Hello POPsters,
Yesterday I announced the winners of the Kallisti Body chain. The winners were selected based on their thoughtful answers to “What makes you feel beautiful?” One entry that particularly touched me was Cari Garvey’s. She talked about how growing up people taunted her for her size and how she will never forget the hurt that she endured for being overweight.
Her story touched me because I know the hurt. I was once called fat. It was 13 years ago. I was at a family birthday party, we were all eating together at this long table with all sorts of wonderful foods laid out. I was thoroughly enjoying my plate along with my mom and sister. Then this little girl who was probably a year or two younger than me looks at me and says “Why are you so fat?”
I stopped chewing. My eyes welled up with tears. The edges of my lips curled and I fought the quivering frown overcoming my face. I dropped my fork. Ran into another room. Cried. The kind of crying where you can’t stop and you can’t breathe.
It wasn’t long before my mom chased after me and held me in her arms. She didn’t know what happened but she did try to calm me down. When I could finally catch my breathe to tell her, she laughed it off, saying that the little girl didn’t know anything and that she didn’t mean it. I eventually stopped crying. But it didn’t matter. Kids tell the truth. And the truth was, I was fat. I’ll never forget.
I was 11 years old at the time and chubby. In my yearbook pictures, I had a double chin when I smiled. It was hard to find jeans that fit me. But none of it had even bothered me up until that point. I didn’t even know I was fat. I was active, happy, doing well in school, and had friends. That was all that mattered. But from that point on, I became self conscious. I lost confidence. Body image then became something I was constantly aware of. My body dictated my feelings.
Luckily as I reached puberty, I naturally leaned out as I grew taller. In high school, I was on the Varsity tennis team for 4 years and didn’t ever have to think about working out. It was just part of my routine. I didn’t know much about nutrition either so I’d notice that I’d get skinny on season and gain weight off season/in the summer. One September when I got back to school one of my closest friends straight up told me “You look bigger.” I clearly remember defending myself, saying “No, it’s just the sweater, really I didn’t.” I begged her to understand. It was like I was fighting for skinny. It hurt so much. That was 8 years ago. I was 16.
I would say that from that conversation on, I began my struggle with body image satisfaction. No, I never had an eating disorder or anything, but I can confess that I am very hard on myself when I look in the mirror. I see things I wanna improve, just like any other girl. It’s a bad habit, but being the perfectionist that I am, the goals get harder and harder to reach every time.
Do you know that every time I put up a new video, I have this fear that one of the commenters will say “looks like you got fatter”? I don’t think it’s happened yet, but it’s bound to. I’ve lost definition and put on a few pounds since I moved back to the West Coast. Not gonna lie. I can envision this happening when I read the fat comment…I will freeze up, have chills run down my spine, and think back in detail to when I was 11.
Being called fat is something that is offensive and hurtful. It’s something I can forgive, but I cannot forget. Being called fat is a personal attack on your most vulnerable self. It’s a physical insult that leaves an emotional scar.
But like anything else, we must move on to continue growing. Where do you go from here? You begin by removing yourself from that person or the situation that is making you feel horrible. You are still amazing, regardless of what you look like. (Remember how content I was before that girl called me fat?) If you choose to change your physical appearance/lose weight, then do it with passion and know that you’re doing it for the right reasons. Confidence. Health. Fitness. Then enjoy the journey. Find happiness in your day to day struggles and happiness when you reach your destination. Life is too short to be sad over things like this. Just keep remembering that you are resilient and that you can conquer anything you put your mind to. You just need to want it badly enough.
QUESTION: Are you hurt when someone calls you fat? How did you feel and what did you do to make things better?
PS: I’m banning the word “fat” from my vocab, and you should too. That’s no way to describe a person.
I know excatly how that feels, I have lived with it all my life I usually just brush it off and pay no attention to it.but recently my half brother who is 11 decided to tell me I was fat and probably why i didn’t have a boyfriend……it hurt so much I kinda lashed out and told him the same but i just started working out with my bestfriend and it’s hard i’ll give you that but I know it will be all worth it in the end
Thank you for sharing this story. I really related to it. Like you I was pretty chubby pre-puberty. People called me fat and ugly. It hurts! At that age our self-esteem is just forming and it is fragile. I used to cry about it and to this day I still find myself overly conscious of the areas people criticized when I was only 11 or 12.
As I grew up I re-proportioned. The weight changed from a little inner tube around my waist into boobs and hips. I still don’t have a perfectly flat stomach and my thighs touch. I’d love to lose a few pounds but I am at a healthy weight so I refuse to let that define me. After all of those people called me fat and ugly, today men stop me in the mall to ask if I have a boyfriend. I eat cookies, make friends, go to school, laugh, and work out for myself not anyone else. Of course hurtful comments still affect my self-esteem but I have come to accept who I am. I will never be the tiniest girl and I am learning to live with that because people still find me beautiful for who I am. Hearing those mean things have only made me stronger and more compassionate to others.
I’ll just start out by saying I love your blog cassey! I’m a freshman, in high school that is… (I know, I’m a young’un) but I find that you’re a great role model.. You’re healthy and try to stay healthy, but you have your share of insecurities that make you all the more relatable(:
Putting that aside..
I’m 114 pounds at 5’2. That’s not fat. But my mom is 90 something pounds and my dad is an avid runner, while my ten year old sister has a six pack. So basically I’m the fat one. And my best friend is under 100 pounds at 5’4. I’m in Korea right now and it’s so hard! People are so skinny! The celebrities that are role models for the kids here have like 22 inch waists! People don’t call me fat often but I can feel them thinking it. I think it’s just my insecurity. I HATE it when my sister calls ne fat… Or mentions how her friend is chubby….like me. It bugs me so much. So I guess my worse fear is somebody will call me fat in the future.
I remember I was called fat by my little brother. I was in 4th grade and I didn’t have my shirt on because I was calling out to my mom to help me find something so I could go to my friend’s house. I forgot why but my brother got mad at me and said “Sharon doesn’t want to see your fat belly anyway!” And I got so mad that I slapped him and forced him to apologize. I remember feeling so conscious for that moment but it quickly went away.
