress, the poor diet. I broke out in cystic acne. Cystic acne doesn’t happen in one day. It happens over a long period of time, under chronic stress. It all started when I restricted my body from food that one summer. I entered a roller coaster of gaining and loosing weight. You don’t think that ruins your gut? Yes. It does. It ruins your health and mixed in with chronic stress, oh my god. It was horrible for me. It took me along time to realize that my diet was so important for my skin and my health. I also needed to find a place of happiness. I needed to find my peace and kindness with my body. Now, I’m recovering from cystic acne, only cheek scars remain, but they’re a reminder of what I pUT myself through. As for my diet, I eat. I eat everything. I’m vegan so I have to, but now I eat to fuel myself. I exercise a couple hours a day to get rid f my stress and get my blood flowing for my skin. Sleep is honestly the best thing to normalize your eating habits. It’s also good to sleep early and wake up early to repair the skin. Move with the sun, get the blood flowing, eat well, and do whatever exercise makes you feel happy and strong. I don’t like to think I had an eating disorder. I assume that I am stronger, but if I’m going to be honest, I almost did. Thanks cassy for sharing this story. I struggle sometimes, but it’s good to know that I can do better for myself.

  • Casandra Lopez says:

    I’ve been lying to myself for a long time. I’ve never been anorexic, but I realize now that I was restricting myself to the point that I almost could be categorized as anorexic. I remember one summer after highschool I dropped from 120 down to 112. I’m 5’4 and this wasn’t done naturally or healthly. I slept past breakfast and woke up to eat oatmeal in the afternoon, then I waited until my stomach growled late into the evening to eat a small meal. That was it. Everyday. I felt empty. I felt weak. I did no exercise, just sat and wasted away. When college started, I got stressed as most students do, I gained all the weight back, even more. I was so stressed with work and classes. I was moving around a lot this time and not eating properly, sometimes drinking coffee for lunch. It hit me into my 2nd year, my body, my gut, my hormones reacted to the stress, the poor diet. I broke out in cystic acne. Cystic acne doesn’t happen in one day. It happens over a long period of time, under chronic stress. It all started when I restricted my body from food that one summer. I entered a roller coaster of gaining and loosing weight. You don’t think that ruins your gut? Yes. It does. It ruins your health and mixed in with chronic stress, oh my god. It was horrible for me. It took me along time to realize that my diet was so important for my skin and my health. I also needed to find a place of happiness. I needed to find my peace and kindness with my body. Now, I’m recovering from cystic acne, only cheek scars remain, but they’re a reminder of what I pUT myself through. As for my diet, I eat. I eat everything. I’m vegan so I have to, but now I eat to fuel myself. I exercise a couple hours a day to get rid f my stress and get my blood flowing for my skin. Sleep is honestly the best thing to normalize your eating habits. It’s also good to sleep early and wake up early to repair the skin. Move with the sun, get the blood flowing, eat well, and do whatever exercise makes you feel happy and strong. I don’t like to think I had an eating disorder. I assume that I am stronger, but if I’m going to be honest, I almost did. Thanks cassy for sharing this story. I struggle sometimes, but it’s good to know that I can do better for myself.

  • June says:

    I would like to be weighed by grace

  • Anna says:

    I cried when i readed this.. Be proud of yourself of what you have become today. I do your workout on youtube and i love them! Thank you for being who you are. Be proud, and be happy. With love, Anna.

  • […] Eating within an hour of waking up literally wakes up your metabolism. It breaks the fast from the night, steadies blood sugar and sets you up to burn calories throughout the day. According to the National Weight Control Registry, 78% of 5,000 people who lost an average of 66 pounds and kept it off, eat a morning meal every day. If you’re not a breakfast eater, start with a small snack: a hard-boiled egg, small smoothie, tofu scramble or 1/2 cup of Greek yogurt will get the job done. Eventually, you’ll start getting hungrier in the morning and can add a bit more to make it a meal. And make sure you’re eating throughout the day too! Skipping meals or dipping too low in calories per day does not help you keep weight off! It simply ends up slowing down your metabolism, creating a challenging and disheartening uphill battle for weight loss. If you haven’t read my personal story about this, click here. […]

  • Kayla says:

    I too must comment for the first time because this is truly inspirational Cassy you rock girl! I’ve followed blogilates from as way back as 2011, and I noticed the drastic transformation. Honestly thinking something like an eating disorder must of took place because I have always loved how natural your body looks. I was drawn to your work outs because of how real of a person you are. I guess I felt I could trust your advice and exercises to actually work because I have this realistic view of you. Which the work outs do work I must add <3
    After watching this video I have to say you are that much more amazing to me! To be able to come forward and admit to us your fans and number one yourself is beyond strong. You have so much strength to look up to that's why I love following you! ??

    Just popped back to the blogilates site randomly for your protein pancakes recipe, and I had to leave my comment. So thank you for all of your great recipes also!

  • Nelly says:

    Cassey thank you so much for sharing this. It is really moving and helpful.

  • Dusty Marie says:

    Cassey, I recently admitted to myself & family that I have been struggling with an eating disorder. I have been dealing with the ED for 11 years. I can’t tell you enough how much I have enjoyed reading this post. In my recovery plan I had to stop working out and it allowed me to realize how big of an issue I allowed it to play in hiding my eating disorder. Over what? a number on the scale & chasing those stupid 6pack abs. Instead I fell in love with myself through yoga. I am only allowed a 1 hr yoga class a week & the rest I do minimal stretches at home. I use yoga for my mind rather than my body. I used to workout every day & eat “clean” which was very restrictive (no fruits/grains) I was miserable. Today I am working my hardest at ensuring I can eat enough calories required for me daily without exercise. I can admit I am scared to start exercising again as I don’t want to see myself drop down into my old habits. I hope that when I begin exercising I will be able to be kind & gentle with myself & not go crazy over it. I have been very picky about which programs/ routines/ guides or even the gym I may attend when this day comes for me. I’m happy to say I’ve been leaning more towards following your workouts as you are very encouraging in a positive body image way. I may not be there today but I hope to one day in the future begin to exercise for the health & strength of my body.

  • […] instructor finally came out about what she characterized as “my eating disorder.” She also publicly pledged never to diet again. Her disclosure, documented on YouTube and on her blog, sent shockwaves across […]

  • […] finally came out about what she characterized as “my eating disorder.” She also publicly pledged never to diet again. Her disclosure, documented on YouTube and on her blog, sent shockwaves across […]

  • […] instructor finally came out about what she characterized as “my eating disorder.” She also publicly pledged never to diet again. Her disclosure, documented on YouTube and on her blog, sent shockwaves across […]

  • […] finally came out about what she characterized as “my eating disorder.” She also publicly pledged never to diet again. Her disclosure, documented on YouTube and on her blog, sent shockwaves across […]

  • […] finally came out about what she characterized as “my eating disorder.” She also publicly pledged never to diet again. Her disclosure, documented on YouTube and on her blog, sent shockwaves across […]

  • […] finally come out about what he characterized as “my eating disorder.” He also publicly promised never diet again. Her disclosure, documented in YouTube and in his blog , sending shock waves […]

  • nicole says:

    this video is simply amazing. they way she addresses everything….her honestly around such taboo subjects. I had no idea she was going through all that at the time. she has always been one of my favorite trainers. this made me love her even more.

  • carly says:

    This is crazy, the way he made you diet! I am currently dieting for a competition but my diet is more varied and i would say it’s pretty normal and only 3 weeks out my carbs are being cut down a bit but i have no complaints :-) I hate strict dieting and only getting through mine cos i still get to eat chocolate and i also had treat days, would never do a diet so restrictive from food, i would fail straight away,lol

    http://www.blogwithlove.co.uk

  • Laura says:

    I’m just an occasional visitor and I have never ever commented on any posts, but I must say it: this was the most moving, inspirational, and courageous post I’ve read, not just here, but in any other fitness blog. You’re truly a brave and wonderful person, Cassey. Wish you all the best!

  • E.M.W. says:

    I don’t usually post on sites like this, but I have to say thank you for opening up about and bringing awareness to this stigmatized mental illness. Thank you! I also wanted to thank you because after over 7 years of dealing with an eating disorder, your videos were the first exercise I was able to do after becoming a healthy weight for the first time ever this year. I’ve never felt healthier and stronger and I’m so glad to now be physically able to be on a journey to HEALTH for the first time ever. Your honesty is so brave and empowering. THANK YOU!

  • TF says:

    It’s no wonder you felt horrible during that time, not only the low calorie thing, but you were eating practically no fat. I can’t imagine doing that for 8 weeks. I’m glad you got through it all and shared your story with all of us. You’re a true inspiration.
    And I just want to say, I stumbled on your blog/youtube channel almost 4 years ago, and I’ve always thought you looked perfect the way you were. And I don’t care what size your butt is, your butt workouts are great and I love them! I always envied your strength and respected you for that, not for how you look or your physique. You’re awesome, and your energy and strength is beautiful. Thank you for doing what you do. <3

  • Ileyah says:

    While reading this I finally realize that I’ve been losing weight for all the wrong reasons. For now on I will lose weight to stay healthy and I will enjoy every moment of it.

  • […] I have been following Cassey from Blogilates for a few years, and despite not following her workouts anymore (change of goals more than anything) I loved this video about her impressions about dieting after her past as a bikini model. […]

  • nomi says:

    Hello, and thank you for your testimony. Excuse me for my bad English, I’m French. I think it’s really important that people like you, influential and beautiful have the strength to tell their bad experience and trauma imposed on their bodies. It is essential to beat the marketting and true propaganda that guide our ideal into a superficial and morbid quest. Indeed it is very hard today to love, to accept her body and really do good. SEVERAL friends are, I think, in extreme food to lose weight and it hurts me that they impose such a tyranny that does not bring them happiness. Perhaps a few more glances, envious or desirable but not for the real reasons and their inner being. Myself I’m obsessed with my body and discovered today that I do not like. It’s hard to admit but I will look for other ways to make peace with myself and my image. Fortunately for me, my mother who is diététitienne, allways saved me from the extreme, because the priority remains healthy, and I’ve always been thanks to her. and thanks to you again.

  • I’m an amateur fitness competitor (fitness is a division in body building shows). Couple of thoughts: Your trainer is stupid was practicing beyond his scope and possibly without proper training/education/certification- I don’t know ANYBODY who competes in ANY category who preps for 8 weeks, works out 6-7 hours a day, OR is prescribed by their coach a diet that consists of only a thousand calories a day. I don’t think everybody who competes once should be a repeat competitor; it’s super weird and not for everybody. But I believe that people should not feel overly harmed as a result of their training for a show and I hope that most one-time competitors will leave with neutral at worst feelings about their prep and their competition. This guy didn’t know what he was doing.

    I work out about an hour (maybe two because I have a “skills” round, so I have to practice those skills) a day (6 weeks out from my next show, my coach REMOVED a training day from my previous plan- so I work out 5 days a week, and put my rest days where I need them- and I do, because like you, I teach multiple fitness classes a week!). A little more a few weeks out but again, I have skills/choreography to run. From your starting point, I don’t know why your trainer wanted you to do so much boring ass time consuming steady state cardio. That is CRAZY. 8 weeks isn’t very long; most people I know prep for 16 weeks or longer. Maybe he was thinking that there’s only 8 weeks so you had to work super hard to “make up for lost time” or something, but I think you started with a fairly lean physique based on your pictures in this post.

    Just because somebody “used to compete” doesn’t mean they know how to train other people. That really grinds my gears. Body building is already arguably an extreme sport, there is a lot of potential for damaging people by doing stupid old-fashioned shit that the science doesn’t support any more.

    If anybody is reading this blog post because they are thinking that they also want to compete (don’t compete in bikini, it is the stupidest and least rewarding category and has stupid required poses), shop around for a coach. Ask them their qualifications, ask them who their other clients are (and talk to those clients if you can!), and ask them about their dietary philosophies. If you think that what they are saying sounds above-average crazy and not regular “body building is pretty wacky but this doesn’t sound like a death sentence” then talk to other coaches.

    Cassey, I’m sorry your competition prep experience was so poor. I’m sorry you had awful coaching that fostered unhealthy, dangerous behaviors and ideas in you. I think you are incredibly brave to share your story with us all and I appreciate you sharing your journey back to health with us. Keep being you!

  • Oh well ! Dieting is not for everyone

  • anonymous says:

    Hey Cassey, it’s the first time i’ve entered in your internet website, although i have already done some of your exercise the past few months with Blogilates app.
    I want to let you know that I’ve been through something similirar; in six months I lost like about 6 kg and had lead me to not having my menstruation. I excercised a lot; I ran 30 mins 6 days per week and ate very little, avoiding the excess of calories. I was a little obssesed as you with only eating healthy foods. Right now I’m concerned of what I have been through (I wasnt concious, I thought that I still had to lose some weight) and I started eating more varied and exercising less. Today, its been like one and a half year that I dont have my mentruation and I dont want to get fatter but I know that if I want to have it again (I still need to develope, I’m 15 and my boobs are really really small), I have to have more fat in my body… ANYWAY your video has helped my to see that there are more persons like me and im just soosososo proud that you are know balanced and ok with yourself.
    Sorry for my grammar; Im from Spain

  • mayank says:

    nice

  • […] common a absolute blog and video explaining how support from a late bodybuilder led her to commence an impassioned diet to […]

  • Erika says:

    And this is why I love you, Cassey! You’re so open and beautiful as a person. I met you on your book tour last year and told you I’d discovered you through a lifestyle group I joined, Live More Weigh Less. That program is what broke me of restrictive dieting. I had no idea I was even dieting. I’d always thought what I was doing was just being attentive. In reality, I stressed out about only eating 1600 calories a day and worked out to make up for more calories. I would berate myself if I went over and constantly deny myself the things I really enjoyed. It was awful. When I joined LMWL, the first step was to stop weighing yourself, stop keeping track of what your eating, and start eating more whole foods. I remember thinking to myself, wait a minute, how will I know what to eat. And then, I finally heard my body. I finally listened to her completely.
    I was doing some pretty great workouts when a friend in LMWL posted her #blogilates challenge. I was always a fan of pilates and yoga so when she challenged me to try it for a week, I took her up on it. I was impressed in just 30 seconds. Not only were you cheery and excited, you were full of real talk and inspiration. Not to mention the fantasticness that is cheap clean eats! I love the ideas you give on there and because I’m fully engaged with my body and her needs now, I like to use your recipes as jumping off points.
    Thank you for being so brave and open all the time. It has to be exhausting to be so full of life ;) I adore you and am a proud #popster.
    <3 & hugs

  • Rochelle Mullen says:

    Think you for being transparent! I can relate to what you have been through, I suffered from an eating disorder 2 years ago. Thank you for encouraging women to love themselves!

  • Isabelle says:

    Cassey you knew you had to make this video because being REAL is you. Sure there may be people who will judge you and probably tear you to pieces – HATERS gonna hate, right? But anyone who knows you and has seen you grow on youtube will appreciate you just so much more for this. I know I do. I first met you in 2010 and your transformation in the last 5 well 6 years is inspiring and motivating. Most of us will for sure not have the time to workout 4 hours a day, sometimes even 30 minutes is hard. But we are exposed to all the “standards” showing women that dedicate their life to looking “hot” and let’s not forget photoshop and it’s so easy to feel inferior if not living up to them. I have been in a similar place as you, after loosing over 40 lbs, which I really had to and my diet regime was pretty legit, but once I was done there was that; only 3 pieces of fruit a day, don’t eat more than two slices of bread… until about a year ago I admitted to myself that in a way that was a form of ED and I started my journey back to normal. Also as a middle-school teacher I really wanna set the example to my girl students that you are not defined by your looks and weight, so I felt it necessary to be OK with my pouchy lower belly, that is me and honestly it always has been. I was an active kid, rode my bike to school, did track and field, my mom cooked good balanced meals but I had a pouchy lower belly. Then through my late teens and most of my 20’s I gained over 40 pounds and 9 years ago I got them off again WHOO-HOOO and have kept them off, but still pouchy lower belly. For the past year and a half I really have a workout routine (running, yoga, popilates) and I am getting stronger but my complexion looks pretty much the same. It is frustrating at times, but most days I just tell myself this is who you are and it’s enough.
    So, kudos to you for keeping it real and getting out of that ED-Spiral, you are stronger and more gorgeous for coming out on the other side and sharing it with us.

    Lots of love.
    XO

  • Pauline says:

    Hi Cassey,

    This information really made me reconsider my thoughts about diets and trainings. And actually your “imperfect” body always inspires me more than all this 6-pack big-butt trainers. When I look at them I feel depressed because I understand that I will never look like them. But your seems so confident, happy and cheerful on your videos that it makes me belive that I’m doing exercieses for my health and strength, not for somebody’s other opinion.

    (Sorry for mistakes I might made as I’m not a native English speaker :))

  • […] Why I will never diet again […]

  • Gabi says:

    Dear Cassey!

    This is my first comment on your blog.
    When I was thirty, I was close to slipping into an eating disorder. I’m also an fitness instructor and had to learn not to become obsessed with body Images.
    Thank so much for sharing this (I guess it must have been hard for you to go through the emotional rollercoaster again while writing this…..)
    Be happy!

    Love from Austria, Europe

  • […] Why I Will Never Diet Again via Blogilates. Absolutely love this honest account on extreme restriction and the effects it has on us both mentally and physically. […]

  • […] von Blogilates erzählt in diesem berührenden Artikel, weshalb sie nie wieder Diät halten […]

  • Maria says:

    Cassey, thank you so much for sharing your story with us. I can’t even imagine what kind of pressure you must be under as a fitness instructor with YouTube, Instagram, and all the other ways for people to constantly access your looks, your workouts, your everything. One of my favorite things about doing your workouts is that I get to hear you remind me of why I’m working out. You make it fun; you make it sustainable. Working out with you in the morning is one of the best parts of my day. I wake up at 4:50am every day just to see you because you make me WANT to! I think you should be weighed by all of the Popsters you’ve ever inspired standing on the scale, one on top of the other. We’d reach all the way to the moon because that’s what you inspire us to do: shoot for the stars and love ourselves along the way. I love you, Cassey. Thanks for being you!

  • Sami says:

    This post was so extremely touching. Its so easy to get lost in superficial wants and expectations. Thanks for sharing this. If anything, Cassey should be weighed by the amount of inspiration she has brought to so many of us.

  • Kat says:

    It has been some time since I have been to your page and as I went to take a look today after such a long time, I’ve hound out this video. I have to say you look so far the best from the time I joined your workout sessions! Now you look at peace and healthy. Actually I have a similar problem (it was caused differently). Last year I suddenly lost about 11 kilos in just one month and I loved it. Right after that I was found with diabetes A and since that day I have been really scared of the scale. What I lost in one month I gained back in one week during my stay in hospital. Since that time I can’t really work out, ’cause I get into a hypoglykemy and I carry on to gain weight constantly, no matter what I eat. And I hate it. That’s why I’m happy for you to be finally in peace and in balance. Thank you

  • Charlotte says:

    Hi Cassey,
    Your video was very inspiring and you look perfect now, you are happy now and happiness is everything!
    I loved the video of the women weighing themselves by their achievements. It really made me realise I am alot more than my body.

