REALITY CHECK.
UGH.
So yesterday I was working out with Kip, and I was telling him how great I feel and how happy I am with the results that we’ve achieved these past couple months. He paused. Then told me that he’s happy too but it can’t be like this year round.
I was flabbergasted. Huh? I said? What do you mean? I have to be in front of the YouTube camera and my fans already saw the transformation. You mean I’m gonna go back????
He said maybe you may go up 5, 10, 15 lbs, who knows. I almost died as I was doing my chest presses.
We had a really long conversation throughout my workout and I was brought to a realization that it isn’t actually natural to look like a bikini model all day long 365 days a year for the rest of your life. Don’t get me wrong, I wasn’t under the impression that everyone can look like a magazine cover year round, but I thought that once you lose weight, you can pretty much cruise and eat normal-healthy again, workout 5-6x a week, 1 hr a day and maintain. You know, not have to do cardio 2x a day and live in the gym and have no condiments.
Nope. Even me. A fitness guru and healthy living freak. I have been living in a little bit of a fantasy world…big reality check for me.
These past 2 months I’ve been eating extra clean and working out 2x a day. I’ve been dropping fat rapidly and it’s been so cool! The ride has been exhilarating – working hard- seeing results – working harder – seeing better results! Faster results! But how long can I actually keep doing this for? My bikini competition is this Saturday and I will look the tightest and leanest I have ever looked in my life. In fact the past month I have look the best I have ever looked in my life. So to think that after ALL of this hard work, I can’t just keep it???
It kills me.
It kills me to know that once you build something you can’t just relax and bask in all the glory. Well at least not for too long. Maintaining a body is like maintaining a business. You get there but you gotta keep it fresh to keep things looking good, keep the business flowing. Your body is smart. It knows how to find a balance. It doesn’t like losing weight all the time so it will become efficient and figure out how to keep fat around even when your workouts and diets are nuts. That’s why you gotta change your routine every 4 weeks. That’s why you gotta change up your diet, carb cycle…all that stuff…to keep challenging and surprising your body.
At the end of the day, it takes hard work to look like a fitness model. And you really can’t look like this all the time. I am so sad that these flat abs and those lean arms may go away if I don’t keep up this regimen. AHHHHH.
So anyway, I yelled at Kip. I said NOOOOOOO!!!!! I don’t wanna go back! I don’t wanna go back!!!!! I’ve worked too hard! Please no! You must help me!!!! He laughed and said you’re still young and have a long way to go, I don’t want you to hurt yourself. I kept telling him, please please I have to keep these abs. I’ve never had these abs before. Eventually our convo got a little ridic with me being all low carb, emotional, moody, and living in a fantasy land. So we just kept working out. But this topic stuck with me all night and day and I can’t get if off my mind.
Excuse me if I sounds like I’m a looks-obsessed little brat, but just expressing my feelings full blown. It’s not really about the abs or the arms or the body fat or the weight. It’s about all the hard work. I just…just…can’t imagine saying goodbye to the finished product after all that time, dedication, sweat, tears, and umm, money spent on this journey.
ARGH.
So how do some people do it? I am not sure actually. I do know that REAL fitness models have to eat strict all the time and when they have shoots they go SUPER strict. Even they go up and down but on a high level. They have to workout hours a day but it’s their job. And they make $ from it. Is it worth it for me to continue working out that many hours a day to maintain this look? Maybe if it were my job, I’d do it.If I were just a normal person, I don’t think I would. It really is a lot of work and I honestly feel like you need to get paid to put yourself through this!
Also, bikini and fitness competitors all have a competition weight and an off season weight. Everyone has one. Kip says we need to find mine too. It’s just not natural or safe to stay so low in body fat and weight all year round. He said that when he was competing he’d go up 20-30lbs in the off season and then just shed back down when it was time to hit the stage.
Of course we can all work hard once summer rolls around and look great in a bikini. SURE!!!! Do it! But to try to work crazy like that to look bikini ready even during the holidays? Thanksgiving? To miss out on social outings…not have dinner with friends…to not ever eat pizza or burgers or fries…or you know things that bring simple joy to people, yea I don’t know.