I think the only person who calls me fat right now is myself. Weight is all I worry about. For 3 days I’ve had an upset stomach and I know its because I wasn’t eating enough. Even now I hate to admit it. Even though I’ve lost many pounds, I can’t feel satisfied or accept the weight lose because I know it was because of health issues, and pain. I’m recovering right now and plan to make changes as soon as I can. I can’t wait to do your videos again, I’ve gotten so weak ;3;
Great post Cassey! It just goes to show us we’re not alone. We’re all battling past demons to keep in shape and stay positive. I gained a lot of weight after I moved out of home and worked in a pub part-time during college and you can imagine the lack of restraint drunk people show. I remember one time a couple of fellas having an argument and one of them saying ‘Its not over til the fat lady sings, hey give us a song Caroline’, thinking they were the height of witty commentry. Well it was mortifying but it didn’t make me lose weight either.
I started losing weight when I became happy and content with me. I’ve maintained a healthy weight now for 6 years even after having 2 daughters and now am very mindful about how I portray myself in their company. I’ll never say I’m not happy with my body in front of them.
Earlier this year I gained a bit of weight and luckily for me I discovered you Cassey, you were the catalyst I needed to get me back on track. I feel fantastic again. And whats more my little girls do your videos with me, (except for burpees when they say lets watch mummy!). Its such a great feeling.
Cassey, you are absolutely gorgeous, and if anyone calls you fat they haven’t got eyes!!
I remember being a Junior in high school and my boyfriend and I were having a conversation which led to some stinging words forever etched in my memory. He was talking to some other guy (you know how competitive guys can be at times), and the other guy said, “Well, at least my girlfriend isn’t as heavy as yours!” Now why the heck did he tell me that?!?! So I asked him, “What did you say to him?” And he said, “Nothing.” No wonder I broke up with him some months later. Mind you, I was 5’7″ and 135. Not exactly heavy, but it was a little heavy for me with my small frame size. Still, not exactly as big as he made me seem. I was hurt. I was mad. And I vowed that I would wow ‘em all in 20 years when he was a “former” athlete that probably never stayed in shape. I did go on to dropping about 20 lbs. my Senior year and was sleek and svelte, but I have NEVER forgotten that comment.
Well, here I am 28 years later with four kids and a great figure and very fit. Instead of hurting words, after a while I used them as motivating words as in, “I’ll show ‘em someday!” That someday is here, I don’t care where that ex-boyfriend is along with his friend, but I’m looking mighty fine. Yeah, I got my payback :) .
I understand. When I was about 8, I had to do a fashion show at my church to raise money for a charity of some description. I don’t remember much about why we were doing it, only that I was excited to wear pretty clothes. Just before I was about to go onto the ‘catwalk’ with this other girl, she turned to me, poked me in the stomach and said, “Your stomach is sticking out.” I was humiliated. I stood as straight as I could and sucked it in as far as I could, but it was no use. I was a slim enough kid, I just had a frog belly. That has really stuck with me. That was 13 years ago, and my stomach is still the part of me that I loathe the most.
I can’t tell you how many crunches and other ab exercises I have done in the attempt to flatten it out. On the up side, I have abs of steel. On the down side, they are still firmly encased in a layer of flabbiness. I’m still not a big girl, and other than that I’m really quite happy with how I am. Still, some days I feel I would trade an arm to have a flat stomach. Or to go back in time and punch that girl in the nose before she said anything to me.
Ah well. I guess if it weren’t for her, I wouldn’t have exercised quite like the maniac I have, and I don’t think I’d be as strong as I am now. There’s a silver lining to every cloud.
It seems every single person commenting on this topic, instead of hearing the truth, would rather have their friends sugarcoat it for them. Well, ignoring the problem does not solve it. I mean, if you are normal or around normal, why do you care about being called fat? But if it is true, instead of taking offense, take some action.
“You are still amazing, regardless of what you look like”… with an attitude like that, no wonder so many Americans are obese. Amazing is a person who takes care of themselves despite obstacles, like paralympic athletes. But a couch potato who stuffs himself / herself in front of the TV instead of exercising, for no other excuse than laziness, is NOT amazing, no matter how much they would like to think so.
This is incredibly offensive. This is not a topic on obesity, it’s a topic on when someone weighs more or appears chubby than everyone else. You ARE still amazing regardless of what you look like. Your body does not define you. Athletic achievements do not make a person. There is so much more to a human being than physical success.
I find it absurd and disgusting that you completely missed the point of this article- another person’s body is NOT your business, or yours to comment on. If someone is physically unwell, their doctor will tell them. It’s just goddamn rude to comment on someone’s physique.
Cassey, I just want to say that I stumbled across your videos a couple weeks ago and one of the reasons why I love them so much, is because you have a body type that is exactly what healthy looks like. You don’t have crazy bulging muscles or boobs, you have the kind of body that anyone can attain and I dig that.
I’ve never been called fat, but I’ve encountered a lot of discrimination for being thin. I’m 30 years old, 5″2 and recently gained 5lbs, making me 105lbs. People have openly assumed that I have an eating disorder (which is a huge insult to anyone who actually struggles with the disease), when I happen to not want to have a huge lunch, I get ‘looks’. Just because I am naturally thin, doesn’t mean comments about my body don’t hurt. I would never go up to someone who was very overweight and remark on how many rolls they have on their arms, but nobody bats an eye when someone remarks they can see my shoulder blades through my shirt. It’s the same thing, on both sides of the scale. I am tired of being looked at as weak and feeling unsubstantial – I personally think women should be soft and curvy and not bony like myself, but I can’t help it, I can only get stronger. Even if it’s just to deck the next person that makes a snide comment :)
So glad you posted this. I went through the same thing as a kid. Looking back, I think I used food as comfort after my parents divorced (in an unstable situation like that, food seems like a constant; I guess that’s why we turn to it for emotional eating sometimes). I remember a young cousin telling me I had a fat belly, and a guy at school telling me to “move, fat girl”. You’re right- it hurts, and it sticks with you. I’ve been body conscious almost my entire life, and I didn’t get that natural slim down as I got older. Luckily, I realized the damage I was doing to myself and started to slooowly make things better. I weigh 100 lbs less than I did in the 9th grade (I’m 20 now, and went from 235 to 135! :)) Anyways, not trying to go on & on here, just wanted to say thanks for posting and being so positive and encouraging. I want you to know that YOU and your awesome attitude are what gave me the final push to really get down to business and get in shape! I love that you’re focused on being healthy and fit- not necessarily “skinny”. I’m just a beginner with pilates but I l-o-v-e it SO much and I want to be a bigger part of this awesome community you guys have! I know it might sound a little cheesy, but I feel like you’ve had a big impact on my life, and I can’t thank you enough for that! :)
I want to start by saying that I hate the word “fat.” It literally makes me cringe. I have never and will never describe anyone (or myself) as such. There will always be a more positive adjective.