    This is my first time actually reading the comments on your blog, I normally just watch your YouTube videos. Now I really see what you mean when you say Blogilates is a group, a community. Everyone commenting has there own story to share and everyone is so supportive. They are helping each other on the journey to a healthier and stronger future. Cassey, you have brought us all together, uniting us on this journey. Everyone is so inspiring. Thank you Cassey for creating this online community. I am truly happy to be a part of it. X

  • Cixi says:

    Oh Cassey… You makes me cry… Your story, I understand so much… You’re better today than when you’re doing your competition. You are the most motivated for me. I follow coach but you are the one who have this qualitie to say at my mind “Don’t give up”, really Cassey, Continue your videos and be happy; ♥

  • […] an emotional video, Cassey Ho, the 29-year-old founder of popular YouTube channel and website Blogilates, revealed to her 2.8 million subscribers that she struggled with ‘some form of extreme […]

  • […] an emotional video, Cassey Ho, the 29-year-old founder of popular YouTube channel and website Blogilates, revealed to her 2.8 million subscribers that she struggled with ‘some form of extreme […]

  • […] an emotional video, Cassey Ho, the 29-year-old founder of popular YouTube channel and website Blogilates, revealed to her 2.8 million subscribers that she struggled with ‘some form of extreme […]

  • […] shared a powerful blog and video explaining how encouragement from a retired bodybuilder led her to undertake an extreme […]

  • Christina says:

    Cassey, Thanks for sharing your story! I have been doing your videos since November – and this is the first month that I have really made it through the whole month (sometimes I admit I leave one video off on days when I feel tired – but then I pick them up on Fridays)! I enjoy your upbeat manner and how you’re always encouraging – I never noticed you seeming out of shape or anything like that (although I did notice in some you seemed suuuuuper skinny when I usually think you look strong!). Thank you for sharing your story so we can learn from it and support each other.

    My only other comment is wondering if you’re planning to remove all the meal plans from your meal plan page? I admit I looked at the 90 day challenge once before – but I immediately thought it wasn’t for me.

    Looking forward to the February calendar! I’m definitely feeling stronger!

  • Wendy says:

    Cassey, im bawling my eyes out. Ive never been skinny. But when i look back i was just average. Ive spent my entire life disliking the way i look because of the influence i have around me. My siblings, my friends would try to lend me clothes but they were always too small. My friends saw who i was. The strong one. I never saw that. Im always dieting. Either it be calorie coubting, portion sizing, eliminating food types thinking its causing me digestive or something else ive imagined. Thank you for sharing this experience. I will try more to losten to your advice. Focus on strength, of body and mind. Focus on joy of here and now and things to come. Not on what i dont have.
    Thank you…

  • […] common a absolute blog and video explaining how support from a late bodybuilder led her to commence an impassioned diet to […]

  • Jo says:

    Thanks Cassey for being you and the reason I follow you rather than any other fitness guru! Your honesty is very powerful, especially when it involves owning up to your own failings and insecurities. I find it very empowering that your body looks great yet healthy and achievable – not so drastic and extreme as it was when you did your competitions. Keep using your power for good and truth!

    Also – I am an environmental scientist, so I was loving that reference!!

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  • Cassey, i couldn’t love you more than i do right now. I find myself in the same self destructive cycle. If you’ve never been there it’s hard to understand . I am so proud of you for sharing your story. You are brave and one day i pray i can find that same strength. God Bless you

  • Avalon says:

    Hi Cassey, I really appreciated the honesty of this and (every) post.
    I chose your bikini body meal plan just for a month last year to prepare for a friend’s wedding, knowing full well that diets are bad. But I was pretty desperate. It “worked” by helping me lose weight quickly, but it definitely took me a few months afterwards to not feel terrified of food. I would obsess about how many ounces of steamed broccoli I was eating, and whether the restaurant let any oil touch it.

    I’m wondering if you’ll consider removing the meal plan from your site. If it’s really something you no longer endorse as being healthy, it is a bit misleading that it’s so easily found at the top of your page. Not everyone will have read this post, and may not have the context. If people want to do that kind of radical dieting, let them find it elsewhere on the internet. Just a thought for keeping this community healthy, body and mind!

    • Avalon says:

      Sorry, I just noticed the disclaimer at the top of the post. Good for you! (I still would get rid of it entirely, but that’s totally up to you.)

  • Ria says:

    Hi Casey,
    first I wanna to apologize that my English is not so well but I am going to try my very best. I am from Slovakia and also I am trainer of Pilates, but often I like do exercise with you at home. Now I live already five monthsin in North Carolina and also I ´m writing a book about an eating disorder. I would like to show how dangerous it is. I am so happy that you went out with this truth. I hope that your open speech will help people how to avoid this experience.
    p.s. you are all just perfect, just the way you are
    Have a nice day

  • […] Apparently, as the competition came closer, her trainer got stricter and stricter with her diet. It got so bad that he even scolded her for eating iceberg lettuce because it had “too many carbs.” […]

  • Julia G says:

    Hey Cassey,
    your story is really moving, I think it’s great you were able to open up to what was really going on with you at the time. I kept wondering though, did you consider getting a consult/”treatment plan” with a nutritionist? To healthily gain weight back as well as build muscle, to create a balanced diet specially for your body? Because going through it all alone, trying to solve everything by yourself without the help of a professional is really tough!

    xxx

  • Adrianne says:

    Sorry you had a bad experience with prep. With planning and giving yourself time, it can be a night and day experience. My first prep was like yours because I rushed it and did hours of cardio and extreme dieting to get ready for the date I’d set. I too had binging issues afterwards because of it. I took it as a time to learn the proper way to do it, research coaches, and plan better for the next time. The second one was a breeze with none of the issues from before. I spent 30 weeks slowly dieting down with zero cardio or diet restrictions other than a calorie deficit. I came in leaner, tighter, and much happier because I gave myself time and did it in a healthy way.

  • sonia says:

    Hey Cassey !
    I’m really moved by your video. I can see how emotional a moment it was for you to tell us all this. No matter what we say, we all want the perfect body. And even though in this community we are smart enough to know not to go to the extreme, we can all do stupid things for vanity. I guess what i’m trying to say is : thank you for sharing, because we all love you and we would never judge you for any of that. I’m really glad you’re facing the world like that, because you are going to inspire so many people with this story, starting with us, your popsters. I’m glad you found a way out of this mess to become the cassey we know today and love. Thank you for sharing your strength and wisdom.
    <3 <3 <3

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  • happyhannah says:

    Cassey you really helped me by this video~
    i was in the same situation as you were but watching your video made me feel better and made myself to love my body<3
    your awsome!!!!!!!!!!! from now on i will not hate my body!
    THANK YOU

  • Sydney says:

    Thank you so much for sharing. I have been struggling with body image issues and what the mirror reflects back at me every single day. I eat overall healthy but then feel bad when I eat anything that might be fattening, even when it’s healthy. Consequently, I continue to eat more and more because I want to convince myself it is healthy and not fattening. I am slowly overcoming it with various work out classes and routines, and also making frequent grocery trips. Your recipes and work outs are amazing, and I am so thankful to have you as a motivating person to follow in life! You’re awesome!! :)

  • Faiza says:

    Cassey, I love this. You’re totally right. Not everyone is able to look a certain perfect way. What matters is that you’re healthy and eating right. And you can have sweets and stuff too. Just not excessively. What matters in life should be your happiness. I love that..

  • Ally says:

    Thank you so much for this Cassey!!! I have struggled with anorexia since I was 9 years old. I am now 17, and I am in recovery. Your videos have helped me appreciate my strength and what my body can do instead of being skinny. Thank you so much for sharing your story! You are such an inspiration!

  • Ally says:

    Thank you so much for this post Cassey!!! I have struggled with anorexia since I was 9 years old. I am now 17 and currently in recovery, and your videos have helped me appreciate my strength and what my body can do instead of being skinny! You are an inspiration to women everywhere! Thank you so much!

  • Ashley says:

    Your mistake wasn’t dieting to look good. Your mistake was hiring an idiot and paying him to have you do a crazy diet in order to lose weight too quickly for a show that you were inadequately prepared for in the first place.

  • I’m sorry you had a bad experience, but competing and prepping for the stage can absolutely be done in a healthy manor with no rebounds. I’ve been doing it for decades and still going strong!

  • Amber says:

    Cassey, thank you for this! This article is amazing and it brings light to such truth that people are generally not willing to talk about. As somebody who struggled with Anorexia for a long time, 4 years later I’m still struggling to exercise regularly for fear that I will go overboard. This article is so important for everyone! You are simply wonderful.

  • Megan says:

    Cassey thank you so much for being brave enough to post this. I struggled for so long with the desperate desire to obtain a perfect body. I’m ashamed to say I sucked the joy out of my life by forcing myself to do workouts I hated and eating horrible plain food. I want you to know that finding your videos was a huge turning point for me.
    You showed me that being strong is so much better than trying to make my body unnaturally skinny.
    So thank you for that…it was the beginning of my journey to recovery.
    Keep it up!

  • Ekaterina says:

    Cassey, thank you so much for sharing this! We all get overwhelmed with good looking but unhealthy and unsustainable results of strict dieting and extreme training. Before I read this post I was concidering starting the protein diet to lose fat. Thank you for saving my health!!!
    And thank you for sharing the video. I cried.
    Cassey, you have been an inspiration and a role model for me for a year already, and the more you share, the more I admire you. I also would like to say, that your videos literally helped me to be able to walk again. I had a knee joint injure and could barely walk for a couple of months. I knew I needed stronger muscles to recover and walk again. I was looking for a workout routine, that would help me and found your video. I guess, that was “POP pilates for beginners”. What I liked the most was that you look real. Unlike those robo-trainers with 6pack and empty eyes. You look not just real, but vibrant! “I want to be as strong, confident and feminine at the same time as she is”, I thought. After a month on the Beginners calendar I became a lot stronger, toned and most important – I could walk again! I could even run (a little :)). Thank you again, Cassey! Keep on shining, we love you!

  • Antonio says:

    Thanks for the article Cassey. As a huge Blogilates fan, I appreciate your honesty and sincerity.
    We love you,

  • Imelda Marcos says:

    Hi Cassie-

    Kudos to you! I know what it’s like: I a disciplined and aggressive personality where I will take things too far. Every calorie I ate was programmed into my day. I was so anorexic that when my nose would bleed from iron deficiency, I would secretly congratulate myself. The paradox is that I’m a feminist, yet I enjoyed being super skinny because guys would tell me I looked great. These were also guys who weren’t particularly nice… So my body revolted and forced me to eat in binge cycles. I gained 20 pounds in front of everyone. I have never felt like a bigger loser in my life. At the same time, I had been pathologically keeping track of how hard I worked out, the calorie and nutritional content of everything I ate, and how much I slept. There was a clear trend: moderate workouts, 8 hours sleep, and reasonable food intake = gradual, stable, easy weight loss. I stopped the brutal workouts and binge/purge eating to focus on yoga (no mirrors), breathwork, and walks along the ocean. I just completed a fit test this morning, and my results stated that I am a “fit/active” body type very close to being “athletic”. Moderation is the key! Oh, and those guys who used to give me a hard time now fear my calm competence. Cassie- I’ve been doing your workouts for the past 5 years and you have always looked beautiful in body, mind, and spirit. You can’t seriously think you don’t have a smokin’ bod, right?

  • Mariella says:

    Thank you so much Cassie! There’s always a new reason to love you even more!

    Very best wishes from Austria :)

  • Sly says:

    Congratulations on doing everything you could do wrong for a competition. You picked a terrible coach, you didn’t question or independently research what he told you to do, and sure enough, you had a terrible experience. The point of your story isn’t that competing is bad, but that picking a bad coach is bad. Many of us have competed multiple times and never developed an eating disorder, never starved ourselves, never did 4 hours of gym a day (we have jobs, lives and families), had a great time, gained weight in a reasonable way after the competition, and loved the whole thing. So it’s not competing that is bad, it’s clueless coaches that are bad.

  • Cassey, this makes me SO happy. I’m an anti-diet mentor, and I look up to you so much for your honesty and being such a wonderful role model. THANK YOU!

  • Jessica says:

    Thank you for sharing this. As a girl who has always had a curvy figure even if I worked out I lost confidence in college when I gained weight. It didn’t matter that I was very successful in school I felt bad about gaining. I got married and still didn’t loose, then I got pregnant. Sadly the whole time I was pregnant I was worried about gaining to much. I gained 35 lbs. I was so dumb for worrying. I lost over 2/3 in 6 weeks. It had mostly been baby and water. Now I have strench marks that make me look like I got scratched by tigers and my stomach will never look as it did pre kids. … Ironically it’s now that I don’t care. I look at that little boy and thank god for the scars the stretched stomach and want to do it again. Funny how when u actually look your worst and you look back on your body….your like “you dummy what were you thinking. You looked good.” I’m healthier now than ever and I’m ok with how I look.

    I love following this blog. Your amazing and inspirational and you whoop my butt in the workouts.

  • Elisa Rodrigues says:

    Hi Cassey!

    I am not a person that works out a lot…I like it but I only do it when I feel like it.
    For a while I was doing your workouts EVERYDAY! Because I had the time, but because you were so positive, so funny and so adorable that I felt I was working out with a friend. I never thanked you for that. Thank you, I think you rock! And you are beautiful, always! I don’t think you could be ugly if you tried to!

    love from Portugal

  • Liz says:

    I can relate to obsessing over eating healthy. It’s hard to “indulge” without feeling guilty, but the older I get, the wiser I get, and now, at 34, I find that if I tell my brain to shut up for two seconds and be reasonable, I enjoy life more and that is so crucial. It’s crazy how food restriction (not calories, per se, but what foods you allow yourself to eat) can make you so cranky!

    I always got frustrated that no matter how much I worked my abs, I could never get the 6-pack either, so it’s good to know that’s normal. And honestly, that’s what I love most about you. I only started Pop Pilates this past November (feels longer in a good way!), so when the calendar pulls from videos from several years ago and I see that Cassey, I think, whoa! She looks so different! So, for me, the Cassey you are now is the one I met you as … and those images from a few years back … that’s the stranger. And the truth is, I don’t know if I would’ve fallen in love as much with the workouts had I come across PP back then. What keeps me going with you is your cheery positivity and the fact that you look “normal fit” as opposed to like a celebrity trainer’s (what I consider) “showy fit” where they walk around in bra tops 24/7 because they can’t NOT show off their muscles. For some reason, they always make me feel bad about myself. Your workouts are HARD and FUN and that’s what keeps me coming back every day.

  • Mary Stacey says:

    Wow!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am blown away by your truth right now. I’m getting ready to turn 48 in March and I’ve always been critical of my body even though I’m a smaller person. Over the last couple of years I decided to stop doing the negative talking to myself and spend time learning who I am and loving myself. mentally I have grown leaps and bounds and with this new found peace I have learned to love my beautiful body. I currently work out with my 13 year old son and we work on making healthy choices when it comes to food. He asked me recently if we could start eating cleaner which was music to my ears. Together, we workout and eat well for our healthy mind and body. Thank you so much for your inspirational story. You are amazing!

  • TameikaG says:

    I’m so happy for you Casey. U really inspire me to do better.

  • Kelly says:

    You are an amazing and inspiring person! Thanks for being so incredibly real with us and for being such an awesome role model :)

  • Natalia says:

    Go girl! Don’t stop, people like you are needed in today’s world. I am so proud of you that you tell us the story. I can only imagine how much brave was needed to do this, but first to tell that to yourself.
    Promise you will never stop what you’re doing! I love your smile, your energy, That is what inspired me 2 years ago when I was disaster myself. And while I am powerful today, you still inspire me to stay.

    GO GO GO GIRL! RUN THE WORLD!

    kisses from Poland <3

  • Richelle says:

    I some how posted this on yesterdays postings so I have reposted it so hopefully Cassey you will see you are doing a great

    Hi Cassey

    Go girl! Spread the word. I am in forties and may just be one of your older followers, it is good to see other mothers following you and commenting. I have been reading the comments on the youtube link and I am amazed by the people saying go vegan, go paleo etc (taken to extremes they are diets). Do they not hear you at all!
    As a woman that has always look after herself and now just hit the next decade I would like to say keep going Cassey, you have a market for all ages. I follow you because pilates works it keeps me flexible, toned and happy. Your fun, energetic, girly and ready to inspire girls to be their best in life. Not the best weight wise, with the biggest thigh gap and waist and let me say you look better today than years ago.
    I would like to comment that of all my friends it is the ones that looked after themselves, eating healthy and balanced while moving and enjoying life, that look the best today. Some of the dieters now have high blood pressure, metabolism issues and are overweight fighting to balance it. Others have aged faster than those that stayed balanced and healthy. Then there are the ones that found they couldn’t have children and ones I lost far to young.
    The message you have expressed is awesome! Diet no more and enjoy life. Keep up doing what you are in the industry we need more people who will encourage people to listen to their bodies. We are all different. Vegan works for some so they should go for that, Paleo works for some so does vegetarian. We are have different DNA makings. Processed food is best limited and replaced with the things that will nourish the body. It is the one body and mind you will have for life. It needs to work at 40 not just look good at 15, 20, or 30.
    Keep moving towards all your dreams

  • Chris says:

    Cassey,
    Thank you so much for sharing your story! That must have been a very difficult decision and I hope others can share their stories . A really great book I’ve read is called Intuitive Eating written by 2 Registered Dietitians. The book has you focus on how food affects your body and feeding it when you are hungry and stopping when you are full. This book has really helped me with my eating issues and I can finally say this is the healthiest I have ever been. I hope you continue to never diet again and thank you for your videos and positivity.

  • Dea says:

    Bravo Cassie!!! I’ve been a popster since you started blogilates, and watching you and your videos and listening to you has helped me grow to be better. For a while back in 2012, I gave up exercising because watching your videos as you were getting ready for the comp looked really hard (i kept thinking that the bikini blaster series, although doable, wouldnt get me to look like you did because I didnt have your perseverance and commitment), but your personality kept me coming back anyway. Reading your story and the hardship you went through at that time, and having struggled with my own ED, has made you an even stronger and better role model in my eyes. Thank you for being real and honest and sharing this with all of us. ????

  • Tali says:

    Cassey, thank you for being so brave and sharing your story with us. Videos like this are inspiring and really important, especially with so many people going on crazy diets in this time of the year.
    That being said, I just think the bikini competitiion meal plan shouldn’t stay in your website. I’m sorry for pointing that out, but is it really ok to share a meal plan that is VERY restrictive, when following it made you go through all this? I know there is an update now, but maybe it’s better to delete it before someone else decides to follow it. I’m saying that because I’ve known people who would go on crazy restrictive (unhealthy) diets even if they knew it wasn’t recommended. For them, being thin is such an obsession that it surpasses good judgement :/

  • Megan says:

    Casey,
    I am so sorry for what you went though. Thank you for being brave and sharing that story. I know your recovery moist be hard. It’s excesially sad because through years of watching your videos, I’ve always thought you looked beautiful. The way to encourage women of any size, age, and ability to to just, get active, eat healthy, one video at a time is a huge gift for this world, one that can’t be measured.

