no_iamge

Being Called FAT. It hurts. And you don’t forget.

Hello POPsters,

The winners of my last giveaway were selected based on their thoughtful answers to “What makes you feel beautiful?” One entry that particularly touched me was Cari Garvey’s. She talked about how growing up people taunted her for her size and how she will never forget the hurt that she endured for being overweight.

Her story touched me because I know the hurt. I was once called fat. It was 13 years ago. I was at a family birthday party, we were all eating together at this long table with all sorts of wonderful foods laid out. I was thoroughly enjoying my plate along with my mom and sister. Then this little girl who was probably a year or two younger than me looks at me and says “Why are you so fat?”

I stopped chewing. My eyes welled up with tears. The edges of my lips curled and I fought the quivering frown overcoming my face. I dropped my fork. Ran into another room. Cried. The kind of crying where you can’t stop and you can’t breathe.

It wasn’t long before my mom chased after me and held me in her arms. She didn’t know what happened but she did try to calm me down. When I could finally catch my breathe to tell her, she laughed it off, saying that the little girl didn’t know anything and that she didn’t mean it. I eventually stopped crying. But it didn’t matter. Kids tell the truth. And the truth was, I was fat. I’ll never forget.

I was 11 years old at the time and chubby. In my yearbook pictures, I had a double chin when I smiled. It was hard to find jeans that fit me. But none of it had even bothered me up until that point. I didn’t even know I was fat. I was active, happy, doing well in school, and had friends. That was all that mattered. But from that point on, I became self conscious. I lost confidence. Body image then became something I was constantly aware of. My body dictated my feelings.

Luckily as I reached puberty, I naturally leaned out as I grew taller. In high school, I was on the Varsity tennis team for 4 years and didn’t ever have to think about working out. It was just part of my routine. I didn’t know much about nutrition either so I’d notice that I’d get skinny on season and gain weight off season/in the summer. One September when I got back to school one of my closest friends straight up told me “You look bigger.” I clearly remember defending myself, saying “No, it’s just the sweater, really I didn’t.” I begged her to understand. It was like I was fighting for skinny. It hurt so much. That was 8 years ago. I was 16.

I would say that from that conversation on, I began my struggle with body image satisfaction. No, I never had an eating disorder or anything, but I can confess that I am very hard on myself when I look in the mirror. I see things I wanna improve, just like any other girl. It’s a bad habit, but being the perfectionist that I am, the goals get harder and harder to reach every time.

Do you know that every time I put up a new video, I have this fear that one of the commenters will say “looks like you got fatter”? I don’t think it’s happened yet, but it’s bound to. I’ve lost definition and put on a few pounds since I moved back to the West Coast. Not gonna lie. I can envision this happening when I read the fat comment…I will freeze up, have chills run down my spine, and think back in detail to when I was 11.

Being called fat is something that is offensive and hurtful. It’s something I can forgive, but I cannot forget. Being called fat is a personal attack on your most vulnerable self. It’s a physical insult that leaves an emotional scar.

But like anything else, we must move on to continue growing. Where do you go from here? You begin by removing yourself from that person or the situation that is making you feel horrible. You are still amazing, regardless of what you look like. (Remember how content I was before that girl called me fat?) If you choose to change your physical appearance/lose weight, then do it with passion and know that you’re doing it for the right reasons. Confidence. Health. Fitness. Then enjoy the journey. Find happiness in your day to day struggles and happiness when you reach your destination. Life is too short to be sad over things like this. Just keep remembering that you are resilient and that you can conquer anything you put your mind to. You just need to want it badly enough.

QUESTION: Are you hurt when someone calls you fat? How did you feel and what did you do to make things better?

PS: I’m banning the word “fat” from my vocab, and you should too. That’s no way to describe a person.

  • Eira

    It’s sad how people can get such a wrong idea of what skinny and fat means in reality. So many has such a people who think of skinny as one certain type of skinny that most people can’t be because of how their body type are like. Skinny is actually a really vauge word and it’s absurd that for people to “deserve” the tag skinny have to be a part of the minority that looks a certain way. While the word fat has become the adjective for almost the rest of us. Just cause you don’t look like you use hours at the gym with a highly defined sixpack and a low number of body fat doesn’t mean that your fat and people need to learn that.

    You’re just a human living your life.

