Being Called FAT. It hurts. And you don’t forget.

Hello POPsters,

Yesterday I announced the winners of the Kallisti Body chain. The winners were selected based on their thoughtful answers to “What makes you feel beautiful?” One entry that particularly touched me was Cari Garvey’s. She talked about how growing up people taunted her for her size and how she will never forget the hurt that she endured for being overweight.

Her story touched me because I know the hurt. I was once called fat. It was 13 years ago. I was at a family birthday party, we were all eating together at this long table with all sorts of wonderful foods laid out. I was thoroughly enjoying my plate along with my mom and sister. Then this little girl who was probably a year or two younger than me looks at me and says “Why are you so fat?”

I stopped chewing. My eyes welled up with tears. The edges of my lips curled and I fought the quivering frown overcoming my face. I dropped my fork. Ran into another room. Cried. The kind of crying where you can’t stop and you can’t breathe.

It wasn’t long before my mom chased after me and held me in her arms. She didn’t know what happened but she did try to calm me down. When I could finally catch my breathe to tell her, she laughed it off, saying that the little girl didn’t know anything and that she didn’t mean it. I eventually stopped crying. But it didn’t matter. Kids tell the truth. And the truth was, I was fat. I’ll never forget.

I was 11 years old at the time and chubby. In my yearbook pictures, I had a double chin when I smiled. It was hard to find jeans that fit me. But none of it had even bothered me up until that point. I didn’t even know I was fat. I was active, happy, doing well in school, and had friends. That was all that mattered. But from that point on, I became self conscious. I lost confidence. Body image then became something I was constantly aware of. My body dictated my feelings.

Luckily as I reached puberty, I naturally leaned out as I grew taller. In high school, I was on the Varsity tennis team for 4 years and didn’t ever have to think about working out. It was just part of my routine. I didn’t know much about nutrition either so I’d notice that I’d get skinny on season and gain weight off season/in the summer. One September when I got back to school one of my closest friends straight up told me “You look bigger.” I clearly remember defending myself, saying “No, it’s just the sweater, really I didn’t.” I begged her to understand. It was like I was fighting for skinny. It hurt so much. That was 8 years ago. I was 16.

I would say that from that conversation on, I began my struggle with body image satisfaction. No, I never had an eating disorder or anything, but I can confess that I am very hard on myself when I look in the mirror. I see things I wanna improve, just like any other girl. It’s a bad habit, but being the perfectionist that I am, the goals get harder and harder to reach every time.

Do you know that every time I put up a new video, I have this fear that one of the commenters will say “looks like you got fatter”? I don’t think it’s happened yet, but it’s bound to. I’ve lost definition and put on a few pounds since I moved back to the West Coast. Not gonna lie. I can envision this happening when I read the fat comment…I will freeze up, have chills run down my spine, and think back in detail to when I was 11.

Being called fat is something that is offensive and hurtful. It’s something I can forgive, but I cannot forget. Being called fat is a personal attack on your most vulnerable self. It’s a physical insult that leaves an emotional scar.

But like anything else, we must move on to continue growing. Where do you go from here? You begin by removing yourself from that person or the situation that is making you feel horrible. You are still amazing, regardless of what you look like. (Remember how content I was before that girl called me fat?) If you choose to change your physical appearance/lose weight, then do it with passion and know that you’re doing it for the right reasons. Confidence. Health. Fitness. Then enjoy the journey. Find happiness in your day to day struggles and happiness when you reach your destination. Life is too short to be sad over things like this. Just keep remembering that you are resilient and that you can conquer anything you put your mind to. You just need to want it badly enough.

QUESTION: Are you hurt when someone calls you fat? How did you feel and what did you do to make things better?

PS: I’m banning the word “fat” from my vocab, and you should too. That’s no way to describe a person.