  • Emily says:

    Thank you so much for sharing this. Depending on time of the month, stress and changes in circumstances I battle with strong emotions and nutty tendencies towards food, exercise and my body. Sometimes I have to journal to keep myself honest and healthy. Other times I have key people in my life who ask me ‘the question’s (re. food, emotions, sleep exercise)

    I want to stay healthy because I want to make a difference in my community, be a role model for my five children and the students I met through tutoring at uni. I believe we can be bright lights in dark places, that there is more to life… And that is hard to make space for more when you’re worried that you should be eating less, or fear that you haven’t exercised enough is consuming you.

    Thank you for being real… For being prepared to share who you were made to be and the struggles that have strengthened your resolve. x

  • Marion says:

    Thanks Cassey for this incredibly honest video. When I was about 13-14 years old, I suffered from anorexia. I was restricting myself because I didn’t like the way I looked, and just like you, it affected my mindset, my relationships, my priorities and my overall happiness. Now, I’m sixteen and still trying to heal myself from this problem, and you are helping me so much through this journey because you’re honest, real, and relatable. When I looked at your videos, I don’t think “I wish I could have Cassey’s big boobs, or Cassey’s big butt, or Cassey’s six pack”. I think “I wish I could be as strong as Cassey. I wish I could be as inspirational as Cassey. I wish I will do big things in my life just like Cassey”, and most of all, I have fun. You’re helping me love working out not for vanity reasons, but for the way it makes me feel : strong and powerfull. Thank you, and don’t ever think you need six pack abs to be a better fitness instructor, the way you’re videos make me suffer is the proof you’re doing your job right!
    Love
    Marion :)

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  • Dolores Romero says:

    Casey, YOU are my hero! Thank you for sharing your story! As women we need to know that we all have different body types and we will all not be a size 4. Heck My mom has a wedding dress that as I grew up I wanted to someday wear. Guess what, I probably will never get to wear it. I am NOT a size 4 and I probably will never be. I can run a slow paced 26.2 miles and I have lost quite a bit of weight since I decided to “get healthy” but this is my body type and if I can lose a bit more I would be happy but if I don’t I will still be happy. THIS IS ME and I LOVE ME!

  • Nikki says:

    Casey,
    You rock girl!
    Thank you for being brave enough to share your story. You inspire everyday to be healthy inside and out. Ever since following your blog, I eat better, workout better, and I’m even nicer. To think i found you completely by accident on YouTube. Thank goodness I did!

  • Hayley says:

    Thank you so much for posting this, Casey. I really needed to hear this because I thought I was the only person that had this kind of mindset. Ever since I first lost all of my weight, I started to hear so many compliments about how I looked & how great I looked. From then on, I’ve always been obsessed with this thought of having a flat stomach, & that if I eat one bad thing I would gain my weight back. I would always look at my stomach in the mirror, & instead of being proud of how far I’ve come, I would see how much I still felt I needed to lose. Being that I want to be an actress makes it even harder because every time I look at the screen there are all these beautiful, slim, flat stomached women & I thought I would never be able to be an actress without looking like this. So hearing you share this really helps! I’ve been trying to change my mindset, so thank you for sharing your story! For me, I want to be weighed by my amazing & big personality. I know I have a lot to offer, & I want that to be what weighs me.

  • Emilia says:

    Thank you so so much for sharing this with us. I hope it helps many other people to not make the same mistakes. Most people in you position wouldn’t even tell their followers about this because they can’t admit that they aren’t perfect. You’re such a real person with a beautiful personality, this is why we love you and not your looks or anything. I don’t even know what I would do without you, you helped me so much. I never loved myself in my whole life, even when i lost weight, but thanks to you i finally can! Thank you so much for everything<3

  • JL says:

    You’ve always been a health and fitness inspiration for me from the very beginning of my journey nearly four years ago and I still feel like I’m learning so much and getting to you know you even more. Thank you again for another post that is so very relatable. I remember when you were in the process of the bikini competition, I was so excited to hear about your experience and yes, you did look great in the photos! But what you mentioned about vanity, I can see that and that’s one of the things I’m scared of. There are so many “fitness” models on social media and they portray something that’s supposed to be healthy, but is it really? Sure, many of them had their own journey to health and happiness, but is this strict lifestyle ideal to promote to EVERYONE? It’s not. But all of us women want that big booty, tiny waist, abs and strong arms, and we want it to show.

    I’ve been debating about competing myself, especially this past year, but the more I research it, the more I’m doubting myself. It’s not the challenge, it’s the results afterwards. I read and am told/warned about the mental effects of prep, how you should already have a positive attitude about your body and know how to ease back into a “normal” healthy eating habit and lifestyle. So many girls have said “I wish I had known XYZ before competing” but you live and you learn I suppose. And oh boy, I am no where near confident and positive about my body! I am still considering competing, but I want to research more before spending a lot of time and money. Most of all, I want to learn to appreciate my body even more!

    So thanks again Cassey for being real when all we see is supplement advertisements and bodies that aren’t SUSTAINABLE (my favorite point from you).

  • Mia says:

    Has anyone here seen a documentary called, “The Men Who Made Us Thin”? It aired on both LinkTv.org and on the BBC Media Centre originally. It exposes the truth about the diet weight loss industry. Serious food for thought- pun intended! It’s broken up into 4 parts on Daily Motion. I also recommend checking out a book called Intuitive Eating by Evelyn Tribole and Elyse Resch- it is NOT a diet. There’s a YouTube video with a talk from one of the authors.

    https://www.dailymotion.com/video/x2cuv9f_the-men-who-made-us-thin-part-1-of-4_school

  • Marlee says:

    Thank you so much for posting this. Its such an inspiration to see women in the fitness industry that have overcome the same struggles that I have. I too suffered from an ED. I was obsessed with my physical appearance and wanting to have a flat stomach. I ate less and less while I worked out more and more. It wasn’t until I saw a picture of myself that I realized that I needed to change. I looked like a skeleton. You could see the veins in my arms. Even though I was smiling on the outside, I was crumbling on the inside. I decided to accept help. People think gaining weight is so easy, but its not. People also fail to realize that recovering from an ED isn’t just about gaining weight but also changing your image of yourself. I am PROUD to say that since I began my recovery 3 years ago, I have restored my pre ED weight. I have GAINED 27 POUNDS and I am NOT ashamed of it. I love my body with all of its natural curves and muscle. I workout now because I LOVE IT. I finally feel STRONG, BEAUTIFUL, AND HAPPY. I’m a kinesiology major currently with the hopes of becoming a personal trainer after school. I want my future clients to not only become physically stronger but also teach them to LOVE THEMSELVES.
    Thank you for being such an inspiration!!!

    Marlee :)

    • JL says:

      Bravo for having a positive attitude and loving your body after overcoming ED! I was considering KIN in school also but, a little too late for that lol. I graduated with an writing degree instead. I wish I discovered my passion for health and fitness when I was much younger!

  • Alexandra says:

    I know it must be extremely difficult for such an amazing fitness instructor to share this personal story with the public. There’s fear in being judged and ridiculed, but thank you for sharing this with all of us. Thank you for sending a message.
    I think the Internet is the hardest place to be vulnerable. People will try to destroy and tear you down, but there’s also many others who will support and encourage you.
    I discovered Blogilates almost 3 years ago. And what drew me to your channel was your character. Your videos are upbeat, you acknowledge all your viewers as friends, and you always encourage us to be our best selves.
    You are a beautiful person (inside and out). I’m sorry that no one ever really asked you how you were truly feeling while you were competing. And I’m happy that you changed your mindset for yourself and you are now healthy and happy.
    Thank you for continuing to challenge us with every video and inspire us with all your words.

  • Bonnie B. says:

    Cassey, thank you so much for sharing this intimate information with all of us. What a brave thing to share, and, to have overcome! You are the only fitness instructor I have ever stopped to read the blog entries for, ever, and it’s because I genuinely like and respect you as a person, on top of your ability to create these amazing fitness routines. I am always dropping your name and website to people who are looking to get into shape or just take care of their body again, and I will definitely continue to do just that, because you are an amazing person who deserves a LOT of success in life.

    Anyway, thank you for sharing this….on to your cardio workouts!

  • Holly says:

    Cassey,
    I’m so proud of you for the changes you have made- getting back to a good place- and also for being so real about everything. Honestly I used to do the workouts way back when, but when you did the bikini challenge I stopped. I didn’t want that type of a role model. However, I decided to look you up again around last November and I was really happy to see that isn’t who you are anymore. Thank you for going back to the old Cassey! And thank you for mentioning orthorexia. I had never heard of it and I need to be aware of it because I have a tendency to go too far sometimes. This is the first time I have ever commented, btw!

    • Carrie says:

      This is exactly how I felt! I used to do your workouts all the time back in the day (2009-2012 era), but when you started training for this bikini competition, I found it hard to relate to you anymore. I also felt like I didn’t want to go down that road – I could see where it was headed, as I had a family member and friend struggle with EDs. So, I stopped reading your blog and doing your (newer) videos. It kind of made me sad to see you like that. I also came back to read your blog a couple of months ago and was relieved to find that the tone was completely different. It was relatable again – and positive! I have also started doing some of your videos again because I really do like them. Kudos to you on sharing this story and changing your mindset. You are beautiful and an inspiration to many – please remember that, because you have great power to wield influence on their minds as well.

      • Dea says:

        This!! I’m so glad the Cassie we knew 5-6 years agonis back, stronger than ever!! ????

  • Bella says:

    Thank you so much Cassey with sharing your emotional story with the world! You continue to inspire me and countless others to choose good paths in life! I can’t begin to describe just how much of a difference you have made in mine alone! Thank you for always encouraging us to be healthy and happy for ourselves, and not because of what someone says we should or shouldn’t look like!

    Love always,
    your fellow POPster, Bella

  • Thanks for sharing this with us and being so opened. I myself had to heal from an ED too and I know how hard it can be. I can’t believe it’s been 4 years since you did that competition! I remember reading the posts like it’s yesterday. I hope you won’t take this the wrong way (if you get to read me) but that’s also when I kinda stopped following you and doing your workouts. Because I kept thinking something was wrong and as an ED survivor, I found some of the advice you gave triggering. And I remember telling myself it looked like you maybe had an ED. Then again, I don’t know you so I couldn’t say. But I chose at that time to distance myself.
    Thank you for your honesty, and I look forward to doing your awesome workouts again

  • Nicole says:

    I wouldn’t ordinarily let my 12 year old daughter follow a fitness icon online, but you appear to have integrity. Thank you for speaking out against training and dieting in an unhealthy way in order to have a certain kind of body. That’s refreshing and I wish you all the success in the future.

  • Brigette says:

    Right after reading this post, I went to listen to the newest episode from podcast Gastropod, “The End of the Calorie”. I think the topic is really related to this post and some people would really benefit from giving it a listen.

  • Andrea says:

    Cassey I found you on YouTube and you are hands down my favorite person to workout with. Everyone’s body is different. The proof is in the pudding. Your workouts make me way more sore than any six pack, Brazilian butt bikini models workout and thats what matters. Theres no mistake you can feel the muscles working. Not everyone is gonna have a huge built butt or shredded abs. I love your butt workouts, cuz they work and totally kill my butt, in a good way! I love all your workouts. The best part is your nice and not judgemental towards beginners or weaklings like me! Your positive and keep me motivated. You keep things upbeat and encouraging even though you know the workouts are tough. That’s what makes you stand apart from other trainers and instructors.

  • Cin says:

    Cassey – thank you.

    Thank you for your honesty, your humility, and overall, your dedication to true fitness and healthfulness. I, too, have been struggling with an eating disorder for approximately 10 years and I am finally getting help. I did the same things you did, and as soon as I started gaining weight (because my body was probably rebelling) after trying to be healthier and live without restriction, I lost it. My weight kept climbing, as did the inches. People in my life that had always seen me as lean and fit commented on how different I looked and kept questioning what I was doing; it made me feel horrible.

    Because of my ED, I am now 35 lbs heavier and while I know this is not my “set point,” I am s l o w l y learning to love myself again for who I am, not for how much I weigh. It’s reassuring to know it took 4 years for your body to become what it is today. I’m so impatient sometimes that I think (4 months into my treatment), “Why isn’t this working? What am I doing wrong!?” I had an undiagnosed eating disorder that kept telling me I was the problem. I wasn’t doing something right. The mental distress is sometimes harder than the physical. I so appreciate your sharing your story and appreciate all the work you do on your blog and in your videos to promote safe and healthy fitness. You are so inspiring!

  • Melody says:

    Just a quick note to say that you have done a good thing by bringing this out into the open. There is so much BS “bro-science” that gets tossed around out there by people purporting to be “trainers” or “experts” and it can, literally, kill people.

    Showing others the truth is scary but awesome. You speak from a position of experience and releasing all that “what will people think” inside your head is the best remedy for the fear that can come along with it. It’s very hard to be vulnerable and tell people how things have happened if you don’t feel it’s your finest hour, but you are touching so many lives that can learn from that experience and see hope in kicking its butt and come out shining and happy on the other side, that I applaud your honesty.

    I just started my Doctorate in Health Science and it’s really becoming clear to me that a sense of community and consistency are the big keys to making us all fitter and happier and I’m so glad to see the work you are doing is paying off. I wish you success in all of your ventures, because seeing that you can face adversity, struggle, work through it and shoot out the other side in a blaze of sparkles and positivity is good inspiration for us all and a reminder that everyone’s 100% looks different, but we can all get there!

  • Celena says:

    I didn’t think I could love you more until I read this! Your workouts started me on a path to a healthy lifestyle. I saw your videos and was inspired by your personality. You made working out fun and I always felt like there were small changes somewhere. That gave me confidence to eat healthier and find a workout program. I’ve gone from a size 10/12 to 6/7! I adore you. It is amazing how brave you are to share this! I love how real and genuine you are. There’s no false information. I’m amazed not only by that, but the fact you’ve come back from that point in your life! That took hard work. You will only inspire more women with this. Thank you for all you do! I will always recommend you ! And your butt workouts! Omg. So tough. So thank you for those too!

  • Christina says:

    Cassey,
    Thank you for posting this. I have read it over and over and cried everytime. I suffer from weight, food, and body image issues and it makes day to day life really difficult, to the point where it affects my relationship with my husband. He tries to be supportive and tells me that he thinks I’m beautiful everyday, but he can’t understand my struggles. I sent this to him just to illustrate that this kind of pressure we put on ourselves as women is fairly common, and most of us are pretending we are just fine. I can’t imagine the pressures on someone who built their career on fitness, so thank you for being so honest. It just makes me feel not so alone in the world to know that even people that seem bullet proof, confident, and happy can suffer from stuff like this. Again, thank you. Thank you for being you, for being honest, and for being a source of positivity in my life. I have been following your calendar since August and I really love working out with you every day.

  • Karen says:

    Cassey you are a true inspiration, thank you so muck for sharing this with us, don’t ever feel pressured by other fitness people because you are not them, and you should not be them, you are Cassey and do fitness for what it should be, Health, Vitality, Strength and mental happiness! Thank you so much for being so honest, you are an amazing person, thank you :)

  • Dawne Morgan says:

    Thank you for your honesty and insight. I agree that dieting is a dead end. I also think, similar to what Carrie Fisher said in news, “youth & beauty aren’t accomplishments”. However our culture, specifically, women’s, would tell you otherwise. I fell for it too recently. I am on the older side of yiur followers. I was coming up on my 50th birthday. I am active, healthy, but with menapause on horizon, need to loose last stubborn 20lbs. This started my “fit for 50” plan. I already eat healthy, but I needed to move more than my yoga and elliptical. I had done many of your videos before to supplement my fitness, as your perky personality, go get em style was an antidote to excessive doldrums. Honesty I was using your workouts pre and post knee surgery to build strength. I left during the bikini comp as the diet suggestions and workouts were over the top. I shopped around. I had introduced my daughter to you after her second child and she was feeling blah and out of shape. She too found you the remedy to excercise avoidance. She encouraged me to check out newer videos. There you were again. Yay! Heathy looking, authentic, fun, that is what keeps me coming back go you. No holier than thou yogi, no militant excercize guru, no starvation, no cross fit bonkers kill your body. You make it fun. Your real. You yolo. You push us. You say out loud what we are thinking “my butt is on fire”. You love us, despite our flaws. That’s it in a nutshell. That what was missing those 8 weeks for you. Self love, love from your trainer, and mutual appreciation from your pageant competitors. Fear and loathing can keep us in a state of despair. Love is the antidote. Love who you are in the moment. Love the journey. Sounds like you found your self love again. Wonderful! Thank you for all your hard work and dedication to women’s health and fitness.

  • Rachael says:

    Thank you for sharing your story, I went through a LONG battle with an ED that almost killed me. I was a ballet dancer and due to some other things at home, my focus became becoming the perfect ballerina. Which meant focusing on my weight, and in a leotard and tights every day for several hours.. It made it very easy to pick myself apart. Instead of being a kid and enjoying middle school and high school, I was in and out of hospitals and emergency rooms, barely living. Ultimately after over a decade of struggling, I got pregnant with my son and realized my body didn’t belong to me anymore and he needed a healthy safe place to grow. He saved my life and although I still have my ups and downs, your videos help keep me in a good space. Now I like to feel strong! And that’s what doing your workouts help me to feel, so thank you and thank you again for sharing your story.

  • I find this post SO inspiring! I was in the process of dieting for a competition but actually ended up backing out as my fiancé broke his foot and we were planning on competing in different divisions in the same competition together. Being around other girls who have competed I feel like they try to convince themselves that they ‘love’ their body at any stage, but really they are struggling. I also feel that people aspire to look like these bikini competitors because they look like the ultimate idea of health, but really they are the opposite! They put so much stress on their bodies :(

  • elma says:

    I went through something similar, when I was 15. Now I’m 16. I was 66 kg and I had a bigger belly, so I decided to start with this. I didn’t want to eat bread, candies, fast food… everything that social media said is unhealthy. I started to lose weight. For 6 months I lose 16 kg. I didn’t want to be super skinny. I wanted a flat, fit belly. But I had a bones covered with dry skin. For breakfast I ate smoothie, for lunch I ate a little boiled potatoes with chicken, and for dinner I ate one apple…and I do workout, playing volleyball, go to school. I didn’t have any friends. I was in big depression. When my parents saw me in swimsuit, they took me to the doctor. Doctor said that I’m anorexic. I didn’t have a menstrual cycle, I didn’t have any hormones in my body, and my blood sugar was so low that I could fall into a coma. I started to lose muscles and my beautiful hair. Then, I started to recover. The most hardest part is mental recovery.
    Now, I’m 60 kg, and I feel really well. I eat sugar every day, and I eat every 2 hours.
    I’m back to life. I have a little belly, but I’m trying to be happy whit it. I follow your month calendar and I’m playing volleyball. Thank you for sharing this story with us. You are my big inspiration, because you are a strong, beautiful, hot woman ! Lots of love.
    p.s. I’m from Bosina, so maybe I have some incorrect sentences. Sorry.

  • And as for what I want to be weighed by: the stories I write, and the range of worlds and magics I create within them. Because that’s where my heart truly lies.