When I was in high school, I was in the best shape of my life. I was in marching band all four years, and I was lifting weights in a girl’s conditioning class my Sophomore-Senior years. I’m 5’7″ and was 150lbs of muscle.
After I graduated and went to college, I never thought about my physical activity coming to a dead stop. My eating habits stayed the same while I fell into a sedentary lifestyle. I gradually began to put on weight. By the end of my first semester I had put on 25lbs. It wasn’t until my mom commented on how ill-fitting my clothes had become, that I really saw what had happened to my body. So I put my mind to it and was able to lose 15lbs after Christmas.
Despite my hard work, my step-mother constantly pointed out my flaws. She is no longer a part of my life, and I now realize that the only way she was ever able to feel better about herself was to make other people feel bad. For several years I struggled with my weight and depression.
But now I’m planning my wedding to the most amazing man in the world. He makes me feel beautiful and loved for the first time in years. I’ve resolved to lose what weight I can before our wedding and get back into shape. I’ve learned how to dress the body I have, not the body I want, and that alone makes me feel fantastic. I’m turning my life around and will never let other people make me feel badly about myself again.
Whether we’re tall or short, thick or thin, we are all beautiful. Anyone who can’t see that has no concept of true beauty. Love yourself and others will follow.
Hi.
This is the first time I read your blog. This post is the truth and sad.
I completely understand you. I’ve been called fat all my life. Even though I was never that fat. My brothers always called me fat since I was a child because I was the biggest one. That little thing became an big issue to me. Now, 25 years later, I still see myself fat every time I see me in the mirror. I also put videos on Internet and I’m always concern about those comments of being fat.
I lose weight, but I still see me fat. Never had a eating disorder. But it doesn’t matter how old you are or who tells you that….it always hurts and you always have that insecurity.
It’s sad that many times those “bad habits” starts in your own family.
thanks for the post. It’s good to know I’m not the only one
B.
I’m actually sitting here sobbing.
It’s been a hard week. I’ve lost 30 pounds over the past three months and I’m absolutely horrified of gaining weight. I’ve been binge eating the past couple of days and I’m just not feeling too good about myself. I’ve always been the fat girl. Always. Even now that I’m 102 pounds (probably more, I’m avoiding the scale), I’ll always have a larger frame. I’ll never be a waif, I’ll never have a thigh gap, I don’t appear to be the weight that I am. A girl this morning told me that I was fat and it really hurt. I came home and ate a good 1000 calories. I don’t know what to do with myself anymore. I don’t know how much weight I have to lose until it’ll be enough, or when I’ll stop being afraid of gaining weight.
Take care Sarah. You’re doing great! Do you know how much dedication it takes to lose 30 pounds?? Your size cannot show your strength, your size is not your dedication. You are SARAH and SARAH has the will power to keep going =) *hugs*
Wow, thanks for being so candid, and I didn’t know even you have a fear of people calling you fat on Youtube. People can definitely be harsh since were pretty much anonymous online but there’s soo much more positive into doing this more than negative. You already kno that since you’ve been doing it 3 going on 4 years. For me I was a bit disappointed at my “Youtube friend” because he would give me very rude comments directly on my videos, and he would be the only one commenting so it looks pretty bad on my channel since he’s the only one commenting. Seeing negative comments really suck and I kind of took it personally, but I realized people only do that because of their own egos and insecurities. it’s like i just want to say “AUGH, you suck! why are you so rude to me, i didn’t do anything” feeling, but I realize I would be the stronger person to just take it and be resilient from it. Yeah! those are my thoughts, but thanks again for your candid posts. you’re so real!
ps. i will also take out fat out of my vocab. thats a great new years res! thank yoU!
I can’t remember a time in my life where I wasn’t called fat- that is until recently, of course. Growing up, boys made cracks about my weight all the time. As I entered my teen years, I was even the butt of jokes in family gatherings. Being called fat doesn’t only hurt your feelings- at one point, you get so sick and tired of the taunting, that you become immune to it- and that’s HORRIBLE, because you end up not CARING that you’re fat! Being called fat destroys your self-worth. You end up believing every cruel word that people throw your way.
I would never call a person fat, not even jokingly because I know how much it hurts. I do always encourage the people I love to be healthy and fit, but I learned to do it in a way that could minimize hurting their feelings as much as possible. I know what it’s like to hate myself because someone decided that they’d feel better about themselves by making me feel worse.
I’ve learned that the secret to weight loss is being in love with your self, your body. Everyone is beautiful, everyone. :)
I was a chubby kid growing up. I didn’t realize it until second grade, when someone commented on it. Then the self-consciousness set in. I wasn’t unhealthy, I was very active. I was just chubby. And since I was one of the overall biggest kids in grade school (second tallest, if you can believe it, but I only made it to 5’4″) I certainly made the other kids look tiny. I’ll never forget being called “Becky the cow” and being told “jeez, your legs are huge” just because I wasn’t a twig. Kids are honest, kids are mean. But they’ll always find something to pick on. When I was in junior high I developed Crohn’s Disease, and had lost over 50 lbs before they figured out what was wrong with me. After that my weight would yo-yo depending on when I was in a flare, and when I was on medication. So then I got all kinds of comments. I was still self conscious, but I also knew that I was sick and had better things to worry about. I learned to laugh at the stupid things people would say. Cari would report to me with the latest rumors and we’d have a good time laughing at how stupid people can be (one person said that I’d lost 150 lbs – when I hadn’t even weighed that much to begin with, another said that I’d gone into cardiac arrest and had to be “manually resuscitated”…twice). But I never forgot. I doubt I ever will.
