Why the scale still affects me

feet-on-scale

Hey guys,

For the past month, I’ve been working out and eating extra EXTRA clean because I have a big photoshoot coming up! (It’s actually for the new POPFLEX collection coming out this Winter!) And let me tell you, nothing gets me more on track than knowing that there is a looming deadline ahead that I NEED TO HIT. I’m feeling really happy about the small differences I’m seeing in my body, especially because I know it takes SO MUCH for my physique to change. Focusing on having fun when I work out, having fun when I cook, and having fun when I’m stretching (even when I’m feeling like I’m going to die) makes the whole process so much more enjoyable and seem so much quicker.

So then if I’m feeling all chipper and good about my bod, what’s the deal with the title? “Why the scale still affects me.” <– Wouldn’t a fitness guru have gotten over this at this point?

REAL TALK TIME.

No I haven’t gotten over it. For some reason, the scale still has so much power over me and so many other women alike. Every time I step on it, I feel like it’s judging me. Judging how worthy I am.

My thought process goes like this:

If the number stays the same, I can be assured that I haven’t done wrong.

If the number goes down, it’s a fleeting inner celebration that I know can be taken away from me after my next meal.

If the number goes up…oh boy…if the number goes up…then I am a complete FAILURE.

Before I started getting ready for my shoot, I admit I was taking a break from eating super duper clean for some months, and I felt a little fluffier. But it didn’t really bother me too much because I was still working out 5-6x a week, going hard, and seeing strength gains in the weights I could lift. When I picked a date for the shoot, I also picked a start date for my clean eating to begin. This is usually accompanied by a weigh in, just so I know where I am. I stepped on the scale, a little nervous, but hoping I’d be no more than a few pounds heavier than what I last remembered.

When I stepped on that scale over a month ago…it was everything I feared. I wasn’t 1 or 2 pounds heavier. Not 3 pounds heavier. Not even 5. I was nearly 10 lbs heavier than what my “you need to stay here or else” weight was. Immediately, I started to panic, I started to regret, I started to  hate myself for letting go, and I cursed myself for throwing everything away that I worked so hard for. Was I living in some facade world not realizing how far I had slipped? Stupid me to not stop this. I laid on my bed in fetal position and let the tears roll. I bathed in my own inner hatred. I let myself feel every excruciating ounce of sorrow. I lay there, crying, feeling like a defeated pile of failure.

I’m not even being dramatic here guys. This is real. I probably laid there motionless and terrible for 20 minutes and moped for another few days.

Why? Why does the scale do this to me? Isn’t it “just a number”?

Yea, it is a number. But somehow one that can control my happiness.

I’m going to do a deep dive into why I am this way. Because it’s weird, it’s silly, and clearly, it’s 100% psychological. The story begins with my childhood.

Growing up, I was chubby. I was overweight. Kids called me fat. When I was in elementary school, I was wearing 12’s and 14’s when I should have been an 8 or under to be at a healthy size, according to my doctor. Wearing jeans was out of reach for me, unless they had elastic. And as a little girl who dreamed of one day becoming a fashion designer, not being able to try on the coolest styles hurt a little more than they would have the average kid. Because of my size, I was chained to stretchy flower leggings with large shirts or corduroy overalls. (I did love those overalls!)

But my day finally came. I remember being in 6th grade and begging my mom to take me to the mall to try to find some flares. All the girls at school had flares and they looked so cool. After searching through racks and racks of pants, I vividly remember the moment I FINALLY was able to squeeze into my first jeans (they were black flares from Ross). I could barely get my thighs through the leg opening and my fingers turned white from trying so hard to push the silver button into the hole. But when the button went through and stayed in place, I was SO HAPPY! I didn’t care that my tummy rolled over the edges. THEY ZIPPED.

At home, there was a scale in every bathroom, even the guest bathroom, so it was a habit for me to know where I stood with my weight. I’d weigh myself everyday and my parents would ask me how much I weighed. Look, I don’t blame them at all because our parents grew up in an age where a lower weight and a lower BMI meant a fitter, healthier body. That’s what they were told. But now we know that this is not true. There is so much more to to it – there’s muscle mass, there’s bone density, and of course what really matters, fat percentage.