Comments

  1. Being “fat” is a tough one. I know how it feels. I had an eating disorder and gained quite a lot over my ideal weight. My thoughts were constantly obsessed with losing weight. I was miserable. I think those feelings stem from what you fear others think about you. I began writing down most of my dreams and talking to a loving therapist. Within about 6 months I had a cathartic dream where I remembered a traumatic event when I was 3. I was left alone in a park while my mother was off somewhere else. I never overate again. I began telling myself about 100 times a day (at least) that I was healthy, strong and beautiful. I did this while I swam- with every stroke. I love to exercise and I have done this throughout all the highs and lows of my life. Now I am 45. I just gained 25 lbs from being with a man who eats a lot of fatty foods and shows his love by over feeding me. I had a woman recently shout in front of a room full of people that she barely recognizes me because I am so much bigger. I truly do not care. I look great. I take really good care of my skin and I have a great back side and great breasts. No one ever believes I am the age I am. I know it is hard to do when you are in the thick of it and young and people are truly idiots, but focus on the parts of you that are gorgeous and accentuate them. Always wear beautiful clothes regardless of your size. Adorn yourself. Do not let the talk of fools effect you. You are a child of God.

  2. why am i fat? i eat healthy…. i never eat junk…

  3. hi I’m just really upset right now and I’ve been crying for an hour now, it’s like that crying described in the text I hate it so much. Someone posted a pic of this boy in my class and he looked kinda fatter than usual but no where near the point where you can call him fat, he commented saying ‘ew I look fat like Ellie’ I didn’t see this comment till one of my friends showed me as they wanted me to know but this really hurt me and I don’t think that people understand how much it hurts when they say something like that to you, I know I’m fat and I really want to lose weight but I can’t and I think he had made me want to because I don’t want people seeing me and thinking they can label me without even knowing me. I really hate him right now and I don’t know what I’m gonna go at school tomorrow because I know at least someone is gonna ask, a few people told him to shut up and stop being rude but i know they were thinking the same thing. Sorry I just needed to say something.

  4. Guys dont lose hope! Believe! Oh yay and Kylie… your skinny. Why do you think your fat lol.

  5. Hi my name is Elizabeth.
    I eat so much. I weigh the most in my entire school. I weigh so much that I don’t even want to say. I am 13 years old. I love food so much that I ate a tried to eat a sandwich in class without getting caught. I eat nonstop. I even snuck 5 bags of chips at like midnight when I was younger and sometimes I still do it. Nobody wants to be my friend because I am so fat. And sometimes the teachers tell me they want to talk to me after class and I say ok and after class I ask them why they want to talk and they say that I need to lose weight and they might have to get me to talk to the nurse. I think I have a disease because like I eat so much. I eat nonstop, literally. I sneak food in class as a said earlier! I tried to stop multiple times but I can’t! It seems impossible! It is so hard to find clothes that fit me. People make fun of me. My parents tell me to stop eating and they say I can’t get desset but sometimes I end up sneaking some candy! Please give me some advice. I am gaining way to much weight! In fact, I am eating right now! Please give me advice, I would really appreciate it.

    • Hey Elizzzzaaaaabethhhhh! XD
      So your 13, eh? Your beautiful, girl. Everyone is! I recieved a nice reply to my post. It gave me a boost of confidence. Even if you are fat, REMEMBER YOUR BEAUTIFUL. But I noticed you REALLY wanted advice, so ok!
      First of all, YOU CAN control your eating habits. I know its hard, I have huge cravings too. And excercise! Thats all I can say. But listen, you are more beautiful than you think, trust me. If you get down on yourself, your gonna get anorexia, as getting anorexia might seem ok, it isn’t. Don’t do it. Your beautiful Elizabeth. Trust me. I know your 13 and you get cravings (if you know what I mean) but as the person who commented on my post said, tough it out! Hope this helped!

      P.S.: You are beautiful no matter what size you are.