Thank you, Cassey, for this post :-)
its sad, but my mom calls me fat for quite some time now. even though ive lost about 10 kg, she would not see that and keeps telling me that im fat like an elephant. she never encourages me and admits that ive lost weight. NEVER..but i learned to live with it since discussions would only lead to tears. the saddest part is that im not even that “fat”. i have normal weight for european standards (M)but she compares me to the skinny average figure of asian girls. no one else around me would even think of calling me fat…
Wonderful, honest post. Love ya, Cassey. *hugs*
I’ve had a lot of experience getting called fat in my lifetime. From the time I was extremely young, I’ve been bullied. The fat comments didn’t come until 5th grade (that I can remember, but I have blocked a lot of my memories out). In 4th grade I moved into a new neighborhood (not far from my old one, not even far enough to change schools). I don’t remember if there were any conflicts on the bus or in this new neighborhood during the end of 4th grade, but I remember in 5th grade, I was now in the same class as one of the boys in this new neighborhood. His name was Val, and he hated me. Every day of 5th grade, he and his friends called me fat, they changed my name from Katlyn, to Fatlyn, they even made up a rhyme to go with my name: “Katlyn, Fatlyn, 2 by 4, can’t get through her kitchen door.” It killed me, I would cry almost every day of 5th grade. I have never been overweight, but I’m big boned and I have a bit of excess flub on me, I didn’t really care until I started getting bullied like that. No one even stopped it either, I told my parents, they said to ignore it, I told my 5th grade teacher, she told me “Maybe God made you fat” and did nothing else to stop the daily torture. I couldn’t escape. Even in middle school, he continued to harass me with these names until I convinced my mom to let me get out of that school.
To the best of my recollection, I have not been bullied about my weight like that since then, but I could just be blocking it out. It hurts me every day to think about those things that were said to me, and the many many other things that others have said. I’ve been bullied so many times, through the computer, in person, I’ve received death threats, so many girls and boys who just wanted me to hate myself. It worked, for a long time. I’m only 16 years old but I’ve experienced more hatred and harassment than most people in their entire lives. I’ll never understand why though. I’ve struggled with self-hatred for a long time, haven’t been the smartest in my decisions on how to lose weight, but I’m trying to do it right this time. I’m healthy, like I always have been, but now I’m going to become healthy, and thin. Even with the way I am now, I’m happy, I’ve learned how to ignore (and block) the people who are trying to hurt me. For the rest of my life, I want to help others who went through things similar to me so they can always make smart decisions and not have to completely go through what I went through. :]
Oh Katlyn, I’m so sorry you had to go through all of that (((hugs)))…I’m glad you’re feeling better about yourself…I had a group of “friends” turn on me in the middle school, and they tried to hurt me every day by saying mean things about me, but I just kept working out harder and tried to do positive things that made me happy, and God put some really good friends into my life who’ve helped me a lot, so I just want to encourage you too, Girl!! Try not to let other people get you down b/c in the end what they think doesn’t matter at all!!
This really touched me. I remember in 2008 I moved back to live overseas after i had lived in the US for about 11 years. when i got to the family gathering, the first things one of my aunts told me was “why have you gotten so fat?” i remember freezing up and not responding, but i cried so much that night. about a week later, i saw my cousin, and shes skinny. like twig skinny, and i remember her dad telling me “why cant you be thin like your cousin?” i never did anything about my weight till i moved back to america in june 2010. at the beginning of 2011, i officially started dieting and eating healthier. and you know? when i did it, i never once thought of their ugly comments. i never once thought of how they’d talk about me losing weight. i just did it, and i felt soooo much better about myself. and i’ve lost weight and leaned out, and now i feel so much better about myself. i admit sometimes i do get discouraged when i dont get the results i want and i binge,but then i ask myself: do you really wanna do this? you worked so hard. you put all that effort. do you really wanna go back? and the answer is always no. i’m happy now,i’m healthier, and i’m more confident. i sent pictures of myself to my family overseas and they didn’t believe that this was me. like literally, they did not believe their eyes :p. and that felt so good! it felt good to show people that i CAN do what they think i can’t. just because your overweight, doesnt mean you’ll always be like that. the change is in YOUR hands. go for it.
and my twig thin cousin? the one whos body i dreamed of having? well, after seeing my pictures, she said she’d love to look like me ;)
I have never been called fat to my face I do remember being in middle school and, being the perfectionist that I already was, found myself comparing my body to my much leaner friends. It seemed unfair to me that I had to worry about it at such a young age. I remember looking at pictures from that time and literally being disgusted at what I saw, but I just did not know what to do about it.
During my high school years, I developed anorexia and exercise bulemia. I swam year-round, and I became addicted to perfectionism. In looks, in achievements, in sports. I ended up going to therapy for over 2 years, but I still struggle with eating habits to this day. I am almost 21 years old. I am still obsessed with fitness and being thin. It’s something I hate about myself (my nit-picking). If anyone is calling me fat, it is myself.
I am currently studying to be a psychologist so that I can help others avoid the pain that I have been through in my life. I think it is more hurtful to be critical of yourself than having others be critical of you. While it definitely hurts, loving yourself is the first step of self-improvement. It is impossible to be truly successful in life if you cannot love yourself for what you are.
Thank you so much for sharing. I think it is so important for people to talk about these sorts of things because it is the first step in reinventing the wheel when it comes to self-criticism and fitness. People should be concentrated on being fit, not on what others think of them. Talking about it is the first step in making this possible!
I have never been called fat but after I had my twins I worked my butt off to get back into my prebaby weight, then one day someone asked me if I was pregnant again! Then it happened again.. and again.. this really started to just sit on my head.. all my hard work wasn’t paying off.. Posture check? I don’t know? but it still bugs me if I get asked that.
Cassey, wonderful post. Thank you for sharing.
I want to address the “you know that every time I put up a new video, I have this fear that one of the commenters will say “looks like you got fatter”?” for a bit. THIS WILL HAPPEN, Cassey, and not because you but because YouTube, as wonderful as it can be, it’s also flooded with trolls (who nerdfighters like to call “giant squids of anger” xD). If it’s not about this, it’ll be about something else.
Those comments are clearly not coming from a good place. They want a reaction. Remember to take them for what they are: garbage. I know it’s easier said than done, especially when you have gone through it before, but you have shown incredible focus and determination before, and I fully believe we can productively manage our emotions. It takes the same kind of focus and determination. You already have the tools. I’m quite stubborn and, do to things that have happen in my life, I consider myself mentally and emotionally strong. I take pride on that. I think it defines me. I’m not invulnerable, but I’m resilient. And that’s the key. Good luck to whoever thinks they can take that away from us.