As you can see, at a young age, I learned that having a lower weight meant success. It meant fitting into my new jeans. It meant kids not making fun of me. It meant the doctor could finally say I’m at a healthy weight for my age.

Unfortunately, this thinking carried over into my adult life even after being at a healthy weight now for over 17 years. So now, when I gain weight, I equate it to being unsuccessful and all those feelings of sadness and humiliation arise again.

To deal with this, I haven’t stepped on the scale for over a month. And honestly, I don’t plan on stepping on it for a very long time. I don’t want to let this number control my confidence and my happiness. And so far, avoiding it all together has helped me a lot. It’s helped me focus on what actually matters – how great I feel in my clothes, how much longer I can run for, how much more weight I can lift, how low I can get in my splits, the tone that’s coming back to my frame, and having fun along this entire journey. I see progress and I feel progress. So I don’t want to shatter those positive feelings with a number that means nothing to me.

The goal is to one day be able to step on the scale, see the number, look at it 100% objectively, and move on with life.

I’m not there yet, but one day I will be. Until then, I’m going to keep doing my thing and loving life sans scale.

love-cassey-transparent-150px

  • Fafa

    I discovered your videos and blog a few days ago and I just love how bubbly, cheerful and honest you are. Not to mention beautiful. You’re not a “fake barbie”, you’re not superficial and it’s actually really good to know that fitness gurus are humans after all! Thank you for what you’re doing, you rock!

  • Necole Bluhm

    I’m glad you’re aware that it is psychological and that your past has a lot to do with it. I was in the same boat as you… still in the same boat. I avoid scales and focus on feeling. I remember a while back I had to get weighed in at the doctors office and freaked because it was the biggest number is saw for me. But truth is, I had gained a lot of muscle. I’m not a small build. Clothes felt good, I felt good, health was good; I was in the best shape ever! I have to tell myself that I’m ok and not let 3 numbers bother me. A doctor said to me once, “do you feel good/healthy? You’re fine if the answer is yes.” And I have moments like you do. It’s something we gotta push through. :)

  • sarah

    hi i am sarah and i am a muslim girl (not terroriste) just kiding first i have to say that my english is bad but plzzz read
    i realy love you cassey and i am a big fun of you also i do your workout , i feel sorry for all of you americain girls it seems weird but its true all the world think that my religion don’t respect wemen cause they dont have the right to wear nice cloth outside that shows her body and skin but we are confterbull we are not worrying if my butt look big or too small we all do look the same nothing is showing of your body so you are safe i am an athly and i have over weight friends they dont care about there size nobady will call her fat we dont care about love hundles or cellulite you know why we dont have a magazin how shows beauty standers to us also we dont have the right to see it in our religion to be confident and dont compare your self to beauty queens soo we feel good about ower bodies and weight, hir no women have a weight scale at home raaarly i feel realy sorry for you cassey you are perrrrrfect but you feel always you have to do more because of medias,,, and those how said that woemen have the right to show there bodies in my religion thats not allowed you know why because that destroys wemen look what you are going throw …but we have the right to be beautifull when i am at my home or with my husband i where shrt skirt i where make up like any girl i do it for me i dont have to show any one that i am beautifull i know that i am!! why i where make up when i go outside and nice cloth i dont have any thing to prove to the others and we all dont care we are free wemen all the medias shows us muslim women that we are suffuring but the fact is you are ! sorry but for us is so reuculious to weight your self every day i am realy greatfull to be in a good religion

    also we do workout but to be healthy not super skinney we do all actevities awer head scarf never been a problem we are free we are judjed of what is in ower brains not ower sizes we are not a number

  • Olivia

    You have never mentioned your childhood but now I can relate. I never knew. But look at you now! This is inspiring to know that if I try as hard as you did I can reach unbelievable goals.