  • Helen Zz

    I was sat on the train. A group of little school children got on the train and the teacher told one of them to take the seat next to me. The kid wanted to check which seat she meant and asked “the seat next to the fat woman?”. The whole train heard and the teacher said nothing! I don’t consider myself fat. I look in the mirror and I like what I see. But people, and kids, DO see me as “fat”. Why is that adjective even used by people? I don’t get why it’s helpful or useful at all. Love your blog and videos Cassie – thank you.

  • Mary

    Reading all these awful, heartbreaking stories, it’s important to note that not all abuse is physical. If your parent is constantly criticizing and shaming you, encouraging or ignoring your eating disorder, subjecting you to ridicule, or encouraging others to criticize you, that is abuse. They are not doing these things because of who YOU are, but because of their OWN issues and insecurities.

    For the young people (or anyone) commenting, please seek out stuff that makes you feel good:
    Read up on body positivity. Learn how meditating can help minimize negative thoughts/stress and calm you.
    And lastly, understand that exercising and healthy eating can be really empowering and make you feel great, but obsessing about how your body looks usually leads to bad feelings. We all have different bodies and are not all meant to look the same. You can be heavier than your friends and healthy at the same time.

    Also, if you are feeling suicidal, super-stressed, or really sad, don’t be afraid to seek help with a counselor or hotline. You don’t deserve to feel this way.

    Body positivity for girls and teens:
    http://amysmartgirls.com/tag/body-positivity/
    http://www.alreadypretty.com/2011/04/body-positive-resources-for-girls-and-young-women.html
    https://www.youtube.com/results?search_query=body+positivity

    Mindfulness:
    http://mindfulnessforteens.com/guided-meditations/

    Hotlines:
    http://www.teenhealthandwellness.com/static/hotlines#EatingDisorders
    http://www.teenhealthandwellness.com/static/hotlines#Bullying

  • lovelihua1026

    Good day, Cassey!

    Gotta tell you honestly, this blog entry is so on point!

    As a Filipino-Chinese, I have been targeted by body shaming people everywhere in my community- at home, at work, at social gatherings, and even at church all throughout my growing years!

    Quite honestly, constantly hearing such rude comments made me feel “phobiatic” up to the point of isolating myself from all people. Their words constantly kept playing inside my head and I whenever thoughts of them pop up, I would say to myself, “I WILL NEVER EVER FORGIVE ALL THESE PEOPLE! WAIT AND SEE, THE SCORPION WILL SOON UNLEASH ITS FURY…” and then I will hide myself in a corner, laugh out real loud as if there was a dark force entering my body. Because of all the pain, I even resorted to my style REVENGE… such as: intentionally bumping on a particular shamer and causing them to fall down the floor, spilling a body shaming employee’s drink all over the dry ground and swiping my ‘claws’ on their skin, or even doing the “wrist wringing” martial art technique on an older shamer’s wrist until she would almost cry in pain while I sarcastically said to her with a vengeful smile, “Now do you understand the feeling of being belittled upon?”

    Yet, deep inside, I wasn’t all happy. With all the bottled up feelings of hatred, grudge and bitterness, I felt remorseful.

    After some time of reflection and soul searching, I decided to take action by focusing more on the positive and productive: Whenever I am in a certain place, I pay attention to what I should do that day, instead of “smelling other people’s thoughts.”; and as for the shamers, I AVOID THEM AS MUCH AS I CAN, staying very far away, especially taking the steps to DITCH OUT the so called body shaming “friends”. I rather stick with the people who truly support and care for me.

    As for my fitness inspiration, I thank God for you, Cassey! Thanks for motivating me to get stronger each day.

  • Cassey, you are an amazing person and always believe in that. Don’t let those memories keep haunting you. You have a life much better than those who commented on you :)

  • Ro Smith

    I remember when I was about 8 or 9 we were sitting down for dinner and my mom made lentil soup (super healthy by the way)I think I asked for a second helping and my step-father told me that I have to stop eating so much or I’ll end up like one of our family friends who was probably 300-400 lbs. I was a little chunk about that age but lost it once I hit puberty. I love food and love to eat but ha e since learned about nutrition and all that stuff so I can eat and still be healthy. I love my body and I know that I will never get past a size 7 just because that is the way my body is made, even if I try to lose weight. But that’s okay. I am just working on getting stronger and staying healthy and loving myself along the way. It’s not always easy and sone days in my head I still hear “you’re fat and gross” but I make sure not to say anything about it, especially when I know I have two kids watching me every step of the way.