  • Lina says:

    Thanks Cassey, for this inspiring story. I, too, have my own fair bit of effects from dieting. I lost weight and that pleased me.
    But it affected me so much that I’d go into non-stop eating mode about every 2 weeks. The doctor said that my skin was orange and not the normal blush colour. My menstruation cycle got delayed for almost 3 months and that was because I was lacking in iron. This was due to consuming fish all the time. I cringed at the sight and thought of eating meat.
    I believe that I’m still recovering from this due to still opting for fish more than meat.
    Are there any ways to clear my mindset and perception towards food? So that I can get back on eating healthily and normally.

    • Lina says:

      Now, I choose bread over rice. And I know that its not good but I still do it. It’s all in the head, I know. But the mentality towards food has grown and going back to eating without restrictions feels so difficult.
      I have no idea how to switch back to eating freely.

      • Lina says:

        But how do I know if the weight that I’m gaining is good/healthy weight and not the weight gain from the ‘sponge’ effect after not eating properly?

  • Helen says:

    Hi!! Loved your post, and Know exact l’y what you”re writing about …..I’ve been There too….. And am still struggling to eat healthy !!! Thanks for your honesty

  • Maria says:

    Thank you Cassey for the story. I know how it feels. 6 years ago I was 12 kilos slimmer than now. What happened?One day I slipped over at home and injured my spine. I couldn’t work out any more, to tell you the truth the pain was unbearable I couldn’t even sleep at night and started gaining weight. Oh, I gained 22 kilos (16 because of unhealthy eating, not working out and 6 as a result of nursing a child) As a result I had problems with my spine again. Than a friend of mine sent me links to your 6 min workouts. I started really slow and now I’m working out according to your January 2016 calendar ? Believe me, you are The Best!!! I have lost 10 kilos in 1 year! I’m really proud of this result as I feel much better now. I’m literally flying ? You shall be proud to as this all happens thanks to you!
    You inspire me and I have learned to love my body and the way I look. I don’t need you with bigger butt or 6pack abs! You are perfect the way you are now! THANK YOU!!!
    Love from Ukraine!

  • Masha Vinogrado says:

    That totally brought me back to strong emitions… I loved you Cassey since the first day i started to workout wtih you. No matter what look did you represended at any time, i’ve learned from you so much and the most needed thing – to keep strength and mind under control. I loved every move you tortured me wtih to the moon and back, i keep loving your workouts and tips and i wish to meet you one day in Europe, maybe somewhere very nearby Slovakia, where do i live. You’re the person who tought me to find myself of who i trully am and why to represent myself the way i am in my deepest original personality. ILY CASSEY WITH ALL YOU BRING TO US! YOU ARE THE BRIGHT LIGHT THAT SHINES EVERYTIME! <3

  • Rebecca says:

    I’ve never had an eating disorder but I can relate to this. Just like me you are a passionate person that can go really really hard for something you want, to the point of really being obsessed with something. Especially when you don’t feel well about who you are. This can be a very admiring skill, but you can also go too far. For you, it was your body image you started focusing on, for me it was my musical skills. I was in a very bad place a few years ago, people made me feel like shit, like I wasn’t worth a thing, so I wanted to prove them wrong by doing the one thing that still made me feel like something: being a musician. I went to ends of destroying my body, playing my instrument with inflammated arms while I could barely hold a toothbrush to clean my teeth, barely sleeping, not allowing myself to rest for one second. When an important person in music business told me I wan’t good enough I completely crashed, burned-out and depressed. I’m telling you this, because I want you to be mindful. You can also go to far on other aspects in your life than dieting, like for instance studies, work…. There is nothing wrong with being passionate or going hard, but this also makes you very susceptible for burn-outs so remember to rest enough and to keep in mind that there is more to you than just one aspect. So if you weigh yourself like the people in the video you spoke about, weigh yourself with different aspects, so if one crumbles, you still have other things left to make you feel worthy. I have loads of admiration for you! Things like this make you stronger in the long run. You have already achieved an amount of life wisdom many won’t be able to achieve in their entire lives. Thank you for the change you’ve brought to my life .I wish you nothing but the best! Take care <3

  • Helena says:

    Cassey I gotta tell you that when everybody told you that you were so toned and beautiful, I was thinking “why is Cassey so skinny and orange? She looks like an Asian Barbie doll”. Being an ex rythmic champion and having a mother with an eating disorder I can tell you that: It’s soooo easy to snap and start harassing yourself! I can remember myself being 98 lbs and my mother being even skinnier. I used to eat only chicken breast, zucchinis, cucumbers, carrots and lots of water. I exercised 4 hours daily and before competitions for 6 hours. I was too tired to do my homework or to go to school. And when I was 15 years old (thank God) I had a knee injury and finally stopped. I could see little girls fainting in front of my eyes. Unfortunately, one of them recently died because of dehydration. This nonsense has to stop!!! I could see my own mother telling that I was fat. When I stopped I got bulimic and depressed. I reached in only a year 151 lbs. Now I am 22 and I’ve been fighting since with my metabolism and my weight. Mine and my mother’s… I am healthy and happy although I have to always be careful because I gain weight super easily. I am 127 lbs now and some may say it’s a lot because I am only 5.3 but I love myself! And I love the fact that I am putting on your videos and exercising with my mother. You make her soooo hungry after your workouts and now she finally has a healthy weight. She is still calling me fat. She calls herself fat, but at least I know that she’s healthy and that’s all I care about. Thank you so much! And let me tell you something… People are mean! But it’s not them who made you who you are. It’s you! And I don’t care if you have abs or a round butt. You promote a healthy lifestyle. So I want to see you healthy and happy. If I want to see a model then I’ll look at VS’ calendar. But you see, I don’t like bones, I like muscles and a little bit of some cute fat at all the right places! Fat is healthy too! ❤

  • Ana says:

    Hi Cassey,
    thank you very much for this.
    It takes huge amount of courage to share this and you did it beautifully.
    I like how you said that your daily activity gives you the energy and empowerment to work and develop the things that matter to you and wish to pursue.
    I’ve also been in a situation were now I see other effects of cutting of carbs from diet and under-eating and realise how it might have an impact on your capability to think, perform and have a balanced body.
    We tend to underestimate nutrition as we take shallow conclusions ourselves, but our bodies are incredible machines which protect us and keep us going on, we should at least respect, value them and don’t follow blindly what diet preachers say. We are all much smarter then that.
    For anyone interested there’s a really interesting ironic talk about Paleo diet here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BMOjVYgYaG8&spfreload=1
    I’ve followed this diet, it has given me good results, but it has also given me much awareness overall of the impacts of it.
    Again thank you for your story and to everyone: change your lifestyle not your momentum.

  • Silvia says:

    Hello Casey! I suffered orthorexia too dor a few years. It is amazing how this disorder can be triggered in just a few months. In my case, I dropped 10 kg in four months… and I did it twice. Sometimes I still feel the fear of carbs or fats (even healthy fats), but I commited to my self to never diet again at risk of falling in orthorexia. Nobody cares about orthorexia on the other hand, people just think you are just a very healthy person, wich you are in a phisique way, but not in a mental way.

  • Amy says:

    Cassey, I just wanna say THANK YOU for sharing your story, I know the decision hasn’t been easy. Don’t ever be ashamed of your past because it led you to what you are now, and that is and amazing person. We need to support us girls, and stop judging and compete with each other!!!

  • Aria says:

    WOW! Glad you came back! :) I know society and especially social media can produce a lot of stress and distort our perception of beauty, and most importantly of our looks.

    When I was in my 16-18s I had a BMI of 18, and thought I was fat. When I went to study I gained some weight and my BMI went up to 22. I thought I was the most obese human on earth! From my 23-24 I was struggling to loose “all that weight” with restricting some food (as if being a vegetarian was not enough) and started taking long walks and running to the point I think my heart would stop working. On my 25th birthday I decided that this was not working, as my BMI was just below 22. So there orthorexia kicked in – along with my vegetarianism (at that point it turned into veganism and it sucked! I was living on an empty stomach!)

    But my BMI dropped to 19 in just a few weeks, so was I happy with it! But family and friends weren’t.. I was constantly cranky, angry, and in bad mood. I don’t know if they noticed my new eating habit at all, but my mind came back and I tried to fix it. I started exercising only because I wanted to, and just enough to only make my body work. Forced my self into eating that slice of bread, and yes have that cheese slice I’ve been dreaming about. I even started eating some meat twice a year.

    Now I just turned 28, I don’t even know how much I weight, I last checked 2 years ago, but I’m happy in my body and I allow no one to comment on it. Also, I’m feeling much healthier now, and I started buying food that’s actually good for me and not good for what society thinks its good for my looks, and some ‘healthy lifestyle’ blogs think are good for being healthy.

  • 林小姐 says:

    thankyou casseyy!!! to share this with us
    honestly i’ve been obsessed with this thing. well pardon my english is not good since english is not my first language.
    but, the point is, it is superrrr depressing to keep your calorie 800 or even under (well for me) because i am petite and if i want to loose weight thats what i should do.
    i was once really damn hard to weight a kg but since i am an architect student, one time, i cant even sleep for days to finish the project, and that the first time i can feel stress, eat a lot of chocolate and keep on eating the whole night. surprisingly i can weigh 7 kg and that time i was like….. then i started to follow you and your workout. i really strict with myself but i dont know why lately i cant stop myself to not eat what i like for the whole last week. so i can say im so stressed today, i knew maybe that was 3000cal++ and it is scary for everyone who is on diet isnt it. :( thankful i saw your email today.
    cheers me up
    :)
    and well, you have your own sexy feeling. love you cassey.

    sending you love from taiwan

  • Lana says:

    Thankyou, Cassey.

    I went through something similar myself, about 5 years ago. I used to be chubby as a kid and my parents made lots of horrible comments and I was bullied mercilessly for it at school. When I was 17-18, I went on a REALLY restrictive diet and finally got to what was pretty much my dream size 6 body, although I knew my hips were still a little flabby and I wanted to lose a tiny bit more. But then my Mu, who had told me how ashamed she was when I was a fat little kid, turned round and said i was ‘too skinny’ and I had gone too far and suddenly I felt guilty for all I had achieved. I started eating whatever I wanted again and my stomach couldnt deal with it and I suffered so much acid reflux, bloating and pain for several years until I eventually realised I had become gluten intolerant and couldnt eat the foods anymore that I used to love! I put on a bunch of weight over the next couple years and acutally, a year after your bikini comp, I found the meal plan on your website and tried it (an adapted version that I tweaked myself.) For the first month I felt amazing, energetic, and loved seeing my body transforming. but at the end of week 4, my Gran passed away and i got really, really depressed. The workouts weren’t fun anymore, the meals were boring, everything became difficult, my head was cloudy; I was miserable and I couldnt even peform properly at work. I started making stupid mistakes all the time and my boss started to reduce my hours. He asked me ‘you used to be so good, what happened?’ And when I told him I was depressed, he laughed. He didnt understand that a 20-something year-old could have a mental illness and that this could be the reason for all that change. The problem is that I always look back and wish I could be a size 6 again. When things were good, they were really good. I felt incredible and loved my body for once in my life. I felt proud, I felt sexy, I could wear whatever clothes I wanted. You never stop thinking back to how that feels. And that is absolute torture.

    • Melody says:

      It’s not about what you weighed or about how you looked, it’s about how you felt. You have to feel good for you, not what someone deems is appropriate. Work out to feel good and powerful, not the be a certain size. The scale can’t ever measure awesome, so don’t even worry about that, my friend. just take the time to value yourself and eff all the outside static.

    • Chris says:

      Intuitive Eating is a great book written by 2 Registered Dietitians. It’s not a diet book but instead listening to your body and eating when hungry and stopping when full.

  • Thank you for this.
    I’ve discovered myself recently growing afraid of carbs, including fruit, even though I know full well that fruit sugars are different, that I need the fibre and so on.
    I exercise nearly every day, weights and kickboxing, and I’ve taken to eating low-carb. Porridge is about all I get, and that’s in the morning. After that it’s protein, protein, fibre, protein – if it isn’t veg, egg, fish or chicken, I’m not interested. And I’m not losing weight. I did read this article, the whole thing, but I do still have too much fat on my body, that’s not my imagination, but it’s not budging. I change my workout every month to avoid plateaus, but I think I’m over working and under-feeding.

    This article has helped me to realise I need to look at healthy carbs differently. I eat about 1200 calories a day, but I don’t know if that’s the minimum I should have if I don’t workout or not – do I need more? But then, every body is different – it’s difficult to know what to do. This is why I think it’s so easy to start looking at carbs as the enemy. The bright side? I’m not afraid of dietary fat; I get enough poly- and monounsaturated, and enough saturated. So I guess that’s something.

    But I’ve been feeling run-down lately, I’m not enjoying my workouts, I’m getting snappy, and while I know I’m not anywhere near as bad as you were, I’m relatively sure something’s up.
    I doubt this article will be enough to set my head right, and it’s driving me insane, but at least it’s enough for me to stop, turn around and actually look at what I’m doing, because a few too many things you just said were familiar.

    So, once again: thank you.

    • Lana says:

      Hey, I think around 1000-1200 is what you need when you’re not working out. Have you heard of basal metabolic rate? That’s how much you need just to live and breathe. Like the amount of calories you’d need just to do nothing. And everyone’s is different. It depends on your height, weight and other stuff too. I’d say try eating a little bit more, like increase it gradually, because you need more energy for your workouts and once you have the right balance, you’ll have enough energy to hit them even harder and make real prgoress! I think I under-ate when I was working out too and I pretty much felt the same as you described. I didnt lose any weight either, I just stayed the exact same and couldnt work out why. But actually when I started eating more, the weight started dropping off! Weird?!

      • Thank you, Lana! I am aware of BMR, but as you say, it’s different for everyone, and when you stop seeing the results you feel you’re working so hard for, it’s easy to turn to the idea of ‘eat less, move more’ even when you were doing both of those to begin with.
        I’ll take your advice and eat a little more – a piece of fruit or two would probably do it, and a few nuts. I just have to boost my willpower to silence the voice of idiocy in my mind that has been leading me to obsess in such a silly way!

      • Mary says:

        No no no! The least a person who ever ever have is 1800 calories a day. Minimum.

    • Rebecca says:

      You are underfeeding, definitly! For a very slim woman in the twenties, you will need at least 1800 kcal!! When you workout it will amount to at least 2400. Don’t look solely at basic metabolism rate, this is what you need if you stay in bed all day, to just keep living, not when you go to work, study, walk around… Here you can calculate it http://www.eufic.org/page/en/page/faq/faqid/calculate-amount-calories-fat-allowed/. However don’t focus to much on calories. Please listen to your body and nourish it when it needs it!

    • Melody says:

      Kiddo, any less than 1200 calories a day and your internal organs don’t even function. Stop the restriction BS and get out there and have FUN with something. Eat when you’re hungry and listen to what your body really needs (I guarantee it isn’t cheese fries) and you’ll be just fine. Smile and be happy and do this for YOU!

  • Shoko says:

    This is what I needed, thank you Cassey. I’ve been a POPster since August 2014, but I’ve gotta say, that I haven’t succeeded in always sticking to my workout plan (3 to 4 videos out of 5 on the calendar). Now I see why. It’s rare to see the same amount of result as I started (’cause obviously I had more fat to shred) so I thought it’s not rewarding, and it’s meaningless. Though I would have said I had been able to find a love in fitness not for vanity but now I can see that I was still had such vanity. But the best thing is, that I finally found a balance! So it was the great timing to see Cassey also finds her balance<3 I'm really glad to be a part of this community because fitness should be a sustainable lifestyle and here we can cheer each other up instead of bringing down. Love you, Cassey!

  • Palasha says:

    Thankyou for being so honest Casey❤️ Your the most beautiful woman I have ever come across-inside out.

  • Lene says:

    I want to be measured by the love of my family, but also my running achievements. I am in my 40ties, started running (after being inactive for many years) 2 years ago, have finished 2 marathons so far, but have planned 3 in 2016.
    ‘The diet thing’ is a double-edged sword. I have never been overweight, but running as much as I do, I keep track of my diet to make sure, I get enough calories, but I also have to ‘carry the excessive weight’ when I run, and don’t want to carry more than I need for 42 km.
    I have a stepdaughter at 17, who overeats and don’t excersize, and I am worried, that she will be ill from it in time. She would profit from a diet and propably be more confident, when she doesn’t need to cover her body in big sweatshirts, but it seems that her mother doesn’t support her, and she will not take advice from me.
    Soooo OVERdieting is bad for you, but I won’t say, that all dieting is bad for you;-)

  • Deanna says:

    You are SUCH an inspiration! Thank you for posting this video, and having the courage to share your story with us. Your positive outlook on being an overall healthy person, not just physically but mentally as well is contagious. A friend of mine told me about your awesome workout videos and told me I should give them a try. This is the first month that I’ve done them, and I’m just about to wrap up the beginner 2.0 calendar. I am so excited!! :D This is all new for me. I’m trying to develop better eating habits, not just for myself, but for my two young boys. I want to be able to pass on healthy lifestyle that they can take with them as they get older. So watching videos, such as the one you posted above, just fuels me even more to keep going. That it’s not about what the scale says that defines you, but how you feel on the inside which will in turn reflect on the outside. Thank you for truly being an inspiration and a positive role model not just for me, but for many women out there.♡

    -Deanna

  • Magda says:

    Thanks Cassey. I think I really needed this one, more than any workaout…. Now when I think about it, I realized that I was almost near that point…. Few years ago I was eating clean and working hard and then stopped thinking about how I eat and training. I gained weight but then started all over again. Was able to return almost to the same posture but then something unexpected happened. I started eat more because I was working so hard that I was always hungry and changed my training to less cardio. You know what happened – I gained about 25 pounds. I did not realized than until October 2015 however my clothes started to give me some hints. I did not know what happened…. I was devastated so decided to work again. I started slow, doing more day by day. After 2 months I lost amost 7 pounds. I was proud of myself. But of kors was not thinking about eating… I mean I was never eating fat or fast foods but I was also chubby kid and when my puberty finally ended, I was not able to just digest everything (I mean sweats). At the beginning of this year I started to think more about what and when I’m eating but also wanted to work harder and harder. And today I saw this video… And know I know that if I stay strong and will eat clean and will work in amount that is normal (so max 6 days a week for about w hours), I will lose that fat and of course some weight. So thanks from the buttom of my heart! You’re the greatest person in the whole word and thanks for sharing your story!

  • Maria Õunamägi says:

    Thank you for sharing this part of you! People, especially girls need to know the truth about dieting and what it truly means to LOVE YOUR BODY :)
    So glad to see you happy and healthy and beautiful! It must have been hard to recover as a fitness instructor whose physical appearance is always judged. I think you really should be proud of yourself.

  • Jessica says:

    Thank you so much for sharing your story with us :) you have no idea how inspirational it is to hear your experience and know how strong you are mentally and physically! You’re blessed with this position to all these people all over the world and you’re such an amazing role model and person – thanks again so much!! <3

  • Lisa says:

    You look much better now than you did in your bikini competition! Being strong and healthy is more important than looking like a vs model. Its sad that the media puts pressure on girls to look a certain way, stuff them everybody is different and beauty comes from the inside. Keep doing what your doing. I love all your workouts, they have changed my life in such a positive way.