  6. one time i was in class so i sat next to this awful guy. then my teacher called me up to the front than i accidently hit the table.everyone saw it and that guy called me fat and said “i know that you have a huge body” everyone heard it .my friend defended me at that moment but until today i am very low self esteem and i have been trying to loose some weight but it just won’t work

    • Hey sabrina, (i love your name by the way) my name is Kylie. You proably read my post lol. But anyway, that is so mean that he called you fat! Everyone is beautiful. I used to not think this but I got really nice comments and I decided I wanted to help other people like you. Be positive, and don’t let people bullt you because you are beautiful. I have never been called fat before, I just have called myself fat so I don’t exactly know how this feels but I just want to let you know that you are beautiful. Stay Strong and beautiful, ok? I hope you find your boost of confidence I am giving you in this post. Because someone left a really nice reply to my post and it made me really happy. So I hope this makes you happy too.

  7. Im an average 11 year old girl. I know im average, I just feel ao fat. Im 5’1, or 5’2 (idk) and im around 104-106 lbs and my friends tell me im not fat. (including my friend that can be very mean even to me and doesnt realize and she told me im not fat) but today my dad says everyone in my family of 4 needs to lose weight and get skinner. And asked me if I run often. I saud yeah. But it really hurt my feelings because I live a different lifestyle than most kids and I don’t want to talk about it. :( Please don’t ask. But I have been having HUGE cravings. Sometimes i put my hands on my stomach and try to push in the fat and sometimes I hold my stomach in. I am thinking about starving myself.

    • Listen Kylie, I seen girls your age at that weight and they are beautiful. You are not fat, you are average. You are skinny-average. You are not fat. Trust me. Your beautiful. If anything I am the big fat one who needs to lose weight. I don’t want to talk about me though. Im talking about you Kylie. Your beautiful! If your dad thinks your fat, he has issues. I can’t even believe that he asked you if you ran alot and that everyone in the family of 4 needs to lose weight! He is wrong. I don’t know how much the other 3 family members weigh, but I think everyone 3/4 of the family needs to lose weight. The 1/4 is the part of the family who doesn’t need to lose weight. You are the 1/4. Be happy that you are not fat. I did notice that you said you had HUGE cravings. My advice to you, do your best to stop eating so much. I know growing girls have cravings but you need to tough it up or you will be fat! You are beautiful right now, so be happy. And for other people reading this, please help Kylie. Don’t make her so down on herself. Shes a beautiful girl and I want you to tell her.

  8. I’ve also been called. The worst thing is that i didn’t know this person. My friend told her i was fat and when this person saw me, she just blurted out that my friend is right, I’m fat. It’s one thing to tell your friend she’s fat, we are used to friends insulting us as a joke but when she tells people about it, that’s another story.

  9. If you are banning the word fat from your vocab, then how do you describe people who are overweight? Denying to call people fat does not change the fact that the person is fat. It actually makes the problem worse because the fat person does not have motivation to lose the weight. Also, being fat is a personal choice. Whether it is made with your conscience or subconscious, it is a choice that you make everyday when you eat, and excersise. Everyone (excluding people with actual conditions) have the capacity to get healthy and fit, but do not actually posses the drive to do it. They say they want it, but their daily choices say otherwise. Fat people always claim that they have tried everything, weight watchers, etc. and that nothing works for them, which tells me that they don’t really and truly want to lose weight. If they really wanted to lose weight they would lose weight, even without any fancy-ass pills and programs. I have put in countless hours of work and effort to keep my weight where I want it, and when people who are fatter than me are jealous of my defined abs and veins in my arms and legs, I tell them that I put in the work and that they can have this too but need to really want it. Go get motivated and stick to it, don’t sit around and complain. Go get off your ass and workout right now then eat healthy… doesn’t even have to be small meals, just really healthy. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lsSC2vx7zFQ

    • Becca (Aka fat girl and proud) says:

      Honestly it’s like the same reason you wouldnt call a gay person f*g and the same reason that you don’t call African Americans slave. It’s offensive. There’s a better way to say it! “What do we call them?”… Beautiful! If you cant say that then keep your mouth shut because its unconstructive and doesn’t need to be said. (At the very least, just call us over weight.) As for the rest of the comment, didn’t need to be said, we hear it enough, if we wanted to change, we would work on it. Do you think constantly calling us fat and making us depressed will make us any more likely to do anything at all? Hell no.