  • Benedetta

    One of my friends on the day of my graduation told me “Why your legs are so big?” and I was so hurtful because on that day I was proud of myself for my school goals. I hate that my weight is the most important thing for other people.
    I’m 18 and I’m not selfconscious at all. I’m 1.55 and 50kg, I’m healthy but for the others I’m fat and ugly. It’s so sad.

  • Kk

    My mum she’s called me all the hurtful insults since I was 6 or 7 because that when I started to gain fat .She start saying stuff like you need to lose weight but that didn’t hurt me but as I grew older she’ll say you look like a cow or a pig but then she started to cut one of my meals and if I take a fruit to place that she smacks her head and goes you are gonna gain weight and takes it off me or when I eat it she’ll look at me in a disgusting way .When my dad tried to tell her that this was bad she said she’s gonna get bullied when she was the bully all along and everyone at school was kind and didn’t talk about my weight or anyone’s weight but now my dad joined in and once said I’m not his daughter when he was angry but I am his true blood daughter I can’t believe that parents are the real bullies for overweight kids but they blame other kids they need to learn that we have feelings and because of them many kids suicide and whenever anyone ask why they died they just say because of the “mean kids” in school . I wish I was never born

    • amyxo

      Hi there! I just wanted to tell you that you are STRONG. It is always so, so difficult to deal with negative comments about your appearance, especially from your family. Although they are your parents, YOU have the power to think differently and independently, and you don’t have to let what they say get to you. Try to surround yourself with positive people (like your classmates at school who don’t care at all about weight). Weight is just a small part of who you are – your personality and passion are so much more important and will make a much bigger impact on the world and on other people! I believe in you – and Cassey does too! :)

  • Marta

    Not long ago I was at a party with my friends and we were eating pizza. Suddenly one guy told me not to eat so much or else I would get fat. It did hurt me and made me sad for a moment, although:
    1. He didn’t actually call me fat.
    2. I’ve always been rather skinny.
    3. I’m happy with what my body looks like.
    4. He was probably joking.
    I just laughed and continued eating, but that comment made me feel like I was doing something wrong. Besides, my opinion about this guy changed slightly after that situation.

    So yeah, be careful what you say, because words are very powerful. I can’t even imagine how I’d feel if he really called me fat and really meant it, although it’s kinda silly to let others bring us down. But hey, we’re only human.

    Stay strong, guys, you’re all beautiful, no matter what people say about you. 💜

  • Oh Cassey, this was such a powerful read. I am so sorry for all of those who feel the need to torment others for such superficial, selfish and ignorant reasons, and I want to empower those who are suffering from disordered body image and broken relationships with food/themselves/physical ideals that they have the power to work for change–the change to love themselves and feel good about themselves! It all starts from taking care of yourself, learning to embrace what you have and work towards what you want to improve upon.

  • Diana Sam

    I don’t believe I’m fat. I’m just over weight. And the it hurts when some people tell, ‘I love you for what you are, but I’d love you more, or I’d ask you out if you were thin!’
    So did you love my personality or my body?
    It feels miserable when I cannot get into the dresses I want. When that fat is hanging from my thighs which makes it hard to fit into any dress or jeans of my choice. I always have to compromise. I always fall ill or end up discontinuing the gym even if I try my best.
    I want to lose weight for me. Clearly not for anybody else.

  • Mae

    I have never been called *blank* by anyone, but instead I have beat myself up about not feeling like I am at my ideal slimness. Fear that I will be labeled as *blank* in peoples head. I have a tiny beautiful older sister who always looks perfect, and my best friend has a gorgeous body and face. SO I have lot of people around me who are perfectly slim and toned. I have called myself *blank* before when upset and talking with my mother, and I must say I am very grateful to my Mum (who was always called skinny when she was young and her mother never defended her), contradicted me for calling myself *blank* and told me ‘it was not so’, and I was actually fine. She has supported and loved me and my body, which I am indebted to her for. I love all of you, and your bodies! (in a non creepy way :P) Blesses and happiness all round!