Amen to that! Joan, you are so down to earth and I like you a lot:) And hahah trolls:)
I love that you shared your story, thank you! My “fat” story is a bit more recent. My struggle with my weight and body image began after I had my first baby. You would think that after having a baby people would be a little more forgiving with their judgement, but they weren’t. What’s worst is that the comments came from my own family. I was so furious, hurt and really just confused. Why were they so harsh? I JUST HAD A BABY! The comments about my size didn’t get much nicer as time went by and I didn’t seem to be losing the weight. After I had my second baby about 2 years later, the fat comments just kept coming. Although so many negative things have been said, I’m not letting it get to me. I’m just using it as fuel to just keep going. People just have “diarehha of the mouth” and you just have to ignore it. When I look in the mirror, see my “fat” and feel like it’s hopeless and that I should just give up….I just think back to when my mom called me fat and I use that to get re-motivated.
People just need to accept you for who you are. And yes, I refuse to use the word “FAT”….it’s not a word to be used to describe a person.
Wow! Thank you for that..it really means a lot and is really encouraging to know that even you that has an amazing figure feels insecure about herself.
Growing up I was always on the chubbier side and I can definitely relate to your fear of being called fat or told you have gained weight.
The important thing is that you are such a good example how you can take control of your life and your body. You stay active and have fun with it too and you show us how to as well.
I love your videos. Their challenging and always a lot of fun. Please keep up the good work.
All my life i’ve been called fat. People said my hips were to big, I had a big fat belly and a giant fat ass. I alway tried to wear big clothes so that my fat ass would look smaller. Actually, before people starting saying I was fat, I used to like my body. I felt curvy and beautiful, but as it turns out people didn’t thought the same about me. When I turned 10 my crush starting calling me fat. Every single day. My causins always said: are you going to eat that… you knw how many calories that has …etc.
That summer I decided I was tired of being called fat and I started exercising countless ours a day and reduced my calorie intake to nearly 500 calories a day. I lost 10 kg (aprox 20 lbs) in a month. I still though I was fat, though my friend started calling me anorexic.
I struggled with eating disorders for a couple more months until my doctor told me that if I lost one more kg I would have to be send to a hospital. Those kinds of hospitals where anorexic people are treated. I’ve seen those in tv and they dont look nice.
I had to go to the therapist a nothing helped. I thought my crush was going to like me once I was skinny, but he didn’t like me.
My friends even made songs about how skinny I was getting. However, I still though I was fat.
Its been 3 years since that and my period hasnt come back. (I used to have it when I was 10). I hav gained 9 kg. But know when I look in the mirror I see a toned body, not a fat one.
Hey Cassey –
Thank you SO much for this post. I’ve already gone into a lot of detail on my own blog about being overweight, so I won’t get into that again here, but I did want to say thank you for admitting your fears regarding others judging you.
I’m a personal trainer and Zumba instructor, and so I can really relate to you on that. Admittedly, I’m also a type-A perfectionist who holds myself to impossibly high standards, but I think that being in a profession where we are supposed to exemplify the way that those we train and teach want to look (and knowing that they are going to be looking at our bodies for inspiration) it makes it that much harder.
I, too, have put on a few pounds recently – I’m still juggling a full-time 9-5 (which I have to stick with for awhile unfortunately), along with training clients from 5-8 am every day, and then teaching class a few nights a week, so getting my own workouts have suffered as a result from the stress, exhaustion and busyness. I’m sure I’ll get it under control eventually, but I’m just feeling rather stressed and “blah” at the moment. But as a result I worry constantly that a client or someone in my class is going to notice a “roll” or something or think “What the hell is she doing training me? She could stand to lose a few.” Luckily this has only happened in my head, I would probably die if someone actually said that to me.
So thank you for admitting that you feel that way, too. It’s such a relief to hear from you specifically, because honestly, every time I see a video of you, I think to myself, “God, I just wish I were that lean. She’s so committed.” So there you go – I think most people probably do that, thinking that everyone else looks better than them.
Thanks for talking about this. It’s something that those of us in the fitness community especially need to talk about sometimes. We’re only human.
Happy Holidays!
Ive been called fat before and it wasn’t just once. By the age of 10 I had already been told that i needed to take care of myself because i wasn’t eating right nor was i fit. I always had low-self esteem because of my physical appearance and to be honest even today i still struggle with it. I am currently 17 now; It wasn’t till a few months ago this year that i decided to make a serious change with myself. I’ve lost a lot of weight since i started making these small healthy decisions. I also started to exercise daily.
Not long ago I was with a friend and he called me fat. I’m not a huge person; I’m pretty average but I felt completely shattered on the inside because i thought “This can’t be happening, I’ve been working my butt off and eating right just to be called fat…again?” I don’t know but he might of been kidding but that just wasn’t a joke to me. It made me feel as if I’m not doing good enough even though many people already have complemented me on how great I look. That day, I couldn’t keep my mind of that “FAT” comment he made about me. I felt horrible but then I thought i shouldn’t let that bother me because I’ve been working so hard and I’ve put the best that i can and I’m not gonna stop just because of a stupid comment someone made about me.
When i read these comments, I have learned that I’m not the only one who’s been hurt and trying hard everyday to reach those big goals that I have. Everyday you gotta fight to get there. There are many girls/women out there that are doing the same and remember you are not alone. My hard efforts, all the wonderful people out there trying hard, and the awesome compliments i get is what makes me feel stronger once again. It makes me wanna keep on working harder than ever before.
Dear Cassey,
I was so moved by your story; I almost started crying myself. I have been doing your creative and very challenging workouts for a couple of months now, and I have always admired your strength, your flexibility, and your super-positive attitude and encouragement. And even though I can’t always keep up with you, you inspire to me go further and to try harder next time. Thank you for sharing your story, and for motivating so many other women and men to become healthier and happier. You are using your gifts well.
I became obese when I was a teenager because of my hyperprolactinemia. Kids would tell me I looked like my siblings mom (and they’re older than me) and ask me if I were pregnant. Then once I got my condition under control, the weight went away.
Now my weight is back, along with my high prolactin, but still I can’t separate the medical condition from my own faults as far as activity and nutrition is concerned.