  • Mia says:

    Hey Cassey, this video must have been really hard for you to make with social media and the pressure of being a health/fitness role model but thank you for being honest and brave enough to tell your story. The reason I chose to follow you as my health/fitness role model is because I admire your attitude towards health and fitness; its realistic, its achievable, its enjoyable and its forgiving. I like that you don’t try and act perfect and admit that you have lazy/junk-food days because I do too and I like having a role model that feels real. P.s I like that your always very positive even when it must be hard sometimes, it makes me want to focus on my happiness too :-) all the best.

  • Jean says:

    Cassey, you’re so brave, thank you for telling us your story!
    I’d put all my friends on that scale. We define each other. :)
    Lots of Love!

  • Anna-Kaisa says:

    I love this video and this post as well! I’m really curious to know what you think of your own Lean Out Mini Meal Plan, do you still stand behind it, or do you think that was affected by your own eating disorder? Or do you feel differently about it now that you are anti-diet, what about other meal plans?
    Of course you do only recommend it for 7 days, so maybe you still do stand behind it but I was just curious to know your thoughts :) (I really hope I’m not coming off harsh or judgey- not my intention at all!)

    • Michele says:

      Thank you so much Cassey for sharing your story. Even though it was difficult to do so, please know that your message rings loud and clear in its importance. I’ve only been onto your blog for less than two weeks, but I am hooked–at 59! Your energy, your zest for life and genuine concern for people and willingness to share your talents with the world are inspirational indeed! God bless you girl!

    • Amber says:

      I’d love to know too, just always wondered about what she thought of the diet plans she has up as she hasn’t mentioned them in a couple of years.

  • Annya says:

    Thank you for that! I would love to look like that but I love my food too much, food is a pleasure. I constantly strive for it but what I took from your blog is that everybody is different and to be honest at 45 years old and after 4 kids I am never gonna look like that unless I starve. I can’t do that as I get so hangry and I want to be a great role model to my kids. Eating healthy is the only way and I have found my body really changing through the monthly calendars. I feel stronger and it’s great to have the cardio element in there too which I what I missed when I did the beginners calendar. Life is too short to worry about our external all the time, you are perfect as you are Cassey!

  • Joanna says:

    Thank you for being so open. This is probably the best thing you have done for all women who follow you. No amount of exercise will teach a woman to truly love herself. Thank you girlie! So proud of you. Now go vegan for the animals and the planet and you will be a perfect angel! :)
    Dr Jo <3

  • Amanda says:

    Thank you. I grew up with the American diet, always chubby, and I honestly dont know if I will ever get over my body image dillusions. I do know that no amount of exercising, food restriction, or calorie counting had helped my weight and mental comfort. What has helped? Eating healthy and not worrying about healthy fats, sugars in fruit, exercising for health and enjoyment. Cassey, you look the strongeat and best now at your happiest. :)

  • CRISTY says:

    Cassey Ho don’t get pressured to anybody who put you down, that means you are above them..We love you so much,we are here to support you,whatever the negatives we heard from anybody we still follow you because you are here for us to help us..Thank you so much CASSEY. I am so proud that Baby boy named is Casey because I like you so much..

  • Kathryn says:

    Cassey this is so inspirational. YOU are so inspirational! I love all of your videos especially your happy attitude it makes me want to be better and do better at everything I do in life- which is really important for me right now as I am in college going into art! It’s always been my dream to go to art school and now that I’m finally here I feel pressured that I’m not good enough or that I’m never going to live up to expectations but you have made me see that the only way I’m going to improve is to love others, love myself, and just try to see the world in a positive mindset so that I can grow and become what and who I want to be <3 thank you so much for all the indirect support and for helping me be a stronger person! I suppose if I was to be weighed I'd want it to be in all the art that I've created over the years :) thanks again Cassey, much love!
    -Kathryn ?

  • Emily says:

    Cassey,
    This post just cofirms my opinion that that you are one of the most beautiful and genuine people in the public eye right now. I started doing blogilates when everything else I tried didn’t work and was just too painful. I would skip the intros and endings because I barely had enough time to workout…now I make time to watch those too. You don’t know it, but you have changed my life and become my dear friend and I am so excited every day for the time I get to spend with you.
    Your struggles only make you more real to me. You understand what it is like to struggle with food, and exercise and more than anything else, self image. Unlike every other fitness instructor out there…you GET it. When you tell us that size doesn’t matter, that we are all beautiful and the most important thing about working out is the way it makes you feel about yourself…you aren’t just saying that…you mean it.
    You are amazing…I don’t know what else to say, except that one of my life’s goals is now to get to tell you that in person someday:)

  • Bellinda says:

    Hi Cassey,

    I love your post and thank you for Sharing your story. It makes us realise how important it is to enjoy life and feel great in our mind. you seem to be someone who is always happy. i find you have a very toned body and its great.

  • Sheila says:

    Cassey,

    You’re wonderful! Your positive attitude keeps me going when I’m training. I’m sorry you had to go through this ordeal but it’s so special that you’re able to process it publicly for all of us to understand and hopefully avoid. Love ya!

    PS Love the shout out to environmental scientists…that’s me! <3

  • Chi says:

    I think at some point in life, most girls, myself included, will go through a phase where they feel like they’re never beautiful enough. This is all because of everything seen in the media. But I’m so glad you spoke up about your experience to help women see that it’s not about how you look, but about how you feel. I’m all about women empowerment! I want to see women loving their imperfections because it makes them different and beautiful! When you’re confident, it shows and it’s the sexiest thing you can wear. Thank you for spreading that message!!! Weigh me by my blood and sweat I put into my two degrees and the love I have for my family and friends.

  • Celeste says:

    I just shared this video on facebook. Every women out there needs to see it. I applaud you for your courage in sharing your story. Thank you Cassey.

    • Cin says:

      Me too, Celeste! Well done – I shared it, as well. :)

  • Amy says:

    thanks for the honesty! I’ve been debating doing a bikini comp….but often wonder why? I can absolutely see how it would mess with your mind. You’re beautiful girl! Thanks again for sharing

  • Ladylaurel says:

    Cassey: you have been such a positive motivation for me. Your encouragement to viewers to push our bodies is perfectly balanced with your reassurance that it’s OK to stop early or take a breath if needed. I have a chronic illness and pilates helps my problems and keeps me out of PT. I can barely put into words how much you, blogilates, has helped me. You never make me feel bad that I can’t do everything in your videos, you always make me feel stronger, you always make me feel like I am not at war with my body. Its hard to love a body that hurts all the time and doesn’t work right, but I always feel more at peace with and love towards this lemon of a body after any of your videos. Even if all I do is watch it to learn moves for the next time I’m able to work out.

    Thank you for blogilates. Thank you for everything you do for this community and everything you share with us. When I first got hurt, I was devastated to lose all the sports and activities i loved. I floundered for a long time before I found pop pilates. One video was all I could do and it was a triumph for me. You’ve let me keep my passion for exercis when I thought I had nothing left.

    I’m so sorry you’ve been struggling with this. You are so important to all of us, and we love you for exactly who you are.

  • Kelli says:

    Hi Cassey!

    I’m literally crying writing this right now. Thank you for sharing your story with us. Growing up in an Asian family has been so hard cause they’re always judging how you look and comparing it to how other people look. I’ve been concerned about my physical looks for as long as I can remember and was always so unhappy with myself. Every year, every birthday, every day basically, I would wish/pray that I would lose weight and be skinny like every other girl out there. That wish was never granted. I was extremely unhappy with myself and angry with myself and I let my negativity affect my relationships with the people around me. It wasn’t until I came across your videos that I began to feel truly happy and confident about myself. Sure, I still struggle with losing weight and maintaining a healthy diet, but I feel stronger than I have ever felt in my life. I discovered a passion for fitness and eating/making food that I would never have eaten 5 years ago. You were a part of this process of discovering myself, Cassey, and I can never truly express how grateful and happy I am for (somewhat) getting to know you through your videos, blogs, and other social media. You are an inspiration to everyone out there! Hope you can come to Chicago someday so I can thank you in person :D Thank you for being you Cassey!!!!

    Love you!!!!
    Kelli

  • Lucy says:

    Cassey, you are so amazing. You’re so much more than your looks (which are top shelf btw)! Thanks for all the encouragement and super hard workouts! Get it girl!

  • Amanda says:

    THANK YOU for this post. I’ve always heard those that do competitions have this ridiculous diet & have seen others talk about how insane it is. I, myself, had used MyFitnessPal, which they are ALL about restricting your calories. I started using it 2 years ago & at first I was doing good, but I was burning 1,200+ calories & supposed to only eat 1,200 calories. I would eat about 1,600 to 1,700 though & I lost ten pounds, was looking good, eating semi-clean & decent for my budget, but then after 8 months, I started gaining & gaining, even though I didn’t change a thing. I might have cut my exercise time down a little to mostly an hour or 90 minutes daily, instead of the obsessive 2-3 hours. Then I started losing again, then gaining. I just decided I was done with this yo-yo effect. Before I ever used MFP, I used to bike, run, walk, do pilates, & lightly did cardio & strength training. I never counted what I ate calories wise, just ate as I pleased & I was lean & tone & extremely happy! And then using MFP, it seemed like it was just worse for me. I have since stopped focusing on calories, I eat as I please again & I exercise roughly 60-90 minutes a day. I plan to get back into biking & running when spring hit & trying to get back to what I used to do. I’m about 125-130 pounds, 5’4″ & a half, so I’m in a good weight range for my height. Sure, my pants/leggings are up to anywhere between a size 8-11, but I feel HAPPY. I hit 30 years old & just said “Screw it” & decided as long as I think I look good, I’m staying active, eating pretty well, but still treating myself & I felt happy & good, then that was all that mattered. And I’ll continue to feel that way. So I am SO happy that someone like yourself has stepped up & shown girls it’s perfectly alright to accept their bodies & not strive for what they think is perfect or what they think they need to have. Not everyone can have a six pack or a flat stomach, I will ALWAYS have a little lower belly pooch no matter what I do, I have wide hips & love handles a bit, but I don’t even care anymore. Sorry this was so long but I hope girls see this & realize they don’t need to be obsessive. Also, if anyone watches Fitness Blender, Kelli says she eats about 3,000 calories A DAY & she is as lean as can be! Go check out their video too about dieting & why calorie restriction is NOT healthy. Keep doing what you do Cassey, much love to you! You are beautiful inside & out, I think your body is perfect, so I’m glad you are happy & content.

  • Dr Saylor says:

    I’ve been following your videos since the original muffin top shirt was available. Very excited to see how you’ve matured into a lovely young woman who genuinely loves helping others. I confess I sometimes use other workout videos, but your personality makes working out fun. Keep up the AWESOME job you are doing, and when you wonder if it makes a difference for just one person, the answer is yes! Your “confession” only makes us cheer harder for you because it means you understand our struggles

  • Jennifer says:

    Wow. Just thank you so much. So many people need to hear this, including myself. I used to be exactly like how you used to be until I realized how unhappy I actually was. Even when I lost weight, I never felt good enough. Now I am working out for myself and for my health, not just for my image and how others may see me. I am so much happier and my body is so much stronger. I love it, it makes me feel so empowered. Keep doing you Cassie, you’re an inspiration.

  • Frances says:

    Cassey, I think it is a big deal that you decided to share this, and I hope your not feeling horrible anxiety after posting something so intimate for the world to see because I think you are being really brave. You are not alone in this. I think there are a lot of people who can relate to your situation. I feel sad that because you have put yourself out there with a strong social media presence that you can be the victim of horrible abuse, but know that as many people that make bad comments there are just as many if not more that are ready to love and support you and what you do. I was just saying the other day that I don’t believe that there are many other people that do what you do, with as much free content as you provide, giving people resources to discover health and fitness who otherwise wouldn’t have the resources. I am glad that you overcame that difficult time in your life, and I think it makes you a strong woman and a good role model to admit that your only human and continuing on your journey to be a better you like the rest of us. I wish you the best of luck in all that you do and wanted to thank you for inspiring all of us everyday! <3

  • Cadenza84 says:

    The courage it must have taken to post this is baffling to me. As someone who also has been affected by an eating disorder, I am in awe! I told 7 people and you’ve announced it to the world … Amazing! Astonishing, even! Although I’ve never posted on here, you’ve always been someone I had admired for so many reasons: your positivity, your determination, your genuine warmth and kindness, and your endless adorableness … But this … Your humility, honesty, and strength has floored me. There needs to be more people like you doing what you do! From the bottom of my heart, thank you! <3

  • Justine says:

    Thank you so much for sharing this with us Cassey. It takes an enormous amount of courage especially as someone on the public eye as a fitness guru to admit this. I too struggled with an eating disorder and your videos were one of the ways I got over it. Now I’m 2 years past my worst times and I’ve gotten on the bandwagon so to speak in terms of eating good food to fuel my body and working out to lose weight naturally, not because I want to be “skinny” anymore, but because it’s the healthy thing for my body. I hope your video and message helps other out there who are struggling. Thanks for being there for all of us popsters :)

  • Isabel says:

    This is an amazing post, it literally made me cry… It’s wonderful that you can share that story to prevent others to this kind of life… I personally chose to follow you because you don’t look like other fitness instructors, your body is REAL And you are an amazing person, with a great personality, and you seem like you are always happy, it’s contagious!!!
    Thank you for being awesome

  • Jade says:

    Thank you so much for being so open about this. People just don’t understand that restriction is so dangerous. After my eating disorder I never thought I could be skinny again. My body just wanted and hated food. Despite your struggles, you still were able to inspire me through my own recovery because you were always so positive when you came on here, so thank you for that. <3

  • Abbey says:

    Thank you thank you sooo much for sharing this!!! I think it is important to share this information with others. I have also struggled with disordered eating and it helps to know you have had similar experiences. I admire you so much for your hard work and strength. Thank you for everything!! Your are strong and amazing!

  • Eden says:

    Wow…. this is a serious eye opener!

  • DJCM says:

    I have two young daughters and a teenaged son, and I myself and 31. I felt so bad about my body for so many years, I never want my daughters to feel like that. I also never want my son to think that only women who look a certain way are beautiful or demand respect. I love that you look like a human being- although you look amazing in my books! – and am proud to follow your videos with my kids every morning! mostly the younger girls (4 and 2) just jump around for cardio moves and roll on the floor for abs (and climb on my back – extra resistance I deem it!) I love that they’re watching someone positive and healthy, as opposed to someone who only looks a certain way because they seriously restrict themselves! We love you Cassey! Keep this attitude up PLEASE for all the young ladies out there, looking up to YOU!

  • Ilyse says:

    Cassey,
    Thank you for this beautiful, pure and honest post. I have been following you on your POP Pilates journey for 8 years and never once did I click on a video because of how wide your thigh gap was or the size of your butt. I am a “POPster” because you have encouraged me for years to be the best me- the strongest, happiest, healthiest me. I can’t imagine what it’s like to be a public model for fitness, but I can promise you that the loyal POPsters (myself included) will always be there with you in New York apartments, chilly basements, hotel rooms, in-law’s guest rooms, on sandy beaches, and on yoga mats across the world…working out to be healthy and strong- and naturally, wonderfully imperfect. Thank you again for showing your very real self in your post. You are truly an inspiration.
    Love always,
    Ilyse

  • Nic says:

    I really needed this a lot. I need to stop judging myself by the scale and start seeing my body as something to cherish not to starve.

  • Duchess says:

    An absolutely incredible and raw story. I am constantly in awe of your compassion to your body and to all those who follow you. Keep doing what you’re doing Cassey xx

  • George says:

    Thank you so much for being brave enough to share your story, as someone that has been battling Anorexia for the past six years and still havent come out the other side I can realate to everything that you have and or were feeling it’s nice to know that i’m not totally alone. It’s so inspiring to see how happy and full of life you are now, never think that your not good enough you are truley beautiful inside and out!!
    Stay strong,
    Lots of love George

  • The Pomchi says:

    Thank you Cassey for sharing this! No matter what, from beginning to end, you were an inspiration to me! Thank you for being strong, for all the people who look up to you.
    I’m a junior in high school, and freshman year I suffered from Anorexia Nervosa because of school stress. It developed into an obsession with weight and appearance, and I am still in the process of recovery. I found you in the midst of this turmoil, and thank the Lord I have you, an incredible, bright, joyful woman, as my role model. I won’t let this ED get in the way of achieving success and happiness in my life!

  • Allison says:

    CASSEY. Don’t EVER feel pressured to look like other fitness models. We love you because YOU ARE NOT THAT. You want us to be healthy and don’t care how we look. You want us to love ourselves. Do the same for yourself.

  • Hi Casey,

    I’m that environmental scientist you speak of! Haha, well, sort of…. I studied environmental sustainability within economics and policy, and I’ll admit I absolutely LOVE what I studied and what I hope to do in the future with it! I want to make an impact, but let me tell you, I couldn’t without being inspired by you so often! Your workouts always made my day better after an excruciating day at the library or sometimes before heading off for a lecture on environmental economics. Not only have your workouts helped me through graduate school, but also your amazing perspective on things and your instructions for me to love myself and love my body. My body is responding well to this, I’m happy to say! I certainly don’t have killer abs, but I have an entire body that does so much for me!

    Well done on this blog-post.

    -Jailene xx

  • RJWLyricColoratura says:

    Oh, Cassey. Thank you. I have walked almost the EXACT same path, and I understand how much courage it takes to tell this particular story. Thank you so much for your honesty.
    Personally, I don’t know if I’ll ever lose all the weight I gained in the aftermath of my eating disorder. And it’s taken me a long, long time to come to a point of being okay with that. But once I did reach that point, my whole mindset turned around, and I realized that the core problem had always been this: that I had determined my value as a human being by my appearance, rather than by my character.
    Every time someone is courageous enough to tell their story, it brings more openness, freedom, and perspective to those who are still struggling. Personal, honest stories like your helped guide me out of my own circle of hell, and I so appreciate you sharing it with your community.
    Thank you.

  • Ali says:

    Thank you so much. For everything: the inspiration, the happiness, the honesty, the strength, the inner (and outer ;D) beauty. I’ve been following your blog and videos for about a year and a half now and I have to say you have really changed my life for the better. Initially I had wanted to exercise for vanity and outer appearance because I have always been the “nonathletic” and “chubby” kid. Thankfully, I was never out right bullied, but that was probably because I’m tall and people were scared of me (surprisingly, I get this a lot! I have been told that I am intimidating and scary). I always hated PE because I was always the biggest girl and changing into gym clothes really scared me. Anyway, since I have been working out with you, I realized that I shouldn’t be exercising for my looks; it should be for my strength and happiness. Ever since I changed my goal, I found that I love myself and how I look. And guess what? I plan on joining tennis this year (even though I suck, I love tennis)! I fell in love with sports and myself because of your help!
    I will gladly vow to never sacrifice my happiness for a strict diet! We love you, Cassey, and thank you for sharing your story with us Popsters! <3

  • Krei says:

    I wish the 8 week diet plan for bikini body would be removed because of this reason… I did it and it made me feel terrible and made me hate blogilates. But then I restarted but without the ‘diet’, just the fitness and the feeling good part.