  • Alex

    I’ve always been a bit on the overweight side. I never thought anything of it until I got older and started high school. I would always hear people talking behind my back about how I looked. This caused me to become pretty self conscious of how I looked. I started wearing baggy clothing, hoping to hide my body. As they years went by and I graduated from high school, I started college and that was when I developed an eating disorder. It was a tough point in my life. I would always look at myself in the mirror and think about how ugly I was. I believed that the eating disorder was the only way to lose the weight that I had. Thankfully my parents found out what I was doing and were able to talk to me about losing weight the healthy way. That was about two years ago. I still at times struggle with an eating disorder and there are still times that I find myself wanting to give into it, but I try really hard to fight through it and work towards losing weight the healthy way by eating right and working out. Over the summer of this year, I was hurt really bad by my aunt and my cousin (her daughter), who decided to call me out on posting some pictures of food on my Facebook. I had been on vacation, so I was going out to eat to quite a few places and wanted to post pictures of all the good food I had tried. Word got back to me and my aunt sent me a message telling me that I was fat and that she was just looking out for me. That she was only trying to be a friend and she wanted to save me from the embarrassment that I could face in the future. I was really hurt. I knew I was not as overweight as I had been in high school, but I still had more weight to lose. I just didn’t think that someone from my own family, would call me out and tell me that I was still fat. I was so in shock, that for a second I had no idea what to say to her. After I was able to gather my thoughts, I messaged her back and let her know how she had upset me. Of course, she didn’t believe that what she has said was wrong. As she said, she was only trying to help me. As the article above says, being called fat is something we can forgive, but can’t forget. I have forgiven her, but I will never forget the cruel things that she said to me or the way that she brushed it off like it was nothing serious. I have, for the moment, removed myself from all contact with her. I believe it is for the best that I do not have someone so negative in my life, saying such cruel things with me. While there are times that I still struggle with how I look and feel insecure about myself, I am learning bit by bit each day on how to love who I am.

  • michell

    The first time I was called fat, it was by my best friend’s mom. I had come back from cheer camp the summer before 8th grade, and I remember the outfit I was wearing- it was one that I could continue to wear throughout college. In college, I remember my mom bragging to a friend of mine that I was so skinny, I couldn’t find clothes to fit. Then, as soon as I got married, she told me to start working out so I wouldn’t gain weight (I was a dance teacher at the time). Needless to say, the shape of my body has always been at the forefront of my mind- as it is now that I am overweight. I’ve not ever been able lot get pounds off.

  • Andrea Severino

    From my own experience, yes it hurts, people body shames me and calls me a pig. i guess in my country being fat is like a sin. People will tell you how ugly you look like because you are fat; They will also call you names and they will also start to bully you because you are bigger than them. It takes me a while to help myself in gaining confidence and to like my body and accept it. And now I always try my best to exercise and live the life that I wanted. I will never forget the things that they called me; it helps me to inspire myself to do more and to have a stronger body that I be proud of and to reach my goals. Thank you for inspiring me Cassey.. :) Lovelots and Goodluck!

  • Nicole Santos

    I remember being one of the “chubbier” kids when I was younger. It never really occurred to me because my parents always tried to keep me active by taking swimming classes and joining the swim team. Eventually I did have to stop because my family just got too busy and no one could drop me off. If I recall, the first time I was made fun of for weight was in 2nd grade. We were playing kickball as a class and I remember not being able to make a base. It wasn’t said directly to me, but I overheard some classmates say I didn’t make it because I was too fat and too slow. It really hit me like a brick and I just felt so embarrassed. I was only in 2nd grade and I was already conscious. Fast forwarding to 5th grade, I remember being the child who would run around at recess, playing wallball, tetherball, basketlball, or something to work a sweat. We had to have health checks to make sure we were on the right track of our growth scale. At this point, I was already so conscious of getting my weight checked. I stepped on the scale and my heart dropped – I was 106. I didn’t consider myself fat, and I didn’t look so fat, so I was confused as to why the scale disagreed with me but I was ultimately so embarrassed. When my classmates asked what my results were, I refused to share but those who did know, I remember them looking at me and asking why I was so heavy. I hated my body so much.