Like you, I’m very hard on myself. I even tried starving myself, and burning more calories than I consumed, etc. Didn’t lose a pound. So now I’m just focusing on being healthy, as I know weight loss is not a good indicator (for me) of progress.
Even if you were fat, that doesn’t make you a bad person. Just like being thin doesn’t make you a better person.
What’s wrong with being fat?
I don’t think it’s a matter of goodness or badness (whew! no red line under “badness”). But I do wonder what the stigma is.
If you are happy with the way you are (no matter what size or shape), then it’s not a problem. But (and I think this is where Cassey and a lot of the other commenters are coming from), if someone makes an observation about your body size or shape and they say it in a mean, rude, or judgmental way, then it hurts. Or if you work hard so that you don’t look fat (as in Cassey’s case), or like “a starved child” (as one of my friends so kindly called me), then it hurts and it sticks with you.
I’ve had both experiences. I gained weight in grade school after a leg injury that had me in casts and crutches for months. My sister called me fat ONE TIME, my mother was quick to shush her, but it stuck. Then a friend told me that my shirt “would look better on me if I lost 10 pounds”. Ouch. It served as a wake-up call, and I finally got to the weight that I wanted to be at by working out. Several years later, I was diagnosed with a serious GI illness… and I was automatically accused of having an eating disorder, and of looking like “a starving child from Africa” by a former friend of mine because I was vomiting all of the time and couldn’t keep food down and I lost some weight.
Nobody said I was a bad person in either of these cases. But the way they said it made me feel like I had to defend myself, like I did something wrong even though I was trying my best to be happy in as healthy of a way as possible. And that’s what’s wrong.
When I’m looking on you, I can’t imagin that you was fat.
I’m 29, and since I remeber I was a little bigger like other girls. I don’t think that I was fat, actually, I think, I was (I’m) normal, but other thought that me was a little bit to much:).
The culture of “be thin” have subversive influence on our minds. If you don’t have clothe in size 6 or 8 (UK sizes), then you’re fat. That’s ridiculous, but that’s true. And that’s a very big problem.
I understand, that my body needs healthy food and some exercises to feel good. And thats the point – feeling good. Not starving, or jogging without breath, but doing things for body to feel good and be happy.
Thank you for talking about such problems. That’s necessary. And thank you for being so good personal-virtual trainer :)
Regards,
Zane
Thanks for sharing this story, Cassey! The word “fat” has become so much stronger than a simple word and carries so much hurt.
I don’t think I’ve ever been called ‘fat,’ but I do recall a time in the 8th grade when an obnoxious boy told me I had a ‘ghetto booty’ – at 5’4 I weighed about 90 pounds soaking wet so I’m not sure what he was talking about, but it still stung and has made me forever paranoid about my bootay – writing that down makes me realize how very ridiculous I am being!
Being called too skinny, stick or skeleton hurts just as much.
True, this has been my experience rather than the other.
C, I totally understand you. I had the same problem. Until age 11 I was a gymnastic athlete. I always did sports but when puberty came, I started to have hips and thighs and boobs and since I was so skinny all my childhood, I was happy I had curves until one day I went to the beach and my friends and cousins made fun of me because I wasn’t skinny any more. The worst was that my mom was in an amazing shape at that time (my family LOVES sports) and someone told me that I could only wish to be like my mother. My mom told me they were jerks and that I was beautiful the way I was but I became obsessed! No eating disorders because I love to eat but until my 20′s I didn’t like my body. Your videos changed my body and the way I see it.
Thank you very much
I really think this is only a problem in America (using the word “fat” I mean)
To me, being described as “fat ” is like being described as “skinny” or “toned” or “not toned.” I have been told by strangers that I should lose weight (OK, so it was always by other Chinese people, even in America, and usually after a dance performance or something) and it does make me self-conscious but I don’t think “fat” is a bad word or should be “banned” or anything. Should “skinny” or “thin” or “twiggy” or “skinny fat” be banned? They’re just descriptions. I have too much fat on my stomach and inner thighs. I lack muscle definition (and muscle in general) and have a terribly hard time doing any POP Pilates videos because of it.
I do feel bad about how bad my body looks, but not all the time. I have photos of myself on my blog, and most people would not describe me as “fat” but also not as “skinny”. I just am plain old out of shape :P Being called fat isn’t always a bad thing. I don’t think it should be made out to be some huge faux pas. It depends on the tone and intention of the person calling you fat.
Sorry for such a long comment!
Cassie, don’t botter that stupid girl!
You’re amazing and such a great rolemodel for me!
Years ago when I was on the primary school, some classmates also called me fat. It really really hurts and it keeps following me trough the rest of my life.
Just remember that you’re a great person!
Thanks for posting this sensitive post (:
xoxo
It does hurt. It’s horrible. Throughout middle school there were two boys who would comment on my size. They were the absolute bane of my existence. I had friends, I was involved in school activities, and i was getting good grades, but every time one of these boys would comment on my weight, it would chip away at my confidence and self-esteem. In addition, I was getting it from my mom at; she would call me a cow. Even my great aunt called home after seeing a photo of me to tell me that I was getting too heavy. Now, I should not have been putting on that weight, but I was never obese, just heavier than what anyone wanted me to be. I could still shop in the popular stores, but I had to get the biggest sizes. All of this has stuck with me, it followed me through high school and college. I am 25 now and I hate what I see. I lost 35 lbs (still going) and I still dislike looking in the mirror. At 5’5 and 139, I feel like I will never be happy with my body because my attitude is so entwined with the comments and the hurt that I experienced when I was younger. In the positive, POP pilates has been a driving force in my weight loss and I feel healthy. It’s never okay to call someone fat and one day I hope that I can let go of the complex, but for now I just push it to the back of my head.
Cassey, that was a great post!!
I was called fat a lot of times, one time even my sister said i was chubby just because i didn’t have the muscles that she had.
It hurt every single time, even though my parents kept telling me I wasn’t fat. And you know what? I wasn’t. I was a little chubby, yes but I was definitely not fat and still: it hurt and since then I feel fat, no matter how much I weigh. But those comments really took me into a circle where I sometimes ate nothing and then ate a ton of chocolate, it got me frustrated and sad, even though i knew that really it didn’t matter what other people think.