  • Joydean says:

    Thanks you for sharing Cassey, I needed this. You really are a wonderful person. I started my fitness journey when I found your videos. I have dropped from 143lbs to 118lbs. I was strong. Sadly, something happened last year and I lost my discipline to exercise and just ate what I want. I gained back all the weight, and worst part is it added to my depression. It was only about two weeks ago, that I decided I should stop hurting my body. I started to work out again, and eat cleaner. But somehow I am afraid of eating carbs. Anyway, reading this just reminds me that the reason I am working out again is to become strong, because I want to enjoy life and do the things I love to do. Thank you for your honesty <3

  • Larissa Shinobe says:

    Oh, Cassey… :/ I’m sorry to hear that you went trough all of that… It must have been really hard for you… But the good part is that you learned from it, right? ;) I know that it must have been really hard for you to share this story, so I would like to congratulate you for being brave enough to do so ;) The fact that you did it just makes me like you even more. You are definitely an inspiration for me. Not only because you are a strong, beautiful and cheerful person, but also because you are real and you really understand how we feel. Plus, I really love your message of loving yourself for who you are and not how much you weigh. Many people say this, but when you say it, I know that you really mean it and you are right. We should all focus on being happy. It doesn’t matter how much you look, but who you are, and you are awesome ;)

  • rosana camarasa says:

    Thanks so much Cassey for sharing this taboo topping in the world of competitive fitness.I got similar experience,but I never made it to competition because I ended on the hospital with a stomach ulcer due to the amount of supplements and frequent meals.You so right when you say that we are our best doctor perceiving what what is right for our bodies.I was so frustrated and angry with myself that I ended with bulimia,eating compulsively to compensate my sadness.And causing myself vomiting to avoid put on any weight.My life was a nightmare as yours ,like you explained.Now that I learned to accept myself and love every single cell of my body,there is still a shadow of “body weight awareness” standing behind me when I look at myself on the mirror.Thank you Cassey for your positivism ,enlightenment and vibrant energy that inspire me so much on your videos,keep it authentic,as you are.

  • Adriana says:

    Cassey, You are truly amazing! I fell in love with Pop Pilates because you always felt like a friend! So down to earth and not like other fitness trainers who solely focus on the vanity of working out. It’s nice to hear someone say do this for every reason but vanity, because it’s true working out is more than the appearance it is about how you feel inside! I wish more people were like you, you’re a great role model who is always honest!!! So sorry you went through this but I applaud you for bringing awareness to this issue! Wishing you well in the future!!!!
    xoxo

    Adriana

  • Rebecca says:

    Cassey,
    Thank you for sharing that story. It’s incredibly brave to be so open, and I’m so proud of you for the progress you’ve made! Just so you know, you are the voice of encouragement in my head whenever I’m being too hard on myself. Your positivity is so infectious. I hope you feel better soon!
    Sending you Love!
    Becca

  • Miss Black Sacramento says:

    I think I was going through this. My body’s diet has changed so much, some times I’m afraid to try things because I don’t want to be sick. However, I must be in the process of turning it around because my body doesn’t reject that many things anymore. Thank you for sharing your story. I went through the same activities, but in a different situation.

  • Silvia says:

    Thanks a lot for sharing. You’ve been very brave. I’ve never told you anything, I’ve doind your workouts and watching your videos for about 4 years. I liked you from the beginning because you were different, you were strong, self-confident, and made us feel that was what mattered, working out was just a way to make us feel good, healthy and nice. I must say I was a bit worried when I saw that you were taking part in that competition, you looked so thin, so artificial. After that I saw you were gaining weight again, and that made feel less worried, although there was something different in you, your happiness I guess, because that is something you’ve got, I think you help people to be happier, your smile, your comments, you make us want to work out to feel healthier, and you’ve got this positive effect on people, that is something that not everyone has, so don’t let it go because you’re amazing. I loved the video and I hope that by opening your heart you can help someone.
    Thanks for everything.

  • Elena says:

    Thank you so much Cassey for your heartaching honesty on this subject. So many of us get suduced by the fitness industry into thinking that we have to look a certain way and steer clear from certain foods, and if we don’t (or can’t) follow the line then we’re either stupid, lazy or even a bad person!
    I first started feeling bad about my body at about nine or ten years old, I was quite a chubby kid, and started dieting at twelve. I lost my puppyfat and gained so self esteem for a short while, but to keep the weight of I was exercising like crazy and most days all I would eat was an apple, a cup-a-soup and a small bowl of cereal. Any more than that and I would gain weight. Of course that wasn’t sustainable, my body was crying out for proper nourishment so I started eating more again and I put on weight. Then in my early teens I fell into bulimia and it took me twelve years to kick it.
    I’ve only been following you for a couple of weeks and like all your Popsters I’ve fell in love with your personality and your style of teaching. You are human and brave, and I believe that you truly love and care about your followers, and for that I have such huge respect for you.
    At the end of your video when you vowed to never diet again, I made that vow with you. And it resonated so deeply with me that I actually had tears in my eyes!

  • Bridget says:

    Hey Cassey!
    I think this video is absolutely beautiful and and is a further showcase of how fantastic a person you are. I have struggled with an eating disorder for five years. I have been lucky to have doctors and nutritionists but I am still in my recovery. I have always been overweight and now I’ve struggled with all sides of the pendulum that is disordered. I found your sight about 3 years ago and i thought it was perfect. I struggled with not being great at the videos and I have come back and forth over the years always beating myself up with how not so great i am doing because I am stuck in that terrible mentality of exercising because I hate my body and want it to change. I have learned many things but this issue is one of the harder ones to crack. As I am still signed up for your newsletters, I was intrigued by this video. It was really touching to see you share your experience in order to help others and how committed you are to helping everyone love themselves and their bodies for the strength they contain. I feel like we are all so lucky to have someone like you available to help and I am truly inspired to change my viewpoints and work not for looks or self hatred, but for the strength to live the life i want.
    Thanks and love!
    Bridget G.
    B

  • Katy says:

    Thank you cassey,
    A friend of mine showed me your blog 3 years ago and ever since then i am doing your workouts. I never hated my body or wanted to be thinner but i wanted to be healthier. I never had been very sportive, i couldn’t run fast, i wasn’t strong, i was the girl who was elected as last in PE classes. Due to that i never tried to do any sport because i thought i would fail anyways, that lead to various back issues because my muscles weren’t strong enough. But then i saw your beginners calender. It looked so easy and i gave it a try, working out for myself in my room. And it felt so great! I felt fitter, i could climb the stairs to the highest rooms in the school building without losing breath, i got self-confident, and i’d never thought i could love the feeling of sore muscles so much :D not because of the pain, but because you know there’s something changing in you. Not only you’re body is getting stronger, it’s your soul, growing from knowing that you have control about your life, you can improve and feel good and happy.

    So when my friend today told me, that you had a ED i was shocked. I was like ‘WHAT?! O.o that happy, enthusiastic girl, telling me to be self-confident and who made me so strong?’
    But when i read this story i felt so touched and relieved. It was still you. It was the happy enthusiastic encouraging girl talking about a mistake she made. And you, facing this dark past of yours and even telling it to us and the whole world is making me love you even more, because it shows you’re strength and is making you the best role model i could ever think of.

    Thank you for all you’ve done for us, stay strong and don’t let ignorant comments reach your heart. Some people will see you walk on water and start telling that’s because you can’t swim.
    <3

  • Liz says:

    Cassey,

    I relate to this. I understand this. I see you. I am so sorry you had to go through this. Thank you for authenticity and vulnerability. . .it is absolutely courageous. You are helping men and women know that they are not alone and when to reach out for help. My heart sank as I resonate with this all too deeply but am doing better these days. You have and will continue to overcome as a strong, confident, beautiful woman who is making the world a better place.

    Much love,
    Liz

  • Tayla says:

    Cassey,
    Thank you for sharing this! I feel really sorry for you. I needed to hear this though! I was always wondering why Victoria Secret models are so thin and stuff and it’s because they dehydrate them before competition! Then it’s basically skin and bone! That’s so unhealthy but I really needed to hear the truth about what they do after competitions! I have an eating disorder! If I over eat I chuck up! I eat less than 1,200 calories per day! I guess I just don’t feel the need to eat a lot! But I do eat on a regular basis! Like I’ll have my snacks and meals! You are such an inspiration and I’m glad to be following you! Glad to be a popster!
    Tayla xx

  • Amanda says:

    Thank you so much for sharing your story. I’m a mom with 3 girls and I personally know how hard it is to struggle with your body image. I love your videos and my 3 year old loves them as well ;) I love showing my girls how to be healthy and live a healthy life, and still enjoy ice cream every once in a while.

  • Olivia says:

    Thank you Cassie. I am currently in the process of recovering from “sub clinical anorexia” and I really appreciate your strength and I hope that I will be able to use it to inspire me to find a balance of health, happiness, and a few indulgences here and there with a positive self image. Thank you for sharing your story

  • Rachel Bingham says:

    I struggled with exercising too much and not eating enough; afraid to let any kind of unhealthy type of food pass my lips. I was going through a time when I felt unwanted, discouraged, and very stressed. I felt if I could at least have that picture perfect body I could at least say I that I had something to be proud of. I also felt I could control that part of my life. It has taken at least 3 years for me to get myself back on track after God reached out to me and pulled me up out my dark valley. He blessed with a job, a new career path, and a workout with an instructor that fit my needs.
    Thank You Cassy for making such a difference in so many lives. This is a topic I am super passionate about. And I hope to someday reach out, in my way to girls struggling with this issue.

  • Lola says:

    Cassey,

    Even though I’ve thanked you so many times for sharing this message on Instagram already, hahha
    you have no idea how much your decision of sharing has supported my journey of ED ana recovery. I battle with myself constantly, I am obsessed with counting calories and when I restrict my mind sorta gets a satisfaction from self harm. I started my dieting by exercising then shifted to pure restriction because “i just want to lose more weight” to now I am basically a bag of bones
    I started recovery and accepting help in September last year yet little progress is shown and it not only frustrates me also am constantly filled with depression, anxiety, and worry. I want to be healthy, I want to be happy, and I want to recover! but my ED thoughts are also so strong.
    Can you please share more on the process of recovery and how Can I BE STRONGER mentally?

    Love,
    Lola

  • Minda says:

    Cassey,

    I am so proud of you for sharing your story, for you admitting to yourself that you had an issue, and finding the strength to not only overcome it, but to also admit it to your many followers. I know that was not easy. Your honesty will help many people. It’s really hard in today’s society not to hop on the newest diet to lose weight because they seem easy, but the results will never stay. I truly admire you and appreciate all that you do for me and all us Popsters around the world. Never forget how amazing, kind, caring, and compassionate you are. Those qualities come through the lens as well.

    I look forward to hopefully running into you one day or going to one of your meet ups!

    Minda

  • Cynthia says:

    I don’t know you, but I’m so proud of you for discussing this. It’s doing a world of good for girls to hear an established fitness instructor share the reality of dieting and eating disorders. I had an ED (some unholy combination of restrictive and B/P anorexia plus orthorexia) for a year and a half, and it was one of the darkest times in my life. I look back and it hurts my heart to think of my past self suffering like that. Just know that your fan base supports you, and some of us understand a bit of what you’ve gone through. <3

  • Amanda says:

    Hey! As someone in the environmental field, you just made my day!

    Keep going strong, Cassey! You’re saving the world in your own way. :)

  • Marcela says:

    Hi strong girls!!!

    My story is the opposite, I started eating a lot when I was supposed to decide what to do with my life, what degree to choose and where to study… So that’s another eating disorder, It’s too hard when you can’t stop eating…a complete bar of bread, a huge chocolate cake, chocolate ice cream with hot brownie…the same day…every day…and of course everyone around you asking you why, why, why are you gaining weight…but in the end you see the light, thankfully…so after years trying and trying, finally I`m happily eating clean and doing pop pilates insanely…I feel strong to finish my master degree, I have clear mind right now for… thinking, as Cassey said…so I feel better than ever…

    Thank you for that!!!

    XOXOXO

  • Gracie says:

    This is such a true positive outlook on dieting choices
    Cassy you a wonderful person I feel that we would get along well your so inspiring keep doing what you do!????

  • Kennedi says:

    I just want to say thank you. THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU. This made me cry…I really appreciate you opening up to us. I’m not extremely good with words, but know that this story is appreciated by all of us, especially with the hateful and spiteful comments that people post at times. Know that you are an inspiration to all of us!

  • Kennedi says:

    I just want to say thank you. THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU. This made me cry…I really appreciate you opening up to us. I’m not extremely good with words, but know that this story is appreciated by all of us, especially with the hateful and spiteful comments that people post at times. Know hat you are an inspiration to all of us!

  • Caryn says:

    Hi Cassey,
    Thanks so much for sharing this story. I was always naturally thin but have never had a good relationship with my body and didn’t eat well or exercise much. In my mid-20s my metabolism started to slow down and not long ago, I tried a restrictive diet and exercise program with weekly weigh-ins. I never really had anxiety about my weight as a teen (and I know how lucky I am for that), but I’ve never felt so bad about my body as I did with that system. Focusing on some arbitrary number instead of taking care of myself was a terrible mistake, and it’s awful how many programs encourage that! I love your videos and blog though, because you’re so encouraging and enthusiastic about helping us all become stronger. It’s still hard to get myself out of bed to exercise some mornings, but your energy always gives me the boost I need. I’m really glad you’re embracing your health and body now, and helping us do the same. Thanks so much!
    Caryn

  • Rachel says:

    Cassey,
    Thank you for being so courageous and sharing this story with us. While eating disorders remain the most common cause of death among young women it is increasingly important to hear stories of healing. You are strong, healthy, and such an inspiration! <3

  • Bailey says:

    Cassey,
    You are such an inspiration! Your transparency is this blog and video is amazing and I’m so glad that you’re so real with us. Also I love the lean cuisine video. How motivating it is and it got me thinking about what am I weighed by. Honestly, Education and personal achievements are wonderful and I have definite goals and aspirations, but I’ve decided that ultimately I’m weighed by Christ and what He has done on my behalf. The good news of His perfect life, sacrificial death, and mind blowing resurrection so that my sins can be paid for and I have the guarantee of Heaven has transformed me into a better person. Not cause I have to be, but cause I truly want to be. I’m so happy that God has put such an amazing positivity and realness in you and that you are in my life! You are such a blessing to many people, myself included and I’m so lucky to be a Popster! ?

  • Cathy says:

    Cass, you must feel so much better to have let that all out!
    Good on you man for listening to your body and actually wanting to eat normal things.
    It is crazy what these competitions expect, we are human, our bodies need a little bit of everything not nothing.
    I am glad u didn’t continue killing urself girl

    Cath.

  • Sara says:

    Cassey,

    Thank you for being so genuine and vulnerable! Thank you for sharing your story. It moved me to tears. It makes me like and respect you even more! You are such an authentic voice and worthy role model.

    I have a dear friend that I’m so worried about. I’m concerned she has disordered eating but I’m afraid to confront her. What if I’m wrong? I continually dismiss the still small voice that tells me something is wrong; after all, wouldn’t her husband notice? Her mother? I live across country and don’t get to observe her life in the daily. She visited a few months ago; I sense she eats around me. (You know…puts on a show?) Your cheesecake story set off an alarm in my head. Something similar happened when she was staying with me. How did you hide your disorder from family and friends? Did anyone confront you? Are there signs I should be looking for? Thanks again for being you.

  • Lauren says:

    Thank you for sharing this! I hope more women read this, and seriously take heed of the moral of your story.

    You’re an inspiration :)

  • Stephanie M. says:

    Cassey, the reason I follow you and do your workouts is BECAUSE you aren’t like other fitness personalities. When I look at you, I see a real person with results that are attainable even by the average woman. I too have fallen into the trap of dieting and exercising solely for vanity, but now I do it for my health, to relieve stress, to feel confident and beautiful to myself and to have fun! Thank you for never expecting us to fit any standard but our own. As for what I weigh? I graduated college with top honors and now have a dream job at only 24 due to hard work and clear thinking. NO diet can accomplish that!

  • Bethany says:

    For starters cassey you look beautiful at every weight but I think in that line up you were the most gorgeous, what makes you gorgeous is the fact that you post these videos to try and help people – not preaching to them that they need to lose weight but showing them what they can do, a lot of last year I suffered from bulimia because some idiots decided to continuously ask me if I was pregnant, I’m a tall curvy girl always have been, my stomach is where I have issues cause unfortunately when I lose weight I lose those curves which some guys love and I can’t seem to love how I look but I also went through a phase of self harm because I physically couldn’t stand the sight of my own skin so I have to learn to love my scars as well as my weight and cassey you helped with that. Your videos inspire me daily with how
    positive you are, I love doing your routines cause they’re fun, I don’t do them to lose weight now though, I do them to be healthy and to enjoy myself, accepting how I am is a journey that will take a little longer though, I just wanted to say thank you, thank you for being you, thank you for posting your videos and thank you for sharing this portion of your life and I’m so sorry you went through it :/

    Thank you cassey :) you’re truly amazing

  • Donna says:

    Thank you for saying this out loud, in 2013 i entered a UK figure competition at the tender age of 47, like you i did hours of cardio everyday and lived on Brussel Sprouts and Chicken, i lost 28lbs in 20 weeks and i felt so proud of my new figure. Over the next year after the competition i was so concerned that everyone would judge me if i gained weight. i suffered from depression some 18 mths after the competition mainly down to low body fat that led to low hormornes etc.the medication and depression has effected my job which i decided to leave, and has had an effect on my relationships. i have now gained 14lbs i look and feel awful, i keep trying to diet and train back down but my body is fighting back i look like i have never lifted a weight in my life so i have stopped exercising, for about 4 mths the weight has stayed the same, but i am unhappy, i know it is not healthy but my goodness the vanity can get me everytime,

  • Madi says:

    Thank you for your honesty, Cassey.
    But I also want you to know that there are people, like me, out there who despise comments like “Oh, you have gotten fat.”. Because it seems that most people have forgotten, that fitness instructors, actors, singers, etc. are only human beings too. They also have the right to gain a few pounds (even if the goals is to become healthier again), while still doing, and having the right to do, the things they love and their job. Doing/Teaching sports doesn’t equal to being the fittest, prettiest or the most toned. I truly think it’s about doing what you love that equals to being the prettiest and encouraging people to do the same. That’s why I’m extremely proud of you and glad that there is such a big role model out there that teaches especially girls (who are even more under social pressure anyway) such a healthy mindset. Kudos!

  • C F says:

    Kudos for having the strength to post this!!! You are amazing, Cassey. I love your kindness, your energy, your workouts, and your positivity. You give so much to other people, and you’re beautiful inside and out.

  • Katie says:

    Cassey, I can’t imagine you without your beautiful smile and bubbly personality. You’re one of the reasons I’m proud of my body. Stay creative and keep smiling! (No, really, please. Your smile and humor help a lot during your videos. You’re great at your job!)