Also, I want to mention that the level at which I am training and eating is super vigorous. When I say I may not be able to keep this up year round, I mean eating super duper clean and doing cardio 2x a day 6 days a week plus weight training. Once the bikini competition is over, I plan to continue eating clean, just not crazy clean. I want my hot sauce again. I want it now. I want flavor. Please.
But no. 3 more days. 3 more days!!!!!
Ah, I don’t know if this post makes any sense at all! And I don’t have time to proof read it because I am gonna be late to training but ya here you go.
Takeaway?
You can look great and stay fit year round working out and eating clean. No prob. Flat stomach and toned arms are achievable and maintainable. You can strive for that yes. Super cut, ripped, defined, fitness model, bikini competitor look – takes work. You should be getting paid if you’re working that hard. Or maybe you really just love working out 3 hrs a day and eating plain food. It’s just not where your body was naturally meant to be if you want to do other things things with your time. I’m being real here!!!!! I live at the gym right now! I barely have time to do anything else.
OKAY! Time for YOUUUUUU to talk!!!! Tell me how you feel about this. How do you stay fit and have you achieved your dream body? Were you able to stay there? Or did you go back up? How did it feel?
To be completely honest with you, Cassey, I think you look better normally. “Fitness Model Cassey” is just waaay too thin. You look amazing AND HEALTHY usually. So I’m going to use regulary Cassey as my fitness model, k? :)
This is awesome! I’m training for my first show this summer and I’m LOVING the results I’m getting. I’ve thought about this time to time too… I’m 17 weeks out right now and I’m so excited about where I’ll be THEN if I’m this excited about my results NOW! I can’t imagine getting in the best shape of my life then having to let myself go up 10ish lbs (I don’t want to go more than 10 haha but we’ll have to see). BUT I am looking forward to being able to say YES to a vacation for after my show (it’s going to be in Miami so I’ll be in the perfect post-show vacation spot :) ) It’s good to know I’m not alone in this panic of wanting to keep my (future) near-perfect body. It’s also good to know, though, that when I do get to my off-season weight, I’ll still probably be in better shape than 90% of my life.
Absolutely great! Loved this! Stumbled acrossed it and glad I did. Being a figure competitor and having to drop my carbs down to almost non existant in the final weeks to see that shredded ab look, I know exactly what you are talking about. I am 5’2 and off season 115-120 and comp weight being 108-110, there is definitely a difference! Thank you for the realistic approach and honesty. I miss my abs, wish some of my bought jeans still fit during preps, but balance is everything and finding it is the hardest thing I have ever had to do! You can eat clean and consistantly, but bringing your body to that point, doing over 4,000 cals of cardio a week, will always have comebacks like such and honestly, I wouldn’t want to maintain. It is exhausting (prep). We are not meant to have such low body fat or push ourselves like that day in and day out. Wish more athletes and competitors would show that side! Again, thanks for the article! Great read! :)
Ive found that my weight fluctuates between 124lbs to 129lbs but I never go below or above that, I am 5ft 5 and I have been maintaining that weight for a couple of months now easily by doing pilates 4-5x a week and cardio 3x a week
Cassey, I hope that YOU know you’re beautiful. I mean clearly all of your popsters know it. You were beautiful before your modeling gig, and during and after. You are a beautiful person inside and out and you have inspired me and so many others to make peace with ourselves and our bodies and to change what we dont like, instead of just complaining about it. No matter how much you gain after the modeling competition, know that you are beautiful. 2 years ago, I lost 15 lbs. and i was at the smallest i have been since 5th grade (im in h.s. now) in like 2 months of summer, I did this just from walking everyday 5 days a week for like an hour or more and swimming a lot! plus eating healthy and i think i cut out fast food and stuff. I was almost a size 2. Now i have gained it all back because i stopped working out once school started back up and im a steady size 6. I feel really bad about myself a lot of the times and am very self conscious. i wouldnt say im huge. but i feel huge and i just wanna feel like i did when i only weighed 145lbs because for me, that was little. for me that was skinny and i loved it and i was confident. The good thing is, school’s coming to an end and this summer no matter how busy i am, i will work out at least 5 days a week and right now im cutting out pop and fast food for good! and limiting sweets and portion sizes. Im trying to stick to this goal but i binge a lot…i just have a sweet tooth and it sucks! haha i dunno i love your videos tho and you truly inspire me and make working out fun. My goal right now it to lose at least the 15lbs that i did, and try to get to a size 4 again (almost a 2) and then hopefully try to lose 20 lbs. mostly, i just wanna be healthy and feel confident. and be able to fit into my shorts.thank you for your videos(especially abs and butt vids) you really have helped me! :):)
Agreed! Cassey is beautiful inside and out! She inspired me and i love this blog!