    When I got to high school, I joined the cross country team and weighed a solid 115 for the years I was in it and felt so proud of the progress I’ve made in staying fit and maintaining my body image, and I was very happy. Most of my friends were on the team as well so everything was going well and my self-esteem was at a peak. In my junior year of high school, I had no idea that would be my last season that I was able to run cross country, because I was diagnosed with lupus. This was the biggest drop in self-esteem I’ve ever had. I was diagnosed pretty late because I thought the way my body changing was just withdrawal from taking a break from running, but it got so severe, I was administered prednisone, a steroid, which was the worst drug ever for me. The side effects were terrible, that included me gaining so much weight quickly, retaining water, terrible mood swings and I was ALWAYS hungry. I gained about 22 pounds within a month of taking this drug. I remember the way I looked and everytime I looked in the mirror I hated myself. My face rounded out to a moon shape, I was getting fat in places I’ve never had fat before, and no exercise was working to keep the weight off (I was doing insanity with Shaun T at this time since I could no longer run outside. Although it stopped me from gaining weight, I had lost no weight because of the steroid). I still helped with the track team (I used to run track too), and I won’t ever forget some of the looks some people on the team gave me, especially those I ran cross country with. In my mind, they would think in their heads, “What happened to her? How did she get so fat?”. I obviously had no idea what they were thinking but that was in my head. I started doing more workout videos at home, such as Insanity (again), P90x, Turbofire, and all those other beach body products. Eventually as my doctors weaned me off the drug, the weight eventually decreased but wasn’t where I used to be. This was around the time I started doing POP Pilates, and it the workout program that’s stuck. It’s 3 years later and I’m still doing POP pilates, and although I am no longer back at my 115 self, I have learned to accept my 125 lb self, and I have never been happier with my body. Cross country was mostly running and I had a low body fat content, but hardly any muscle. Now, with Cassey, I have more muscle (and not just little fat) and she has helped me realize if my body is unable to maintain a skinny image, might as well own and it turn what I can into muscle.

    Thank you so much for everything.

  • Magda

    For me it was when I was 11. I wanted to buy a knee-long skirt and the lady at shop told my mom that you should have great calves for that skirt lenght. From that point I started to think about my legs as fat. And it never changed, even 3 years ago when my calves where 12″ with my 5’4″. Now I still don’t think about them as slim, but learnt to find positive things about them, e.g. even though my thights are not that slim and I have some fat to loose, finally I don’t have any cellulite and I can see some nice muscles on them

  • Niamh Kane

    I vividly remember coming in crying to my mom that some of the kids were calling me fat and she said ‘what do you expect?’ she apologised after but that hurt was more of a kick in the stomach than the kids slagging me themselves. Now I have huge resentments that I’m working through as I don’t trust people I think they’re out to hurt me eventually even with great self-care , yoga, meditation, journalling, EFT, soul work, the works there’s still a little girl inside that believes she’s not safe to be herself but all you can do is keep trying to show her you love her and it’s safe to show up in the world, it’s my life’s work right now <3

  • Sarah

    You never forget when someone insults the way you look, because in a lot of ways, they are things you cannot change. Yes, you can lose weight, but it can also be a very long, slow process and there are often a lot of underlying emotional or physical issues behind why you became overweight in the first place. So when someone calls you ugly, or fat, or anorexic, or the generalized “gross”, it cuts deep and scars you forever. These things are not things that can be changed overnight and everytime you look in the mirror you are reminded of those cruel words.

  • polesofie

    I have never been called fat maliciously and only ever in a joking way by anyone ever. I am lucky.
    I did, however have a horrible moment last year when I had gone from being a size 6/8 to an 8/10 from first year of uni to the end of second year.
    In first year, I was constantly busy, did pole dance, trampolining and break dance as well as going on nights out minimum twice weekly, lectures and would hang out with friends. I hardly had time for food so just ate what I could when I could. I ended the first year with just over 50%.
    Second year, I ate a lot more, got a boyfriend (always makes you put on weight), but more than anything focused a lot on my studies. I put on weight, went up a dress size and got comments. I still did pole dance and break dance, but the other stuff was largely put on hold and I ended the year with almost 70%.
    At the beginning of this year, I went through some depression and didn’t care about my weight. My housemate knew what I was going through and yet still commented on my weight constantly. She told me how I wasn’t a threat any more because I no longer have abs, how certain clothing didn’t suit me as well any more, and how she thought I should eat healthier. It really hurt that regardless of going through hell, somebody still expected me to watch my weight and didn’t think of my feelings, how well I was doing in university or anything substantial, just the way I looked. I got myself together and completed my placement year and now am working on getting down to 60kg.

  • Chelsea

    My biggest fear of being a victim of fat shaming is how it can then cause you to be the victim of your OWN fat shaming – because of the guilt that subsides from it and can literally eat you alive just by eating the ‘unhealthy’ option. A lot of thought, pressure, and dedication goes into losing weight, and even your achievements can be unraveled in a second by someone saying the wrong thing, whether on purpose or by accident, people’s comments/insults can consume you and it’s exhausting. I get so tired and I know I’m not the only one, and I get so scared of losing myself in wanting to be someone I’m not even sure I want to be?