I am still working on truly feeling beautiful again, because my head is finally starting to understand what beautiful actually means and that other people’s opinion doesn’t matter at all!
To answer your actual question: yes, yes it does hurt to be called fat! so much! But everyone just needs to find a way to accept that sometimes people are jealous of your pretty face or don’t like the way you look because you look different from their ideal picture and are mean to you because of that. It’s hard but it’s possible.
The only important thing is that you are happy with yourself!
Thank you again for bringing up such a ‘touchy’ topic. You are awsome!
It does hurt. And you don’t forget it. I was very similar when I was younger – I wasn’t slender, and didn’t slim down until just before High School. I clearly remember every instance of the kids at the babysitter I went to call me ‘MooCow’ and other horrible names. Kids can be mean to other kids, even, and it’s hard to forget it (being so young and ‘impressionable’). I lost a lot of weight just before High School, but still worried I was too big – thankfully, I had some friends in high school that didn’t judge me that way, so I ended up being more comfortable with myself. More than I ever had been.
I ended up gaining back the weight in college, though. It wouldn’t have been so bad if I didn’t have my father and brother making little comments every time they saw me about how I was ‘getting a bit thick’ and worse names. Way to motivate your only daughter/sister there, guys! It wasn’t in jest or ‘concern’, it was just flat out malicious. There is a difference between being concerned for someone’s health (we have a lot of health issues in our family concerning weight) and just attacking.
I didn’t start working out until I had a good reason to. I didn’t want to work out just to make them stop their words (bullies will always find SOMETHING to pick on), I wanted it to be on my own terms. So, when I finally got comfortable and had massive improvements (loosing 20lbs the healthy way isn’t anything to sneeze at!), a friend I haven’t seen in years comes back and starts poking my stomach. “Wow, you really did gain weight! You weren’t lying!” … That was in the beginning of this year (after a dear family member’s passing, so I was quite vulnerable).
WOW, I’m rambling. But the point is, it keeps cropping up over time and it doesn’t make it hurt any less each time. The only thing we can really do is to keep moving on after the pain. It doesn’t have to affect your self-esteem or your exercise routines, but it honestly does (emotions – so illogical! ;) ). The best thing one can really do is remember why they started on a healthier path and keep reminding themselves it’s a personal reason, forgot the haters, and pick it back up after the ‘break’ … for ice cream (not the whole thing, just a bowl, but still).
Oh Cassey, I’m so very sorry to hear that. All I can do is to agree with you. Nobody should be called “fat”, and most of all, what is that supposed to mean?! That we’re less valuable if we’re not thin? Why is body image so important in this stupid world, a world that has far greater problems to tackle than how a handful of people look?? Millions out there are hungry, facing starvation every f***ing day. Isn’t THAT something we should tackle, instead of insulting each other over something that stupid?
I was never that aware of how my body looked. How I felt was more important. So when a distant relative at a family holiday greated me with “You’ve put on weight” one Christmas, I was triggered to say “You didn’t, you’ve had it on you for ages.”. Bridget Jones, anyone? I demand my Mark Darcy.
I wish that this was a world where looks weren’t something that counted so much, got talked about so much, and therefore wasn’t that important. I’m getting called too skinny by some people, too fat by others. What am I supposed to do in that situation? Exactly. We can never make it right. Today’s beauty ideals do not come from real people, they are made by photoshop, and I can’t even say that I think them to be beautiful. The people I think to be beautiful would never stand a fashion shoot according to the industry’s standards. INDUSTRY STANDARDS. Like a piece of metal, bent and stretched into shape. We’re human beings, not things. Not even animals are supposed to be treated the way we treat each other. A beautiful person shines, and they do so because their hearts are beautiful, regardless of what their bodies look like. It radiates from inside out, and you can feel it immediately when you meet them or talk to them. THAT is the beauty I’m addicted to. Dedicated, lovely, strong, or simply nice people. People with an opinion, with a character, if you like them or not. People who think about others. People who think about making the world a better place, or simply do so, even if it’s just in little actions.
I started workouts because my ADHD-like seizures got better that way, and I needed something to balance-out the stress university put on me, which worked to some extent. I do workouts because I like the way I feel during and after and a long way after a workout. I do workouts because it’s something I can talk about with others online, and because your workouts, Cassie, are among the few that are real fun.
I’ll do a **** and spoil this little thing that is still some fun, some stability for me in the exhaustion that life means for me at the moment, with stressing about how I look.
Here’s a rather astonishing story that happened to me this summer.
It had been a lo~ng, hard day, I was on the verge of graduating, facing exams, and had been at a conference from early morning on, not to mention presentations coming up, meetings, business. I had jogged through town just to make it to another appointment, I was sweaty, tired, and after that day I won’t say what my hair and make-up looked like, haha. After that last appointment was done, I was just relieved, despite a major headache, that I could finally swaddle home.
There were three guys sitting between the fountains of the main shopping boulevard, and all of a sudden they started smiling and flirting with me. Me, in my old trainers and baggy jeans, sweaty shirt and big bag, fussy hair, earplugs in. Relaxed that I was, I grinned and said hello, and I felt their smiles in my back as I went home. People in that area usually aren’t that open, and the guys were probably tourists. There were tons of more beautiful, more thin, waaay better styled girls there, in that crowd, but they picked me, the business jogger, haha.
Thinking back to that is like a clap on the back, and a reminder that it’s just not about stupid beauty ideals. It’s about the way we feel, and not to take ourselves, especially our looks, as something that important. Those guys probably flirted with a dozen other girls that day, too, and for a change that doesn’t feel like the typical meat market to me, but as a nice way to say “you’re great just the way you are”.
That’s all that counts, right? To be happy, just the way we are.
Wow, sorry for the babbles. ^^;
P.S.: I developed a hate for the word “fat” pretty early on, and stopped using it almost completely, even about one of my guinea pigs (who, as I have to say in her defense, is probably also heavier because she has more muscles – she likes training ^.~). It’s not a particularly useful word. I prefer to learn more useful words from this site:
https://twitter.com/#!/dailyvocab
<3
Yes, I’ve been called fat… And I felt so bad, really embarrassed and worthless. It was my little baby cousin that said it. He was 4 years old. I was 14, so not so long ago. I had a cute dress on, and a hoodie over it, because it was cold out. I remember him just looking up and just saying: “You are fat”. OMG. I thought, and then he said it once more later on. But I weren’t mad at him, he was four, but so honest. I thought.