Hi! While it isn’t healthy to look “cover ready” all the time, you can certainly still look great. I suggest not giving up the weight training. I think pilates plus weight training is a good combo!
I actually recommend you visit the site of this online trainer. He is amazing and has an uber long waiting list. He does things differently from your trainer.. no to little cardio for example. Look at his facebook page too for the before/after pictures. His clients do NOT have a huge rebound gain after competitions.
I really hope you read this post!
http://leanbodiesconsulting.com/ and https://www.facebook.com/LBCOnlineCoaching
thanks, how did u hear about him?
You’ll do great!! And you probably know this, but please be careful not to end up in a binge cycle! I’ve heard so many stories of people going straight for junk food after competition and it’s really tough, mentally, to recover. You are an inspiration and role model to all of us :)) Keep your mind healthy most of all!
Cassey, I think you look incredible, I really do. I’m quite slim myself and I do want to get a bit leaner. But at the moment I’m struggling, I don’t want to get too carried away because I did suffer from EDNOS, mostly bulimia. It doesn’t take a lot to trigger me so I’m staying away from a lot of your posts about getting skinnier than you are already. I’m not saying your posts are promoting EDs at all – I know you wouldn’t do that – I’m just saying that, at the moment, I’m quite weak when it comes to this, so it’s my fault.
My problem with this post is that, if you’re at a weight you cannot physically sustain in a normal way, surely it cannot be a healthy thing to do? Everyone has their ideal weight and if you can’t maintain this weight, even with your normal clean diet and rigorous exercise, surely it isn’t healthy? I know it’s for a competition, I just think you will be disappointed when you go back to how you used to look, even though you looked amazing. You’ve said in posts that you feel so low and can’t do a proper workout with this carb depletion, is this really something you should be promoting? I really appreciate your honesty, it’s just scary to know that someone who is supposed to be so obsessed with being ‘healthy’ is putting their body through something unnatural for the sake of a competition. I’m sorry for how horrible this post is and I do genuinely think you look amazing, I just don’t think it’s normal, especially the photo you just posted on facebook of you in the bikini before you’re going on stage with your ribcage showing. That’s the sort of picture I idolised when I was in the deepest, darkest grips of my ED.
Cassey, I’ve followed your videos for a long time now and I honestly believe you looked better before. Don’t get me wrong, if someone is naturally that thin, there is nothing wrong with it. I just think you are, unintentionally, sending the wrong message and I’m sorry.
Hello my dear Cassey,
I have been reading your blog for a short time but i know you from youtube since about a year ago when i was pretty bored with my exercise routine and i wanted to try something new and efficient. I have tried several other trainers but once i discovered you, i realized how fun working out can be and i stopped watching the clock while exercising. I love your possitive attitude, i trully hope that’s how you really are :) ( what am i saying.. i’m pretty sure that’s the way you truly are). I cannot say i have lost my extra weight with you, i was already in a good shape when i started doing your exercies but it has toned my body so wonderful like no other routines have done it. I did a lot of aerobic in college but i have stopped for a few years for not finding the time for it anymore. At the age of 26 i found myself weighting with 15 pounds more than my ideal weight. I have lost them quite quickly, in 6 weeks only, with strict diet and 5 times a week exercising, ending up being 112 pounds at 5’6”, and i never gained them back in 2 years, without fluctuations, without a strict diet, eating at any hour but working out 3 times a week and being quite a busy person.
About looking like a model 365 days a year well.. Some people can do it, i have friends who look the same the whole year, and also very quickly after giving birth, thanks to their genes. I suppose it’s not impossible.
Anyway, i wanted to thank you for making me love exercising and i hope you win the contest. Good luck!
ps: i am sorry if ive made any grammar mistakes, english is not my first language and i’m not using it too often.