  • Rachel says:

    I love this with all my heart:) thank you cassie for sharing your story. We are put on this earth to experience things and help others. You are doing a great justice to all the little girls out there looking into the mirror at their belly. Keep doing what you are doing.
    Always a fan, Rachel

  • Nina B says:

    Glad you shared Cassey! I have friends in the sport and it sheds some light as to what they are doing. I am going to mention this article to them. I find everything you spoke about interesting and see how it can spiral outward.

    As far as #WeighThis I would like to be weighed by the amount of love and dedication I give to my two beautiful doggie children (even when part time to give them better care) #LunaandMilani They are my love, light and life. Xoxo

  • Lissa says:

    I’ve been a POPster now since 2012. Sometimes I add your older videos into my workouts and I will notice how your body has changed since then. And I am well aware that others were noticing it too. But… your workouts still kick my butt to this day and so I didn’t think much about it. On top of that, I’ve been too busy dealing with my recent weight gain.

    Last year, I started grad school and got my master’s in one year. This year I am in my first year of medical school! As much I love what I am learning and getting to do what I’ve always wanted to do, I do not love how much weight I’ve put on since grad school and med school. It’s very obvious when you compare photos from college to now. I know it’s because I am sitting in a classroom for 4-7 hrs a day and then sitting in the library for the rest of the day. And planning healthy meals/workouts around that schedule is not easy.

    I’ve just been tired of feeling …blah.. and hating the way I look. Last semester I tried getting back on track solely for the purpose of looking skinny again. But this semester, something has changed in me. I don’t care anymore about what others think of how I look. I don’t care about how I look. I care about how I feel. And I still feel ‘blah’. So my goal this year is to regain mind-body-soul balance. And reading your story, knowing someone as amazing as you struggling with the same battles as I do is inspiring. If I can do it, you can do it!

    Thank you for sharing this. Remember, you are more than just a fitness instructor for us… you are a source of positivity and encouragement. Thank you for always reminding us it is about health, strength, and happiness.

    Lissa

  • Alison Dietrich says:

    Your shining personality never fails us. Even when you struggled with your own body image, you encouraged POPsters all around the globe every single day. And it takes a lot of courage to do that.
    Thank you Cassey, we love you so much and I’m so proud to call you my role model.

  • Mary says:

    Thank you for sharing this,
    I really identified with this. I had orthorexia after the birth of my first child from an extreme obsession with getting not just back in shape but hopefully looking even better for my husband. I too was even scared of eating too much fruit or fruit juice…i’m so glad you’re doing better now. It’s nice to know that even a health guru especially someone as beautiful and confident you has experienced the same thing. It’s easy to feel like you’ve somehow failed yourself when you see others seemingly get in such amazing shape without ever developing an unhealthy obsession. It’s good to know we’re all just human and it’s never too late to admit there’s a problem and to make a change. Thank you again

  • Hayley says:

    Thank you for sharing this. you are a big inspiration and such a positive force. I’m 23 and as a female living in Los Angeles the weight/body image issue is hard to escape at times….thank you for being a positive force and such a positive role model.

  • Jan says:

    Thank you so much for sharing your story Cassey! After I lost 200+lbs, I found myself following bad nutrition advice from fitness professionals that led to years of panic, anxiety, and severe orthorexia. I was terrified one little slip up would have me back at 400lbs. I can see now that I was experiencing malnutrition from, primarily, not enough dietary fat, and adrenal fatigue from working out too much and too hard. Since I’ve started treating food as something to heal my body rather than the enemy to be dissected and catalogued, my whole life seems to have opened up! I still have dietary restrictions due to allergies but beyond that, I am never going on a diet again! I’ve learned to listen to my body instead of so-called professionals who need us all to stay malnourished and unhappy to make money. Thank you Cassey, you’re the most amazing inspiration!

  • Camille says:

    Hi Cassey! What an inspirational video! I’m so glad you shared this to us! This will change the life of many women! Speak up!! Yeah! Much love xoxoxo Healthy is the goal!

  • Bodine says:

    Cassey,

    Thanks a lot for sharing this personal story, which takes a lot of courage and mental strength! I am so glad for you that you overcame your ED and I think you gave great advice. You are truly an inspiration.

    On a slightly lighter note, I really wanted to comment (for the first time ever) on what you said about the butt videos. I have a very small butt, of which I have been very insecure for a long time, also because it is not really in shape yet. However, when I see you do your workout videos and see how cute, perky and strong your butt looks like, I am always reminded that small butts can look totally amazing as well! So thanks a lot for showing me that. And by the way, another reason why your butt workouts are among my favourite workouts is because they are super effective and fun!

    Thanks again for doing what you do so well! xx

  • Grace says:

    Cassey,

    Thank you so much for sharing this. I went through something almost exactly the same (minus the insane workouts!) around the exact same time in 2012. I totally understand how you felt. It’s inspiring to see such a beautiful woman as you are come forward and share your story. It took me a couple years as well, but I finally overcame that obsessive mentality. Now I am in medical school and want to help implement healthy mentalities about our bodies and the food we eat in my practice one day. Thanks again, girl! You’re an inspiration to us all!

  • Brandi says:

    Cassey,
    I too had an eating disorder when I was younger. Growing up in the south all you saw where big boobs and skinny waist lines. So I thought that is what I had to look like. I was very athletic and big boned so I was never able to get to where I thought society said I had to be. Even through adulthood I have been dealing with it again, until I noticed my daughter started staring at herself in the mirror and sucking in her stomach. That is when I realized I need to be a role model for her and we changed how we did things. Eating healthy, workouts when possible and I tell her everyday how beautiful she is. You are an amazing woman Cassey and I am enjoying your blogilates so much. Thank you for sharing your story with us I will pass this along to my daughter to show her you can change in a healthy way

  • Teresa says:

    Cassey,

    First of all, I am so sorry about what you had to go through. It sounds truly awful, and the fact that you came out through it even stronger than before really is awe-inspiring. It must have taken a lot of courage to face it, and maybe even more courage to tell the world about it. I hope this doesn’t sound patronizing, but I’m so happy and proud of you, and I love you so much for doing both, anyway <3 Thank you so much. I've always known you are such an amazing and strong person, and that's why I've always been so proud to have you as my role model, but it seems every day you prove it more and more :) How are you feeling now?

    Second, the impact you've had on my life is so tremendous it's indescribable.

    I've always been overweight, and I've always been the fat kid. Growing up, I think, besides "smart," the one, big defining word that always hung over me was "fat." I'm Vietnamese (like you!! :))))) so I think you can imagine what it's like growing up being the only overweight kid in a family full of small, thin people. My family always teased me about how fat I was–I always thought I could never go on things like carousels or bridges because I was afraid that I was so fat, I'd break them. I was always THE fat one no matter where I went, and when I looked in the mirror all I could see was "fat," and when I looked at my arms, or at my legs, or at my stomach, all I could see was "fat," and when I thought other people looked at me, all they could see was "fat."

    Looking back at old photos (there aren't many in middle school because I was afraid of my "fat self" being photographed), I wasn't even that overweight! In my mind, though, I was always so bloated and big and took up so much space. It really is scary how badly your way of thinking can affect things, how you become trapped in a mindset.

    I found you in early 2011 (I think around this time of year, actually), back when you still lived in Boston and still had black hair and still had a fairly "small" fanbase, and I've been following you ever since. Since then I've had on/off periods of exercising along with you, but by far, the periods where I am exercising are always when I am the happiest and healthiest.

    For all these five years, I've made comments on your blog and on your videos maybe four times. I've thought about commenting so many times but never have, maybe because I'm shy, maybe because I'm lazy, mostly because I never thought you'd see them and that they'd just be lost in a void. But I couldn't just not speak up this time.

    I finally want to thank you, because thanks to you, my life is FOREVER changed. There is no way I'd be the person I am today without you–and I love the person I am today! I could never have said that before I found you, and I actually think my transformation into a happy, optimistic, loving person is in huge part thanks to you.

    I'm still overweight but I don't hate myself for it. I don't feel disgust at my big thighs or my huge arms. I've caught myself several times wanting to be healthier–not skinnier, healthier! It's always such a huge marvel that, after years and years of reading "Exercise not to lose weight, but to be healthy," I can finally, FINALLY, truly believe in it. The revelation still hits me sometimes, and I am so grateful for this new way of thinking. I've never understood before now, but I do because of you, and good Lord, it is amazing that I really do want to have a strong heart, strong arms, strong legs, not for the sake of looking good but feeling good. To be able to feel the burn in your lungs and know it's because they're working hard, to want to feel the strength in your arms as you lift, to long for the sensation of having your body WORK–I know all these things because of you.

    When you first wrote that blog post on happiness being a journey, not a destination, I remember being so completely blown away by it that I couldn't stop reflecting on it for days, weeks. It literally changed the way I lived, and saw, life.

    You've always been like a big sister or a friend to me. Whenever I watch your videos it feels like spending time with a friend, and yes, it feels so comfortable and happy and fun. Whenever I'm feeling down, it seems you're always somehow there to pick me back up. It really does feel like I know you even if we've never talked, even if you've never known of my existence :)

    I really cannot ever thank you enough for all that you do. All your hard work, all your dedication, whether it be in creating products, designing clothes, running a website, or making and editing videos, it does not go unappreciated!

    With that being said, please remember to take some time off for yourself, too; to have fun, to not stress over work, or business, or filming a video, or maybe even on eating healthy. Take care of yourself, because I know how overworked you are and (not to make this about me) I get so worried! You have two million fans, and all of them will understand that you are, like us, human too. Maybe even more so than we are :) Get sleep, get fun, get rested! I love you so much, Cassey. I don't think words are ever enough.

    Love always, one of the girls who's deeply indebted to you,

    Teresa <3

  • Jasmine says:

    Cassey,
    You have proven that “strength and growth come only through continuous effort and struggle”. I have followed you since the beginning of my weight loss journey, back in 2012. When my friend introduced your Youtube videos to me, it felt as if I had hit the jackpot. You’ve been nothing but an inspiration, a true hero and exemplar. We’re not perfect, you’re not perfect, I’m not perfect. Although admitting to your disorder appears weak, you only seem stronger to me now.

    Last year, I developed an eating disorder as well. I was extremely restrictive, dropping numbers until I also came down with amenorrhea and binge eating disorder. But with this illness, I finally see that societal pressure is constant and invisible. We celebrate external motivation more than we should, we thrive on compliments, on praise, on attention; rather, like you said, those of us striving to live healthier need to learn to love ourselves. Saying it isn’t enough. My friends and family often admire my weight loss and ask for assistance, but I always choke, knowing that I did it the wrong way. Hence, I am thrilled, excited, and hopeful that you have posted your story. One day, I will share mine too with others (I plan on majoring in the Nutritional Sciences).

    Nonetheless, I’d rather be weighed by my skill, talent, and integrity other than my weight, which, I am clueless of, because the numbers don’t really matter anymore!

    Thank you,
    Jasmine Z.

  • Meg says:

    Hi Cassey,
    Thank you so much for sharing this. I only recently came to terms with the fact that I’ve been suffering from an eating disorder for the last year, EDNOS – I go through cycles or restricting, binging and laxative abuse. I never realise my behaviours were disordered! Your post gives me hope for the future, its very brave to share your experience and I don’t feel quite so alone :)
    Meg C

  • Jessica says:

    Hi Cassey! Thank you for sharing this beautiful story with us. We all look up to you to guide us towards better health, and knowing that you also went through some kind of struggle like the rest of us made us feel more hopeful for ourselves. Like, it’s Cassey we’re talking about! It’s very tempting to just diet our way out of all the flabs, but this blog post made us realize that being healthy AND feeling healthy is more important.
    P.S. I also loooove cheesecake! I mean, who doesn’t? :)

  • Becca says:

    Cassey,

    Thank you for sharing such a hard secret, I think you are great, and you are the only one that have motivated me to get in shape (healthy xD)! You are the best and know that your students and fans loves you!

    A big hug from me and your fans! <3 :3

  • Karo says:

    Dear Cassey,
    Thank you SO much for sharing this! I know how hard it is to admit to yourself that you have an ED, and I know how much harder it is to share this insight with other people.
    I’m so happy that out of all people, you were one of those who made it to come out of it. You were the one inspiring me to not give a damn about what people think, and to work out in the open even though I’m overweight. Your positivity always kept my spirits up and by now I’m engaged in so much activity, even doing my first martial arts competition in a few weeks!
    You are a gorgeous human being, inside and out, and I wish you all the best.

  • Bita says:

    Thanks Cassy. I read your blog today when I was back from gym where I weighted myself! I was actually unhappy about the number in the scale, but now I would rather weighting my efforts and love instead of my body! It was a helpful tip ???

  • Carol says:

    Wow, I have a whole lot more respect for you know. Not that the opinions of some random girl on the internet should either validate or invalidate you, but still nice. Please think about posting a link to this post on your pages for the diet. Some people may still try and follow the diet.

    I can understand starting to feel obsessed about looks. I never did something as comprehensive your 8 week plan, but that was mainly because I kept failing and giving up not for lack of trying or wanting to. It kind of made me feel guilty when I couldn’t stick to it. One unhealthy thing I would do to drop a few pounds quickly though was fast for a couple of days. It’s not healthy but seeing the number go down made me feel better.

    And I can kind of understand always trying to impress some distant “other.” It’s been a couple years and yet every time I see my ex I start worrying about how I look, whether I’d gained weight etc etc. I start working out more and “dieting” after I see him. It’s not that I want him back or anything. We had just dated for a really long time and gotten really close, then we had such a bad break up he never talked to me again. It hurts to feel dismissed or hated by someone, especially if you ever cared about them at all. There’s a part of me that wishes we could be on friendly terms, just because he was such a large part of my life for so long and he has a part in so many of my memories. But if he ever sees me at all, he barely even looks at me, and frankly even if I did look like a Victoria’s Secret model I don’t think that would change. For you my “ex” is the entire internet. Sometimes they love you, sometimes they hate you. Sometimes they applaud you, and sometimes they expose and rub the worst part of you in your face.

    Ok Casey, Thank you, I will try and focus on how I feel instead of how I look or how I look to others. I’ll workout and eat how much I feel I need to stay healthy, and spend the rest of my time and energy on my studies and volunteering. Because I’d rather be weighed by my love for others and my eagerness to help.

  • Helen says:

    Thank you for sharing your story. I know it must have been hard to do. I applaud everytime someone steps forward and shares what it really costs to have that unrealistic body. A friend, who is also a trainer, once told me what REALLY happens on the Biggest Loser and other shows of that type to get those results in the amount of time they do. Some of those people never physically recover from the breakdown in their metabolism. Thanks for encouraging the healthy way.

    PS ….I love your videos.

  • Morgan says:

    Thank you for Sharing your story with all of us give me explain not want to diet ever again and makes me want to be healthy for the rest of my life. It makes me stop wishing I was someone else or had someone else’s body. I am proud of my body. You are a beautiful strong woman who inspires women from all walks of life. Keep on doing what you are doing.

  • Monet says:

    Thank you so much Cassie!

    There is so much pressure for us women to be perfect and I can’t imagine what you go through as such a popular fitness trainer. Although, being healthy in mind and body is the most important but I often find myself wanting to have super restrictive diet because I get so caught up in an image I want to look like. That’s why I love you and what you stand for so much. You are so honest and seem like you really do care about the health of the people who look to you to learn about fitness. I’m glad you’re doing better and thanks so much for your bravery!

  • Cassie says:

    You have really inspired me not only to eat healthier, but to heal my relationship with food, exercise and my body. I have treated it so badly by eating such terrible junk and also starving it of nutrients and calories with crazy exercise. I am so happy to have your advice in my life. I think we should be weighed by our kindness and our enthusiasm in the POPster community! We would all be so much happier!

  • Heather Cecola says:

    Cassey! I am writing this with tears in my eyes! I have followed you for over 6 years now, and in that time my body has transformed in so many good and bad ways. The last 3 years I have been riding horse races as a jockey in Southern California. Every Sunday was such a treat because I could go nuts on whatever foods I wanted. By Tuesday I had to start cutting again, it began to really take a to on my passion for Riding. I too was loosing my drive, who I was to the isane strain of weight. I had to be 109 or 107 by Friday. I felt like I was dying inside, and yes I was lean, and yes I was cut, but when I went to weigh in I was always washing out. I was two pounds over weighing in once and an owner asked me if I had a big breakfast…he had no idea that I was starving myself of food and water and taking lasix to get to a 110 weigh in. (I weigh with my tack and that is 2.5lbs!) When I was fit and happy I was weighing around 120. Now that the mental aspect has completely ruined me, I am afraid to see how much I weigh, I too have been trapped in this body image. Your article gives me hope and strength. Thank you so much!!! You don’t even know!

  • kcha says:

    This is exactly how I’ve been feeling. I’ve been obsessing with having a flat tummy and have completely lost sight of why I’m working out, why I’m eating clean if I can’t achieve a flat belly.

    But thank you for sharing, it really does mean a lot :)

    By the way, the diet you had for the bikini competition is still up on the blog in case you wanted to take it down.

  • Chantal says:

    Honesty is the best policy, with yourself (first!) and others. Thank you for being frank. I used to judge my “value” by how much space there was between my thighs (this was way before the term *thigh gap* was a thing). I distinctly remember how the numbers on the scale could crush my state of mind. Working out 2+ hours a day, watching everything I ate etc. = a whole bunch of no fun. I am lucky, I got out of it and can look back now and feel so much empathy for the 20-something woman who had no sense of self-worth. I’m still working on letting go and loving me right here, right now. But I’m waaaaay better at it than I ever was.

    From what I know (I’m relatively new to your site) you are a very positive person and I’m glad you did this for yourself as much as for all your readers.

    Take good care,
    C

  • Mikaelah Villacruz says:

    Cassey,
    Thank you for sharing your story. It was touching and it resonated with me. I struggled (and I still do) with body image issues. It’s something that I grew up with and has stayed with me until even now as I turn 20. I’ve been watching your videos on Youtube since I was 15 and truthfully, it was YOU who started me on this lifelong health journey. Your videos have helped me to relieve stress and gain confidence and now that I know more about your story, it truly inspires me. I love that not only do you promote a healthy and active lifestyle, but you also promote a healthy mentality. It is so easy to fall into the negative and obsessive downsides of working out, but your constant positivity and honesty has helped me and many more to think of the bigger picture, and not just the abs and fine lines as you said. I wanted to thank you again for being who you are and sharing your story. You are amazing! Keep being you! Don’t ever stop!

    Mikaelah.

  • Amanda says:

    Cassey, thank you for sharing your story. I’m a family physician, and I see how people struggle – daily – to overcome the message that we aren’t enough. The impact on health, both physical and emotional, is huge. We are more than thigh gaps and cellulite and breasts and cheekbones. Thanks for being you.

  • Ali says:

    Cassey,

    Thank you so much for your honesty. I can only imagine how hard this must have been for you to put out there for the world to see. Your story is going to impact so many girls’ lives, and that is amazing. I love your workout videos and your blog. One of the reasons that I love following you on social media and doing your workout videos is because of your spirit. Your positive attitude and beautiful spirit really encourage me. Thank you for focusing on what it truly means to be healthy, strong and happy, and not on the misconstrued concepts of “beauty” that we are subjected to daily.