  • Alexis Brownlee

    I have gone a year and a half without weighing myself! There was a period of my life when I would weigh myself every day and the number on the scale would determine my emotions of the day. I was on vacation with my best friend and her family (they are all very overweight, so they typically do not respond well to my “lesser” insecurities) and I did it. I weighed myself again, and I hated it. I had gained 20 lbs since I last had weighed myself, and the worst part was, they didn’t believe me and asked me to prove it, so I stood on one of those scales in super markets that you can pay to guess your weight, in front of everyone. It was humiliating and I haven’t weighed myself since. I am SO much happier now, and I have learned more about how happy I am with my body feels and looks, rather than the number! All the love in the world!! <3

  • Lisa Renee

    I needed that. Thanks! I weighed myself just yesterday and found that instead of the ‘Christmas weight’ coming off, I’d actually added to it! Shock horror! I was moody most of yesterday until I sweated some at the gym. I am actually the person who weighs in morning and night, and walk away feeling dejected when it either stays the same, or gets higher. So again, thank you for this post :)

  • Alina

    I love how raw and honest your posts are. It’s so encouraging to know that even someone like you has the same insecurities and fears as I do. Keep being awesome! You are such an inspiration <3

  • Christina

    I’m having a hard time because I have not weighed myself in maybe a month and a half… BUT all my clothes are tight. I tried on all my shorts recently and none of them fit. none. even the ones I just bought this past summer. I’m terrified when I think what that number must be. I keep going back and forth…should i step on that scale so I know where I am and can start to work to make it go down? or will it just destroy me to the point that i will stop eating meals, take laxatives, send myself into deep depression? (all things I have done) I dont know what to do honestly. Just thinking about seeing that number makes my anxiety explode. Thank you for sharing this. Knowing that this affects other people, especially people that I see as beautiful, perfect, powerful and generally FREAKING AWESOME (you) it makes me feel less alone and less of a damaged freak.

  • Aleks

    It’s a self imposed rule- and one my boyfriend is really happy with as well – but I’m not allowed to own a scale anymore. I used to step on it twice a day and that number became the most important value I held to myself. NO MORE! BLOGILATES ALL THE WAY!

  • Bernadette

    Cassey, you’re an inspiration and you’re beautiful! i used to be someone who would work out like once a month just to feel less like a bum, but with you, i HAPPILY workout everyday! its one of the best parts of my day and i feel so much stronger and happier than before. THANK YOU.

  • Elena

    I believe that one day you’re going to reach your goal to not care about it anymore, you’re such a strong woman, you can do it. Maybe it’s easier as well to just simply not standing on your scalet, and rather look into your mirror whrer you’ll find a beautiful, sporty woman instead of a number!
    love, elena

    outnaboutweb.wordpress.com

  • thefastedplant

    Now I know what the problem is or has been. I’ve been looking at pics of myself exactly a year apart and as much as there’s still a lot of work to do I feel the weight lost should be off the charts but alas, that dreaded scale says I lost only 16 lbs in 12 months. The photo comparison says I lost more. Well, I’m done with weigh ins for a while…. It’s a habit and one that is especially hard to break and yet I feel awful everytime I step off the scale… ?
    So glad someone said something, I’d like 2017 to be a year of positive vibes and not self torture… So thanks for the post. Definitely touched me.

  • GinnaV

    I feel a similar way when I step on the scale, even thought I KNOW what really matters is how I feel and how strong I am. I’m even more cognizant of the power of the scale now that I have a daughter. We have a scale in the home, but it is forbidden to be where anyone can see it (it actually belongs to my husband). I’m determined to help break the cycle with my daughter so I NEVER say negative things about my body. Period. Not just “not in front of her” because I NEED to believe it for her to believe it. I do pilates and run when and where she can see me and we talk a lot about nutrition and how to fuel our bodies and minds.