    I manage to deal with it a lot better now because I have the most supportive boyfriend, who looks at me the right way and helps me to see me as I am – healthy and (someone who should be and I am aiming towards) happy! It just kills me to know the pressures that children can go through and how it doesn’t ever need to be that way :( there definitely needs to be more awareness on it, and Cassie I support you all the way!! X

  • Lucy

    I remember being called fat in primary school, and stayed that way all the way through until I was 18 and had jaw surgery, so I lost a lot of weight because I couldn’t eat solid food. I hated myself, and wished I could lose as much fat as possible. Even trying to do so, I got heckled with ‘Run, Fatty, run!’ as I jogged. But here’s the thing: why do we give the word ‘fat’ so many negative connotations? Everyone HAS fat. Everyone gets those little tummy rolls when they curl up (I.e. sitting down). Everyone looks a little bigger from time to time. Shaming others because of the fat they have – that is vital to protect organs and sustain yourself – is the only thing that is damaging here. We create a fear of fat, leading to little girls developing eating disorders to eliminate every last shred of fat on their bodies. To mental health disorders like OCD, depression, anxiety. Surely it would be better if we embraced our bodies however we come, rather than cutting out the word fat and striving for lean and skinny every day.

    Yes, I have fat. But I am also strong. I can run, lift and move without problems. I am happy and healthy and I have learnt to love myself as a strong woman living positively. We don’t need a fear culture, as it only feeds fear. We need a culture of positivity for everybody, and every body.

    Peace, happiness and love to all my fellow POPsters xx

  • Angelica

    I dont really remember my first time being called fat. Its been blurred out by all the teasing I went through through out elementary school and some still in middle school. I dont remember because all i remember is being poked at about my size, being called horrible things, and spending lunch hours trying to hide so I wouldnt hear it for at least a day. It hurt so much and still hurts. Now Im a college student who is so self concious about everything j do. I didnt really start to accept myself as good until i someone told me to watch a speech by Ashley Graham. And i didnt know too well who that was til i saw and her speech on Tedtalk opened my eyes to accept myself. She inspires me as much as you do cassie that it doesnt matter what size you are and words like fat are painful words if you allow those words to hurt you. I idolize her and tho i still am a big girl. I love my size. Im working out because it makes me feel good and I love my big curves instead of hide them behind loose clothes. Its still not easy to always see it but a reminder now and then helps alot

  • yul

    It happen to me too, I have been struggling with my weight for a couple of years now. Im from a latin country , were women are meant to have big hips and legs (majority), and the bigger the hips the more attractive you are. I grew up being the slim one between my friends,( I was 51kg then) but after move out to asia , things began to change. I moved to taiwan when I was 18, and at first things were pretty normal , but I do remember watching asian girls and thinking wooow , they all are very slim as well as the koreans japanese etc.

    At first it didnt bother me, it was like okay yes they are slimmer than me , but that doesnt mean im fat. Then one day I went to buy clothes with my taiwanese friends and I remember entering to one of the stores and as soon as I went in,the owner took a big glance at me meanwhile she approached, and told something to my friends in chinese, meanwhile she laugh, as a newcomer to the country my chinese wasnt that good so I didnt understood what she was saying till later, she told my friends that my hips and legs were too big to fit in. later my friends explain that in asia the skinny you are the pretty you looked.. ( thats just the way they think)

    After that I started to notice my hips and legs , and how my clothes didnt fit as well as they did to my friends. I workout out 6 days a week and try to eat as healthy as possible.. but anyways
    I have been struggling with my body since then. I fight every single day to accept it. but I dont lose hope that someday I will.

  • Nana

    As far as I can remember, I was always overweight. The first time I was called fat it came from my siblings. When I was a kid, my big brother and big sister would always call me “the fatty”. At first I thought they were just messing with me, but I soon realised I was fat. And it hurt because as a child, I had no idea how I became overweight, and how to change that. I thought being fat only resulted from eating too much, and I didnt eat that much, but I ate very unhealthy food, because of my parents’ cooking habits. I think now that my siblings were not trying to be mean, but to warn me and my parents in their very insensitive way.
    I spent my childhood feeling not only different, but inferior because I was fat, and blaming myself from that. Some kids would call me fat now and then. I spent my teenage years struggling with my weight, and being ashamed of my body. I never dated as a teenager because I thought no boy would ever find me pretty, and I thought I would never get married and have children like normal people do. It was in my late teen years that I realised some guys did find me pretty, and that most people didn’t see me as “the fat girl” but as myself.
    Now I am 24 and I am still struggling with my weight, and I am not always pleased with the way my body looks, but I try not to let my self worth depend on my weight. I have developed anxiety disorders, mainly because of the issues I had with my image as a child and as a teenager. However, I am much happier now than I used to be because I am aware that there is more about me than my weight.