    • That is really rude. Saying that fat people dont “really want to lose weight”. Of course they do. They just dont have the motivation or confidence to do it. Some people have eating disorders. They want to get rid of it, but they cant. Does that mean that they dont “really want to lose that condition”? Our weight is unpredictable. If your down, sure, you may eat some ice cream or chocolate to make yourself feel better. Its our bodies natural reaction. You cant help it. Genes are important in this too. You cant change who you were born as. Im 13, 5’1, and 135 lbs. Sure, im insecure about how I look, but I have friends and family who think otherwise. I have a boyfriend who loves me for who I am. I asked him why he chose me when there are hundreds of skinnier, prettier girls out there. He said “I chose you because most of those people are fake on the inside and outside. Who cares about your weight? I’d rather have curvy than boney”. And that changed my world. Im not really fat, as I went through puberty, I started to notice curves on my hips. My legs are nice and toned and I have muscular thighs. Not all people are skinny and fit, Joe. Everyone is beautiful in their own way, and you need to learn that. Dont ever say that fat people are lazy, because if you were overweight and tormented, what would you do? Try going through depression and see how lazy people are now. Hypocrite.

  10. My friend and i joke around about being fat cause we r LOL but we dont care we maintain and still pig out at times XD but they we lost alot of weight we r both 11 and in 5th.. i get called fat alot and so i just be like bitch ur the fat one here. (im not FAT FAT i look skinny but i weigh alot!)

  11. It really hurts being called fat … Me and my friends were in this chat so some of my friends are boys and half are girls so one of my friends added this guy to the chat and he was wondering who I was cause for some reason he knows all of the others so after some time he remembered and said ” oh the fat one” and it really hurted me so I just left the whole chat and cried abt it because he doesn’t know how hard it is ….sometimes boys can be really off

  12. That’s it. I’ve been called fat 2 times in 3 months this year and I’m the average weight it says on websites and says the doctor.but I’m done. I don’t care what no one says I’m i quit eating. I will eat a little though like 3 granola bars a day. I feel fat even though I’m in sports so i decided I’m starving myself

    • No please don’t starve yourself. That’s the worst thing you could ever do. You’ll either get an eating disorder or you’ll gain more weight because when you starve yourself, your body doesn’t know when it’s going to get it’d next meal and will go into survival mode. This means that it will store every ounce of fat. So you’ll be unhappy and be going backwards. I’m in the same position as you though. I do sports everyday and I’m also the average weight but I feel far and I think I look fat too. I’ve tried doing the workouts but I don’t have the motivation to carry on so it gets hard to lose weight. Just try to find a sport that you love doing and keep at it. Don’t forget to eat clean. Confidence is beauty so be confident. Every time someone calls you fat, thank them. It’ll just add to your motivation. Good luck!!!

    • Hey Jessica! Don’t starve yourself. If you feel fat, and people call you fat, your not. You mentioned that your average! But yes, I used to be average myself, I know how you feel. But trust me, being average is different from being fat or obese, I thought about starving myself too. I didn’t starve myself. You can stay that weight, that is a great weight, but if you REALLY want to lose weight, here is my advice:
      1. Each of the 3 meals is healthy
      2. NO DESSERT
      3. Excercise
      4. No stress, be happy! (This is proven to help)
      5. Don’t listen to people who call you fat, your strong! (and your probably not even fat because you mentioned that websites and doctors said your fat)
      6. DON’T starve yourself, you will end up with an eating disorder, anorexia.

      Please listen to my advice, and be positive and strong! :) Good luck Jessica!