  • Eszter Nyári

    I have no scale at home, the last time I knew how much I weigh was at the age of 16 (?) at a doctor’s check in high school. Since then I have no idea. And I dont even care :D

  • Isabele

    I want to thank you so much for sharing this. This resonates with me. I am 18 and struggling with my weight, have been since I was 10. My goal is not a specific weight anymore, my goal is to be healthy and replace the unhealthy fat with muscle. But everytime I step on that scale at the doctors my heart just drops. I haven’t gained. But I haven’t lost when I thought I had. And I know that muscle weighs more than fat, it just doesn’t make it any easier. But with your videos, I have found that working out is a lot easier than being alone. So thank you ❤

  • Aeriana Hupp

    Cassey I can relate to this so much! I used to be bullied when I was younger for being chubby. I remember getting on a scale and seeing that number that ruined me for a long time that even made me stop eating because I was so tired of being the chubby unattractive girl. I would starve myself for days and keep checking the scale. As time went on I lost so much weight in such a short amount of time people began to noticed and grew concerned about my well being. I began to feel really fatigued and I was so obsessed with working out I had no energy to do it. Finally I broke down and told my family about my struggle and that I didn’t want this to be my life and control me. Now I am no where near perfect I still have urges to starve myself and get on that scale, but I choose to not torture myself and look at that number. Thanks to you you have made me so happy and confident with myself. You have to love yourself every step of the way,and for the longest time I didn’t know that. I now workout and try to eat clean because I want to feelgood and look good but I need to try and avoid the vanity because it wont get me very far. My point is is that you are stronger than you think and you are so much more than that number. It’s time for all of us to practice what we preach. It may not be easy but we are all here supporting you like you have been doing for us. Stay strong girl, you got this! We all do :)

  • Cassey, you’re so strong & some of your strength comes from being so vulnerable in front of so many people. Thx for being real & for loving what you do <3

  • Kaitlyn

    I had to get rid of it. I had to break it because I was killing myself over the number my scale showed me. I did have an eating disorder and it was very bad. But anyone who is so hurt and cursing themselves over a number should GET RID OF IT! I admire you so much cassey for sharing snd I’m in tears for you. You’re a very beautiful woman and I hope you will reach the day when you step on a scale and no matter what it says you will be like ” okay sure I love me and this body and the number is trash!”

  • Flor

    I feel so connected to this. I’va had problems with my image since i’m 13 (i’m 25 now) and I wouldn’t wear a bikini in summer because I felt so ashamed of my body. After 4 years of blogilates, this summer I felt beautiful, I felt confident and I went to swim in a bikini and felt great. But after somedays of wearing a bikini I simply step on the scale to confirm how great I was… and then I saw I was 6 pounds over my usual weight. I felt horrible, fat, I couldn’t wear a bikini any other day after that. I feel stupid, because my body didn’t change after the scale, my mind changed and I gave more importance to that stupid number than the way I felt and saw myself. If the problem is in my mind, I have to work harder on my mind than on my body, because my body it’s beautiful and healthy and strong, I just need my mind to be like that too. I personally prefer Cassey over any other fitness guru because she taught me that excercise is for happiness, not for looking like a victoria’s secret model. She changed my goals and I always loved that her body is natural, beautiful, changing and happy. I want a happy body in a happy mind, not an unreal body in a broken soul. We all deserve this.

  • Mayacook

    Thank you Cassey, I read this post a few days ago and this morning I decided to weigh myself, feeling that my jeans weren’t si tight and I might be 2 pounds less than last time….but I actually wasn’t. I weighed 108-110 for a few years and seem t be more around 112. The ridiculous thing is that being 5.3 feet, I’m far from being in a position to complain…YET….I definitively have to accept my body as it is and you are undoubtely helping me. THANKS!

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  • Thy

    I in the exact place you are in. After graduating college and starting my first full-time job, I also was 10 lbs heavier than my average. I had the same feelings of “you’re going past the allowed range” and found that the weight loss process was more difficult. I’ve always been a girl who could control her weight throughout college. If I gained 5 lbs, I could lose it in a month. I needed to gain muscles for sports, I gained weght for sports. Now I find that diet is my biggest enemy because I do strength and some cardio on a regular basis, but I eat like crap! Thank you for this post because I don’t feel so bad about going over the mark anymore. Love you, Cassey <3

  • Thank you for writing this. I think lots of fitness bloggers say “don’t worry about the scale!” and ignore the fact that it affects SO many women, despite all the advice we get. Sometimes we have a goal in mind and the only way to empirically measure it is through weighing ourselves. It’s a part of life.