Hi Cassey! <3
I kind of went through these emotions when I lost my toned legs I've worked so hard for. I would jog/run and do leg workouts 5 times a week and my diet was clean. I took so much pride in the transformation and I admit..I did like receiving compliments because it reinforced the hard work and dedication I've put into having toned legs. But once I started the nursing program, my toned legs were out the window. I felt like I lost in touch with myself. I hated how my thighs turned into water-jugs. In addition to that, cellulite started appearing on my hind-legs. I was utterly disgusted. But then I came to the self-realization that it is nearly impossible to keep the same routine all year round. Now I've learned to take pride in keeping up with an exercise routine that is doable (pilates/jogging/weight lifting 2-3 times a week) and I've learned to accept/love my body for what it is and not what it ought to be.
I really enjoyed reading your post because I felt like I really connected with you in terms of the emotions that you felt. I hope you know that you are BEAUTIFUL, regardless if you are super toned or not. You have inspired people everywhere to exercise. I love your enthusiasm for being healthy and fit!
P.S. I agree with you when you said "It doesn’t like losing weight all the time so it will become efficient and figure out how to keep fat around even when your workouts and diets are nuts," because I saw an article about Mila Kunis regarding her weight loss for the movie Black Swan. She said "‘My shape is different. When I got down to 95 pounds, I was muscles, like a little brick house, but skin and bones. When I gained it back, it went to completely different areas." http://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-2110543/Mila-Kunis-speaks-drastic-Black-Swan-weight-loss-poses-sweet-photo-shoot.html
I couldn’t have said it any better myself. Even after reaching goal, you have to keep it up, and I learned that the hard way after losing 80lbs and then letting myself indulge over the holidays. After overindulging and not eating perfectly clean like I was, my clothes are feeling snug and I am so upset with myself and even less motivated to get back on track. Losing and maintaining weight is exactly like a business. Thank you for putting it in perspective that it’s not just me, but everyone who has to keep up their clean eating and fitness to stay in tip top shape! xo
Dear Cassey,
Thank you for your hard work, your positive attitude, and your willingness to discuss your fears in public! Thank you for sharing so many tips and workouts – I will be trying some of your moves for sure, and your diet suggestions are spot on, although there’s little prospect of my becoming a bikini-model. ;) Beauty has always been and will always be valuable, but it’s true it doesn’t BELONG to us. As all things, it arises and passes away. To be fit is intelligent, and getting/staying fit can be fun, but it can also be harrowing, as many people, including you, have discovered.
In the past, people had other sufferings – often they didn’t have enough to eat, even. Today, our fears and anxieties play themselves out in the area of our looks especially, and this is more and more true all around the world. On the upside, you are an intrinsically good-looking person, so your “ideal” image will never be too far away (well, maybe when you’re 80) :). Many people are not so lucky. On the downside, your friend is right: EVERYTHING CHANGES! This is upsetting. It is even more upsetting when it concerns people we love passing away, or tragedies that invariably come up in our lives.
That said, experiences are relative, so our worries can constitute “tragedies,” and this worry you express is pretty much universal – you are asking: “Why can’t I look like this all the time?” but someone else might ask “Why can’t I ever look like that” or “Why will I never be able to look like that after my accident/disease?” etc. The fact is the body deteriorates and passes away – old age and death bring great suffering, only part of which is the pain of losing youth’s beauty. There are other pains to accompany that one, from what I hear.
If you were ever in a position to go 10 days without serious workouts, I would highly recommend trying a Vipassana meditation camp – these are given all around the world, they are offered to people of all denominations, and they are designed to help us deal with these exact types of questions – why, ultimately, can’t I have what I want? I have never learned so much about my own mind and body as in those meditation camps, and they have offered me so many tools to help deal with life’s issues. You would have to give up 10 days of workouts, though. (I have to give up 10 days of practicing violin, my discipline at the moment.)