    To answer your question, I would rather be weighed by my kindness and my small attempts to make this world a slightly better place than anything else.

    Thanks again for sharing your story with us.

  • Elizabeth says:

    Thank you for sharing your store. I’m sure that it was very difficult expressing such an emotional subject to the world. I’ve recently acknowledged my own issues with eating and finally admitted to myself that I have a problem. I’m curious though, do you think you would have had the same issues if you had given yourself more time to prepare for a bikini competition? Have you ever thought about doing another one with more prep time?

  • Claire says:

    Thank you so much for sharing. That takes an incredible amount of courage and only reinforces what a wonderful person you are inside and out. I am sorry you were put in a position where you were made to feel ashamed of your body. It is not your fault but rather an indication of the intense amount of pressure placed on people from the media, family members, even friends… Body image ideals are pervasive in our society, and it is only from stories such as yours that we are able to take a step back and realize how self-destructive they can become. I am thankful to have positive role models like you who constantly remind me not to compare myself to others but to strive for my personal best in a healthy way.

  • Michelle says:

    You’re amazing and we love you!! Thanks for being the realest role model.

  • Jessica says:

    Thank you.

  • Connie says:

    Cassey,

    Thank you for sharing this deeply personal story. My fitness journey is a long one, and I’ve had friends contact me to bounce their ideas off of me when they’ve decided they want to change things up. More than a couple times I’ve had friends ask me what they thought about a diet plan similar to the one you described while you were preparing for your competition. I don’t know all there is to know, but like you mentioned, a plan that isn’t sustainable is not a recipe for success. I’ve tried to explain, but sometimes they don’t believe me. Now with your video, I’ve got a powerful tool to share if asked again. Keep it up, you’ve been a positive inspiration in my life <3

  • Lisa says:

    My love for Jesus!

    & thanks for the transparency Cassey! Charm is deceptive and Beauty is fleeting but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised!

    You are an amazing role model …. may God Bless you as you lead a long line of young women (and old hags like myself.. haha.. I adore you)!

  • Liz says:

    Thank you so much for sharing your story. It inspired me to share my own story of anorexia with my 12 year old daughter, something I had not done. When you said this was going to be about something you may be judged for, I was a little nervous. But this, Cassey, is something you should be admired for and nuts to anyone who would judge you for it. God has blessed you with a sweet, loving personality and an open heart. Never lose that! I am just starting to do your videos and love, love ,love them. Keep up the good work. You are a hero!

  • MacKenzie says:

    Casey,

    Your story is my story.

    6 years ago I competed at Miss USA. I was a first time pageant contestant and was going to the biggest stage in pageantry. I did a meal delivery system that never went above 1200 calories. I worked out at 4am until 6am before my 8am classes. And then I did a form of reformer Pilates after class for 90 minutes, bikram and a fat breaking massage that left me with bruises all over. Every pound lost was applauded, but I was always reminded that I needed to be skinnier.

    Then to make it worse when I reached my lowest weight, I was still called a fat pig all over the Internet. At a size 4 people referred to me as the plus sized contestant.

    When it was over I tried to binge and resigned to just being fat like everyone said I was. I’d been a division 1 athlete and a pro athlete and I was allowing myself to hate being well because every time a pair of shorts fit to tight or my ribs stopped showing I was ashamed. A year after competing I literally hid from the world.

    Now 6 years later I’m stronger, and fighting my disordered eating habits. I’m almost greatful for my rock bottom, because it showed me how strong I could be.

    Thank you for putting words to a feeling and story I’ve struggled to vocalize.

    • blogilates says:

      MacKenzie. Thank you for sharing your story. And thank you for having enough strength to love yourself again. It’s tough. I understand you.

      • MacKenzie says:

        Thank you so much Casey. And every time a pageant hopeful emails me about how to get the “perfect body,” I always send them to Blogilates…because I know your message, enthusiasm for wellness, and joy will keep them from going the same route I went.

  • Cindy says:

    I admire your courage for sharing your story, Cassey! I remember feeling a bit off when you were getting ready for your bikini competition, and I ended up putting extra pressure on myself to look better/ more like you. It just goes to show how easy it is to get in over our heads without even realizing we’re headed towards an unhealthy path. The main thing is that we can all grow and learn from ourselves and one another. I still look up to you and your butt-kicking workouts! Xoxo, and lots of love!

  • Austin says:

    I am 12 years old working out only because of how people think of me and what people say of how my body looks and reading this made me realize i should be working out not for the abs but for what matters most and that is for my health. If i where to put some thing on that weight it would be my report card. And thinks cassey for also making me realize to show those bullys i can do it and that they are wrong.

  • Katie says:

    I’ve never posted on the site or on any of the videos before, but this just changed everything. I’ve been doing the workouts and following the plans on and off for two years now, but in the past month I’ve been following the calendar and nutrition tips so much more because I just moved to a new country where I don’t know anyone or speak the language, and Blogilates is actually something familiar and comforting for me to do each day. Not to mention that Cassey’s enthusiasm and motivation and energy helps me so much from feeling depressed while I find my way and keep in shape. I also have been so inspired by her entrepreneurship and business savvy as I start my own company, a digital marketing firm, and grow it from the ground up. So to hear what she went through and how she’s come back from it just makes me that much more glad to be around this community and so thankful that Cassey puts herself out there and gives so much of this for, really, so little. A woman has to make a living and I can definitely respect the hustle, but there is so much on her sites just there for free, and that is incredibly generous (and trust me, as someone who helps people do this for a living, I know how hard it is to create ALL this content and put it out there each and every day!). Thank you for everything you’ve done and continue to do, Cassey; you are amazing.

  • Vanessa says:

    Hey Cassey,
    You are a very brave and inspiring person. Never change who you are. Thank you for sharing your story. Right now, I’m trying to recover from my eating disorder and I can say that I’m at a better place than I used to be. You have helped me through my journey and i just want to say thank you. You are beautiful inside and out. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.

  • Rene says:

    Hi Cassey, I am so glad you shared this. I was always a skinny kid and could eat anything I wanted until my 20’s and then it just kept piling up and as that happened my blood pressure went up and I had to be on medication. The medication made me feel awful. I lost weight and got off the medication – but it wasn’t healthy it was buy using meal replacements so it came back. I am not working on losing it eating clean, healthy food and I use alot of your recipes.

  • liz t. says:

    Cassey, thank you for sharing. Your positivity and the love in your heart shines through each and every thing you do. A true inspiration. You motivate me not only to be my best self, but to love myself through the whole process. Thank you for all of your hard work and your vulnerability. God bless you!

  • amanda says:

    Love this and thank you for being so brave

  • Emnem says:

    Is that Coeur D Alene Jones in the purple bikini (2nd to the right)?! She was my friend in elementary! Lol

  • Charlotte C. says:

    Cassey,

    Thank you for sharing this. It’s something I definitely need to be reminded of, and I hope you never lose faith in yourself and the love you have for yourself again – because you are a constant inspiration whether you realize it or not. I hope that you can weigh yourself by your accomplishments and your bravery in giving up the set plan everyone had for you to pursue your (successful!) dream. We should all be weighed by our accomplishments rather than feel like our bodies are all we have to offer. Here’s to a healthy 2016!

    Charlotte C.

  • Jessie R says:

    Thank you for sharing Cassey! I think most of us with a health and fitness journey have dealt with the same struggle, it’s all about figuring out why you workout… I know I do it to stay strong and healthy. I had to stop getting on the scale, it wasn’t worth it to me, when it ruined my day, because I always wanted the number to be lower. Even at the doctors office, I ask them not to tell me, it’s not worth it. I know I’m healthy, my clothes still fit, I feel strong and energetic. I have to remind myself I am much taller than average, so I’m not going to weigh 120 pounds, and that is fine with me.

    So glad you’ve over come the hurdles from the competition and for sharing with all of us! Your positive energy is amazing :)

  • Seriously such an inspiring post. Social media can be so good for inspiring others and spreading a good message but there is also such a dark and negative side to it when people use it the wrong way. I love that commercial. :)
    http://lifestylefinesse.com

  • Katherine says:

    I’m so glad that you were able to put this out there. You’re such a positive role model, and I’ve looked up to you for years. As someone who has recovered from an eating disorder myself, I’m incredibly happy that you shared this with your community. It is such a help to be able to connect with you through these videos and know your regrets and concerns.

    I’m personally a lover of food, and it took me a long time to realize that being stick thin wasn’t worth giving up that piece of cheesecake every now and then if I was an emotional wreck. I’m much happier with my body now that I don’t step on a scale, that I work out to feel good, and that I eat things that make me feel good and never restrict myself like crazy. I also realized that no one ever noticed when I gained or lost 5 or even 10 pounds. That it really, really did not matter at all.

    Thank you again for sharing – your voice is so powerful and this is such a wonderful message!

  • kristi says:

    Thank you so much for sharing this. I’m sure it must have been difficult. This really resonated with me and I’m sure so many others out there.
    Like many other girls I have so many issues with my appearence. I get that rush when I stand on the scales and I’ve lost a pound and then it feels soul destroying when I’ve gained or even just remained the same. You send such a positive message out and the more I read articles like this the more it helps to slowly change my thinking and I bet lots of other women/girls.

  • Ali says:

    You (and your body) really help me with body image- cause I’m never going to have six pack abs either, but I still want to be the fittest and healthiest I can be!
    Before I started doing your workouts I was a college athlete and trained for 12 sessions a week, whilst eating protein and some veg to stay able to race as a lightweight (crew is killer) but have never felt better about myself/ felt healthier than when I stick to your calendars and eat properly! So thank you so much for creating a workout that does that, and for being open and strong enough to share your own struggles with us all!

    xxx

  • Erin says:

    Cassey,

    Thank you so much for sharing your story. As someone who had anorexia for over a decade, I am so happy that you are showing people the dark side of dieting and how quickly it can turn into something life controlling. At my lowest point, I was eating less than 500 calories per day. I was so weak and looked so bad. Today, I usually eat over 2500 calories per day and work out for about an hour. I work out to feel strong and empowered instead of to punish my body. It is so important to eat well and to work out for the right reasons. Thank you for pointing others in that direction!

  • Tanya says:

    Thank you for sharing this story! It takes a lot of strength, especially since many youtubers will feed off of this now. I am happy that you are feeling better and I think that most women can relate in one way or another.

    I am 27 and have had a similar experience (not as extreme thought). Growing up I was the artistic and nerdy kid, which was a weird combo and didn’t result in many friends. I thought that the kids didn’t like me because I was overweight, which I wasn’t, so I started obsessing over my body at the age of 9. I had just began to respect and accept my body 2 years ago and found what foods and exercises work well for me when I stumbled upon a site and a challenge. This challenge motivated me to get my already fit body in better shape by following a specific diet and exercises. Those did not correspond to the things that gave my body balance, but I gave it a go. Needless to say I gained weight, injured my knee and hips from overtraining and became insecure once again. Gladly my body and mind are getting back on the right track again, but it is hard to stop obsessing. It’s as if once you’ve had som sort of ed, then you will always have fragments of it.

    I love that you share your happy side with your followers, but I also love when you share your weaker points in life. Especially since you have so many young girls who see you as their mentor. You’d think that the new generation of girls is stronger and more confident but it feels as if all this “perfect life”-social media is just making girls even smaller and more insecure. There is no such thing as perfection. We are all humans.

    As for your question, I would love to be measured by my bravery and determination.

  • Jennifer says:

    Good for you for sharing your story, SO many women suffer from this and often don’t even realize it. Our identity is not in what we weigh. I know it took a lot of humility to admit this in your position. I know what you’re going through and know that those who truly care about you will always be there to support you no matter what. I hope you are able to find peace in all of this.

  • Livy says:

    Thank you for posting this Cassey! I’ve just started a diet recommended by my personal trainer which is basically meat, veg and protein and theres not much I actually LIKE in there. I think it was good for me to read this before I got so into it and obsessed by it, makes you realise that there’s a balance between eating the right things and still treating your body well. I had 2 handfuls of unsalted cashew nuts for lunch today and thought “what am I doing? I don’t enjoy this!” So I had a satsuma. And felt much better for it. Everything in moderation right!? Except blogilates… can’t get enough of that stuff ;) stay awesome xx Livy

  • Charlotte says:

    Wow, thank you for beeing so honest with us!!!

  • Sam says:

    Cassey,
    Thank you for writing this article! I remember when I first started on my journey I got so wrapped up in calorie-counting while using my Fitness Pal. I would restrict myself so much and then on a “treat meal” I would go all out and just end up feeling sick to my stomach. I felt myself getting weak at the gym. I was seeing results on the scale, but I felt like it was never enough for me. I am slowly getting back to myself, eating “balanced” and keeping my strength as a result. I’ve learned that a number doesn’t matter – my happiness does. Everything in moderation.
    Thank you for being so open. This helps so many girls (including myself). Keep on working hard and doing what you do. x

  • Ashley says:

    Cassey,
    I can’t tell you how much I want to thank you for helping me refocus. Before hearing your story, I was beauty driven and ate only sweet potatoes for two weeks (I heard of a sweet potato diet online that could help me lose weight). I dropped 13 pounds in those two weeks and never felt greater. Afterwards, we had a student holiday and I stayed at home for four days. Those four days led me to eat so much, with me saying “It’s a holiday, let me YOLO!”. I gained back all the weight in four days. I’ve been desperately trying to get myself back into the sweet potato diet, but it wasn’t until your post here that makes me reconsider.
    You motivate me Cassey, please never stop! I love you!
    Ashley

  • Saga says:

    Thank you so so much. Around 3 years ago I was struggling majorly with orthorexia. Still, I have issues, you never really recover. It’s like being a sober alcoholic I heard someone say, which is how I feel! I’m scared of relapsing. But today I’ve gained 10 kgs and a lot of confidence/life experience. (I actually weighed myself a couple of weeks ago for the first time in a loong time – and I wasn’t sad when I saw the numbers!). I feel better than ever, stronger, more beautiful.. I love my body so much today. My body helped me become the third best climber in Sweden, my body helps me run races, my body carries me everywhere! So thank you so much for sharing your story. I’m still afraid to share mine with my surroundings but one day I will :)

  • Nadia says:

    Cassey,
    You are a beautiful human being. I have followed you for years. You have never ceased to amaze me. Thank you for the honesty. You have always been beautiful to me bc your inner beauty is blindingly bright. Continue growing into the amazing human being you are destined to be and please don’t stop being a part of our lives. I’m more of the silent fan but after reading this I had to show you some love and support. You deserve all your success, and then some. xoxo

  • Ariana says:

    You are a beautiful human inside and out and I don’t think you have ever looked better than now, at your healthiest self. Thank you for inspiring us day in and day out, I have followed and admired you since those days of your bikini competition <3

  • wow I really loved this hones post!! Everyone is alway tempted by crazy diets. I mean we all want the quick fix right. You are such an inspiration. I really liked this post!

    Kisses from http://poshnessary.com

  • Samantha says:

    That is such a touching story Cassey. I had a tear in my eye reading it. It’s a sign of the times and is very sad. As a mum to a two year old daughter I worry what the world is going to be like when she gets to the age where she becomes aware of her body and how other people ‘think’ she should look. You are really brave to lay it all out like that and I know that it’s going to strike a chord with so many people. Keep doing what you do best xx Samantha S

  • Haley says:

    Omg Cassey you are such an inspiration.
    Having had an eating disorder in high school and recovering from it was such a challenge for me. Even though I’m past it now, seeing a similar experience from one of my biggest inspirations makes me feel like I’m not alone. You’re so incredible and inspiring and the reason that I’ve become a much healthier and happier person.
    Thank you so much for being amazing!
    xoxo

  • Wow, this is an amazing story. I have been following you for a while and love your energy and positivity. i cant believe there was a time where you werent, well you! Thank you for sharing this story. I wish body image wasnt still such as issue with women but it is. thanks for being the amazing role model you are!

  • Heather says:

    This was an amazing thing to read because I know it takes a serious amount of bravery to do so. Thank you for sharing this with us all. I have had an eating disorder twice now in my life where I had the same mindset as you and basically starved myself after becoming calorie obsessed and getting frustrated that I hadn’t lost weight. It’s inspiring to see how you’ve managed to grow after dealing with that and it’s stories like this one that gives me the mental power to say no when my mind tries to steer me back to those awful tendencies.

    Thank you for sharing your tale, and I don’t know about all the other people who do this, but I know I use you as a fitness goal, because you look healthy and happy and are able to do all these insane moves you have us do. Thanks for being so genuine and sweet to all of us POPsters.

  • Erin Marie says:

    I just. As someone who’s been suffering with an ED for five plus years I don’t want to discredit anything anyone feels ever. But I just wonder if it was more disordered eating than an eating disorder. Only because I thought that ED last longer and seem t come with other mental disorders? I’m NOT trying to discredit anything you’ve felt or been through but isn’t there a difference

    • Erin Marie says:

      Cause Cassey you’re such a role model to me, especially in the business world now!!!

  • Jessica says:

    Thanks, Cassey, for sharing this! I can’t fathom how difficult (and yet incredibly freeing) it must have been to type all of those words, knowing people might see you differently afterward. I have enjoyed your videos for the last few years not only because they challenge my physically, but because your cheerful demeanor and words of encouragement push me to new limits in the best way possible. I completely understand pursuing exercise and dieting from an unhealthy mindset. The motivation for my food habits is something I have to regularly revisit. I am striving to approach food choices from a position of living a healthy lifestyle, making choices I can feel good about (physically and emotionally), challenging myself while respecting my body and its limits, and rejoicing in small steps in the right direction (being able to do things I couldn’t before, seeing improved strength and endurance, or gaining self-control around too many treats). I applaud the courage you exhibit here in your willingness to share your story, and I hope it will inspire others as it has motivated me to once again examine the reasons behind my fitness and nutrition goals. I know I would far rather be weighed for my love than for some number on a scale that’s supposed to define my self-worth.

  • Kathleen says:

    Cassey,
    I can never say this enough but you continue to amaze me with the inspiration and motivation you give off. As someone who has struggled with an ED for a couple years, I am so thankful that someone like you who I look up to has addressed the issue. You have grown so much as a person and it’s uplifting to watch you go through your journey. Thank you for all you have done and sharing with us popsters. I realize now the importance of loving myself for who I am rather than for the body I might achieve from restricting myself. Love you lots!

  • Erin says:

    This is amazing. Having been around people who were very into body-building, even doing things in a “healthy” way, I could see how that lifestyle can really affect one’s mindset in a negative way. I’m so glad you were able to get away from that trainer and those “catty” girls and instead bring yourself back to nutritious eating and a healthful workout plan. And you look amazing, strong, and most of all, happy. Thank you so much for sharing!!

  • Rachael says:

    Cassey,
    You are so amazing. Thank you for sharing such a personal story with all of us. You are my guiding light when it comes to health, body image, and overall wellness. You positivity and body love helps me to redirect myself when I find that my thoughts have turned negative towards my body or the guilty feelings about eating something (my YOLO moments!) creeps in. We are all human, and it’s ok to just be healthy, love your body for what it is, and have a constant positive mindset. Don’t stop being you. You are awesome!
    Rachael B.

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