    Also, I can’t even begin to imagine what it must be like for you. I mean, when I gain a few pounds, the only people I have to judge me are my friends and family (who usually don’t notice, btw). But because you have such a following, and your “brand” is based on fitness, you’re subject to scrutiny from every angle. And it’s not fair. People sometimes forget that you’re a person, and you have your ups and downs too. Plus, one of the reasons why I love following you is because you’re not this naturally skinny/tiny woman who pushes fitness at us- there’s nothing wrong with other fitness bloggers who are naturally skinny, but I think a lot of readers will look at them and think that their body is possible to achieve. When most of it is just genetics.

    Thanks again for always being so honest on your blog, instagram, and social media!

    xoxo Leda

    littlegirlbiggerworld.blogspot.com

  • Erin

    What I hate the most is knowing that I am a healthy weight for my height and age (48 kg, 19 yo and 150 cm) but I still see so much fat when I look in the mirror :/ I’ve tried eating as healthy or as less as I can over my high school years and working out but nothing changed much so I’m happy and hoping that Blogilates will get me to that place where I can listen to people’s praises and love myself and the way I look :) Thank you Cassey x <3

  • moni

    Cassey the discount code in blogilates designs only gave me $10 dollars off of my total which is $30, wasnt my total supposed to be $15

  • Kat

    I didn’t own a scale for years because of how discouraging it felt to step on it. I fluctuate within 10 pounds constantly. But the important thing is that I feel healthy, happy and strong. And when I feel that way, I look that way as well. You look healthy, happy and strong in your videos and exert a great amount of confidence and kindness that has a strong influence on others who follow you.

  • molly

    I was an overweight child and was dealing with anorexia/bulimia by the time I was 12 and still have to be careful when I’m under stress that certain habits don’t creep back in (I’m 26 now). I’ve found eating a fair bit of protein, moderate carbs and low-moderate fat has really helped in combination with going to the gym and lifting heavy. You can’t throw more weight on the bar if your blood sugar is low from not eating and doesn’t work well if you eat processed sugar as it causes a crash. Don’t own a scale, don’t read women’s magazines and DO focus on building muscle. I know my weight fluctuates a lot even without owning a scale but remember this could be from a variety of factors. The only time you’re supposed to weigh yourself is in the morning before you eat, after you’ve had a bowel movement. If you weigh yourself in the middle of the day, you’re weighing food/excess liquid in your system. Our bodies retain water depending on carb consumption and the time of the month. Seriously, get rid of your scale. If you need to weigh yourself once in awhile, do it at a friend’s place or something. Don’t. Own. Scales.

  • Dea

    It is UNCANNY the way your posts always seem to hit home exactly when I read them. I am going through the exact same. Growing up with a flight attendant mom and a swimmer dad did a lot to my self-confidence and I was always seen as the fat kid. Working out and weight training got me my confidence and my feelings of how massively I’ve let myself (and to my mind, everyone else) down when I saw that number when I hadn’t been on a scale in months was confidence shattering.Thank you for keeping it real (as always) and for sharing what you are going through with us. You continue to be an inspiration, Cassey. All the best on your shoot! Excited to see the new POPFLEX collection!! <3 <3 <3

  • Leslie

    I’m so happy for you Cassey, your right, this number on a scale really shouldn’t define us or control our happiness. It’s been awhile since I been doing my calendar workouts, I admit. But know I feel a inspiration to start again. Not caring about how my body or weight is like.

  • Natalia

    I’ve been through the same thing too.I’ve always felt less than the others and I still do.Not because I don’t like myself phisically but because of my character. I’ve always been the one that gets good grades, never goes out and doen’t have friends…and it’s still like this.I don’t know where I go wrong and why people don’t like me but it’s another story.When I was in middle school one of my teachers started a project about food and calories and it was the beginning of my biggest problem: I was not skinny.I tryed to eat less, I was only doing abs, sometimes I went cycling and when I saw that I didn’t lose weight I just wanted to die and I kept telling myself that I was ugly and that was why people didn’t like me..
    Now I’m pretty fine with my body, I just hope to fix my character, relationships and friendships soon..most of the time I act like I didn’t care but it hurts anyway..