    So that’s how being called fat can scar you forever.

  • Zoe

    I was 12. I wasn’t fat, weighted well for my height, I was tallest girl in class. I was the only one with, small but still, boobs. Boys laughted at me. I was sick after I left the school. I was bulimic. For almost 4 years because of them. I used a pills which made me loosing my weight, but it destoryed my organism completly. I wasn’t able to live without those pills because my metabolism would stop. I almost ruined it for good. Although, I was “cured” but I still feel like a shit everyday. For 5 years of my life, there was only a couple of moments when I didn’t think about calories. Probably will be sick my whole life. Because of these boys, I will be restrictiv and judging myself as hard as I possibly can. And I have to see them every day. In school. They are not speaking to me. But I hate them. So much. And probably will never forgive them because I went through a hell.

  • Namyi

    My dad was looking at holiday photos of our vacation in Italy and actually called me fat when I was 14/15 years old and weighed about 45kg. I remember looking at these pics where I was hugging my knees in a bikini on a beach and thinking to myself that yes it looked like I had some rolls but it was also an unflattering position to be in. I tried to laugh it off but my brothers always used to call me fat as well until the point I started believing it myself. I was very active back then, I cycled every day for an hour and also did the gym classes at school and outdoor activities, but somehow I never got over those mean comments. I never felt good enough! In high school I also got bullied sometimes, one guy in particular could never leave me in peace and self conscious as I was I just felt worse and worse.

    I think I never got over that because I never stopped feeling self conscious around other people since I’ve been told over and over again that I was fat and had a round face. Maybe some of my social anxiety also stems from that. Of course everything escalated when I actually gained weight due to prolonged illness until I really did got fat (82kg) and missed what I used to have. I was too anxious and scared to work out in the gym but I had no idea how to achieve my goals at home so it wasn’t until I found your youtube channel that I was able to find the courage and determination to loose the weight and start over again. I’m still trying to learn to love myself but I’m not in such a bad place anymore, of course I have my bad body image days but I always try to think back to what you tell us. It’s okay to love ourselves even if we’re not where we want to be yet, try to enjoy the journey <3 You embody so much positivity and that was exactly what I needed, so thank you for being exactly what I need and such a positive part of my live! :)

  • Hailey Chan

    I am not sure when was my first time being called fat. It’s probably when I was a few years old. I have been told by everyone, and I mean everyone including family members and friends that I’m fat for years. Because it’s ‘Asian culture’ to have your family pointing out what’s wrong with you ‘honestly’. They think it will motivate you. It doesn’t. It just makes me feel terrible. Sometimes it’s easier to deal with the hurt to laugh with them, to laugh at myself with them. I never realised how much damages it had done to myself until I went to therapist. I’m not saying that kind of acts have stopped, it’s just that I have come to realisation, no matter what I do, their focus will forever be on my weight , or how I look.

  • Love2000AMGlam

    My father called me “tubby” a lot when I was a teenager. Looking back, although I was overweight, it was completely unfair of him. He would eat a whole bag of M&Ms when watching a sports game and always make sure there was ice cream in the freezer. This set a very bad example for me. I had no concept of what healthy eating actually was.

    I think parents need to be held more responsible for their children’s health, including weight. Children grow up eating what their family gives them. They don’t buy the food. They don’t cook.

    When I moved out to go to university I learned how to cook for myself. When I was looking up recipes I also thought to look up how to balance meals to be healthy. It was at that point I started learning about good diet. At 19 years old! Much to old to ‘just start.’ Then, additionally, I had to loose all that unhealthy weight that I gained from living with my parents!

    That’s not a good way to start your adult life and yet there are many children who are much more overweight than I was. It’s going to be very difficult for them to get healthier.

    I’m glad we are all here together on Blogilates!