      • omg! I am so sorry jessica. I made a terrible typo! Lemme fix that:
        5. Dont listen to people who call you fat, your strong! (and your probably not even fat because you mentioned that websites and doctors said your average)

  13. I am 14 years old, and the other night, I was on younow, a live video chat app, with my two pretty, skinny, blonde-haired, blue-eyed friends. I was having a great time, until one comment appeared on the screen “the girl on the far right is a little bit fat?” I looked at it, immediately realizing he was talking about me. I brushed it off, laughing about it, and being sarcastic, so I didn’t look hurt at all, when in reality, my weight has been something I’ve struggled with for years. My sisters used to joke about it at dinner with the family, not realizing that I had gone to the bathroom and gagged myself until I threw up. I’ve tried countless diets, and downloaded hundreds of weight loss apps, and calorie counting websites. I don’t know what to do anymore. My family and friends say I’m not fat, but I know. I can’t go in changing rooms at clothing stores without sitting, looking at myself in the mirror and trying not to cry. I’m constantly covering up my stomach with my hands, making sure no one can see my stomach. I make myself sick. I don’t know what to do and I want is to be confident in myself.

    • Talk to your family about it. They’re your best support mechanism. Once they understand, everything will become easier. Tell them that everytime they joke about your weight it makes you feel worse about yourself. Try the workouts Cassey posts and try to follow the calander. Drink lots of water and try to eat clean :)

  14. I am going to the weight. Clinic but i need results to have. Them stop. Pushing me around..it hurts tosee me in pictures. Fat not one good pictures. With myfamily help

  15. Every one calls me miss piggy in my family. I am 300 pounds i need to lose about 150 pounds help me i needs support please

  16. I am extremely hurt. I’m 16 years old, 5’2′, and 126 pounds. I’m usually very happy with my weight and I execrise almost daily and enjoy it. Sometimes I just feel like I’ve made tons of progress and I’m so happy with myself. My mom is Asian though and I inherited my dads larger frames body, so my mom constantly yells at me and calls me fat, saying that I should lose 10 more pounds and I’ll finally be pretty. It really hurts me and makes me ashamed and feel like all the work I did was worthless. So far I havent found anything to make myself feel better, but when I do I know I’ll be 100x happier.

  17. I’m a 14 years old girl, 157 cm and my weight is 50 kg which
    I’ve been called fat too, by someone I don’t even care about but it still hurt me, because I find myself too fat too.
    I seriously wish boys would think before they speak, they can be so rude to girls…

    • 13 yo boy.
      Really?
      Why are you so racist?
      You speak only about boys when many suicides were only because of girls,
      You think only the boys are the sinners?
      I really hate people that say one race or sex is better than the other!
      (sorry for my English it is not my first language)

  18. Hi, i’m Heli and i’m 16. My height is 152cm and i weigh 56kgs. Being called fat is of course the meanest thing and its a really sharp weapon that ‘those people’ carry with their mouths. It hurts me at first when people called me fat but then i get used to it. This is a bad habit but so many people called me fat so it doesnt bother me much now. But these days as my dad knows about my weight (which i hid from him) he started blaming on me for eating ao much n he shouted at me infront of his workers n he kept on shouting the same things over and over until i cant take it anymore and my tears dropped, i wanted to hold it in but i cant help it then i ran upstairs and started crying so hard that i couldnt breathe it hurts so bad. Ive never been to that type of situation before and now im crying while telling this here because he just said things to me again and it hurts real bad. Ive been crying for half an hour now i just cant stop m sorry but is it all my fault for eating so much for being fat?? Cant i just be happy with what m doing?? Of course every girls want to be pretty and skinny but its not easy for fat girl like me. I have nobody to fight on this with me and it hurts me to the point where i dont want them to see me lose to see me fight this battle.

Trackbacks

  1. […] not the “naturally skinny” type. I know my body. I was a chubby kid. You can read the story here that still haunts me sometimes. I cannot eat a hamburger with fries a few times a week and get away […]

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