  • Rawan Krayem

    The scale only measures how much you weigh. Not how happy you are. Your happiness is measured based on other things. If the number on the scale matters to you, then you need to find a better way to judge your self

  • Tricia

    Your worth is determined by your kindness and willingness to do for others. By that measure Cassey, you are worth your weight in gold! You have made a positive impact on me and probably thousands of others by inspiring us to be healthy and by making working out fun. And don’t feel weird for wanting to lose weight or be thin. There’s nothing wrong with a little vanity, as long as you don’t let it rule your sense of self-worth. Make an ordered list of things you value in other people, i.e. kindness, selflessness, humor, patience… Then hold yourself to those standards.

  • Rachel

    I feel the same way Casey! I dont have a scale at my apartment but when I go home to my parents house the scale almost taunts me to step on it. And like you, while I feel stronger my weight has gone up 10 lbs. Its frustrating and confusing all at the same time. Thanks for keeping us in the loop with your experience; it makes me feel at ease to know others are also striving to regain mental balance after an eating disorder. I’m still not sure what I can do about my psyche but I try to focus on maintaining a steady workout regimen ?

  • Liz

    Cassey, I totally get this. I struggled with eating disorders, extreme exercise and unhealthy body image for while. Ive learnt to NEVER diet and never let exercise be the primary focus of my life. Oh and I haven’t stepped on a scale in like 2 years. Those things just don’t exist for me anymore. Happy that you shared. It’s good to be honest and encourage healthy attitudes about fitness, health and loving yourself.

  • moni

    what is BMI?

  • WayeAnn Hynek

    I know exactly how you feel because I feel the same way. I was heavy in my teen years. I loss alot of weight when I got a factory job. I was in my very best shape and lowest weight ever about 8 months after I had my daughter. Now, I had loss my factory job that I was at for 17 years, I developed hypothyroidism, hated my part-time job and then my Mom passed away. I now weigh 10-15 pounds more. This took about 3 years. The number on the scale still gets me though.

  • Cindy

    I really don’t care about scales. We don’t have one in our house and it says almost nothing about your body. I’m not a thin person, I have a chubby belly and.. yeah. I’m not perfect. But my weight is the same like a friend of mine, who is so thin and has (in my opinion) THE perfect body. So I don’t trust scales anymore :D
    Thank you for your honest and heartwarming post, I loved reading it. <3

  • Grace

    Cassey,
    Thank you so much for your words. I know that it must take a lot of courage, especially for someone in the fitness industry, to share these thoughts with the world. But please know that you are never alone, and by being honest you are touching so many people’s lives from all over who share these same thoughts. You are a beautiful soul and I admire you in so many ways, but mostly your ability to embrace your vulnerabilities. I myself am struggling with body image and fighting an eating disorder, and most of the time it feels like I will never be free from the scrutiny of my thoughts, from the scale, and from my reflection. But even when it feels like I’m surrounded by complete darkness, I find light in myself and in others, reminding myself that we are all love. Yes, life is hard. Yes, we all have our demons. But we all have light within us too, that cannot be extinguished by any number on a scale. Peace be with you always.

  • Marlene Marie

    It’s nice to know I’m not alone in this struggle. About 10 years ago I was 10 pounds heavier but not overweight for my size. I felt ok & my clothes fit. However, over the years, I have lost weight and at each new level, that has become my new “normal” weight. I still seem to have a “fat view” of myself. Part of which I attribute to having a lower belly pouch no matter how often I practice core exercises and follow blogilates exercises (which I have been doing faithfully over a year). I guess I should consider that for my age (60 next month) that I am in pretty good shape – better than at 25.
    Thank you, Casey, for being real.