It’s difficult to find the TIME to go to meditation camp, but it is SOOO WORTH IT! Camp itself is harder than any workout, and the results are even better than endorphins, better than hot sauce, better than playing really beautiful music, and yep, ultimately even better than sex. (Also, more PERMANENT.) :) It’s good to plan to go right AFTER a big concert/ audition/ competition (for obvious reasons).
http://www.dhamma.org/
This is all common sense. You should already know this from your “first” bikini body last year. Once you’re off the strict meal plan and start to eat “regularly clean” you will not look as lean or have those defined muscles anymore. So, what are you freaking out about? A lot of people here complimented on your honest post, but this post seems pretty naive to me. Hopefully once the competition is over, you will be able to go back and make your usual 10-min workout video and blog about healthy living, instead of being frustrated about not putting condiments and hot sauce on your food. Live healthy and be happy. I’m sure your next post will be about how depressed you are when you start to lose your “bikini” body after the competition. Good luck!
Take it from someone who’s on the after side of what you’re doing now. I got carried away and kept up the high level of cardio I had achieved and ran myself right into the ground with a massive hip injury. I tore my Labrum and had to have a special surgery only 3 other people my age have had in the US. Not fun. I was couch bound for a month and on crutches for 2. They took 2.5 inches off my hip where it connects with my femur and I couldn’t run for 6 months.
Take them time off you need and recharge. Then go back stronger than ever. You are a beautiful girl and look great whether you are at elite bikini level or with a few lbs extra on you. A lifetime of commitment to healthy exercise is much better than a spree of it that is short lived. I would also love to see someone on the internet do it better than me and really be a true inspiration to their readers. I think it may help you that there are a lot of people who look up to you and if you can show them the proper way to turn down the engines after and then boot them back up again, they will have learned a lot.
Also burning the fat fires constantly will lead to an unhealthy outlook on eating and exercise. I don’t know anything about your outlook on food and exercise right now other than what you post, but this path isn’t meant to be continued down constantly and will lead to eating disorders or exercise obsession.
Be safe and keep up the good work! In and out of the gym. Oh, and when you have extra time on your hands after your competition upload some more videos and DIY clothing stuff. You’re great at a lot of different things you try and it’s fun to see them.
This reminds me of the realization I came to after losing 125 pounds to get to my goal weight. I had the same “ahhh, I’m here! now I just eat healthy, keep working out and it all falls into place. I’ve arrived and the journey is over!” Whoa, is that wrong! Weight loss and fitness are NOT a destination but a continual journey through mountain top highs (like you are experiencing right now), rambling walks through the countryside (day to day living life fairly easily and balanced) and unfortunately, dark valleys that are hard to see your way out of (tough emotional situations, injuries, loss of motivation, season of temptation like holidays). You just have to decided to take each day as it comes and decide what your priority is:
- am I training for an event?
- do I want to relax and enjoy social situations that may take me away from strict eating/workout but have big rewards for my emotional well being and relationships?
- am I recovering from illness or injury and need to be ok with a weight/size change and allow myself to heal?
- am I happy and fulfilled with the diet and fitness I’m trying to hold myself to?
- am I alienating friends and family or can I balance my eating and fitness with a healthy (emotional, mental, physical) lifestyle?
It is *really* hard to find the balance. I think that is the toughest thing to comprehend about being at my goal weight… the scale and my fitness level fluctuates and that’s ok because that’s how it is for everyone. I never knew that before. I just assumed fit people were at the same level of fitness all the time.
I just had my first “off season” after getting into triathlons a year ago and competing in 3 over the summer. it has been a huge learning experience with lots of highs and lows over the winter months but I think what we learn in our fitness journey can be applied to other areas of life to make us a better person all around… as a daughter, sister, wife, mother, co-worker, friend and general good citizen.
Best wishes on your competition and keep in mind, no matter what the outcome you have already “won” by participating in the journey and encouraging the hundreds of people who are inspired by you and are cheering you on. :)
even now, you have boobs. youre so lucky. and before, you had boobs, a cute butt, and an amazing FLAT tummy. i love how you looked before and i do admit you also look great now. but i know this sounds cheesy but, looks don’t last… they’re fun to attain and stuff, but they don’t last. health does. a healthy lifestyle does. love does <3 we love you cassey, no matter how lean you are!
Take comfort in knowing you can get back to that body in just a matter of a few short weeks. My competition weight is 120. My “real life” weight is 130. I’ll take a little extra padding to be able to enjoy nights out with friends, dinners with the bf and a freaking cookie every once in a while. And fitness models know how to lean out easily.. you could too girl. It’s not good for our bodies to be that dialed in year ’round.. not even for models!