  • Mahima Bathla

    Hi Cassey! Thankyou for writing this. When you write this stuff it feels like I am not alone because you are my role model. I want to be like you not just in physical appearance but also cause you seem very positive and joyful all the time. I hate this word as well. In fact 2 weeks ago a friend of mine called me fat. And he does that regularly (in a friendly way) I don’t really have the courage to tell him go stop. And to anybody in world. When they say like that I breakdown somehow. My entire day and sometimes the entire week goes bad. I become annoying as angry. And I start shaming and hating my body. I have started following your workouts since March this year. And honestly hearing you for one hour, working with you for one hour makes me feel really good. So yes thankyou for saying that. I can relate to that very much. And yes I won’t give up on myself and work hard everyday to become a more positive person

  • sarini

    same as my story..i was 80kg and now im 61kg. when i was 23 i decided to change my life.becoause im sick of being fat and ugly.most of boys were made jokes baout my fat.also i couldnt find beautiful jeans clothes either.cassey u are my first inspiration for this journey. first i start to do your workouts and i got results.after when i got enough confidence i decided to hit the gym.but still im following your storeys,videos everything and i still have long way to go in my fitness journey.cassey thank you soo mch u r such a inspiration to me.. :)

  • Sarah

    I remember being called “fat” a lot of time; by my sister, an angry girl at school or even a boy who told me that my belly was bigger than my breast (I was 20). It hurts each time, I am so uncompfortable with my body. But there is also people who tell me I’m pretty, who help me be more confident and finally I love myself a little more everyday. Working out makes me more proud of my body but I mostly do it because I feel more in control of my physical being and that helps to be happier. I want to be ok with me whatever I look like because we all know this isnt the most important thing in life.

  • Suzanne

    The grandfather of an ex of mine called me fat by telling me I looked pregnant. I was wearing a favourite dress, but I never touched that dress after that and I won’t wear anything form fitting anymore… Thanks sir 😕

  • Florine

    I have this image of my own body that is not very good. I’ve always done sports in my life (fencing, badminton, swimming, biking and even running while I hate it). But, I’ve always put my study before everything (without even noticing it), and it was very exhausting sometimes. So, instead of working out, I sat on my bed and read. But since 2 or 3 years, I’ve got a lot of stress and I’ve worked during summer (35 hours a week, I’m French by the way), So I became kind of lazy and when I finished working, I just relaxed (last year I had a small nervous breakdown, so I needed to take some moments for me). And every year, a member of my family told me “maybe this summer, you’ll lose those muffintops!! or even 10kg”. It hurt, and at the same time, it blocked me. I know it’ll take few months to shape my body, but those words sound to me as if I have a deadline. But this summer 2016, I decided to become a popster, and I have some compliments about my body (that my muffintops are melting, my waist is thinner etc.) So now, I can workout without pressure, because I know it works, and if I continue, it’s going to be even better.

  • Dymond Moore

    I was definitely called fat a LOT in middle school. It is very very hurtful. And even as I slimmed naturally with age, I always looked at the females in my life like my mom and grandma and godmother and none of them practiced a lifestyle that was healthy. So I decided to get fit for me, my self esteem, and to help me move past those inner demons.
    http://www.thechicmachine.wordpress.com

  • Cassie

    I really vividly remember the first time I was called fat. I had just quit ballet, which had me very slim with classes five days a week, and I was dealing with an eating disorder that at the time no one knew about, which was cycling between restricting calories and bingeing. I had just started to gain weight, which I was very aware of–though in retrospect, I know that I looked fine and was about average size. My grandma slapped me on the butt and said that I was starting to “pack some meat.” My mom was horrified and tried to do damage control that ended up making my grandma dig in and go into detail about where I’d gained weight, and that even though I was still pretty, I was a lot bigger. I managed to hold it together until they were gone, and then I just started crying the way you described, just sobbing like someone had died. I remember calling my best friend and telling her what had happened, and she was very nice and tried to comfort me, and when I had finally calmed down some, she asked me why it had made me so upset. I couldn’t articulate it, which is good news for my friend because it means she’s probably never felt that way, but it made me worry I was shallow. But in a world where a woman’s worth is so often tied to how she looks, you can understand it. And especially my having been raised in the ballet world, where your dancing ability is often judged in part by your size… I can see how I got there. The problem is how to come back, which I’ve been working on, but is a lot harder than it sounds.

  • Farqhuar

    Once you are pointed as fat, you’ll live the rest of your life feeling fat even if you lose weight and you are in perfect shape. I don’t know if it can be changed

  • Rain

    For the first time ever someone body shamed me I was called fat and unhealthy even though I workout 6 days a week (with either piit28 or the calender and I am a lot stronger than I use to be). If this happened a year or two ago I would have gotten extremely upset and cried but you taught me how to love myself and my body. I always tell myself and others love your body now because hating it will only make you feel worse. I know I’m a big girl but I look damn good!