  • moni

    when i was i was younger all the kids never used to play with me because i was so chubby but now i dont care what they think now im gonna be confident and be proud of how much ive worked to lose weight

  • moni

    i have to eat rice everyday but now i try to have less with a side of vegetables after my daily workout.
    i havent weighed myself in ages, im scared at the fact if im overweight

  • Olivia

    ❤️ to you Cassey for sharing this! It means so much to have a post like this out there that says the scale isn’t your end-all-be-all, especially with the proliferation of content out there that’s says things the other way. I have this same problem, even though I don’t own a scale and never really grew up having a scale around–the only time I ever know my weight is when a doctor weighs me, which of course makes the thing scarier. A few months ago (I’d gone almost six months without being weighed) I got on a scale and found i’d gone up around 10 pounds (which, for me, is a considerable amount.) it took a week of frenzy before I caught on that it probably had to do with working out a lot–I spent much of the summer working out nearly every day doing yoga and POP. And I realized it had to do with gaining muscle. So even though I’d gone back up to a weight I hadn’t hovered at in nearly three years, my body had considerably more muscle and was made up totally differently. And that number still had that power for a while. So it makes me so so happy to read an article like this and tuck it away as a reminder that this is hard even for someone I idolize as a healthy fitness instructor and the scale doesn’t measure anything but how much gravity wants to hug you (sorry writerspeak haha). So anyway, thank you for writing this ❤️?

  • nelherbie

    I used to have a similar problem. Them my dog peed on the scales and broke it so I haven’t weighed myself in about 2 years other than at the doctors office!

  • Tessa den Os

    Thanks for sharing, but I am not necessarily surprised by this (in a good way I guess..). You are in the spotlight for quite some time now and it usually has to do with being healthy, losing weight AND maintaining it, which is the hardest thing to do for most people in the world. If I look at models in the Victoria Secret Fashion shows, I know that they also start a few months before with eating extremely clean and I think you even told us about their habits before shows in a vlog. You, and other Youtubers can and usually are under some kind of pressure, because there is a certain demand from the public. I haven’t noticed you getting “bigger” and I’ve been following you for at least 5 years now.
    The thing I love about your videos (and I do mean ALL of them, the skits, vlogs and workoutvideos) is that they are SO REAL. I hate that some “youtubers” tried to take you down and also their fandoms. As far as i’m concerned I get the pressure and the fact that even you go through the horror of gaining and losing weight. It’s life! And you know what, sometimes you just need to cry and be sad and be unhappy. Being happy all the time isn’t necessarily a good thing, right? Everyone needs to vent, every now and again.
    Thanks to you and your vids i’ve maintained my weight for over 6 years now! I eat healthy, but I also enjoy cheatmeals and snacks. So thanks for sharing and give yourself a break! Just because you are in the spotlight doesn’t mean you should feel bad about gaining some weight and that things don’t Always go according to plan. I’m a teacher and my classes don’t Always work out the way I want them to… It sucks, I get sad and after a few days I get over it and come back even stronger and harder :).

  • Pauline Vincent

    Thank you so much for posting this Cassey.I have been sick and recovering since last year and with meds etc I am battling with my weight again.I too have gained.And I have been feeling so uncomfortable in my clothes that were fitting me nicely but now are on the snug side.I have been struggling with loss of confidence over whether I am even able to lose this weight.Which is unfounded doubt because I went from 120+ kgs to 67 kg in 3 years.But with my weight gain I am back in the 70’s unfortunately.So with my loss of confidence has come the struggle to get back on track because I keep thinking I have failed.So sad that we can see ourselves as a failure with just the number on the scale or the size of our clothing.But if we look at all we have achieved it is so amazing really.And not just our achievements with our body size.But our lives.Thanks again Cassey!

  • M

    I can totally relate to this. I’m also 29 and for most my adult like I always felt overweight, although I wasn’t really, just not that fit. When I look at older photos of me like 10 years ago I think (I looked awesome! Why was I always so ashamed of my body?) is just ridiculous… I don’t even own a scale at home because is such a prision… The other day I finally step on a scale after several months (6?) and I realized that healthy eating and regular light exercise got me my weight from 10 years ago! I lost 20 pounds over 7 months without even realizing it.. The important thing is being happy with our food and exercise routine and in no time we will start glowing inside out :)

    • M

      Plus, I’ve been doing your arm fat blast workout 3 x a week and the plie squat 2x a week and honestly, they WORK! Is awesome and I always am smiling while following your workouts! I find myself looking foward to my exercise hour and hear your uplifting voice :) Thank you so much Cassey*