Since, I have slimmed down and I started to research about fitness, working out and being happy in life :)
It was terrible! And I’ve always been chubby…
I love that you share your stories Cassey, be strong!
Love u <3
Kajsa you are amazing and so smart young woman! I am so proud and I wish more young people would start living healthy life. You are the star**and I love you, remember that<3
When I was eleven me and my best friend was walking down the aisle of the school going to class. I was normal height and tiny. She turned to me and said “You´re not the skinniest in the class anymore. X is. She is number 1 one-watch out”.
That is where my ED started. At eleven years old. Now I am soon turning 26 and I am not doing anything to my self anymore (binging, starvin etc…) But to think that one comment like that destroyed almost 15 years of my life hurts so much. Now I am healty at 118 to my 5´5 and very strong and well-trained, and through my husband who is a chef I now enjoy food.
But the way some people are so uncotuius about cometing on your body sometimes make afriad of that “you look thinner” or “you put on?”. People have to start to keep their business to themself at times, but if they see you are struggeling try to help.
I know from having an ED is like being a recovering alcoholic and I have to live with it every day and fight if off.
Now- if I get a comment like that I get down but then I look at my wedding pictures-the day of my life where I felt like the mots beautiful girl in the world, and remember that I felt beautiful that day not only because of my body but because my beauty that day came from the inside and from pure happiness.
I hate it when someone tells me I’m fat. I am not fat, nor am I skinny. I have wide hips and broad shoulders and I’m only 5 feet so any weight gain is obvious. I come from a Japanese family and I am part of the only American-raised child, so my body looks different because I was raised on different food from my relatives.
Everytime I go and visit my relatives my grandparents, cousins and aunts constantly make comments on how fat I am. I’ve been getting this treatment from them since I was a child so my own self image is not awesome. In the last few years, I started jogging and doing pilates and building up my self confidence on my own. It sucks though, because it is shattered so easily, everytime I hear the “You’re SO FAT” comment.
I don’t think it is something I will ever get over- the pain of being called fat when I know I’m not really hurts. I’ve aimed toward being more healthy and incorporating exercise into my daily routine. I also try not to eat my feelings.
Thank you for sharing your story – you are truly an inspiration and I hope one day that I can be as confident and positive as you.
I’ve never actually been called fat to my knowledge. Although this past spring when I came home from living out of state a couple days after I got home my mother blurted out ‘Oh my god when did you put on so much weight?!’ She then proceeded to tell me that she had to bite her tongue when she hugged when I first arrived because she said it did not feel like she was hugging me. I have to say on the one hand it did sting but the only sting it held was the sting of truth I had put on weight that I was unhappy with I just hoped no one else had really noticed as well as telling myself it was really not that bad. However after my mom said that I began to seriously and literally work my ass off. I ended up taking off all the weight and more and got to the size I was when I first moved out of state. People might think what my mom said sounded mean but I could not be more thankful to her. We have always had a very honest relationship and when she was so brutally honest with me it forced me to be brutally honest with myself and get to a point where I am actually comfortable with myself again.
I think when people have nothing to attack somebody, the fat talk begins. It’s the lowest point of a mental warfare as all of us always feel we need to lose a pound or two.
I recently moved to Vietnam and got myself in the fat talk but in a very different way. I could not find clothes and shoes that fit me and I’m a size 8 in U.S (for both clothes and shoes.) One of my cousins even commented that I wear big size and that got on my nerves. I almost wanted to tell her to take a good look at herself as she is not the prime example of a fit person, either.
I’ve learned to let go of all these attacks based on my weight. As long as I make a conscious decision to wake up and exercise everyday, it does not matter what people think of me. I have my own imperfections but at least I’m working on improving them.
Your first sentence is so true!!!
And I am genuinely impressed with your thoughts about this. Keep going, girl! :-)
“I was 11 years old at the time and chubby. In my yearbook pictures, I had a double chin when I smiled. It was hard to find jeans that fit me. But none of it had even bothered me up until that point. I didn’t even know I was fat. I was active, happy, doing well in school, and had friends. That was all that mattered. But from that point on, I became self conscious. I lost confidence. Body image then became something I was constantly aware of.”
OMG It’s like i’m reading something i wrote myself! I didn’t know i was fat until i was told either. In fact it was people going out of their way to tell me that I WASN’T fat that made me realise I was fat. “Don’t listen to girls at school – there’s going to be some bitchy girls but you’re not fat, it’s just puppy fat, you will elongate”
Wait, what, I’M FAT?! Looking back, I was very fat and out of proportion but like you, I grew into it. Slash my mum started taking me to horse riding. Now I know it was her sly plan to make me less fat. She always used to tell me about how good exercise horse riding was ;)
I’ve been called such until now but I just shoo it away from my head cuz I know that even if I’m really fat (at the moment!) I know I’m doing my best to get fit & healthy. Plus I know that if a person is inside out fit, that person wouldn’t say fat cuz I believe that people who train/fit are people who know what real beauty is. Chances are that person who called you fat can’t even do 50 squats or even a wheel pose! Trust me, it’s 99% certain that that person ain’t healthy! Just sayin’ :)
& cassey, you look amazing. I’m serious :)
I’ve been called fat before, and like you I am lucky to have leaned out quite a bit. Of course, some (insane) people call me ‘fat’ occasionally because I am athletic and not ‘bony’ thin. But I think what helped me is that being ‘fat’ before made me focus on other things, so I am not that upset when someone says I am fat. Chances are, they’re just insecure around you.
So I think the word ‘fat’ shouldnt be banned, because it toughens you up. It really taught me to be a kinder and more developed person than I would have been if I had looked like I do now my whole life.
I know how you feel! I was called it all the way through school then developed bulimia as a result. There was other things going on in my life that also had an influence. But I’m the back of my mind i always told myself this is for anyone who ever called me fat. I will prove them wrong! I don’t purge anymore, healthy lifestyle has sort of taken over. If I eat too much I exercise more instead. However it still effects me to this day an that was 8 years ago! You will always have that voice in the back of your head. But ignore it cassey! You’re amazing! And your YouTube vids have really helped me!